SHIVER (36 page)

Raven stared at her pottery wheel. It was silent, still, as was the room. She usually played a selection of oldies when she worked, using the soothing lyrics to help inspire her. But after what she’d witnessed this morning, inspiration seemed out of reach. Tears flooded her eyes. She wanted to throw up again.

Why hadn’t he told her he’d bought the explosives? That he’d planted the dynamite that killed her father? Tears clogged her throat and blinded her.

Would they ever stop?

She’d done nothing but bawl since she’d left Aidan. It was a miracle she’d made it home without ending upside down in a snow bank.

Pain continued to burn a hole deep inside her chest. A hole that would never be filled, she realized with another wave of tears.

This was ridiculous. Sitting here gushing wasn’t helping. She should return to the house and do the laundry. At least that would be productive. She wiped her hands on her towel and threw it onto the wheel.

Raven left the studio and wandered into the cabin. Again, silence greeted her. She missed Fox and his constant chatter, but she’d leaped when his friend Grand had offered an invitation for a sleepover. Fox would take one look at her and demand answers to questions she wasn’t ready for.

A knock sounded, and her door opened. She froze and then fought disappointment when it was Lynx who entered. With everything that she’d witnessed, how could she still hope that it was Aidan coming home?

“Hey,” Lynx said, coming into the kitchen after hanging up his coat. He glanced around. “Is Fox here?”

“No, he’s spending the night with Grand.”

“Good. We need to talk.” He walked into the living room where he stood gazing out the window. “Have a seat,” he ordered.

This was her house. If anyone was going to give orders it would be her. She folded her arms across her chest and stood her ground. “What’s this about?”

“Do you love Aidan?”

She hadn’t seen that coming. She took a seat.

He turned and nailed her with his ‘take no crap’ look. “Do you?”

“How is that any of your business?”

“Don’t give me that shit. You’re my sister, he was my best friend. What did you say to him today?”

“Why?” Dread and fear suddenly surged inside her. “Is he okay?”

“No, he isn’t. Eva’s going over him now. You never should have left him like that, Raven. If Pike and I hadn’t gone looking for him, he’d probably be dead now.”

“What happened?”

“You ripped out his heart and left him to bleed all over the goddamned floor. How could you do that? Haven’t you blamed him enough?”

“What a minute.” She caught her breath at the unprovoked attack and got to her feet.

“No, you wait. You sent him away twelve years ago when you knew,
you knew,
you were carrying his child. You kept Fox from him all these years. Blamed him for killing Dad, when you knew Earl had always used him like a pawn.” He swore under his breath. “I even fell for it. I believed, too, and blamed him for things he didn’t do. But what you did today was unforgivable.”

“You didn’t see him. He would have killed Roland with his bare hands.” The killing rage in Aidan’s eyes as he beat his uncle had replayed over and over in her mind all day. She’d seen the hate, the violence, the bloodlust the Hartes were famous for. She shied away from it all this time, not wanting those influences to touch Fox.

“I would have done the same thing in his place. He was protecting you. Fox. Us. Roland had promised to kill Aidan. Would you rather that he was dead instead of fighting for his life?”

“That wasn’t fighting for his life. That was taking one.”

“Have you ever been in a fight? Hand to hand combat? You’re pumped with adrenaline. Drowning in testosterone. It’s kill or be killed.” Lynx took a breath and physically tried to calm down. “You’re so afraid to lose the people you love that you would rather push Aidan away than risk losing him. You’re frozen in the past, Raven. Dad’s gone. Deal with it. And Aidan will be gone soon if you don’t do something.”

Raven took everything he said like a hit. Invisible punches landed in sensitive places. Places she didn’t want to go, didn’t want to acknowledge.

“I know Dad’s death hit you hard, but—”

“You weren’t at the hospital, Lynx. You didn’t see Dad as he gasped for breath, his lung crushed. Bleeding to death internally. He…he made me promise,” she finished weakly.

“What?” He walked up to her and firmly took her shoulders in his hands, his eyes boring into hers. “What did he make you promise?”

“That I…that I’d stay away from Aidan.”

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY-
T
HREE

Raven entered the lodge by the back door of the kitchen. She shouldn’t be here, but she couldn’t concentrate on anything without knowing that Aidan was all right, regardless of what Lynx had said.

The kitchen was empty, which she was grateful for. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. Hurrying through the great room without making eye contact with the guests milling about, she continued down the hall to the room Aidan had been using. Quietly, she opened the door and peeked in.

The room was dark. A beam of light from the hallway sliced a path to the bed where Aidan lay under the covers. He didn’t move, so she let herself in, softly closing the door behind her. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the deep shadows. A faint beam of moonlight grazed through the snow-laden clouds, highlighting the bed from the window. She walked toward where Aidan laid, his chest bare, blankets folded down over his stomach. White bandages on his upper arm, neck, and chest glowed neon against his dark skin. His face wasn’t relaxed in sleep, in fact, it didn’t seem as though he slept at all, more as if he were past the point of exhaustion, beaten.

And she’d had a part in that.

It wasn’t only Roland who had gotten in a few jabs. While hers hadn’t left a physical mark, she’d done Aidan a fair amount of emotional damage.

She pulled the blankets up to his chin. His breathing was even and steady. Eva must have given him something to help him sleep. He had the appearance of someone heavily sedated. Raven sat on the edge of the bed, holding her breath when he moved his head toward her. She released a breath when he failed to shift again.

Silently, she sat, watching him. Her heart aching as it wanted to cradle him to her breast, curl up next to him and feel his warm body align with hers.

Was she doing the right thing?

She’d promised her dying father that she’d have nothing more to do with Aidan. But just twenty-four hours ago, she’d been in bed with him. He’d been inside of her. They’d each been a part of the other, sharing their bodies, their souls, giving the other new promises. She’d been ready to betray her dad’s dying wish in order to grant Aidan’s wishes and her own.

She wiped tears she wasn’t aware she’d been crying from her cheeks.

“Raven.”

She gasped as Aidan softly spoke her name. His eyes were closed, and it took her stumbling heart a moment to realize that he was still out cold. Could he be dreaming of her after she’d said such awful things to him?

There was so much to think about, and she was so very tired of thinking. Before she gave in and lay down next to him, she stood to leave. Not able to help herself, she smoothed back the lock of hair lying over his forehead. He needed a haircut. He just plain needed taking care of. Since he’d returned to Chatanika, he’d been caught in a trap, hit on the head, left to die in the cold, shot, and beaten.

And then she’d taken her turn.

Guilt weighed heavy on her shoulders as she opened the door and stole out of the room.

A woman with a scowl on her face was leaning across the hall obviously waiting for her. “So you’re the one?”

“Excuse me?” Raven asked.

“The one Aidan never spoke of.”

“Who are you?”

“Sonya.”

Her eyes widened with surprise. This was the woman Aidan had asked to marry? Raven suddenly felt very plain in her overalls and old t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back into her customary braid, and she didn’t have on a stitch of make-up. Sonya, meanwhile, radiated beauty with her sharp classic features, smoky eyes, and rich hair styled loose around her shoulders. The jeans and plum sweater highlighted her dark eyes and smooth pale skin…and showed off her pregnant belly.

“I saw you enter his room. How’s he doing?”

“Sleeping.” Who was the father of this woman’s baby?

Sonya cocked her head to the side. “Let’s grab a cup of hot chocolate.”

It wasn’t an invitation, more of a demand. Raven had the feeling Sonya got what she wanted. Curious though about the other woman and her hold over Aidan, Raven followed her into the family kitchen.

“Your mother said to make myself at home. Lovely woman, your mother.” Sonya looked at Raven as though she didn’t think the trait had been passed on to her daughter. “Hope you don’t mind.”

“No.” She doubted it would change Sonya’s actions even if she did.

Sonya took down a pan from the pot rack, while Raven retrieved the milk from the fridge.

“Garrett filled me in on what happened this afternoon.”

“Garrett?” Raven felt completely out of the loop.
Who were all these people?

“My husband. Peter called us last night, and we headed up from Soldotna.” She raised a brow. “Peter’s my brother.”

All that mattered to Raven was that this gorgeous woman was married. Which meant the child she carried probably wasn’t Aidan’s. Thank heavens. Jealously had already taken root, and Raven was finding it hard not to hate her.

Sonya narrowed her eyes, haphazardly adding sugar and cocoa to the heating milk. “Garrett told me you broke up with Aidan today, and that you share a child.”

“You know, Sonya, not to be rude, but this is none of your business.”

A slight smile tipped the corners of Sonya’s mouth, but she quickly squelched it. “I care for Aidan and what happens to him.”

“
So
why did
you
break up with him?”

A full smile did cross her lips this time. “Want to hand me a couple mugs?”

Raven reached into the cupboard and pulled down a few cups that she had made years ago.

“Oh, these are beautiful.” Sonya took them and filled each to the rim with the hot chocolate. “You have any cookies we could add?” She shook her head in disbelief. “All I want to do is eat these days.”

Raven grabbed a plate and added the dried blueberry shortbread cookies that her mother was famous for and followed Sonya to the table.

Sonya helped herself to a cookie and bit into it with a moan. She polished off the cookie, washed it down with a sip of hot chocolate and then went for another. “So,” she said around a mouthful, “what were we talking about?”

“Why you broke up with Aidan.” Raven cautiously sipped her chocolate. It was sweet and delicious.

“We wanted different things. Why do you think I never heard of you before? Aidan writes about those closest to him in his graphic novels. I’m Senyea. I don’t know of a character that matches your description.”

Aidan wrote about this woman? “How long have you known Aidan?”

“Heavens. Forever. We’ve fished next door to each other every summer since he was a kid.”

Meaning Sonya probably knew Aidan as well as, if not better than, Raven did. And Sonya had known him the last twelve years. Jealously sprang to the forefront again.

“So, why did you break up with him?” Sonya asked.

No way was she going to confide in this woman. She didn’t even know if she liked her. Actually, Raven didn’t like her at all. She was too beautiful, too tall, and knew Aidan too well. Raven wanted her gone.

“Let me guess.” Sonya raised an eyebrow. “Temper?”

Shock rendered Raven speechless.

“Ahh.” Sonya lifted her cup for another sip. “We had that problem too. He’d told me he was seeing a counselor and working on his issues. Did he stop?”

How the hell would she know? Aidan hadn’t said one word about seeing a counselor.

“Seems to me, you two have a lot to talk about.” Sonya reached for another cookie. “Especially considering you have a child together. Where is he anyway? I’d like to meet him.”

No. This woman wasn’t getting to know her son. Raven felt jealous enough. If Fox found out that Sonya was Senyea, he’d worship her. She needed to get a copy of Aidan’s graphic novels and see for herself what they were about.

And how much of a role Sonya or Senyea played in Aidan’s life.