Authors: Star Jones Reynolds
Do It on the Net
Okay—you say you’re just too busy to go anywhere to exercise, and maybe you don’t have the funds to get a personal trainer to come to you. A recent article in the
Wall Street Journal
caught my eye because it outlined something very different—“high-tech” workouts that sounded just great! The article maintained that your most effective piece of home exercise equipment may be your computer. On the Web, anyone can now gain access to specialized trainers at highly reduced prices compared to a regular gym or a pricey personal trainer. Online personal training sessions usually involve one-on-one contact with exercise experts or trainers similar to those you’d get at a gym—but it’s all by e-mail. Exercise guru Bob Greene, for example, Oprah Winfrey’s personal trainer, offers self-contained, online training classes.
The low price for online training is the big plus: a regular personal training session can cost anywhere from $50 to $100 an hour, but many online training sessions cost as little as $5 to $10 a week. The added bonus is that you don’t have to schedule appointments or fight traffic to get to the gym.
Does it work? You must be the judge if it works for you, but a 2005 study published in the
Journal of the American Medical Association
says it definitely produces results; another study from Brown University says the same.
Some caveats, notes the
Journal:
ask questions to determine whether you’re really getting personal feedback from a trainer or just from an assistant or a prepackaged program (which may or may not also be effective). You might also look for certification from the American College of Sports Medicine (acsm.org), the American Council on Exercise (acefitness.org), or the National Strength and Conditioning Association (nsca-lift.org). Here are some suggestions for Web fitness programs:
Remember: You can’t do all the exercises, all the time. You can do some of them, some of the time.
Excuses
Bottom line: exercise has to be one of those life activities you do without questioning it—even when you’re not in the mood, like brushing your teeth and taking a shower. But I know you—you’re like me—you’re going to try to trick yourself out of exercise with an excuse. Here are some of the more popular ones:
I’d exercise but I’m…
Too sneezy
Too grumpy
Too dopey
Too bashful
Too sleepy
Too happy
Too busy
Too achy
Too old
Too depressed
Excuses rejected. Start moving.
Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to gym I go…
Cute, right? Well, maybe not so cute. Still, I’m not going to let you off that easy.
The following excuses are probably closer to what you really say—and here’s what
I
say to you.
An Interesting Finding
A few years ago, Harvard University released the results of a fifty-year landmark study of the factors that go into a happier life. The study was reported in a book called
Aging Well,
and it offered the top seven factors that predict healthy aging. Not surprisingly, regular exercise figured prominently among those seven factors. The study also found that exercise is easier and more enjoyable with a partner, although
not
having a partner is not a good excuse for avoiding exercise. When you meet Mr. Right, he could be your jogging partner—something to look forward to. Check back in three months with me to see where you are. I’m still working hard at it, so let’s do it together. Let me know your successes and your failures. Let me know how you feel—e-mail me at www.StarJones.com and I’ll be your partner!
A Not-So-Pretty Finding
This may not be the right note on which to end this section, but it has to be said.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the truth shall set ye free: not everyone wants you to be slim, trim, healthy, and happy. I think there’s some faulty psychological dynamic that tells some people they can vent their hidden rages, their own insecurities, even their too virtuous pity on fat people. When you hear people in the media or even acquaintances making fat jokes, you know it’s because something in them feels more strong and victorious if they have scapegoats to pick on. Fat people are their anger outlet. You hear the fat anger from mean-spirited media people, and you might even hear subtle antifat comments in your own circle of acquaintances. But what you never expected is anger directed at you because you lost weight!
You know what? You
will
hear this from some you thought were friends.
We recently had two young women on
The View
who were the subject of a 2005
New York
magazine article called “Suddenly Skinny.” Both of these young women had undergone some sort of weight-loss surgery. Both of them were really health oriented because they had been ill from their excess poundage. One woman had a knee replacement in her future if she didn’t lose the weight, and good-bye to her job as an active police officer. The other woman had been big all her life, and her mother had died from complications of obesity. She also knew that she was on a path to trouble.
One of the young women was very, very attractive. She had this really beautiful face, a gorgeous smile, and long, luscious hair. But she never embraced how pretty she was, and she didn’t live her life like “I’m a pretty girl.” When she finally lost weight, her confidence zoomed up—that often happens. But inexplicably to some, she revealed on our show that a number of her friends stopped speaking to her or simply weren’t nice to her anymore.
One of my gorgeous, always-has-been-slim cohosts asked in amazement, “But why would that happen?”
I knew why. I’ve been there, done it. So, I piped in and said, “They’ve turned on you, Miss Marie, because they were more comfortable putting you in the fat, lonely, and single category and box for the rest of your life. They would have been happy with that.”
“Absolutely correct!” said our guest.
So, this is what I have to tell you: very few things are universal with people who’ve lost weight, but that experience is universal.
Absolute
Never allow anyone to place a period in your life.
Control the punctuation—it’s your life.
You will have lots of people who are happy for you and excited and really just want the best for you. One of my biggest cheerleaders, for example, has been my
girlfriend the actress Vivica A. Fox. Vivica is considered one of the most beautiful women in America. I’m telling you there’s not a week that goes by that she doesn’t call me to say, “Girl, you was lookin’ good on the show today. You lookin’ hot, mama. Go ahead. You better go.” She’s always just very encouraging, and even when I was the fat girl in the group, she was the same.
Still, when I was heavier, she would worry a lot, but even then, she would say something like, “Okay, Star, what’s happening now—you okay?” She wasn’t on me, she didn’t say, “You need to diet, you need to do this, you need to do that,” but she also didn’t ignore it when she knew I was struggling with being overweight. It wasn’t in the back of her head every moment. It wasn’t something that she threw up in my face, but she often acknowledged her worry in her way. And as I began losing weight and taking better care of myself, she acknowledged that also. And now she is simply joyful to see me healthy and happy.
You’ve got the “Vivica” friend—I know you do—but you will also have the other kind of friend or acquaintance—the kind who secretly doesn’t wish you well because she needs a victim, she needs someone who has it worse than she does, and when you were fat, you were that victim for her. Or him. Do not expect this person to be thrilled that you were victorious in your efforts.
Rise above! Revel in your new body and new opportunities. Delight in your ability to prepare yourself physically for a new life. Embrace your true friends. Lose the others.
Shine!
The world is governed more by appearance than realities.
DANIEL WEBSTER
T
rying to be physically healthier has to start with the health of your body. But make no mistake, girl, after health, after the dropping of the pounds, you have to feel physically better in other important ways—like feeling pretty.
Pretty
is a magical word. It brings confidence and wit and self-esteem. You walk pretty and you talk pretty when you feel pretty. If the grand love of your life just happens to be walking behind you into the Beyoncé concert tomorrow, will he be dazzled by your pretty hair, your pretty face, your pretty dress? Are you lookin’ good, Cassandra? Will your style stop him dead in his tracks?
When all is said and done, we want to be remembered for our style—our very best look. But outward style is no more than a presentation of self—our inner selves, our adorable selves, our most convincing selves. Sure, we all have those three-o’clock-in-the-morning moments when we feel plain, klutzy,
unattractive, but the true stylist will wake up in the morning, pick out her cutest outfit, and powder, brush, dress, and color the best parts of her
self
to come shining back. Intelligence makes you unforgettable, manners and tone of voice make you interesting and appealing, but the best presentation of the physical you makes you irresistible.
Be your most gorgeous. Don’t for a moment think that strong women have to be all hard angles and unfeminine. That’s the biggest mistake people make about women who change the world: the forceful, funny, most delightfully convincing women usually look terrific, and they are adorable.
Before I let loose with my feelings about looking wonderful, take the general beauty assessment below. It concentrates not on any one aspect but on your general habits and feelings about your appearance. Then we’ll talk.
ASSESS YOUR LOOK
Choose the answer that best describes you:
1. This is how I mostly feel about shopping:
2. I’m happiest in
3. Love these accessories:
4. If I could raid a celebrity’s closet, I choose
5. What words do you often hear?
6. You shop
7. When was the last time you bought into a popular trend?
8. If you haven’t changed your look in five years, why?
9. When you dress up, you generally feel
10. When you see friends who haven’t seen you lately, they often say something like
11. You catch your reflection in a passing mirror. Your first thought:
FACT OR FANCY?
You may have heard some of these are true from your best friend, you’ve always
thought
some were true—but were you correct? Check your fashion savvy. Are the following statements fact or fancy?
12. Circle the right answer for each
A. | Don’t mix patterns: stripes and plaid, yeccch. | FACT | FANCY |
B. | Man-made fabrics (polyester, rayon) scream tacky. | FACT | FANCY |
C. | Fake jewelry screams cheap. Better one good, real piece than five costume jewelry reproductions. | FACT | FANCY |
D. | High heels give you a sense of power. | FACT | FANCY |
E. | On miniskirts: age doesn’t figure in. If you have a good figure, wear them. | FACT | FANCY |
F. | Buy cheap—duplicate expensive. | FACT | FANCY |
G. | Classic is best. Throw out the ruffles. | FACT | FANCY |
H. | Your purse and shoes should match—even if nothing else does. | FACT | FANCY |
13. Where do you most often get your inspiration for your look?
14. How long does it take you to get ready for a big date or an important occasion?
15. If you could pick your body type it would be
ON MAKEUP
16. My approach is
17. About my face: I feel
18. Killer makeup is
19. You’ve used up a tube of lipstick
20. About how many lipsticks do you own?
21. Tomorrow looks like a beautiful day! You’ll be
22. The guy you’ve been digging on asked you out to a last-minute movie which starts in ten minutes. You’re not dressed yet. Will you be ready in time?
23. Beauty product you can’t live without?
24. It’s the day before your best friend’s party, and a big zit has emerged on your nose. You:
ON HAIR
25. Your hairstylist
26. My hair is
27. If you were half an hour late waking up for work or school, how would you cut corners to get there on time?
28. How would you describe your daily hair routine?
29. My favorite hair secret
30. You’ve just been swimming when—oh no—no hairbrush. What to do?
SCORING AND ANALYSIS
Score as directed, then add the result.
1. A=0, B=0, C=3, D=10 (It
is
a game!)
2. A=10, B=2, C=4, D=10, E=0 (An A or D answer indicates that you know what you like; the other choices indicate insecurity.)
3. A=8, B=10 (can never go wrong), C=5, D=8, E=0
4. A=3, B=3, C=3, D=3, E=3, F=10 (Their closets may hold insanity—only your choices count as fashion that makes you feel good.)
5. A=2, B=0, C=10, D=0
6. A=8, B=0, C=10 (my way!), D=6 (And you’ll pay top dollar.)
7. A=0 (You opted for absolute ugly), B=10, C=2
8. A=6 (maybe your self-esteem is fine, but are you sure you’re not avoiding change?), B=0, C=0, D=0, E=10
9. A=0, B=10, C=4, D=2
10. A=4 (unless you looked smashing then, in which case take 10), B=0, C or D=10
11. A=0, B=0, C=10
12. A, B, C, E, G, H=FANCY. D and F=FACT. Take 2 for each correct answer you marked.
13. A=6, B=4 (unless your mom dresses like Halle Berry), C=2, D=8, E=0, F=10
14. A=10, B=3 (You’re not paying attention, Kendra), C=0
15. A=10, B=6, C=6, D=2 (Anything other than A indicates you’re not satisfied with your body today and must work on your physical presentation.)
16. A=1, B=1 (you’re a makeup junkie!), C=0, D=10, E=4
17. A=10, B=0, C=0, D=0
18. A=5, B=5, C=5, D=5, E=10 (This is the only one that rings true because makeup always depends on your mood and the occasion), F=0
19. A=2 (that’s just crazy!), B=5 (lipsticks dry out and develop bacteria and an unpleasant fragrance if they’re too old), C=10
20. A=2, B=0, C=10
21. A=10, B=2, C=10, D=0
22. A=0, B=10, C=0
23. A=4, B=6, C=-6, D=10
24. A=0, B=0, C=10
25. A=10, B=2, C=2, D=0
26. A=10, B=0, C=10, D=0
27. A=0, B=2, C=10
28. A=3, B=2 (
Every
day?), C=0, D=10
29. A=10, B=0 (You’ll damage it!), C=4, D=6
30. A=0, B=8, C=10
ANALYSIS
Did you score from 280 to 306?
Congratulations! If you answered the questions in this self-assessment candidly, you have only moderate work to do on yourself—physically that is.
Your self-presentation is confident, and although I don’t know you, I’d bet my bottom dollar you make a terrific impression on others. Although none of these answers is written in stone, it’s your attitude about looking good that shows through here. You understand that you don’t have to be born with perfect features in order to put your best face forward. You don’t have to own a perfect body to walk in the world with beauty and confidence. You shop with smarts, you exercise regularly, and instead of eating everything that fits in your mouth, you eat only what you really want and need, rather than what they pile on your plate in restaurants. Most of all, you know that health comes first.
You’re an individual; you’re confident in your appearance; you attract the kind of people you want to hang with. Right?
See what tips you can pick up in the following chapter that will even further enhance the way you look and feel.
Did you score from 250 to 278?
You surely know how you’d like to look, but somehow you’re not quite getting it all together.
This score indicates a woman who’d like to have a sense of style that’s individual,
but somehow she seems to follow fashion trends instead of developing her own best look. She’s either too heavy or too thin—not at the weight that makes her feel most herself, most comfortable and pretty. She doesn’t really know how to shop, doesn’t know how to judge what’s chic and what’s tacky, even though she admires a “good” look on other women. She spends far too much money on her clothes and her makeup, and she knows it.
What’s more, she’d like to occasionally offer some surprises in her look rather than being the same-old, same-old pretty-but-predictable self, but she doesn’t know where to start. Most of the time her appearance makes her feel reasonably good, but she doesn’t feel she has a true beauty “identity.”
Is this you? Read on, sister.
Did you score from 200 to 248?
You are definitely not your most gorgeous.
You may not have changed your look since you were eighteen—not because you were so satisfied with the eighteen-year-old you, but because you simply don’t know where to start. You love to see the models and the stars shining in the magazines, but how in the world can you adapt their look to yours if you’re heavier, shorter, poorer? Read on!
Your old beauty goals are simply not appropriate anymore now that you’re all grown up and out in the real world. Although they work reasonably well, your clothes no longer feel “friendly” to you—that is, you somehow don’t feel as comfortable, attractive, and happy in them as you did some years ago.
Perhaps you need to reconstitute your look—your face, body, hair, and makeup—to fit the interesting woman you’ve become, but the woman nobody can see when they first meet you.
Before you can love yourself, before anyone can find the real you to love, you need to look more like the women you admire—and that is definitely within your power. I hope my own story that follows, and my own solutions, will guide you to self-love, then to the love of your life.
Did you score under 200?
Honey, I want to help you. This isn’t a terrific score—and you know it.
This is why you’re not physically prepared to meet the man of your dreams: you don’t feel as well, as pretty, and as stylish as you should.
First of all, you often confuse cash with class, but all the expensive products in the world won’t bring you an appearance that’s filled with panache, dazzle, and imagination.
Second of all, for all intents and purposes, you’ve stopped paying attention to your weight, your clothes, your makeup, and your hair because it just seems too daunting a task, right?
Finally—and this is the most serious—you probably can’t walk as fast as you should, climb hills with as much energy, or even stay up as late as you used to. The fact is, your physical body is not at its prime—it slows you down, Kendra—I know it!
Don’t settle for mediocre and ordinary: be the best you can be! Let today, the day you picked up this book, be the first day of the rest of your life, the best of your life.
I did it—and I was even too tired to shop before I decided to reconstitute my physical self. That was pretty serious. If I can help you, I’ll be the happiest sister in the world.