Shifting Gears: The Complete Series (Sports Bad Boy Romance) (45 page)

I opened my mouth to try, and all that
came out was a croak, and then the dam opened up and the tears came out like a
flood. Megan hugged me and let me soak her T-shirt with tears and mascara. She
was an amazing friend. I knew for a fact that she was wearing a new blouse. It
had been stupid of me to put the make-up on, I know. But I had planned to go
talk to Brock, and even though I was breaking up with him I had wanted to look
good. That thought triggered more tears, and Megan, God bless her, just let me
cry for a really long time. When I was finally able to stop, she got me some tissue
and came and sat next to me once more.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Stop it. You haven’t got anything to
apologize for. The world needs to apologize to you, I think. When you’re ready,
I’d like to know what’s going on.”

I finally told her…everything. When I finished
she was looking at me like she didn’t believe it, or she didn’t want to. She
hugged me again and as I felt her body shake I realized that she was crying now
too. When she sat back up she wiped her face and said, “I’m sorry.”

I gave her the same look and lecture she
gave me. Only hers included the fact that she was the best BFF in the world,
and I was so damned lucky to have her.

She finally asked the question of the
hour, “What about Brock?”

“I don’t want him to know, Meg…please.”

“Molly, you two have gotten so close. How
is he not going to know?”

“I’m going to break up with him,” I told
her.

“Molly…” she said.

“Hear me out Meggs, please,” I told her
that my chances of dying were high and how unfair that would be to him. I told
her everything I’d been thinking for the past twelve hours or so. When I
finished she said, “I wish you would change your mind. But…I won’t tell him, or
Jake. Just promise me you’ll at least think about it, Molly. He’s really into
you. Breaking up with him alone is going to hurt him.”

“I know,” I told her, “but not as much as
watching me as I wither away, and then having to attend my funeral would.” My
mind was made up, and short of Dr. Harris calling and saying he made a mistake;
I was breaking up with the best thing that ever happened to me today.
 

I called Grandma while Meg was in the
shower. I told her honestly what Dr. Harris had said. She of course said I
should have called her last night, and then said, “I’m on my way.”

“No, Gran. I’m fine today. I will let you
know as soon as they schedule the surgery, I promise.” She was quiet on the
other end. She didn’t like it, but she finally agreed, telling me that if I
ended up back in the hospital and didn’t call her, she was going to kick my
butt. She even threatened to call Debbie. I believed that she was serious.

Lastly, I called Brock.

“Hi good-looking,” he said. “Are you
back?”

“Yeah, I’m back,” I said. “I was wondering
if we could talk.”

“Absolutely!” he said with so much
enthusiasm I almost started crying again. “Do you want me to come there, or
come get you and bring you over here?” he asked.

“No, Megan’s going to bring me and pick
Jake up,” I told him. “She said to tell him to get ready.” She heard Brock
repeat that to Jake, and then a few minutes later he said, “He wants to know
what he’s getting ready for.”

I laughed. Thank you, Jake for always
amusing me. “Tell him she didn’t say, and she’s in the shower. So, if he knows
what’s good for him, he’ll just put some decent clothes on and be ready when
she gets there.”

Brock laughed too and repeated what I said
to Jake. Then he said, “I can’t wait to see you.”

That did it the tears took on a life of
their own again. I said, “Me too” and hung up as quickly as I could, before he
figured it out.

When Meg finished in the shower I cleaned
my face up again, this time taking all the make-up off. It was pointless. I was
sure I wasn’t finished crying.

She dropped me off at the apartment. She
gave me a hug and said, “Think about it, Molly, please. I know he would want to
be there for you.” I knew that too, and as amazing as that made him, didn’t she
see that was the problem?

She must have texted Jake, because as I
was going up he was coming down. “Hey Molly,” he said with his big Jake grin.

“Hi Jake,” I said. “I’m sorry to kick you
out of your apartment. It will only be for a little while,” I told him.

“It’s cool,” he said. “Brock’s all excited
to see you.” Damn it, I felt the pressure in my chest trying to make the tears
come again.

“Thanks,” I told him and ran the rest of
the way up. Brock was waiting for me at the door. I didn’t think it was weird
anymore. Before I could speak, he took me in his arms and hugged me. Then he
kissed me and for a minute I allowed myself to get lost in the softness of his
lips and the hunger of his touch.

“I missed you,” he said. “Is that weird?”
I smiled at him.

“No, it’s not weird,” I told him,
honestly.

“I’m making dinner,” he said. There was
that enthusiasm again.

“I don’t think I can stay, Brock,” I said.
“Can you sit for a minute?” Now he looked a little worried. I hated seeing
worry in his eyes. That was why I needed to do this. He didn’t need to be
worried about me all the time. He sat down, and I sat across from him.

“What’s wrong, Molly? Is your Grandma
okay?”

“She’s fine,” I told him, and then
smiling, I said, “It’s nice that you care though.”

He reached for my hand, I thought about
pulling it back, but I wanted to feel him, at least just this last time. He
squeezed it and said, “I care about everything about you, Molly.”

I squeezed his back. “Thank you, Brock,” I
said. “That means a lot. But I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, and I
think I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

He looked confused, “A mistake?” he said.

“Yes, I should have stuck to my guns,
Brock. I should have stayed strong and not given in to lust the last two
nights.”

“Lust? That’s what you think that was?
Molly, I…” I stopped him there. I was afraid he was going to say…It. If he did,
I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get up and walk out of here.

“You know what I mean, Brock. It was amazing,
and you were the perfect man for my first time. But I should have resisted
because nothing has really changed as far as me not wanting to be in a
relationship.” Now he looked like I had just kicked him in the gut.

“What? I don’t understand…I thought we
were….together.”

“Brock, I never said that. We never talked
about that. We had sex, and it was great, but we both know that sex does not
make a relationship.”

“It was more than that, Molly, so much
more. When we were walking in the park under the stars, I know you felt it
Molly. I know you wanted to be with me as much as I do with you…I thought…I
thought you were ready,” he said. I could see the wheels turning in his head
now. God, I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut. Then he looked at me
accusingly with those baby blue eyes and he said, “You said you were ready
Molly.”

“I was, for the fun and the sex.”

I hated calling it that. In my mind it was
making love and any time in whatever future I have left that I think about it,
that’s what it would be called. But for now, I had to make him believe I was a
cold fish. I needed him to want to walk away. “I’m still not ready for a
relationship. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let things go so far.”

He processed that for a while. He even got
up and walked over to the window and looked out, and then paced for a while.
Finally he said, “Okay, we can go back to friends…for now.” Dear God why can’t
he just say ugly things to me and call me names? It would be so much easier.

“No, Brock,” I said. “That would be too
hard. You can’t go back, only forward. I should have stopped it before it went
this far, and I’m sorry that I didn’t.” It was so hard to keep my voice from
cracking and giving away how I really felt.

“I’m not sorry Molly,” he said. “Nothing
could ever make me sorry about the time I have been blessed to spend with you.
But, I think you’re just scared, and that’s okay. We can take it as slow as you
like….”

“No!” I said, standing up. “No, Brock. You
need to be with someone who knows what they want. You should be with someone
like that girl Tammy. She really likes you.” You could be Ken to her Barbie.

“Okay now I know you lost your mind. Did
you talk to Tammy?”

“Yeah, I ran into her at the coffee house
the other day. She’s…nice. She told me that she still cares for you…a lot. She
thinks you two belong together. What if she’s right and you miss your
opportunity following me around?”

“Molly, I don’t want anything to do with
that girl. She’s not really right in the head, but most of all…she’s not you.
You’re the only one I want. I’ll wait for you to be ready. I don’t care how
long, Molly. I’ll wait.”

I headed towards the door as he was
talking.

“I don’t want you to wait, Brock. I don’t
know when I’ll be ready, if ever.” I reached for the door and he said my name again.
That time, I heard his voice crack. If I look at those blue eyes and they have
tears in them that I put there….I squared my shoulders, opened the door and
walked out. I left him standing there, hurt and shocked. I felt like pond scum
as I walked back to my dorm.

TWENTY-THREE

BROCK

I can’t believe that she just came in here
and broke up with me and walked away like that. I had spent the past
twenty-four hours planning our life together, and it was over that quickly. I’m
an idiot. I shouldn’t have let myself fall for her. I’d never done it before,
and I hadn’t lacked for women in my life. I don’t know why Molly should have
been any different.

I went over and opened the door. I was
telling myself all of this and at the same time, thinking about going after
her. My head was pounding. It hurt like it used to when I first got sick. But
it wasn’t the tumor this time; it was my brain trying so hard to process all of
this. I thought things were good. No, I thought things were great. I thought
she was falling for me too…I closed the door. She was already gone, and she
obviously didn’t want me to come after her. I had made a big fool of myself
already, begging her to stay and telling her I’ll wait for her. I didn’t know
what else to say though, it was the truth.

What was all of that stuff about Tammy? I
had to wonder because it almost seemed like she was trying to convince me that
I had choices. I know that I have choices. She knows that I think enough of
myself to know I have choices. I don’t want choices…I want Molly. I felt like
that eight year old kid again, the one whose mother was moving across the
world. I wanted to have a fit and make her stay. Only Molly wasn’t moving
across the world, and in a way, that would be worse. I would still have to see
her…and then what? Pretend like I didn’t know her? Make polite but stilted
conversation? For the first time in my life I had allowed myself to look into
the future. I was getting better…my meds were working, I finally felt like I
was beating the big “C” word, and right then I had met the most wonderful girl
in the world. At the risk of sounding like Jake, I had met my soulmate.
 

Something happened between the time she
left here yesterday morning and now. Was it just too much time to think, or
something else? Maybe it was about her being sick. She hadn’t wanted me to know
to begin with, but once I found out, there was nothing left to hide. Was there?
Is she sicker than she let on? Should I go find her and ask? If she loved me
though and that was the case, wouldn’t she want me by her side?

I felt so damned helpless and stupid at
the same time. I don’t think I was wrong about her though. I stood there,
dumped and still believing that she cared about me, and that she wanted to be
with me. I was turning into Tammy now. Maybe I should stalk her.

I sat down on the couch and thought about
the past twenty-four hours. She had gone to see her grandma. I wish I had her
number, maybe that was the key. Maybe she told Grandma that we had slept
together, and Grandma was upset. Maybe she was breaking up with me out of some
kind of shame, or regret.

Grandma might be the key, but the one who
would know for sure what was going on and what I should do about it…would be
Megan. I got up and went to find my phone. I dialed Megan’s number…and Jake
answered.

“Hey man, where’s Meg?” I asked him.

“She’s here we’re having an early dinner.
What’s up?” he said.

“Can I talk to her?” I said. Why the hell
didn’t she answer her own phone?

“She really doesn’t want to talk right
now…” I could tell Jake didn’t know what was going on. Megan was avoiding me
and he had no idea why.

“Jake, hand her the phone. Please.” I
heard them exchange a few tense words. I felt bad because I knew she was going
to be mad at Jake, but right now I didn’t care. She finally got on the phone
and I said, “Megan, please don’t lie to me. Tell me what is going on with
Molly.”