Shhh... Gianna's Side (5 page)

“I know that, but people change and he’s far away. I’m trying to take my mind off him and I’m sure he’s doing the same. Stop worrying.” I laughed
, trying to ease her concern. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel sorry for me.

A few more months went by and it was Christmas break. Jake was in town for the entire three week holiday and we spent as much time together as we could.
He wasn’t lying when he said he was going to make me feel multiples; our sex life was amazing. I had no complaints and he always took care of me, making sure I had an orgasm at least two or three times before he did. I was tired of having to hide it from Mack, so I decided to come up with a plan to make her lose hers, too. We could finally share something together. She had been dating this guy Mitchell Simmons for a few months.

“Mack, we’re sixteen now
, we don’t need to be holding onto our virginities like they are a prized possession. I mean, you don’t want to get married still a virgin, do you? That’s just weird,” I confessed, sitting on her bed, both of us Indian style.

“Of course I don’t. I don’t know if I’m ready yet. Are you ready?”

“I am more than ready! I have been with Jake for over a year. I definitely want to fuck him.” I laughed, making her laugh.

“Fine. What’s your plan?”
she responded.

“We are
both going to lose it this weekend. We will go to The Cove and Jake and I will go for a walk and do our thing and you will do the same.” I smiled, extending out my hand. “Deal?”

She cocked her head to the side and inspected my hand
, taking in my proposal. “Deal,” she answered and we shook on it.

That weekend
fast approached and Jake and I did have sex in The Cove, but it wasn’t our first time like I claimed it was. When we finished having sex, we sat near the water looking at the waves and waited for McKenzie to call me when she was done.

“How’s school going?” Jake asked
, breaking the silence.

“It’s good
, but I really miss having you around. It’s not the same without you there.” He smiled and kissed the side of my neck.

“I miss you too
,” he replied.

“How is school for you?” I countered
, wanting to see if he would be honest with me. I knew he had to be doing something. There was no way a great good-looking guy like Jake wasn’t fooling around on me. Why wouldn’t he? I wouldn’t find out and he’d still have me as his piece-of-ass when he was back in town. It was a win-win for him.

“It’s much harder
than I anticipated it was going to be.”

“Mmm hmm.”

“What, you don’t believe me?” he accused with a tone that made me turn around to look at him.

“I didn’t say that.”

“You’re implying that with your response,” he said, narrowing his eyes.

“Are you trying to
start an argument?”

“Of course I’m not, are you?”

My phone rang and McKenzie’s picture appeared on the screen.

“Hey…yeah…we will head back. Okay, see you soon.” I hit
the end button, got up, and started to walk away. He grabbed my upper arm before I made it three steps.

“Gia, we’re not done here
,” he stated, not letting go of my arm.

“Yes we are
,” I replied, trying to pull away from him, which only made him grab me harder.

“Why do you do this? Every time we have a confrontation
, you avoid it like the plague and pretend like nothing happened. Can’t we just have a normal conversation?”

“There is nothing to talk about. Relax
,” I expressed, trying to calm him down. I never understood how Jake could go from zero to ten in one second.

“Don’t blow me off.”

“I’m not, but Mack is waiting for us.”

“Is Mack more important
than me?”

“What the fuck? No. You’re acting like a child. I’m not trying to do anything. I don’t want to fight. I have nothing to say
,” I reasoned, hoping that would appease him and we wouldn’t have to continue this conversation. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about us. The last thing I ever wanted to do was talk about my feelings. I barely understood them, how could I make someone else understand?

He sighed and finally let go
. “You’re impossible. When are you going to let me in, Gia? When the fuck is that going to happen?”

I stepped back from the impact of his comment. I had let him in, more
than I had with anyone else. Why was it never good enough? Why was I never good enough? What the fuck was wrong with me? I did what I always did and bit my tongue. I smiled and put my arms around him.

“I’m sorry. Nothing is wrong. I love you
,” I reminded.

When his arms wrapped around my frame
, I knew I had won.

Mack stayed the night at my house that night. We stayed up till all hours of the night talking about ho
w our first experiences went. I explained it the same way it happened in the hotel on prom night, so technically it was sort of the truth. It was only half a lie, a fib maybe. Mack didn’t go into too much depth about what happened. I could tell she was shy or maybe nervous to talk about it. I could relate because I had felt the exact same way after I had initially lost my virginity to Jake. It took me a while to get comfortable with my sexuality, especially being naked in front of him, so I let her have her modesty. I figured she would open up to me more after she had experienced it a few more times.

A huge part of me wanted to be honest with her that night. I wanted to tell her the truth
, but I was terrified she wouldn’t understand and would judge me. I couldn’t take another disappointment, not from Mack. It wasn’t something I could bear. Our friendship was the only thing I had half an understanding about. She was the only thing in my life that made sense. The thought of losing her would destroy me. So I continued to lie and be the person she wanted me to be. At that point, it didn’t matter what I wanted anymore. I was too far gone.

By the time I would realize it…

It would be too late.

My whole world changed senior year. It went from night to day, left to right, up to down
; there was absolutely no gray area. Starting at the beginning of the year, there were major changes that occurred–I was chosen by our cheerleading coach to be captain of our squad. It was a complete and utter surprise for me to be picked for such an honorary position. Ecstatic couldn’t even begin to describe how I felt. I was proud and determined to lead my team into nationals and it became my number one priority. I practiced day and night coming up with new routines and challenges for the girls.

Since my academic career started
, I knew what was expected of me; my father wouldn’t take anything less than me receiving a scholarship for college. It didn’t matter that we were loaded and my parents could literally afford to send me to any university I desired. It wasn’t about that. It was about me once again proving that I had to be the best at whatever I did. If I could get us to win nationals then I could continue cheering in college, and as much as I didn’t want anything to do with school, cheerleading would become my salvation. There would be less pressure for my grade point average to stay a 3.5 because universities would take in to consideration my athletic ability and the contribution I could give to the sports department.

I gave it my all. It was everything I needed in order to stay sane for the next four years of my life. Mack was thrilled that we were that much closer to obtaining our goals and plans that we had established since childhood. I was working my ass off and straining my ligaments on a daily basis. I didn’t take weekends off and I became consumed with being the best I could be.

There was absolutely no way I was giving up on my only passion. It belonged to me and I was never going to let it go.

The first day of school
altered my perception of everything I thought I was supposed to be.

I was Jake’s girlfriend.

I was McKenzie’s best friend.

I was the perfect daughter.

I was captain of the cheerleading squad.

I was a scholastic student. 

I was popular and envied and everyone wanted to be me.

On the outside
, you would think I had it all…

On the inside
, I was screaming and yearning for it all to go away. I didn’t want to be Gianna Edwards anymore. I hated her. She wasn’t real. She was an illusion, one that I created and perfected to a T. There were days when I wanted to run away and never come back. I thought about it time after time.

It was the first day of school, the last period of the day, and the moment that changed my life in more ways than one.

“Gia, what are we doing this weekend? Is Jake coming into town?” Mack asked as we grabbed our books from our lockers for our last class of the day. English, my worst subject…the fact that that’s how I ended my day was a major disappointment. I didn’t recognize the name on my schedule card. I assumed he was a new teacher.

“Um…I doubt it, he was here all summer. I probably won’t see him till Thanksgiving,” I responded, grabbing my heavy ass literature book and three-spiral notebook.

“Awe! That’s a long time to go without seeing each other. Are you starting to miss him?”

“Of course.”

I lied. Jake and I had a great summer together
, but he was back at school and I’m sure he was back to his old ways. I’m not stupid enough to believe he was being faithful to me. Our calls became less and less throughout the years. Plus, I only saw him on holidays or the summer; he never came to see me like he promised before leaving for college. I hadn’t called him out on it because that would appear like I was an insecure girl, and that’s not the kind of girl he thought I was. I was confident.

Jake Henderson would never cheat on Gianna Edwards.

We walked down the hall, arms linked together, and made it to room 702. Mack was talking about our new routines that we were going to start teaching the girls that afternoon. The moment I walked into his classroom I lost my breath–and not metaphorically. My breathing stopped, my heart thumped, and my pulse raced. He was striking, dressed in black slacks and a black button down shirt. He wore no tie and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone. Our eyes locked and I swear on everything that is holy that something transpired between us. It was this electric current that made its way from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. This invisible string latched its way into my heart and it pulled me right into his. 

He had
dark brown hair that was styled back but a few pieces hung around his face; I could tell that he had just brushed them back with his hands, and I knew that he probably did that often. There was stubble on his face and he sported a goatee with a light mustache. His eyebrows were perfectly shaped and he had a strong jawline with perfect white teeth and a charismatic smile.

His bright blue eyes beamed and it was only for me. I saw them go from a normal hue to a piercing one.
His intense and penetrating gaze wreaked havoc on my soul. He was leaning against his desk and I observed his hands squeeze the sides in an agonizing and aching burn. He wanted me just as much as I wanted him, maybe more…although I don’t think that was possible.

“Gia! Gianna! What the fuck? Where did you go?” Mack
questioned, pulling me out of the tunnel that lead me directly and only to him. He shook his head as if he was trying to wash me away from his thoughts and urges and that’s when I looked over at Mack.

“Oh! I’m sorry. I was lost in thought there for a second. I think I forgot something to write with in my locker. Do you have one I can use?” I requested
, trying not to look anything like I felt.

She rolled her eyes at me and laughed
. “Duh. You would forget your head if it wasn’t attached to you, Gia. You know that, right?”

I laughed
, wanting nothing more than to turn back to face him.

He clapped his hands
, making me jump. “All right class, please take your seats,” he addressed as everyone went about their business to find their comfortable locations.

I sat in the back and
McKenzie sat in front of me. There was no way I could sit anywhere near him.

“The seats that you have chosen will be assigned to you all year long. This is a senior class and I expect you to behave as
the adults that you are. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt in hopes that you will not disrupt lectures or make me change your seats,” he announced, placing his hands in his pockets, which made his chest extend.

“I am Mr. Nichols and I will be your English teacher for the rest of the year. I transferred here from Mitchell
High School in Maine to take this position for the head of the English department.
I am eager to meet you guys and teach you; to get you ready for testing and prepare you for college next year. I have an open door policy, so if you ever have any questions or concerns, please don’t be afraid to come to me. I believe very much in having a relationship with all of my students. Do you have any questions?” he asked and a few students raised their hand.

“It’s going to take me a few days to learn all of your names
, so if you could state your name before asking your question, I would very much appreciate it,” he added before calling on Summer.

“Hi.” She waved and
flirtatiously smiled. I wanted to rip her eyes out. She was such a slut. “I am Summer Graceland.” She shrugged her shoulders and grinned. “Are you married?” The class laughed, but I could tell that every girl was interested in his response.

He blushed and smirked. Was he flirting back?

“I am married. Thanks for asking. I also have a daughter, she’s three, and her name is Cara.”

My blood pressure dropped and I started to sweat. He was married? Had I fantasized all that I had just experienced? Was I going crazy?

He proceeded to answer all the questions from the students. I couldn’t help where my mind wandered, but I imagined him naked. I visualized every last muscle and hair on his body. I pictured me riding him on his desk, in his car; fuck, even outside on the grass. He whispered dirty and inappropriate things in my ear as he forcefully took me from behind. He pulled my hair and bit my skin and I met him for every thrust he pushed into me. I squirmed in my seat from the wetness that was pooling in between my legs. I swear he could smell it on me because he looked right at me as I closed my legs.

I didn’t cower down. I
held his stare as he described what we would be learning in class. I stalked his every movement from his facial expressions to his body language. When he was really excited about something, he would talk with his hands. He didn’t like to stay in one place and would walk back and forth across the front of the room in an almost nervous-like pace. His voice was intense and erotic all at the same time. I was in a daze just wanting to learn every last mannerism. He was fascinating to me, like a new species or creature that I had never had the privilege of witnessing.

I had never experienced anything even remotely close to what I was feeling; my impulses and urges felt uncontrolled and I wanted eve
ryone to leave the room so I could
have a few minutes alone with him. Even if it was just a taste, for just a second, I was mesmerized by him. Obsessed is a term that shouldn't be used lightly, but Mr. Nichols possessed me. From that day forth…I was his. 

Everything went from heaven…to hell in a hand basket.

Rumors started spreading around the school about him. Girls were just as smitten as I was. They all talked about him and what it would be like to be with him. He was the fascination of every adolescent girl that stepped foot into the school. Although he was married, he was very much the flirt that he portrayed on the first day of school. I was jealous every time I saw another female around him; it wasn’t limited to just the students, the teachers were also included. He stayed after school almost every day; I would always see his white truck in the parking lot when I would walk to my car after practice.

I couldn’t concentrate on class or anything he discussed
, and my grades started suffering because of it. I knew it wasn’t all in my head; he treated me differently than the other girls. It started innocently enough with a look or a gaze. Then he would find a way to touch my hand or my shoulder, we never stood more than a foot apart when we were around each other. There was an invisible tie holding us together and molding our behavior.

Was it wrong the way I felt
? Maybe. But why does something so wrong feel so right?

It didn’t take long for me to realize that th
e feeling was very much mutual. I stayed after class a few weeks after school started. I honestly didn’t understand the material and I was staying after to have him further explain it. I waited till everyone walked out of the room to approach him. I must have caught him off guard because when he turned to start cleaning up the room, he jolted and looked surprised.

He cocked his head to the side and I swear I saw nervousness written all over his handsome face.

“Can I help you, Miss Edwards?” he provoked.

Oh…
Mr. Nichols, you have no idea how much you can help me.

He leaned back
, holding onto the side of his desk as his fingers started tapping. He was nervous…

I arched an eyebrow and removed myself from my seat
, making sure to open my legs to give him a view of my bloomers in my pleated cheerleading skirt. His face said everything I wanted to hear. I heard him clear his throat as I made my way to him. I took my time, swaying my hips back and forth to allow my thighs to show through the pleats. I sat on the first desk that was a few feet away from him, kicking my legs in and out in a cute and teasing manner.

It was my turn to cock my head to the side
. “Actually, I’m having trouble in your class and I was wondering if you could tutor me. I’ve already spoken to my parents and they would pay extra if needed. I’m really struggling and I would hate to fall too far behind and not be able to catch up,” I stated in a sultry tone.

His Adam’s apple moved and I could tell he was swallowing
the saliva that had gathered there.

“I mean
, don’t you want to help me? Seeing as though you want a personal relationship with each of your students. That does include me as well, right?”