She Lies Twisted (22 page)

I scooted forward on my knees and grabbed James’ face in my hands. I could feel that needling against my spine again. I had been right. That was her.

“
James?” I asked again. His eyes were glazed over with memories but he nodded slowly. “Are you ready?” He tried to pull away from me but I held him tight, the tips of my fingers digging into his skin. James shut his eyes and fat tears squeezed under his lids, traced across my skin, light as feathers. “When I read a book that I like, I cut the cover off and tack it to the walls of my bedroom.” James opened his eyes and stared at me. This is how he’d done it, how he’d calmed me before. It had worked brilliantly. “My oldest brother, Abe, was sixteen when I was born. My mother was already six months pregnant with him when she turned fifteen but her and my dad, they were soul mates so it was okay. That’s how I knew I loved Boyd but that I wasn’t in love with him. I didn’t look at him the same way my mom looked at my dad. Does that make any sense at all?”

James had stopped crying.

He reached his hands up and covered mine.

“
Sydney’s favorite color is purple and she hates the rain because it looks like the sky is melting. She thinks the English language is the best one on earth because there are so many words to choose from but she says that her native language, Japanese, is prettier when it’s written because there are so many characters…” I smiled and placed that gentle kiss on his forehead that I’d been wanting to give him since the kitchen.

“
I’ll take good care of her,” I promised him as he moved back and let me place Sydney’s head in my own lap. It was an honor to be trusted like that.

“
I wouldn’t let anyone else touch her,” he told me. “Somehow, I knew deep down that I was waiting for you.” I smiled as tears stung my own eyes and glanced down at Sydney. I was so focused on her that I didn’t see Jessica, human once again, watching me from the safety of the trees.

“
Sydney,” I began, gazing into those dark pools and seeing myself reflected back at me. “Are you ready?” She didn’t nod, she didn’t even really move but there was this imperceptible shift in her demeanor, like she was preparing for something. I took a deep breath and pressed my fingers against her forehead. “And I’m sorry about my sister,” I whispered as her body began to fade, leaving my lap empty and cold.

“
No worries,” came a voice, soft and gentle, like snowflakes against a roof. You couldn’t really hear them but you knew they were there. “Take care of him.” Soft lips brushed my forehead, smooth and sweet, and then she was gone. I sat, stunned for a moment at the connection I’d felt with Sydney. We would’ve been friends, I just knew it. I gathered my courage and glanced over at James, expecting sadness, despair, maybe even regret.

But there was none of that.

He was smiling the most radiant smile I had ever seen on that beautifully scarred face.

“
You set her free,” he told me with tears running across his lips and dripping down his chin. “You set
us
free.” I brushed the hair from his face and pressed my forehead against his. “Thank you,” he whispered finally. I nodded and used my thumbs to brush his tears away.

Nethel and Etherea approached us slowly, pausing a respectable distance away. At first, I thought they were going to warn us about Jessica. I could still feel her eyes on my back but this was James’ time. He needed this. My sister would have to wait.

“
Tatum.” It was Ehferea. Her voice was still beautiful, still mystical and alluring, but there was a hint of strain there. “It’s time.” James and I looked up at her, confusion mirrored in both our faces.

“
We have another assignment for you,” Nethel began and I almost choked. In her pale hand was a piece of paper and on it, an address that I recognized better than my own.

Boyd.

It was my turn to say goodbye.

I wilted, like a flower, into James.

You’re being selfish.
I told myself.
This is his time. You
know
that.

“
Why now?” I asked, feeling as if our beautiful moment had been taken from us. “Why couldn’t you have waited. I…” James put a finger to my lips.

“
These things can’t wait, Tate.” I didn’t correct him about my name. Neil was Boyd’s nickname for me anyway. Maybe James wanted his own identity as my friend. “If you love something, you have to let it go. I should’ve let Sydney go sooner and then…” He glanced at the pool of blood. I swallowed and nodded, blinking back fresh tears. I would do this. I had to do this.

I tilted my head back and looked at the sky. First, there was something I wanted to do.

James was sharing so much of himself with me, I would do the same.

“
Come with me,” I said, rising and pulling him to his feet. “I want to show you something.”

I p
aused in the doorway for a moment, blocking James' view of my room. The crows laughed back at me with their silent faces.
You are a freak. You always will be. Boyd was the only person left that loved you. Nobody else ever will.
I steeled myself for rejection and moved aside. It was now or never. James had shared his story with me and we'd said goodbye to Sydney together. I wasn't ready to tell him about Boyd yet but I could at least share this. This dirty, wicked, twisted part of me.

“
As you can see,” I said as I gestured lamely at my collection. “I'm the perfect grim reaper. I've always had this thing for death.” James stepped into the attic slowly with a look of wonder on his face, like he was entering another world. I just couldn't tell if he was pleased to be there or not. I sat on the edge of my unmade bed and plucked at the fraying edges of an old quilt I'd found in one of the trunks. He approached the crows first and brushed his fingers across the feathers on their sleek, black heads. His cheeks were still wet with tears but he wasn't crying anymore. My heart went out to him.

“
Why?” He asked. I'd never had anyone ask me that before. Not even Boyd. Boyd had just accepted me the way I was. James, though I think he did accept me, liked to understand why, to dig beneath the surface for more. I wasn't sure which was better.

“
You know,” I said, wetting my lips with my tongue. I'd never told anyone this before but if I'd learned anything in the past couple of days, it was that life was temporary. There wasn't time to hold anything back. If I didn't say what I wanted to say now, if I didn't express myself and come clean with who I really was, then I might never get the chance to. “There are only a few perfect moments of real death.” I paused again and took a deep breath. James kept his gaze on my collection. “Where you're no longer you but you're not someone else either.” My last statement caused him to turn around. He watched me with dark eyes, the shafts of moonlight through the window highlighting the stitches around his lips. “Before the flies come, before the people, the fire, whatever because when they do, you're not you anymore but something else and I...” Sadness hit me like a wrecking ball. I doubled over, my heart still pounding a painful requiem in my chest. “And I just wanted to stop that.” Tears fell and splashed against my bare knees.

Mom. Dad. Jason. Abe. Boyd.

“
I wanted to prolong that moment forever and I...” James wrapped his arms around my head and pulled me against his chest. I didn't return the hug but I let him hold me. It was nice to be held by someone, to be loved by someone.

Does James love me?

I pushed that thought away. I wasn't ready for that. I might never be ready for that again.

“
I just wanted them to have what everyone else in my life couldn't. A second chance.” James released me and stepped back.

“
That's why we have to help. It's why we're here, to make sure that everyone gets a second chance.” There was no trace of sadness in his voice but I knew he had to still be thinking about Sydney. I nodded, using the end of his sweater to dry my eyes. I knew what I had to do, with Boyd, with Jessica. I just didn't want to do it.

“
Will she hate me?” I asked him. James released me and stepped back, pushing his hair away from his face. I studied him in the moonlight, silhouetted against the backdrop of my bedroom and I decided that maybe, just a little, he was starting to become handsome to me. Or maybe he had been all along and I just hadn't noticed. I decided that I even liked the stitches on his lip.

“
I don't know,” he replied honestly. “But I know you'll hate yourself if you don't do it. She isn't mired here by love, like you and me.” I almost blushed. I'd never blushed in my whole life and now I was feeling heat in my cheeks? It was wildly inappropriate. “She's letting herself be held here by hate. We can save her from that, Neil.” I bit my lip and tried to be strong. James had let Sydney go. It had hurt but he'd done it. He'd loved her enough to let her go. I had to do that for Boyd and for Jessica. I looked up at him, trying to project the strength that was starting to build in my heart into my voice.

“
Let's do it.”

The harpies had disappeared again, presumably to search for Jessica, leaving James and I on our own. I decided to take the car although I knew it wasn’t fair to James. I just didn’t think my legs would carry me there, along that same path that had only led to pain. Unfortunately, the drive didn’t help. By the time we reached the trailer, my entire body was shaking like I was in the throws of a fever. My new found confidence had dropped off about halfway back, stranded on the side of the ride, lost, abandoned. I was going to have to see Boyd dead again, sprawled out across the floor of the trailer like a wasted dream. I bit my lip until I drew blood and a small stitch appeared over the wound. I nibbled at the thread with my teeth as I sat in the passenger seat and wished I could thank James for driving me. His hands were still corpse stiff, clenched around the steering wheel for dear life, his face drenched with a nervous sweat.

“
It's gonna be okay, Neil,” he whispered, prying his fingers off of the car and placing them gently around mine. I nodded and tried to believe that. I tried to remind myself that this was the right thing to do. Boyd deserved to move on. He was selfless and had always, always, always put his problems on the back burner for mine. It was time to switch things up.

“
Let's go,” I choked out, tearing my hand away and stepping out of the car. I hoped the Orangutan wasn't home or this was going to be difficult. There was no way he would let us in his trailer and there was no way I was missing out on this. My love for Boyd was what had gotten me here, I owed it to him to see him off. James waited in the driveway for me to approach the front door. It was locked. I gritted my teeth in frustration.

“
The back window?” He offered softly. I nodded and he followed me around the side of the trailer. I climbed in first, my eyes locked on the fiberboard cabinets, the orange linoleum floor, the dirty fridge. I waited until James was standing beside me, his warmth like a lighthouse on a stormy night. I needed him to see clearly.

I opened my eyes.

Boyd's body was lying exactly where I had first found it but instead of something horrible, I saw something beautiful. Me. I was draped over his body like a blanket, my chest shaking as I'd gone to that place inside my head that kept me sane. It wasn't that I liked seeing myself in anguish or that Boyd's death didn't still upset me but what I saw was love. I had loved him, still loved him, as purely and as fully as I could. I blinked back tears and took a step forward, expecting the soft squelch of the blood infused carpet to take away that feeling and make me sick. There was nothing and I was reminded that this was just a memory. It was time to retrieve Boyd.