Shaxoa's Gift (36 page)

“I’m losing, Quaile. I’ve been trying so hard
to hold on to Uriah, but it’s not working. I won’t last very much
longer without him. I know Uriah was trying to protect me from
whatever he’s doing, but I don’t care what he’s doing. I need him.
Please tell me where he is,” I asked.

“I don’t know where he is,” Quaile said.

“You’re lying, Quaile. You said something to
him and he left.”

“He was leaving before I ever got to him, and
where he was planning to go, he would not have come back from,”
Quaile said. The defiance in her voice was grating. “I gave him
something to do besides kill himself.”

“Tell me what you told him to do.” She was
skirting around every question, answering them in only the vaguest
way. She knew exactly what I wanted to hear, and she was purposely
side-stepping the answers.

“What do you think I sent him to do?” Quaile
asked.

“I think you sent him off to find a way to
break the bond,” I said. Quaile’s expression was as flat as could
be.

“And do you think there really is a way to
break the bond?” Quaile asked.

Anger welled inside of me. “If you sent him
on a mission he has no hope of completing, I will throttle you,
right now,” I said. I was up out of my chair, shoving my finger
against her withered chest. Quaile’s eyes never left mine. She
ignored my finger and moved her face closer to mine.

“Do you think there is a way to break the
bond?”

I considered what she was asking me. The
pressure in her words pushed me back into my chair. Did I believe
there was a way to sever the bond between me and Daniel? I had been
hoping that there was, putting all my trust in the belief that
Uriah would find a way to rescue me, but did I really believe? So
much of what I did and did not believe had been turned upside down.
If there really was a bond that could bring two people together, no
matter the distance or circumstances, there must be a way to break
the bond as well. Everything had its opposite.

“Yes,” I said, “I do believe there’s a way to
break the bond.”

“Do you believe Uriah will be able to find
the way to release you from Daniel?”

“Absolutely. Uriah, before anyone else, would
be the one to find the way. That’s what you sent him to do wasn’t
it?” I asked. Quaile said nothing, but her face softened and gave
away her answer. “I know he’ll find it, and as soon as he does,
I’ll jump at the chance to get rid of these awful feelings. But for
now, Quaile, I can’t keep going like this, wondering what he’s
doing or whether he’s found the way yet. Please tell me where he
is.”

“Claire, I honestly don’t know where he is
right now,” Quaile said.

“I have to get away from these feelings. I
need a way to break the bond. I need Uriah,” I said. I had come to
her with the hope that she would lead me to Uriah. I knew that if I
could reach him, I could hold on a little longer, and maybe I could
even help him in his search. My hopes were fading rapidly. Tears
ran down my cheeks and washed away my dreams as well.

“If these feelings are so hard to resist,
perhaps you shouldn’t try to beat against them anymore,” Quaile
said.

My tears changed into a tidal wave. I was
crying so hard I could barely choke out the words. “How can you say
that to me? I love Uriah. That will never change. Even if I gave
into the bond, I would never be happy, not knowing what I gave up,”
I said.

“You are honestly willing to give up the joy
and total completeness of the Twin Soul bond for Uriah?” Quaile
asked.

“Yes. I would give up everything to spend the
rest of my life with him.” I knelt down in front of Quaile and
clasped her hands in mine. “Please help me, Quaile. Please, I’m
begging you to help me.”

Quaile watched me without speaking. She
looked as if she was considering her answer very carefully. “Uriah
was just here,” she said.

Ripping my hands out of hers, I stood. “What?
You said you didn’t know where he was!”

“I don’t,” Quaile snapped. “I have no idea
where he is right now.”

“Why was he here? Why didn’t he come to see
me?” I asked. My voice came out as a childish squeak.

“I suppose he didn’t want to see you for the
same reason he didn’t tell you where he was going in the first
place,” Quaile said. “He wants to protect you.”

“What about my other question? Why was Uriah
here?”

Standing up from her chair, Quaile walked
away. I wasn’t sure where she was going, but I followed her anyway.
Quaile shuffled into the kitchen and stopped at the counter. She
touched a metal thermos that sat on her counter top and turned to
look at me. “Uriah brought me this.”

“Uriah brought you a thermos?” I asked.

“When I stopped Uriah, I sent him to Hano,
Arizona,” Quaile said.

“That’s where the other Tewa live, right?” I
asked. “Why did you send him there?”

“I had heard rumors that the Shaxoa in Hano
knew things that no one else knew. I heard that she was very
powerful. I sent Uriah to her for help,” Quaile said.

I drifted toward the silver thermos. My hand
reached up, brushing the metallic sides. “He found it,” I
whispered. Turning to Quaile, I begged her to confirm my suspicion.
She nodded. My hands began to tremble. My whole body was shaking. I
grabbed the thermos with both hands. It was all over.

I moved one hand to unscrew the lid, but
Quaile’s sudden touch stopped me. “Wait, Claire,” she said.

I ignored her and tried to remove the lid.
Tightening her grip, Quaile forced my hand away. I didn’t
understand. This was what I wanted. I was desperate to be free of
the Twin Soul bond. “Why? Why can’t I drink it?” I asked. “I want
this. I need this, Quaile.”

“There is something you need to know first,”
Quaile said.

“I don’t care what the consequences are,
Quaile. I want Uriah. There is no doubt in my mind about that. Let
me have the thermos.”

“I know you want Uriah, Claire, but I can’t
let you drink this yet, not before you know the truth,” she said.
“I sent Uriah to Hano, yes, but I never expected him to actually
come back with this. I hoped he wouldn’t.”

“What are you talking about? Why would you
send him to get this if you didn’t really want him to come back
with it?” I asked.

Her old body leaned against the counter as if
she was quickly losing what remained of her strength. “I needed to
keep him from killing himself, and I knew he would jump at the
chance to save you. I never would have sent him to a Shaxoa if it
weren’t so important he stay alive. Even though this woman in Hano
turned out to be a naïve young girl who believes what she studies
can be used for good, Shaxoa cannot be trusted.”

“But…Uriah wouldn’t have brought it back if
he weren’t sure it was safe,” I argued. Uriah would never do
anything to hurt me.

“Uriah does believe the potion is safe,”
Quaile assured me, “but he’s wrong.”

30: Easy Way Out

“What do you mean he’s wrong?” I asked.

Shuffling over to a chair, Quaile clutched
the thermos in her hands. She sat down and held it to her chest.
“The woman who helped Uriah make this isn’t really a Shaxoa. She
has the power to be one, for sure, but she will not use it to hurt
anyone. She has learned everything she knows on her own, which
means she can only know as much as the previous Shaxoa’s wrote
down. She thinks dark magic can be used for good if the reason for
using it is pure, but she is very wrong. You can’t take poisonous
chokecherry and use it as medicine and expect it not to kill the
person simply because you want to help. Nothing good can come from
dark magic. This woman does not understand that.”

Desperate to get the thermos out of her
hands, I refused to believe her. The bond had been growing steadily
all morning. It was getting close to overwhelming me completely.
“You don’t know everything, Quaile. How can you know whether or not
dark magic can be used for good?”

“Because I have known about this potion from
the day I started training to become the shaman. I know exactly
what it will do to you.”

The absolute firmness of her voice strangled
my next objection. Quaile often proclaimed that she knew the answer
to a problem, but through her bluster and arguments it had never
been hard to find the uncertainty. I agreed with most people who
believed Quaile had very little real talent, but I didn’t doubt her
now. Surety held her calm and steady.

“What will it do?” I asked quietly.

“This potion,” she said, setting it on the
table, “will break the bond just like Uriah said it would, but
instead of having no negative side effects as long as it is taken
willingly as he believes, it will take away the bond, and with it
your ability to love. If you drink this, you will forget about
Daniel, but you’ll forget about Uriah, too. You’ll never love
another person again.”

“I won’t…” I couldn’t even repeat what she
had just said. Hopelessness closed up my throat, stealing my breath
and bringing on a quivering dizziness that dropped me into the
chair next to me. It was the tea my dad gave me all over again. He
tried to make me forget Uriah, but instead of leaving me unharmed,
it replaced it with a life threatening need for Daniel. You could
get the result you wanted with dark magic, but I was beginning to
understand that the price was never going to be worth it.

Quaile pushed the thermos toward me. “I
promised Uriah I wouldn’t try to influence your decision on whether
or not to drink the potion, and I’m sorry I had to break that
promise, but you had to know the truth, Claire.”

“Why didn’t you tell Uriah?” I asked.

“Because it would have stopped him from
leaving again, and I couldn’t let that happen. He has a more
important destiny than marrying you, Claire.”

The other half of my reason for coming here
slipped through the devastating news that Uriah’s gift would not
save me after all. I needed to get to Uriah for myself, but even
more, I knew he was going to need me at his side by the end.

“Tell me, Quaile. Tell me why you didn’t want
him to stay here,” I said. The bond swelled inside of me, growing
stronger with every passing second. I was going to scream if she
kept dragging everything out. If I couldn’t have the potion, I at
least needed to find Uriah. I needed to help him. And I needed a
few more answers in order to do that.

“Uriah is not here,” Quaile said
cryptically.

“I already know that, Quaile.”

“Why would he bring you the Shaxoa’s gift and
then suddenly leave again?” Quaile asked.

Her question was irritating because she
obviously already knew the answer, but the question was still a
very good one. Why did Uriah leave again? Twisting the leather
bracelet around my wrist, I considered the possibilities. Dreams
from last night shut away everything else. My throat constricted.
Breathing suddenly became incredibly difficult. “Tell me,” I
begged.

“The Matwau has captured Uriah’s Twin Soul
and is holding her as bait. Uriah is on his way to rescue her,”
Quaile said. “He will have to destroy the Matwau in order to save
her life. That is his destiny, and I couldn’t let anything stop him
from fulfilling it. Uriah is…”

“I already know who Uriah is,” I said
impatiently. “He’s the Qaletaqa and he’s going to have to destroy
the Matwau. All the strange things I’ve seen in him, all his gifts
and abilities, he has them all so he can rid the world of that
creature.”

“How do you…” She couldn’t even finish, she
was so shocked.

“I told you, you and Lina weren’t the only
people who knew about Uriah.”

Her jaw clenched and she spat her next words
out angrily. “Your father! How could he?”

“Because he finally found something more
important to him than his pride,” I said. “He told me to save my
life, Quaile.”

She stuttered out confusion and denial, but I
didn’t have time for her babbling. There was still so much more I
needed to know. Starting with the simplest question, even though I
was afraid I already knew the answer, I asked, “How does he know
the Matwau has her?”

“He can feel her fear through the bond.”

“The bond is already forming?”

“In a way. If he walked away from her now,
the bond would never truly form,” Quaile said.

“He would never do that,” I said. Uriah would
never leave someone in danger. He couldn’t live with himself if he
believed he had caused this woman harm. I thought of Uriah facing
down such a terrible beast. “When did the Matwau take her?”

What I really wanted to know was how much
time Uriah had left. Would this rescue take days, years? Uriah was
one hundred times stronger than I was, but eventually the bond
would overtake him. I had learned for myself that no one could
fight against the bond forever.

“The Matwau took the girl early this
morning,” Quaile said.

Uriah would leave me behind to rescue the
girl, no doubt fearing for my safety, but first he brought me the
potion. It was selfish, but I was glad that he had thought of me
before rushing off to save a woman he had never met. My
satisfaction did not last long. Uriah was racing away from me once
again. This time he was not on an errand for me, but running head
first toward the one thing that could tear us apart. I knew my
dream was wrong. Uriah would fight, but he would need my help.

I glanced at the silver thermos wishing there
was any easy way out like I had hoped. Quaile followed my gaze and
took my hand gently in hers. The motherly gesture surprised me, and
I almost pulled away from her. Her hand tightened slightly and held
me.

“Claire, there is no way for you to break the
bond, but just because the potion won’t work in the way you want,
that doesn’t mean there isn’t a way to suppress the bond.”