Shattered Moments (15 page)

Louisa opened her eyes and looked around in confusion.  The room was nearly dark, the house strangely quiet, and her headache finally at bay.  She walked to the window and threw open the shutters, surprised to see the slanted shadows of late afternoon painting the meadow and the outbuildings in a golden haze that would soon give way to twilight.  She must have fallen asleep and missed lunch, a fact that her stomach attested to as it growled in protest.  She’d just go down to the kitchen and grab something before going to find Kit and the children.  She wondered briefly what Deverell wanted, but it probably wasn’t important.

“Where’s everyone?” Louisa asked Cook as she sauntered into the kitchen and reached for a fresh roll.  Cook was busy shelling peas, her face red from the heat and her cap pushed back from her face to reveal her graying hair.  She smiled at Louisa and pushed a crock of butter toward her.  Louisa slid onto the bench across from Cook, buttered her roll, poured herself a glass of buttermilk and took a grateful sip.  She wasn’t a big fan of buttermilk, but it was cool and fresh, and her throat was parched from the heat and lack of hydration.

“Mr. Charles and Mistress Annabel went into Jamestown, and Miss Jenny took the kids to the woods for a walk.  Lord Sheridan left just after luncheon.  He didn’t appear to be in good spirits, if I may say so.”

“Where did he go?” Louisa asked, her roll forgotten.

“He didn’t say, but he promised to be back in time for supper.”  Cook smiled warmly at Louisa.  “You look flushed, my dear.  Perhaps a walk would do you good.”  Louisa just crammed the rest of the roll into her mouth and rose to leave.  Barbara was the closest thing she and Valerie had to a mother, and she felt great affection for the woman.  She was quiet and unassuming, but her devotion to them was unmistakable.  “Why don’t you go visit Fred?  I know he’d relish a game of chess.”

“That sounds like a very good idea,” Louisa replied.  She was in no mood to play games, but she wanted a chat with Mr. Taylor. 
Something had been gnawing at her, and she hoped that he would put her mind at ease.  Of course, he had no way of knowing for sure, but maybe he could just soothe her.  He was actually a very comforting man when he wasn’t sending people hurtling through time. 

Mr. Taylor
was puttering in the small herb garden located beneath the front window of the cottage.  The house itself consisted of one room that was divided into a sort of parlor and separated by a curtain that led to the sleeping quarters, but it was enough for him and his wife.  Barbara spent most of her time at the big house, and Fred found ways to keep himself occupied, mostly outdoors.  He loved taking long walks and foraging in the forest for useful plants and edibles.  Strings of mushrooms hung under the ceiling.  They would be dried and used in the winter to make soups and stews.  And several jars of jam stood on the shelf, ready to provide much-needed vitamins in the winter months. 

Fred washed his hands and poured a cup of cider for himself and Louisa before taking a seat and reaching for the chessboard.  “Would you care for a game?
”  He was already arranging pieces on the board, but Louisa just shook her head.

“I’m sorry, Fred, but my mind is not on games right now.  I want to talk to you about Valerie and Alec.  They’ve been gone for an awfully long time now, and I’m worried. 
What could be keeping them?”  She watched in silence as Mr. Taylor put away the board and sat down across from her, his brow creased in thought.  She knew he wouldn’t want to feed into her fears, but Fred Taylor wasn’t the kind of man who would tell you what you wanted to hear simply to make you feel better.  He believed in being honest and facing a problem head on, rather than indulging in denial and speculation.

He sighed and faced Louisa across the table, his eyes full of compassion. 
“The obvious answer would be that Alec was more ill than we realized.  Maybe he needed to stay at the hospital longer, or perhaps there were some complications or a devastating diagnosis.”   Louisa knew he was referring to cancer, and the thought brought tears to her eyes.  Fred took her hand in his and made her look at him. 

“
The other explanation is that something is wrong with the device, but that’s unlikely.  Unless they stepped on it, or got their wrist caught in the door, the watch should work.  It has a lithium battery that’s good for years.”  Mr. Taylor gave Louisa his most reassuring look, but she just dissolved into tears, days of worry and his suggestion that Alec might be dying finally taking their toll.

“What if they decided to stay?” she whispered, voicing her worst fear.  Fred Taylor drew Louisa into a fatherly hug, stroking her head and shushing her.  “Louisa, Valerie
would never, ever just leave you behind.  You know that, and so do I.  They will come back; you’ll see.  Nothing short of some unimaginable disaster would keep them away.  Now stop your crying and give me a game of chess.  I need a worthy opponent, and you need something to take your mind off things.  Barbara won’t be home for some time yet, so we have a few hours of peace in which to battle each other.”

Louisa gave Mr. Taylor a weak smile, nodding in agreement.  “All right.  I suppose I just needed to hear it from a rational person who has knowledge of time travel
and my sister.  Oh, I do hope you are right, Fred.  Life without Alec and Valerie is too empty to contemplate.  Besides, they would never just leave Tom behind.  They dote on him.  And even if Alec is gravely ill, he’d still want to come home.”

“Precisely.  Now, stop fretting and
let’s play.  White or black?”

After a few days had gone by with no further threats from Deverell, Kit allowed himself to relax a little.  Maybe the pathetic little maggot had merely been testing him in the hope that he’d bite and pay him for his silence.  Perhaps he’d lost his nerve after Kit’s threat, knowing that Kit was a man of his word.  Kit had no intention of causing Deverell bodily harm, but if need be, he’d find a way to shut him up.  Everyone had secrets, and Deverell was no exception.  He just had to wheedle something out of his wife.  The woman was mousy and prim, but Kit had seen a glimmer of hatred when she looked at her husband, so maybe if handled properly, she could become an ally. 

Kit hated even thinking along those lines, but he had to be ready in case something happened.  Of course, it didn’t make sense for Deverell to
simply divulge what he knew.  He would hurt Kit and his family, but he wouldn’t profit from it, which was the whole point of the initial threat.  He’d most likely try some other tactic before either giving up altogether, or doing something underhanded to show Kit that he wasn’t in the business of making idle threats.  Funny how you could be thousands of miles away from Court, but still find yourself embroiled in blackmail and intrigue, as if the lavish chambers and shadowy passages of the palace were right here in Jamestown; the courtiers buzzing with the latest gossip and gleefully orchestrating someone’s downfall.  How he hated the whole thing.  Life in Virginia had been so much simpler, until now. 

Deverell be damned
, Kit thought bitterly as he slapped the shaft of his boot with his riding crop without even realizing he was doing it, until he missed the shaft and hit his thigh instead, the sudden pain bringing him to his senses.  He wouldn’t give Deverell the satisfaction of working himself into a lather over his threats, especially when there were other things to worry about, like Alec and Valerie.  He kept telling Louisa that they would turn up any day now, but deep inside worry was gnawing at him.  Something must have gone terribly wrong to keep them away this long.  What if Alec was gravely ill and there was no one there to comfort Valerie or help her care for him?  He wished Louisa had gone with them.  He’d hate to be away from her, but at least Valerie wouldn’t be alone.  Genevieve and Annabel would see to the children, and he knew she’d never think of staying in the future when her children were in the past.  He would have suggested it, had he been there when the decision was made.  Kit sighed and stabled the horse, making sure it had water and fresh hay before heading toward the house.  Maybe Louisa would be up for an afternoon nap, or more accurately an afternoon romp. The thought of spending a quiet hour with his wife made him happy, and Kit forced all negative thoughts from his head and strolled to the house whistling a merry tune.

Louisa was
perched on a settee in the parlor, a crumpled letter in her lap.  Her face was the color of whey, her eyes red-rimmed from crying.  She didn’t bother to look up at Kit as he entered, just handed him the letter, averting her eyes when he tried to look at her.  “Is it Alec?” he asked quietly.  She just shook her head, fresh tears running down her face.  Kit squinted at the letter, trying to make out the words.  The ink was smudged by tears in some places, but he could still make out the gist of it.  His heart nearly stopped when the words finally sank in.  The letter was from Deverell, detailing Kit’s assignations with Buckingham and threatening to expose him to all of Jamestown, not only his wife, should he fail to meet the demands set forth by Deverell by the end of the week.

“You actually believe this?” he demanded, deciding to go on the offensive.  It was his only hope of salvaging his marriage
and retaining whatever shred of dignity he had left.  He had to talk his way out of it, then go deal with Deverell.  Louisa finally looked up at him, her eyes strangely blank. 

“Yes, I do.  It all makes sense now
: the gifts, the letters signed with the letter “G,” the urgent meetings with Buckingham.  No wonder you were so tense, so angry.  You were vicious in bed, as if exorcising some demons.  Now I know the demon had been Buckingham, I just don’t understand how it could have happened.  I can’t begin to wrap my mind around this; I just can’t.”  Louisa rose from the settee, turning to flee the room.  Kit grabbed her by the arm, but she tore out of his grasp, her face contorted with anger.

“Let go of me!”

“Louisa, please, let me explain.  Buckingham blackmailed me.”  Kit sounded desperate even to himself, but his plea didn’t help.  Louisa turned to look at him, her eyes full of the type of pain he’d never seen in her before, not even when she thought Evie might die on the crossing to England. 

“Kit, I’m sure there was a good reason
for what you did, but whatever it was, I don’t want to know.  I can’t bear to live with this knowledge.  I keep trying to force images of you with Buckingham from my mind, but I just can’t.  Now, please leave me alone; I can’t bear to look at you just now.  I need to be alone.” 

“Louisa, please, listen,” Kit begged, but she just covered her mouth with her hand as her face turned even whiter. 

“I feel sick to my stomach,” she blurted out as she ran from the room and out the front door.

Kit just stood there, in the middle of the room, shocked
and helpless.  He’d imagined this type of scene hundreds of times, terrified that Louisa would find out and never forgive him, and now it’d happened.  He’d managed to keep his shameful secret for a long time, and would have taken it to his grave if not for that vicious blackguard who was willing to destroy a man and his family for money.  What was he to do if Louisa wouldn’t let him explain?  Would she ever be able forgive him?  What woman would be willing to forget that her husband betrayed her, especially with a man?  Women were taught to overlook men’s appetites and turn a blind eye to an occasional indiscretion, but this was completely different.  This was beyond the pale, and even though Louisa had come from a time when homosexuality was accepted and practiced in the open, she would not understand it in her own husband.  He wasn’t even homosexual, just a victim of circumstance, but how could he erase those images from her mind now that they were firmly planted there by that malicious bastard?

Kit wanted to ride to Jamestown and
confront Deverell, but he simply couldn’t find the strength.  His knees buckled under him as he plopped down on the settee, unable to stand any longer.  His hands were shaking and his insides turned to water as the realization of what just happened finally sank in.  Louisa would never get over this.  She might learn to live with it in time, but she would never forget and never forgive; images of him and Buckingham always in her mind, especially when he touched her.  Deverell had proven stronger than he expected, and he struck where it hurt most, destroying the one thing in Kit’s life that meant everything.  He finally got to his feet and stumbled from the house.  He had no idea where he was going or what he would do once he got there, but he had to get out, had to get away.

Louisa tripped over a root and nearly fell as she ran from the house, her vision so blurred by tears that she couldn’t even see where she was going.  She felt like a wounded animal that just needed to find a quiet place to lick its wounds.  Her stomach heaved, and she was sick into a bush before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and continuing to run toward the forest.  The brilliance of the sun mocked her cruelly, the birds singing and the brook bubbling as if everything was as it should be and life went on as before.  Only this morning she was wearing herself out with worry over Alec and Valerie, and now they were the furthest thing from her mind, her brain afire with the terrible knowledge that now ate its way through her like a cancer, devouring every good thing in its path. 

She
didn’t really believe it when she read the letter, thinking it a vicious lie, but it was Kit’s face when he read it that alerted her to the truth.  She’d seen the tightening of the mouth and the pallor that suddenly appeared under the tan, making him look ashen.  It wasn’t merely fury at being unjustly accused – it was the look of a man whose worst nightmare had just come true.  He challenged her, but she saw the fear in his eyes, the pleading look when he tried to explain.  God, she’d known there was something going on, but this?! 

Louis
a sank to her knees next to a little brook, not caring that her gown was muddy or her shoes soaked as she leaned forward and gulped some water from her cupped hand, needing to wash away the taste of vomit that was burning her mouth and stinging her nostrils.  The water was cold and fresh, but the taste wouldn’t leave; it was now in her mind, tainting everything just like the knowledge of Kit’s betrayal.  What was she to do now?  Was she supposed to go back home and pretend like nothing happened?  Lie in bed with him and give him her love and understanding as if the episode with Buckingham never happened?  How could she?  But how could she not?  What could she do?

Under the law of the colony, she was Kit’s possession, as were the children.  As a woman, she had no rights, no property, and basically no say in her own life
, unless she was a widow.  Kit held all the cards, and even if she chose to punish him at home, he was still her master and keeper.  He could do anything he chose, such as leave her in Virginia and take the children back to England. 

Louisa leaned against the trunk of a gnarled old tree, oblivious to the discomfort in her back.  She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe deeply while counting to one hundred, something she’d done sometimes when she tried to meditate back in the future.  She needed to calm down and think rationally, if not for herself, but for the sake of her children.  They couldn’t know that
something was wrong between their parents; it would devastate them, and affect the rest of the household as well.  No one could know, and before any decisions were made, something had to be done to stop Deverell from spreading this evil gossip all over the colony.  He would wait a day or two before making another move in order to give Kit time to come to his senses and pay the price, so now was the time to act.  She would deal with Kit later, but for now, they had to unite and save their life and their family.