Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (22 page)

As
I make my way out of the parking garage, I can still hear Arianna’s witchy
cackle as she sits back and watches Alex and Sandy rekindle their
relationship.  Alex no longer needs her money, so maybe now they can just have
pure unadulterated sex without any other pretenses.  At first I thought Arianna
was jealous and wanted him for herself, but now I know she’s just a heartless
conniving bitch.  She doesn’t want Alex with me, so instead she’s willing to
push him on other women.  Again, my irrational brain thinks that maybe there is
something about his relationship with Sandy that makes Arianna think she would
be the solution to the Elyssa debacle. 

It’s
not smart to drive angry.  First of all, I have road rage and by adding my
shitty mood to the mix is just asking for trouble.  I’m subconsciously driving,
another bad decision, and since Alex is all I can think about, it’s no surprise
when I end up in his driveway.  I’m staring at the taillights of his BMW,
seething with anger. 
He’s been gone all day long, but he doesn’t have
enough consideration to at least text me back
.  Before I have a chance to
think rationally, I’m stomping up his stone walkway and pounding repeatedly
against his dark oak door. 

He
better be alone!  God help me if she’s in there, I’m going to jail.  Let’s hope
Janice or Rachel has bail money.  If I give birth in prison, do I have to pay a
co-pay for the delivery?

It
feels like an eternity passes.  I’m pounding as hard as I can, so much that if
I pound any harder my fist may go through the wood.  I pull back my hand, ready
to attack, but instead the door opens.  My eyes fixate on his scorching blue
eyes.  Alex peers through the small crack before completely opening the door.

This
was a bad idea.
 

Half
naked and glistening with sweat, Alex runs his fingers through his damp,
tousled hair. 
Sex hair?!
  He’s barefoot, donning only a pair of sweats
which hang low off of his well defined abs.  I fight the urge to step forward
and run my fingers along the ripples of his stomach, running my tongue along
his “V” before taking him into my mouth. 

I
ignore the lust building inside of me and focus on the rage.  My eyes meet his,
his face showing no emotion.  He actually seems irritated that I’m interrupting
him.

Bastard!

With
the frenzy of a crazy person, I push past him and stomp into his house.

“Well,
why don’t you come in, Elyssa?”  His voice is eerily calm behind me as he
closes the door. 
Don’t mind if I do, asshole!

You
know those times where you think about them afterwards and wish you handled
them differently?  Well, I’m pretty sure this is going to be one of those
moments.  My head snaps from left to right looking for any sign he’s had
another woman in his house.  His couches appear to be in order and there are no
clothes tossed randomly on the floor.  No shoes trailing down the hallway. 
“Where is she?”  I continue to frantically speed walk around his house. 

Alex
walks at a snail’s pace behind me; his voice low with a hint of irritation,
“Where’s who?”   

“The
woman you’ve been fucking all day long.”  I turn to him and point my finger
into his chest.  “You have sex sweat all over you and your hair…”
God, I love
his hair
, “…Ugh, I can’t even say it!” 

Alex
doesn’t deny anything; instead he ignores my statement and stands still as
stone.  I look into his eyes and see nothing of the man I once thought loved
me.  For the first time, I feel as if I’m a stranger in his house.  “Elyssa,
what are you doing here?” 

“What
am I doing here?  What are you doing here?  You’re supposed to be at work!”  I
turn around and continue to search his house.  I head to his kitchen, but
quickly leave as memories of making love on his counter fight to strangle me. 
Memories of talking with Nana and promises made.  Too many memories.  Too many
promises.

I
walk down the hall and stop as I reach his bedroom door. 
Please, please,
please let her not be in there.
  Rubbing my sweaty palms against my thighs,
I reach up to the doorknob and finally realize that I’m not sure if I have the
strength to go through with this. 
What if she is in there?  What if his bed
is in complete shambles?  Can my heart handle that?

“Elyssa,
what do you think you’re doing?” he utters, voice laced with annoyance yet at
the same time disinterest.  I glance back, my hand still resting on the
doorknob.  Alex is leaning his shoulder against the wall, his ankles crossed,
completely relaxed.  I don’t know how to take this.  The weeks before he was in
hot pursuit, constantly trying to touch me, showing me how he felt, and now,
it’s as if a switch has been flipped and my Alex is gone.

Isn’t
this what you want Ely?  You wanted him to make it easy, to move on.  Mission
accomplished!  Suck it up.

I
ignore his question and push the door open.  My eyes search the room for a sign
and immediately settle on his bed.  The bed isn’t made, but doesn’t necessarily
show signs of passion or uninhibited sexcapades.  I walk over, picking up the
sheets and hold them up to my nose.  I sniff, but smell nothing except for Alex
and the hints of the citrus that I love. 

It’s
official.  He’s turned me into a raging psychopath.  I’m sniffing his damn
sheets!  What am I going to do next?  Make him drop his trousers and inspect
his penis?

I’m
defeated.  Slumping to the edge of his bed, I clutch at his slate grey sheets
and begin to sob.  I’ve been reduced to an image of the woman I once was.  When
they say love makes you do crazy things, they must have experienced a moment
just like this.

“Did
you find what you were looking for?”  Alex has his arms folded over his chest,
muscles tensing as he watches me cry.  I love his arms.  I’ve felt cherished
and safe in those arms.  Now, they are clutched against his chest as if he’s
protecting himself.  As much as the past few weeks have tortured me knowing
that I broke his heart, its worse having him act so apathetic towards me.  I
guess I got what I wanted.  I wanted him to do something for himself, but I’m
selfish and I just can’t seem to let him go. 

As
I stand and brush away the dampness from my cheeks, I try to turn my tears into
fuel. 

“Why
didn’t you answer my texts?” I ask as calmly as I can muster.

“Because
I didn’t want to,” he explains, stubbornly.  Alex rolls his tongue around in
his mouth, not making eye contact, just staring at his feet.

“Why
didn’t you go back to work?” I mutter, holding back the growing unease. 

“Because
I didn’t want to.”  Why does he have to be so obstinate?  My knuckles are white;
my hands fisted so tight they begin to ache.

“Why
did you leave me and go off with her?”  I know I’m hypocritical, but I think I
may be having an out of body experience.  My green-eyed monster completely
talking on my behalf as my normal, rational self is sitting back watching as I
make a spectacle out of myself.  My words are complete insanity as I claim
ownership over someone that I’ve claimed to have let go. 

“Because.
I. Can!”  Finally, he shows some emotion, raising his hands in exasperation;
veins popping out of his neck as he screams from the doorway.

“Don’t
you fucking yell at me!” I scream, letting out my frustration.  “You just
couldn’t wait could you?  The second we’re done, you had to jump into bed with
someone.”

“God! 
If this isn’t the pot calling the kettle black!”  Alex throws his head back as
he lets out a sarcastic chuckle.  “What I do and who I do it with is none of
your concern.  Don’t you ever forget that. You. Left. Me.  That was
your
choice!”  His forearm flexing as he points in my direction.

“I
said I needed time.”  With pain lacing through my veins, my voice no longer
holds the same strength.

“You
said a lot of things, Elyssa.  One minute we’re having sex in my office; the
next minute you’re telling me you need time.  One minute you’re moaning my
name, panting for more as you grind on my cock, the next minute you’re asking
for space.  What am I supposed to think when I find out you’ve started dating
and telling me to leave you alone?  You need to make up your fucking mind!  What
do you want from me?”  Alex raises his hands to his sides.  I’m not so deluded
to notice how sexy he is when he’s challenging me.

You,
Alex.  I want you. 
“I don’t know, Alex,” I lie.  “I said I
need time to figure that out and that hasn’t changed.”

“Well,
I’m not going to be the dumb asshole who just sits around while you’re off
fucking around with Oliver waiting until you realize that he’s not the guy for
you.”

“I
hate this, Alex.  This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.  This isn’t us.”  My
anger has subsided and the jealousy that once fueled my tirade has completely
left.  I slump back on his bed, resting my head in my hands.  “I hate feeling
like this.” 

An
awkward silence creeps in and immediately I regret coming over as I relax and
think about my actions.  I’m about to stand up and leave when Alex finally
responds.  “Hate?”  My head perks up.  “I guess you’re finally experiencing
exactly what you’ve done to me over the past month.”  I stare at him in
disbelief.  He did this on purpose.  “How does it feel, Elyssa?”  Walking to
me, eyes no longer burning with anger, he looks at me with his cocky, dimpled
grin.  “How does it feel when the tables have turned?”

I’m
dumbfounded as I watch that arrogant smirk of his spread across his lips.  He
toyed with me, tested my emotions this entire day, and did it without blinking
an eye.  What a manipulative little shit!  The entire time from the moment he
left with Sandy until I showed up with the psycho look in my eye at his door
step, he’s been playing me. 

Yes,
I’ve been deceiving, but this is completely different.  My deception was for
the greater good.  This…well, this is just an asshole move!

My
nails dig into my palms as I grip my hands tight hoping to hold back the
tears.  “There’s a huge difference between what happened today and whatever
craziness you have concocted in your head, Alex!” 

“You
don’t say.  Please enlighten me,” he chuckles, leans against the wall and
places his hands into the pockets of his sweats.  In my moment of insanity I
almost forgot that Alex was half naked…ALMOST.  I shake my head, remembering
that I’m angry at him, not lusting after him and trying to recall how his skin
tasted on my tongue. 

Gah! 
Focus, Ely!

“Oliver
is my friend.  I haven’t had sex with him and he sure as hell hasn’t paid me
for any services.”  I regret my choice of words as soon as they are uttered. 
Alex’s past isn’t something I should throw in his face and I normally don’t
fight dirty, but in my defense he’s not fighting fair either. 

“I
see, so your friends get to kiss you?”  Alex pushes away from the wall and
saunters towards me.  “Or did it slip your mind that I was there when you got
back from your date?”  The look he’s giving me could melt the panties off of a
nun and I’m not anywhere near sainthood these days.  So you can imagine the
stream of thoughts running through my head.   His muscles contract and my eyes
travel from the curves of his biceps to the ripples of his obliques. 

Uh
oh, this isn’t good.

Within
seconds Alex stands in front of me and I can feel a wetness developing between
my thighs.  His index finger travels along the curvature of my jaw and along my
clavicle, the sensation causing my muscles to tighten.  “So, since we aren’t
together and we’re friends, does that mean I get to kiss you, too?”  His eyes
fixate on my lips.  I fight the urge to wet them with the anticipation he might
kiss me.

“Alex,
please…”  I close my eyes and breathe in his scent, basking in his touch. 
Pushing against me, I’m forced to lie on top of his bed while he straddles my
waist. 

“I
love it when you beg,” he groans.  “What do you want, Elyssa?  Do you want me
to show you how good of a friend I can be?”  His fingers travel down my chest,
towards my cleavage, trailing along the neckline of my shirt.  A shiver ripples
through my body and a hiss escapes my lips as I close my eyes.  My nipples
harden as his fingers graze over my breasts.  I hate that my body responds to
him so willingly.

“You
know we can’t be friends.”  I breathe as he inches down my body.  His tongue
licks over the lobe of my ear.  His hot breath is even as he runs his tongue
down the length of my neck. 

A
chuckle escapes his lips as I squirm underneath him.  He knows I’m ticklish. 
“You keep squirming like that against me and this is going to get interesting
real quick.”  I feel his smile against my shoulder while he works his way down
my body.

“Alex,
come on now…”  I push against his shoulders, but he reaches up, pinning my arms
above my head.

He
lifts his head looking up at me through his long lashes.  “I can feel your
heart racing.  Why can’t you see that you’re wasting our time with all of this
time
bullshit?”  Lowering himself to my right breast, he teases my hardened bud
through my blouse, nipping it through the soft cotton material.  I whimper in
response, but fight every instinct that wants to rub my body against him.