Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (10 page)

As I sit and
answer some e-mails, delete most of them, and secretly cringe every time I get
a new e-mail from Arianna, Maggie or Alex, I have a gut feeling I probably
shouldn’t have left work early yesterday.  It’s called guilt.  After I was
basically told that I suck at my job was probably not the best choice.  I’m
sure Alex will probably see my departure as insubordination.  I’m rather
surprised when I finish looking through my inbox and don’t find a meeting
request from Maggie so she can tear into my ass, or even another team meeting
with Alex so he can tell me in front of all my peers what a disgrace I am. 
Ugh.
 
Nope, there’s nothing but the usual updates and memos.

Feeling
lightheaded I cradle my head in my hands as I rest my elbows on my desk. 
Suddenly, the most horrible feeling of nausea comes over me.  I have to fight
the urge to run to the bathroom.  Nerves.  

“Hart, are you
ok?”  Alex’s voice shocks me and I open two of my fingers and peer at him
through the gaps.  Standing there looking like man candy in his slate grey
shirt and slacks, black tie and shoes, I realize what just happened.  He called
me Hart. 
At work.
  I want to cry.

Breathe. 
“I’m fine; just
a little nauseous.”  I try to sit up straight, but feel dizzy.  “Can I help you
with something?”

“I wanted to
come and say thank you.  I know I’ve been a dick lately and…” 
Thank you?!
 
Why would he be thanking me?  For ruining his belief in me?  Trampling on his
heart?  Where do I even begin?  None of it he should be thanking me for.

“Uhh…excuse
me?”  Slightly confused would be an understatement.  Shouldn’t he be berating
me or piling a thick stack of work on my desk.  Definitely not thanking me.

“I went by the
hospital last night and…” he shakes his head, “You were asleep with that teddy
bear next to my grandmother, and I...” his voice tenses as he looks away. 
“Please thank Rachel for me.  The flowers were thoughtful.”

“You were
there?  Why didn’t you wake me?”

“The last time
you were there I kinda scared you off so I figured you wanted your time with
her,” he chuckles, without humor.  It’s not that I was scared he would
physically hurt me; I know he would never do that.  I was more scared of facing
him after what I did.

“It was nice to
sit with her.  No matter what you think, she means a lot to me.”  He nods his
head, not disagreeing with me.  It’s now or never.  “Listen Alex, I was
actually just about to come find you and say I’m sorry for,” I glance at my
hand which no longer aches with the reminder of slapping him, “well, you know.”

“I know, Elyssa,
I know.”

Silence swells
around us.  Not uncomfortably, but still, we are at work.  I need to move this along.

“Well, with that
being said, I’m hoping things with us…well, I’m hoping we can get past this.  I
care about you and I still want you in my life.”

Alex nods as my
words sink in.  He doesn’t seem excited, but he also isn’t screaming and
throwing shit at the walls.  “Friendship huh?”

“That’s what I
have to give right now,” I sigh.  This is going a lot better than I thought.

“I guess I’ll
take what I can get,” he jests; however, I have a feeling that the statement is
not far from the truth.  “Let me know if you need me to get you something.  You
know, if you’re still not feeling well.” 

~~~~~

A
LEX…

As a last ditch
effort for comfort, I placed my hand on her shoulder, lingering a moment longer
than I should.  I hoped she still felt our connection, because I sure as fuck
did.  Instead, she nodded her head and let me walk away.

She wants to be
my
friend
.  God, that’s like ripping off my balls, dipping them in
batter, deep frying them, and then serving them like fucking hush puppies.  I
can’t say it’s not painful, because this shit is excruciating, especially when
she means so much more to me. 

She’s fucking
everywhere.  In my head, with my sick grandmother, when I turn the corner at
work. 
Everywhere
.  I can’t escape her.  The shitty part of it is, if
I’m being honest with myself, I don’t want to.  With each passing day, it gets
harder to be in the same room with her, let alone the same city.  At least when
I was in New York I didn’t have to hear her laugh, see her curled up in a ball
sleeping with Nana, or see her doing simple shit like talking to Janice.  I
know, I know.  Cry me a fucking river.  But this shit hurts. 

Finally, the one
girl I let creep into my heart, is the same one that shatters it.  She keeps
asking for time, but I don’t have time.  Doesn’t she know what time does to
you?  Time only matters when you’re telling it, and right now, I’m telling it
to hurry the fuck up.

I’ve tried
almost every tactic I can think of with her.  I tried to appeal to her emotions
and just tell her how I feel and what I’ve been thinking, but that didn’t
work.  I tried to use sex and fuck her into admitting she loves me, that she’s
still in love with me.  You know what that did?  That shit just gave me
something more to crave every time I look at her.  I even went as far as
thanking her for visiting Nana and giving her that damn teddy bear that doesn’t
shut the fuck up, but that didn’t do shit either.  No, what it did was put me
directly in the
friends
zone. 

Coercion and
guilt didn’t work when I asked her to help me “catch up” and convinced her to
stay late.  That ended with the image of her sprawled across my desk, spread
wide, panting, and now I can’t even work in my office without getting hard.  As
an added bonus she fucking hit me.  Okay, I’m not a pussy.  She hits like a
girl, so...

Fuck, I need to
stop acting like a pansy.  I’m at work for Christ’s sake.  And if I don’t leave
now, I’m going to be late for a meeting.  A meeting I don’t really want to go
to, because I would rather spend it alone.  In my office.  Fantasizing about
her
. 
But off I go, into the elevator to take me to another shit meeting about
dealing with failing numbers, and getting blamed for all of it. 

Today, if I can
ever get her alone, will be another attempt to make her face what’s in front of
her.  Me.  And speaking of being in front of me, my dick just twitched at the
sight of Elyssa fucking Hart.  Watching her stroll right into the elevator, her
back to my front, tightens my pants in all the right places.  Perfect.  The
best thing about this scenario being played out in front of me like a wet
dream…she doesn’t even know I exist in the same space she does.  I could not
have planned this better. 

My eyes roam the
packed elevator and I see that not a single soul is paying attention to me, or
my wandering hands.  I reach around and pull her tighter against my already
hard front.  An audible gasp so low, I only hear it, gives way for my hand to
snake around and caress her naval.  Oh, she’s resisting all right, which gives
way to the very taunting smirk on my face as she turns around to see who just
groped her.  Her pupils dilate and I know I have her; she’s wet with hunger for
me.  Only for me.  Fuck. 

“Turn back
around,” I breathe against her ear, she complies willingly.  Gripping her hips,
I begin the slow torture of grinding her against my growing erection.  A low
rumble escapes my lips and I forget we’re in a crowded elevator and rest my
forehead against the back of her head, basking in the moment.  But all too
soon, the discussion amidst our fellow coworkers brings me out of my
sex-induced moment of insanity and at the same time Elyssa pushes me away. 
Slapping my stomach, I take a step back and lean against the wall, breath
ragged.

The elevator
pings on the eighteenth floor and I only have one more shot before I leave. 
Leaning over, I whisper in her ear with a low growl, “You will always be mine.”

~~~~~

I’ve been going
crazy since I had her pressed against my dick in the elevator.  Such a constant
ache not to have her near me; all parts of me screaming with need.  I know I
should be pissed.  I know she left me high and dry in New York.  I know she
fucking ignored me for weeks, couldn’t even send me a text message to let me
know she was thinking of me.  But even with all of that, I fucking want her. 
No, want isn’t enough to describe how I feel.  I fucking need her.

Time is
non-existent, food has no flavor, and everything that was once vibrant and
alive with color is now dull and murky.  She took all of that away.  What sucks
worse is that I was fine before her.  I enjoyed my life.  Now?  Nothing.  She
has sucked the joy out of everything I once was content with.  Now nothing
seems the same unless she’s near.

“Mr. James?”  I
look towards Janice who’s looking at me as if I’m one card short of a deck. 

“Janice,” I
nod.  Shit.  Maybe I am going a little insane.  I search the office trying to
look inconspicuous, which isn’t easy to do when I have Janice looming over me. 
I want to ask her about Elyssa; about what she did when we were apart.  But
something tells me Janice doesn’t know much.  That or she wouldn’t betray her
friendship with Elyssa.

I set the papers
in my hand on Janice’s desk and look down, my eyes running over her normally
tidy workspace. 
What am I even looking at? 
The outgoing mail?  Shit.

“Everything
okay, Mr. James?  Anything I can get for you?  Maybe some coffee?”  Her
question goes unanswered as I watch Elyssa pass by the far wall. 
I should
go.  Fuck she’s beautiful.  Just ignore it.  This too shall pass.  Fuck.  If I
rush, I can catch up with her.

Stumbling away
when opportunity flashes in front of my face, I glance back at Janice’s puzzled
face and shake my head with a devious smile.  Remind me to give her a raise for
dealing with my bullshit.  Walking away from Janice, I hone in on where I think
she’s headed.    Oliver’s desk.  I hate that sneaky fucker.  And I hate that
he’s weaseled his way into Elyssa’s life.  But, we’re at work, and I’m already
walking a fine line as it is. 

Peaking around
the corner to
his
desk, the word “stalker” flickers in neon lights. 
However, in my defense, stalkers are usually creepy.  I, on the other hand, am
obsessed…yes, possessive…yes, somewhat irrational…absolutely.  But of
everything that I am, I’m in love.  They say love makes you do crazy shit.  I
watch her approach and open the closest door which leads right to the men’s
bathroom. Without thinking about the repercussions, I grab her hand and yank
her in with me backing our way into a nearby stall.  I reach behind her causing
a gasp, my chin brushes against her shoulder as I lock the stall door. 
Aggressively, I yank on her body until she’s straddling my lap. 

“Alex…what are
you doing?” she breathes, heavily. 

“I’m talking to
you,” I pant, my breathing ragged against her neck.  I kiss her in the spot I
know will be her undoing.  Pushing against her will, I slide her skirt up to
reveal her pink lacy panties.  Another fucking growl escapes my lips, drinking
in her flawless curves.  “Fuck me,” I groan, as I close my eyes and sit back. 

“We shouldn’t do
this here,” she whispers with a fool hearted attempt to push my hand away.  I
am not budging.  I want to taste.  I have to have a taste.  Pushing aside her
underwear, I stroke her folds, wetting her clit with her own arousal.  My fingers
dig into her ass before I pull out my right index finger and bring it to my
waiting tongue.   I lap up all of her juices and continue my assault.

“You’re so
wet.”  Demanding her body to submit to the pressure, I slip two fingers inside
her again.  “I love watching you fall apart in my hands, Hart.”  My lips brush
against the nape of her neck before swallowing her moans of pleasure with a
kiss full of need and want. 

“Alex, we
shouldn’t...”  S
he’s going to be the death of me.
  “Oh God!” she moans,
shaking her head pleading for me to stop at the same time running her hands
through my hair, tugging at the length as she grinds against my eager fingers. 

“You won’t see
me outside of work.  You won’t talk to me.  You barely look at me.   It’s as if
I don’t exist to you since I came back from New York.  Now you want to be
friends.”  I can see the wall that surrounds her slowly crumble.  Both of us
panting, she clasps desperately onto my strained wrists, willing me to hold
still. 

“Alex...” she
moans.  I love the sound of my name on her tongue.  I especially like it when
she’s screaming it while I’m pounding into her.  Her sounds of pleasure almost
drown out the creak of the bathroom door opening.  Shit.  Quickly and quietly,
she moves her hands to cup her mouth, all the while allowing me to continue to
move my fingers aggressively inside her.  I’m not sure if it’s the excitement
of someone being near or her body giving into her desires, but she begins to
grind harder against my hand.  Whatever it is, I’ll take it.

I’m unable to
contain myself.  I try to remain quiet, but there’s only one way I know how. 
Elyssa has the same idea as our mouths crash into each other, acting as a
silencer for the passion coursing through our veins.  The sound of water causes
me to still while our visitor washes his hands before leaving the bathroom.  We
rest our foreheads against one another, sighing as I look deep into her emerald
green eyes.