Shattered Dreams (7 page)

I scroll through the videos
on my phone, and I am shocked to see two new videos of Max. I play
the first one and my nose begins to tingle. It was taped the night
before he left and Max is in James’ nursery telling me how much he
already misses me and how much he loves me. He tells me I am the
best thing that has ever happened to him and how he will spend
every day of his life making me happy and trying to be the man that
I deserve. I cry and force myself to not feel sorry for myself. I
miss Max, but he is the one who is giving up so much. He is my
hero, although some
soldiers hate it when
people refer to them as heroes. Max says he has a job to do and it
is no different from any other job. I disagree, but it doesn’t do
any good. He is and will always be my hero. 

Brooke comes over for lunch, and while we are
cleaning up she asks. “Emma, do you remember that day we went out
to eat with the guys and they still had their Army fatigues
on?” 

“
The time when that older
couple came up to Brice and Max.” I smile. 

“
Yes, and they thanked Max
and Brice for their freedom and told them they were
heroes.” 

“
What was that Max said to
them?” I ask. 

“
Using his southern accent,
he said, ‘Thank you, ma’am. I’m just doing my job, I hope you both
have a nice day.’” 

We both laugh loudly. “Max does have a sexy
southern accent.” 

Later on that day, I watch the other video
from Max. I was too emotionally upset to watch them both. The other
video is to James. It’s Max reading him a bedtime story. My nose
begins to tingle again and my eyes water. Max tells James how much
he loves him and that he didn’t start living until he was born. He
also adds that he loves James always and forever. I laugh and cry.
Our saying is ‘forever and always’ but Max always messes it up. I
hold my phone and lie on the bed and cry myself to
sleep.  

Brooke

The next month goes by in slow motion. I
haven’t spoken to Brice yet, but we heard from the commander they
are starting to get internet service at the platoon’s location. If
it weren’t for Emma and James, I would have returned to my home
state of Oklahoma. Emma is a great friend and mother. We are living
the same hell, and although I hate it for her I am grateful for me.
I am living a nightmare with a wonderful girl, who is trying to
hold it together for herself, James, Max, and for us. 

The boys and I have been staying with her and
James five nights a week. We eat fattening foods and watch
outrageously funny movies. It is exactly what I need and what she
needs. In the first couple of weeks, I would fold up the blankets
we slept on and take them over to my half of the duplex, but now I
just fold them up and tuck them inside the coat closet. No need to
take them to my house since I would just be toting them back over
to her house in a few hours. 

We have had potluck dinners with the other
Army wives every Sunday. It has been working out, and Emma and I
realize others share our loneliness and concerns. We make the best
of what we have here and are grateful for our friendship. Max’s
parents and my parents plan on visiting next month. This will help
with the loneliness we both share. James is starting to smile and
coo — this has helped Emma to be in a better, a happier place. He
is a good baby, and she is an excellent mother.  

After I leave the doctor’s appointment with
Braden, I text Emma. 

Brooke:
Movie night?
 

I already know the answer and head to the Red
Box to grab another comedy. 

Emma: Heck yeah, wanna
watch
Hangover
? 
 

Brooke: You read my mind.
Ice cream?
 

Emma: I just bought stuff
for sundaes.
 

Brooke: Perfect, be home
soon.
 

I grab the movie
Hangover
and also the
sequel,
Hangover Two.
It may be a night for a double feature; if it isn’t, we’ll
watch it tomorrow. Because I have the kids in the car with me, I go
to a drive through and get some snacks for us and some juice for
Braden.  

I get what I need from my house and head over
to Emma’s. The kids and I just walk in and I yell, “Honey, I’m
home.” 

“
We’re in the
kitchen.”  

I take off the kids’ coats and follow the
aroma of food into the kitchen. James is sitting in his swing
batting his hands at a rattle.  

“
It smells delicious in
here. What can I do to help?” 

“
Thanks, can you chop the
tomatoes?” 

“
Sure.” I bend over and talk
to James who looks up at me and smiles. I kiss him before washing
my hands to chop the tomatoes for the tacos. “I’m going to get fat,
hanging out with you,” I say, laughing.  

“
Good, it’ll teach Max and
Brice to leave us again.” Emma smiles.  

“
Double hot fudge sundae for
dessert?” I ask. 

“
Of course, then the gym
tomorrow morning?” 

“
For sure.” We both
laugh
,
knowing
that going to the gym is not going to
happen.  

“
Do they still offer
childcare?” 

“
How would I know? I’ve
never been there!” I laugh as I chop the
tomatoes.  

Emma’s cell phone rings and she runs to
answer it. She walks into the kitchen with a smile. I hear her say
I am right here and she’ll tell me. I assume it’s from the other
Army wives. Emma hangs up and squeals. I smile and wait for her to
say something. 

“
They’re gonna call! They’re
gonna call in about an hour!” she says, smiling ear to
ear.  

It dawns on me what she is saying. “What,
tonight, they can call tonight?” 

“
Skype, they have internet,
they can skype for 15 minutes each,” she squeals. Emma turns the
meat off and covers it with the glass lid. She picks up James and
smiles as she says, “Come on, lil man, daddy’s gonna call. We have
to look all pretty for him.” 

“
I’ll see you soon. Our
prayers have been answered.” I walk with Emma and put the boys’
coats on them before leaving. 

Max

I sit in front of the
computer in a makeshift office/tent waiting for it to come to life.
It’s hot, sandy, and miserable. I thank God every day that my son
and wife are safe. I miss them and just thinking about them helps
me to get through these miserable conditions. I have had one hour
to prepare myself to see Emma and James. I sit in front of the
computer monitor and try to calm my racing heart. We had a care
package donated to us with some much-needed hygiene items. I washed
the dirt from my face and hands with the baby wipes provided in the
care package. When they announced the internet was up and running
and Jamison and I would be first, I fell to the ground and thanked
my God. Jamison came over to me and asked me what I was going to
tell Emma. I know what he is asking and as much as I hate to lie,
today I will lie
and
smile for the first time. I can’t tell Emma that fear and
misery loom near. I can’t tell her about the close calls we have
had. I can hear the bombing behind me and I pray it remains at a
distance. I also pray that Emma will not be able to hear the sounds
of the war that is nearby. 

The monitor comes to life; I can barely see
the grainy image of Emma. I smile and wait for the monitors and
microphone to work. When I hear a baby cry, I know it is my son.
The image becomes clearer, and I can see Emma rocking James. She
looks beautiful.  

She smiles at the monitor and put her
fingertips to the screen. I lean forward and also touch the screen.
I can’t feel her, but our fingertips are touching the same place on
the screen.  

“
Oh, Max.” She begins to
cry.  

I get a lump in my throat and I cough it
away. “Emma, you look beautiful. How are you and James
doing?” 

She removes her fingers and turns James
around so I can see his face. He looks around the room until his
eyes land on the screen. “Look at daddy, James. Do you see him?” He
coos and I get choked up. 

“
Hey, James, daddy misses
and loves you so much.” He coos again and I smile a genuine
smile.  

“
How are you?” Emma asks.
“You look thin, are you eating?” 

“
I am, don’t worry about me.
How are you?” 

“
Good, your parents are
visiting next week, James weighs 11lbs and 6oz., and Brooke sleeps
over with the boys five times a week.” 

I smile when I realize how fast she just said
all that. 

“
Our son weighs over 11
pounds? Wow, he is getting big.”  

“
He smiles and coos all the
time. Max, he is such a good baby.” 

“
Of course he is and my
parents are visiting?” 

“
Yes, they called and wanted
to visit. I think they miss the baby.” 

“
Good, if you need anything
that needs done, have dad do it while he is there. Get stocked up
on groceries and have them watch James so you can get out of the
house. Have lunch with your friends … wait, Brooke stays there with
you and James with the boys five times a week? Should I be worried
about Brooke spending so much time with my wife?” We both laugh
when I realize how fast I am talking. “Sorry, fifteen minutes is
going to go by quickly. I want to make sure I say everything to you
while I can.” 

“
I know. Me, too. It’s nice
having them over; it is very therapeutic.” 

“
I’m sorry, Em. I didn’t
realize how hard this is on you … and
James.”  

I hear more bombing in the distance and the
computer screen flashes off and on. It takes a minute before the
mic begins to work again.  

“
Max, are you guys all
right? We don’t have an address to send mail or care packages to
you. When I ask, they just say they are working on
it.” 

I am grateful she didn’t hear the bombing in
the background. “I know, Em, That’s what they say when we ask, too.
Maybe it’ll be this week or next.” 

“
I hope so.” She bends over
and reaches for something before coming back into view of the
monitor. “I have all these I need to mail to you,” she
smiles.  

I smile and reach into my pocket and also
pull out a stack of letters for her. “I have these that I need to
mail, too. We were advised today that they’ll be collecting mail
tomorrow. First time since we got here. You and James will get all
these all at once, I’m afraid.” 

“
You wrote all
those?” 

“
One letter a day. I have
missed you. Do you want to know what the good news
is?” 

“
Yes,
please.” 

“
In 22 months we’ll be
moving back to Florida.” 

“
That is
great
news, and it can’t come quick
enough. I love and miss you so much.” 

I can hear more bombings and the computer
shuts off. I wait for a few minutes before being instructed to take
shelter.  

Emma

I wait in front of the black computer screen
for I have no idea how long. I hear a knock at the door before I
hear Brooke and the boys downstairs. I’m not ready to admit my time
seeing Max is over. I remain seated on the bed with James and begin
to nurse him. I cry as I wait for the computer screen to come back
to life.  

Brooke enters the bedroom with tear-stained
eyes. She is carrying both boys and climbs into the bed with James
and me.  

“
I wasn’t finished talking
to him,” I admit. 

“
I know. I wasn’t either.
The screen kept going blank then coming back on,” Brooke says,
rocking Briley back and forth. 

“
Max looked thin. Do you
think they are all right?” 

“
Emma, I don’t know. I guess
we’ll know soon. Brice said they are collecting mail tomorrow. So,
with luck, we’ll have mail next week. Hopefully, we’ll get an
address to mail their letters to them soon.” 

“
Mommy,
tacos?” 

I put on a fake smile and look at the
Brooke’s innocent hungry boy lying at the foot of my bed. “That
sounds good; come on, I’m hungry too.” 

“
Emma, you don’t have to.
Stay here, we’ll stay at home tonight.” 

I smile at her, and close my computer. “We
have tacos and a movie to watch. Let me burp the baby and I’ll help
with the food.” 

The next week Max’s mom and dad return for a
visit. I was going to pick them up at the airport, but they didn’t
want me to drive that far alone with James. I am glad to see them
when they pull into the driveway in a rental
vehicle.  

They come into the house carrying bags and
bags of groceries. I laugh because Max was worried about me being
low on groceries and here they are stocking the house up with food.
“Did Max tell you to bring food?” I say, laughing. 

“
No, we haven’t heard from
him, why?” his dad asks, shutting the trunk of the
car. 

“
Because when I talked to
him last week, he wanted me to stock up on groceries while you were
here.” 

"That’s our son,” Cheryl says, carrying the
last few sacks into the kitchen.  

I hug them both and thank them. I walk over
and pick James up from his Pack ’n Play; he has recently outgrown
his bassinet. I hand him over to his grandma and he just looks at
her. She smiles at him and she tears up. “He is getting so big and
he looks more and more like Max,” she beams.