Shattered Dreams (11 page)

My phone rings and I am grateful for the
distraction. I look at the number and I am excited to see it’s from
Brooke.  

“
Hey,” I answer as
cheerfully as I can. 

“
Hey, yourself, how’s the
house?” 

“
Great — empty, but it’s
great.” 

“
What’s wrong?” she asks and
I wonder how she can tell something is wrong. 

“
You know, going down memory
lane.” 

“
Emma, who is there with
you?” 

“
No one, I need to do this
myself.” 

“
I’m coming down there for a
visit,” she says, sternly. 

“
No, I’m
fine.” 

“
Hold on,” she says, and I
can hear her talking in the background. “Brice, get on line and get
me a ticket to Sarasota, Florida, ASAP.”  

“
For when?” 

“
For yesterday. Geesh … for
tonight, if you can.” 

“
Brooke?” I
say. 

“
What?” 

“
You are not coming down
here.” 

“
They have one leaving out
in the morning at 6:00 am,” Brice says, in the
background. 

“
Brooke, you can’t take the
kids out of school.” 

“
I know that. I need a
vacation, so I’m coming alone. Hold on.” 

“
Brice, book
it.” 

“
For how
long?” 

“
For a week and call your
parents and tell them you’ll need a sitter for the
boys.” 

“
Brooke, you do not need to
come down here.”  

“
Yes, I do. I need a
vacation and you live in Florida. It has my name written all over
it.” 

“
It’s booked, you’re all
set,” Brice yells.  

“
I’ll see you tomorrow,” she
giggles. 

“
Yay, I get to see my best
friend,” I say with a big grin to my face. 

“
I gotta go so I can pack.
I’ll text you when I land. According to Brice, I’ll be there at
11:15am. 

“
Ok, sounds
good.” 

“
Emma?” 

“
What?” 

“
Stay out of the boxes that
say ‘Max,’ we’ll go down memory lane
together.”  

I look at the boxes; some have written on
them ‘Max,’ some ‘Emma,’ and some ‘James.’ 

“
How do you know the boxes
say ‘Max’ on them?” 

“
Because I packed them.
Promise me, you’ll wait for me.” 

“
Ok, I promise. I can’t wait
to see you.” 

“
Me, either, I love you,
Boo.” 

“
Forever and
always.” 

I hang up and feel the smile still on my
face. I get to see Brooke. I haven’t seen her in a long time,
although we talk often. I look at the shadow box I am still
holding. I look up at the mantle over the fireplace and smile. I
told her I won’t go through Max’s boxes, but this box was already
opened. I stand up and carefully place the shadow box in the center
of the mantel. I get inside the already opened box and see another
smaller box that holds all of Max’s medals. I wipe it off and place
it beside the shadow box. I step away and admire the mantel. A
shrine for Max, perfect.  

I put all the boxes with Max’s name on it in
the corner of the room. I open a box and see that it holds towels
and washcloths. I start my first load of laundry and open another
box. It contains lamps and some knickknacks. I dust them off and
place them around the living room. Once the last box is empty, I go
to another room and start there.  

I work well into the middle of the night
before falling asleep on James’ bed.  

“
Em, Emma, wake
up.”
 

I blink a few times and
smile. Max is lying beside me on the bed. He smiles; his clear blue
eyes are beautiful. 
 

“
You’re
here?”
 

“
I am, I have missed you,”
he says, leaning over to kiss the tip of my nose. He gently
caresses my earlobe like he always does. “I love you so
much.”
 

I lean into his hand. “I
love you and I have missed you.”
 

“
I like the
house.”
 

“
You
do?”
 

“
It’ll be a nice place to
raise James.”
 

“
You watch
us?”
 

“
Everyday.” He
smiles. 
 

“
If you can see us, why
can’t I see you? I miss you so much.”
 

“
You can see me. I am
everywhere you are. You just have to open your
heart.”
 

I smile and touch Max’s
scruffy face.
 

“
Em, please, tell James how
much I love him.”
 

“
I love you,” I say, trying
to put his sweet face to memory
.
 

“
I love you, always and
forever?” he says, smiling.
 

“
Forever and always,” I
correct.
 

I wake up to an empty bed. Max visits me
often in my sleep. I know he watches over James and me. I smile at
the memory of his face and his voice. As long as Max visits me in
my dreams, I will never forget his eyes, the feel of his skin, or
his dimpled chin.  

I get up and take a bath before Brooke calls
me to pick her up at the airport. I eat a bagel and take the empty
boxes to the garage. Walking around the house, I am happy with the
progress I have made. I start another load of laundry and head out
to get James from his grandparents.  

James and I pull up to pick up Brooke from
the airport. She is waiting for us outside of baggage claim. She
didn’t call when she landed; she called after she claimed her
luggage. She hops in and squeals when she sees me. I hug her and I
can’t believe how much I have missed her. She pulls away from our
hug and looks in the back seat, smiles, and reaches her hand for
James’ hand.  

“
Hi, James. I’m Brooke. I’m
a friend of your mommy and daddy’s.” 

“
Hi, Brooke. Momma talks
about you a lot.” 

“
I have missed her and you.
You are getting so big.” She looks at him and
smiles.  

“
Thank you. Momma says that
I look like my daddy.” 

Brooke looks at me and smiles. She looks at
James and smiles brightly. “Yes, James, you are very good looking
just like your daddy was.” 

“
Ready?” I
ask.  

Brooke turns around and fastens her seatbelt.
“Ready.” 

“
Where to
first?” 

“
Really? You have to ask? I
just left dreary Oklahoma, so I want to see the beach first, then I
want to see your new house.” 

“
Oh, we have the best
beaches in the United States. The sand feels like cool baby
powder.”  

“
I doubt
that.” 

“
It’s true, Brooke, it is
berry soft,” James says. 

She turns around and asks, “Can you build a
sand castle with it?” 

“
You can, but you have to
wet it first,” James informs her. 

“
Good, because I am the best
sand castle builder, ever.” 

“
You are?” James asks
excitedly.  

“
I am. Do you want to build
a sand castle with me?” 

“
Momma, can
we?” 

I look over at Brooke and smile. “We need to
go home and change into our swimsuits first.” 

“
Yay, we’re going to the
beach,” James says, excitedly.  

We load up the trunk of the car with beach
towels and James’ sand toys. Once we are at the beach, I am
surprised to see Brooke build a mean sandcastle. Even in this
baby-powder soft sand, she knows to wet it to make it stick. Their
sandcastle is huge and she even has bystanders stopping and
watching her. James is excited and is happy to have someone help
him who knows what they are doing. We take several pictures of the
finished product before heading home.  

Once James is in bed and Brooke and I have
showered, we open a bottle of wine and sit in the living room,
catching up. We avoid the boxes in the corner of the room that say,
‘Max.’ She tells me that Brice is working at his father’s heating
and air conditioning business. She also reluctantly adds that he is
being treated for P.T.S.D.: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. She
tells me that after Max’s death, no one in his platoon re-enlisted
in the Army. 

She also tells me that her boys are getting
big and they both are taking taekwondo. She also adds that Braden
is a straight A student and that the baby, Briley, starts school
next year.  

“
You guys should come down
to visit next summer. We can take the kids to Disney
World.” 

“
Girl, we may move down here
next summer. Florida is just beautiful.” 

“
Don’t get my hopes up. I
would love nothing more than to have you close
again.” 

“
We did have some slumber
parties together.” 

“
We sure did and we watched
some chick flicks, too.” I smile at the memory. 

“
That was a great way to
pass the time.” Brooke also smiles at the memory. “Do you remember
me saying that I was going to knock the dividing wall out that
separates our duplex?”  

“
Of course I remember
that.”  

“
I wasn’t kidding,” she
says. 

“
I wasn’t kidding either.
I’m certain the Army would have kicked us out for
that.” 

“
That would have been hard
to explain.”
 
 

Once the wine is gone, I go into the bedroom
and get a pillow and blanket for her. I walk into the living room,
and say, “Sorry, I don’t have an extra bed in the spare room
yet.”  

Brooke is standing up at the
mantel and looking at Max’s flag, his gold star, and his
medals.
She looks sad and has a tear
running down her cheek. I place the blanket and pillow on the couch
and walk over to her.  

“
Emma, I’m sorry. If I could
change things, I would in a minute. He was such a nice guy and he
loved you very much. James looks so much like him. He even has the
dimple in his chin, that Max had.” 

I smile a sad smile, because what she said is
true. Max was a nice man and James does look a lot like him. “He
was going to be such a great dad. I feel bad for James. I at least
have memories of Max, but James only has pictures, letters, and a
couple of videos of his father. He wasn’t even old enough to
remember him.” I pick up his gold star and hold it
tightly. 

After several minutes of silence, she asks,
“Are you seeing anyone?” 

“
No, Max was my soul mate,
and I’m not sure how to move on without him.” 

We stand there in silence, looking at Max’s
medals. “Well, let’s get to bed. We have some site-seeing to do
tomorrow,” I say, walking towards the hallway.  

“
Sounds like a plan. Good
night, Boo, I love you.” 

I smile before saying, “I love you, too,
forever and always.” 

We take James to P.V.K., Pre-Voluntary
Kindergarten, in the morning, and Brooke and I decide to take a run
on the beach before it gets too hot. After we shower, we decide to
sort through some of the boxes marked ‘Max.’ All of Max’s clothes I
just leave in the box and put the box in Max’s closet. I’m not
ready to get rid of them yet. Brooke doesn’t agree with me, but she
doesn’t say anything either. When she loses her husband, then she
can tell me when to toss Max’s stuff out. Unless you have gone
through it, you have no idea what it feels like to lose your soul
mate.  

Sorting through the boxes, I
find most of them are Max’s clothing. We open a box and in it are
letters. Unopened letters from Max from four years ago. I had no
idea these letters even existed. Max’s letters were very slow
getting to us. It took two or three weeks for mail to get to us
after it was picked up for delivery. Inside the box are
letters, cards, pictures, and a calendar with
dates crossed off. The last date crossed off is June
16
^th
.
Max died on June 17
^th
. I open a letter and see that
inside is a list of things Max wanted to do when he got home. Max
wrote me every single day and sometimes I think he didn’t know what
to say, so he just wrote stupid stuff. I read the letter and
laugh. 

“
What’s so funny?” Brooke
asks.  

“
Max sent me a list of some
things that he wanted to do when he gets home.” 

“
If they’re sexual, I don’t
want to hear them,” she says, grinning. “On second thought, maybe I
do. I want to hear what a freak Max was.” 

“
Listen to this,
Brooke: 

Em, another boring day in
the Middle East and I would give anything to be home with you and
James right now. It is so boring here, I have no idea why we are
even over here. The guys and I play cards and they quit after I
win. I have been thinking and when we get to Florida these are some
things I want us to do with James.