Shattered (20 page)

Whatever insecurities she’d been feeling before were gone.  Her moans were
louder now and the hand that had been over her mouth had fallen to her breast.  She toyed with her nipple, pinched it between two fingers and caressed it with her palm.  Her other hand found a home his hair.

She rocked her hips and Nathan took his hand from her stomach and cradled her beneath her ass, lifting her up and pushing her harder against his mouth.  He kept her clit encompassed by his lips and used the long, hard strokes of his tongue to
edge her towards climax.  She swayed with him, up and down, until the motion of her hips froze all together, suddenly, at the height of a thrust against his tongue.  Every muscle in her body went tense and she curled her fingers around his hair, pulling it hard as she cried out at the ceiling.

It was those last few seconds, as orgasm took her and all concern for him vanish that made him hard.  Maybe it was the pain as she yanked his hair and ground out pleasure against his mouth, as she used him to fulfill herself, maybe it was something more.  But what had been curiosity before turned to full arousal in an instant.  His erection
ached against the side of the bed.

Her hand fell away and flopped onto the bed, and Nathan sat back on his heels now that she’d released him.  He slid his hands out from beneath her and felt her slack.  The strength had left her body completely and she was still.

Nathan stood and her eyes followed him up.  Her lids fluttered heavily, like she was trying to focus on him but couldn’t.  Sleep had half a claim to her already.

He turned to leave, to go somewhere, anywhere, but her quiet voice stopped him.

“What about you, Master Nathan?”

He looked down at her body, sprayed out and spent on the bed, her swollen sex exposed to him
, the rise and fall of her breasts as she reclaimed her breath, the slivers of blue that fought past her drooping eyelids.  She worked herself up on her elbows and stared up at him.  Within her sleepy smile he could see her silent satisfaction, her gratitude.  But more than that he saw the edges of her uncertainty.  He knew where her mind was.  She must wonder what was required of her now, what price tonight carried, and he felt the burden of not having an answer.

And he realized the truth of it then, he realized
how badly he missed what Robin had done.  Somehow she’d taken all the things he’d done, and all the things he hadn’t, and made them all irrelevant.  She’d asked no more of him than he could give.  Nathan longed for that peace again, if only here within his room.  But he couldn’t tell Adara any of that, he couldn’t ask her to be his equal.  He owned her.

“I’m fine,” he answered, and felt the lie burn in his stomach.  “Go to sleep.  It’s already so late.”

She nodded and her eyes were already shut.  He wondered if she even heard him at all, for she was asleep before her head touched back down upon the bed.  Nathan slipped out of the room and out to the castle walls, to let the chill of the night cool him.  He felt small beneath the stars and somehow that made him calm.

Adara was still asleep when he returned.

She was still in his bed too, though she had managed to right herself at some point and even crawl beneath his blankets.  Nathan didn’t have the heart to move her back to the couch.  He took the free space beside her and his weight on the bed drew her sleeping body to him.  She buried her face into his chest and tangled her legs up between his.  He didn’t mind though, for it was only one night and now, as the stars began to fade and the first signs of morning flirted with the sky, he could see that night was almost over.  He yawned into her hair and hugged her close.

***

N
athan awoke on his back, sheets tangled about his legs again, his arm wrapped around Adara’s waist.  She was looking down at him, leaning over him, one hand to his chest and the other up in her hair, pushing long strands from her face, back over her ear, only to have them fall free the moment her fingers left them.

When she saw him awake she leaned back to give him room.  Sunlight was quick to occupy the space her shadow vacated from his face.  He groaned, unwrapped the arm around her body and flopped it over his eyes.  “Why on earth is it so bright?”

“Because it’s been morning for hours now Master! I wanted to bring you breakfast, but you wouldn’t let me up,” she said, pouted, and then yawned and covered her mouth with the back of her hand.  “And I guess I fell back asleep at some point.”

Her eyes swept the room and his followed, from the window that showed another perfect day, over the wooden dresser and the extinguished candles that sat atop it, to the door and his living room beyond.  She stifled another yawn and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

“Thank you for letting me stay the night,” she said, and turned back at him with a grin upon her face.  “And I don’t even need to lie to your brother now.”  Her expression dimmed a little and her cheeks blushed with pink.  “But, I don’t think I’ll tell him about what you did last night.”

Nathan chased her up, sitting
and swinging his legs over the same spot she had.

“Adara,” he said, and grabbed her wrist before she could turn to leave.  H
er blue eyes met his and her smile seemed fake, like it was just barely covering things she couldn’t say.

“Last night, at dinner, I offered to buy you from Jeremy and he made a gift of you instead.  I’m going to draw up the papers today and…What I’m trying to say is you don’t have to go back if you don’t want.  You can go home instead, to Mir
o.”

“
To Miro…,” she echoed, and looked down at his hand around her wrist.  Nathan followed her attention and abruptly let go when he realized he still clung to her.

“Yes,
or wherever else you want.  I can give you enough to get back, whatever you need, just tell me…”

Her hand came up to his mouth and she touched his lips, as Robin had, and he fell silent.  Adara cocked her head a little to the side, like she hadn’t expected that to work, and the hair she had managed to trap behind her ear fell free once more.

“I want to stay here then,” she said.  “Because you still need me.”

The sincerity and simplicity of her words caught him off guard.  She said it with such complete certainty, like she had just told him the sun would rise again tomorrow, that he didn’t know how to respond.  He was aware his mouth sat slightly agape but before he could
react, before he could even shut it, she reached forward and took both of his hands in hers.

“Come on.  We have a lot to do today,” she said as she tugged him up and out of bed.  “You need to see a tailor at least.  And you could really use a haircut.”

Nathan shook his head at her exuberance and banished his own lingering disbelief. “Okay, okay, let me find you something to wear then.”

Adara dropped his hands and grabbed the tummy of her sheer dress, held it out in front of her.  “What’s wrong with this?”

“It’s a… I mean, it’s a little revealing.”

Adara giggled.  “You mean it’s a whore’s outfit.”  She shrugged and smiled up at him.  “Well, if you want to pretend I’m something more than that, who am I to stop you?  What will you dress m
e as? A spinster?  A cook?  Oh, maybe a lady?”

“Be serious Adara,” Nathan said.  She quieted and her smile faded.

“I am being serious Master Nathan.  I’m not ashamed of what I am, but you seem to be, so change me into something else.  I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”

“You know, we could just stay here.  I can send for a tailor and a barber both.”

Adara made a face at that and folded her arms across her chest.  “When was the last time you left the castle?”

“Not since I returned.”

“All the more reason then.  Come on, you can’t shut yourself up in here forever.”  She grabbed his hand again and pulled him forward, and Nathan went along with her.  His shoes were by the door and he slipped them, and then he realized she didn’t have any of her own.

“You can’t go out without shoes Adara.”

“If it’s not one thing it’s another Master,” she said, giggled and shook her head.  “I’ll be fine, but if you’re so concerned you can buy me some.”  And this time she didn’t slow but pulled him from his residence and out into the hall.

“You know, you really don’t have to call me Master,” Nathan mumbled
.  He stumbled along behind her.  Her short flurry of steps were difficult to follow behind without tripping over her.  “It’s not like you treat me like I’m Master of anything.”

“That’s because you don’t act like it,” she
replied and pulled him down another hall.  Two servants paused to watch them pass and Adara fell silent until they were out of earshot again.  “What would you prefer I call you instead? Liege? Lord? Prince?”

Nathan stopped suddenly, midstride, and nearly jerked Adara’s arm free from her body.  She grimaced and looked back
at him, like she might say something, but her eyes came up to his and she saw something there that changed her mind.

She
stepped towards him.  “What is it Master Nathan?” She asked, in a whisper.  When he continued to stand there she pressed his hand to her lips.

“She
called me prince.”

“Who
?”

“The woman that kept me captive those two weeks.  She hardly ever called me by my name, but she used my
title to mock me.”

Nathan realized what he was saying and shook his head to clear the memories that flooded him.  “I shouldn’t have told you that.  It’s better for everyone if they think I don’t remember what happened.”

“But you do remember, don’t you?”

Nathan was silent, but he knew his expression betrayed him right along with his remarks. 
Adara stood up a little straighter and squared her shoulders stubbornly.  “I won’t say anything.  I promise.”  She intertwined her fingers with his again and nodded towards the way they’d been traveling, but she stayed at his side this time, matched his slower pace, and let him set their path out of the castle.

Just having her there was a comfort.  She was a safe anchor that he clung to as he let his mind wander to Robin again.  He hadn’t thought much of her or what she
’d done to him, not since coming home.  He couldn’t, he was afraid of the things he’d find there.  But he knew Adara was right, he couldn’t run from it forever.  He couldn’t move on until he faced it.

Robin hadn’t enjoyed hurting him.
  Not truly. That was so blatantly clear to him now he didn’t know how he hadn’t seen it at the time.  She kept the things she’d done within the framework of what he could take, what he could enjoy, with that single exception.  But he couldn’t afford to think of her as anything other than  his torturer, or else he would have to accept that the hole she carved out of him would never close.

Nathan
tried to recall how her whip had cut into his skin, how she’d denied him any semblance of dignity, he tried to hate her, but it only made his chest ache.  The pain she inflicted on him was strangely simple compared to what he felt now.  And between the unsatisfied physical need from last night and his conflict over what to do with Adara, he felt lost.  At least, with Robin, his suffering had a purpose.

When Nathan looked up again he realized he had no idea where they were.  This wasn’t the part of town he and Jeremy would frequent.  It was decrepit, worn,
common.

“We’re lost, aren’t we?” Adara asked.  She was staring up at him and Nathan looked away.

“I don’t know…,” Nathan mumbled.  He looked behind them, down the street, but nothing seemed familiar.  “Maybe if we…”  He turned again, looked down another street, and then another.  They all looked like equally poor choices.

“This way,” Adara said, and tugged his arm until he fell in beside her again.

“How do you know?”

“I don’t.”

Nathan stopped abruptly once more and Adara let out a little grunt.

“You need to stop doing that!”

“You don’t even know where you’re going Adara.”

“So what? When was the last time you just let yourself get lost?”

A few people turned towards them then and Nathan felt their eyes upon him.  He must look like he was propositioning a whore, and why it bothered him now when it never had before was beyond him.

“Keep your voice down,” Nathan
whispered, a little angry at the attention they were drawing.  He dragged her out of the center of the road and off to one side, beside a stack of crates that might shield their disagreement.

Adara looked around at the half dozen faces turned towards them and as her eyes swept outward most of them looked away.  When she looked back at him she seemed angry as well.

“You can be intolerable sometimes Master Nathan,” she whispered.  He hadn’t released her hand but he felt her arm limp at her side, as though the next best thing was to pretend that limb wasn’t hers.

“Me? You’re the one causing a scene.”

“I don’t know why you care so much what they think.  No one here recognizes you.  Stop being so afraid to live.”

“I don’t
care what they think…,” Nathan began, but she cut him off.