Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1) (37 page)

Nick bends forward and kisses her forehead. “I love you too, Anna Banana.” I barely him whisper there.

With her eyes open only to slits and her palm on Nick’s cheek Anna tries to speak again but I can tell that it’s hard for her.

“Be happy for me.” She says weakly.

“Don’t do this Anna! Don’t you dare die on me! You hang on, Goddamnit! You can’t leave me!” Nick’s voice gets louder and louder as he speaks. It comes out broken, but determined.

Bailey shifts in my lap and lifts her head towards Nick and Anna. I can still hear her quietly crying. I gently start to rock her back and forth, trying to soothe both our shattered hearts.

“It’s...too late...for me, Nick. I need...you to promise...you’ll be...happy. Promise...me. Please.”

Her voice is growing weaker by the minute and all I can do is stare at her. I can’t believe my little sister is right here, right now, dying. The rage I felt earlier is replaced by the crushing sadness and helplessness I feel. We were both too late. Yes, Bailey is now safe, but my sister is dying in Nick’s arms. I feel a single tear trail down my face.

“No!” Nick says heatedly and brings Anna’s body closer. “I can’t promise that! I can’t be happy without you. You’re my happy. Please Anna, just hang on a little bit longer.”

Anna ignores his pleas and sends her own in return. “Promise me, Nick.”

“Fuck!” He throws his head back and bellows to the dark sky. Bringing his head back down, he looks at her and promises, “I promise.”

I watch as Anna’s cracked and dry lips form a tiny smile at Nick’s words. Next, my body jerks and my heart freezes as Anna slumps in Nick’s arms, the smile still in place. She’s gone. My beautiful and bright sister is gone.

“Anna?” Nick asks with no response. “No, no, no! Jesus Christ! Please, Anna baby, answer me.” Still no response.

Nick drops her palm that he still had laying on his cheek and pulls her limp body even closer. He buries his face in her hair and starts mumbling words I can’t understand. He sways back and forth.

We both sit there holding the two women we love unconditionally. One with the unbearable grief of knowing they will never see the light in their eyes again and one with the pain of losing one person while the other is alive and somewhat well. I can’t help but feel relief that Bailey is okay, but the pain of losing Anna will haunt us always.

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A
nna’s funeral was held three days later. You would think that it would be more suitable for the weather to be rainy and dreary, but it wasn’t. The sun was shining and the air was warm. Just as I hoped it would be. Anna was warm, friendly, and bubbly. She was the very best friend a person could have. She deserves to be sent off with the same qualities that made her the wonderful person she was.

The turnout for her funeral was phenomenal. The church was packed and I swear every member of the town was there, even some from the surrounding towns. That’s Anna for you. She barreled into your life, made you fall in love with her, and then stuck around no matter what. Her death impacted so many lives and the world will be less without her.

Nick is a terrible mess. He won’t speak to anyone and stays locked up in his house, refusing anyone entrance. I’ve seen him once since that night and that was at the funeral. Jaxon has gone over to his place a couple times, but he just ignores him when he pounds on the door. I worry that he may do something drastic, but Jaxon says to give him time. My guilt for what happened to Anna is growing stronger.

My stay in the hospital was only one night. I was completely hysterical from the abuse by Steven and the loss of Anna that they had to sedate me. When I woke up the next morning, I had Jaxon on one side of my bed and, to my surprise, Chris on the other.

Jaxon was at my side as soon as my eyes opened. “Are you okay, Angel? Are you in pain? Can I get you anything?” I just shake my head no, not knowing what to say. What is there to say when you’re the cause of him losing his sister?

He lowers his head and places a soft kiss against the top of mine. Tears spring to my eyes, but I push them away and glance over at Chris, who is watching us intently.

She walks up to me and lays her hand against my cheek, careful to stay clear of my nose, which is starting to throb.

“You scared the shit out of me.” She says in a whisper.

“Sorry. What...” I stop and clear my dry throat. Jaxon is immediately at my side with a cup of ice cold water. The coldness of the water is a balm to my dry mouth. I thank him and turn back towards Chris.

“What are you doing here?” My voice is still scratchy, but better.

She flicks her eyes up towards Jaxon before bringing them back to me. “Your man called me.”

I glance over at him and notice a small smile on his lips. I reach my hand out for him to grab and he does so. I turn back towards Chris.

With tears in my eyes, I tell her. “I was so scared.”

She sits on the side of the bed and lays down beside me. Being careful of my bandaged hand, she gathers me close to her. With her arms wrapped around me, she murmurs against my hair. “He can’t hurt you anymore. The bastard is gone.”

I nod my head in relief. That part of my life is over with. Steven has no more power.

After a few minutes, Chris kisses my forehead and gets up off the bed. She says she’s going to the cafeteria for some much needed caffeine. It’s just Jaxon and I in the room now. An awkward silence fills the space and I can’t find the courage to look his way. I know it’s irrational and Jaxon isn’t the type of person to blame someone for someone else’s actions, but I can’t help but wonder if deep down inside he holds me responsible for Anna’s death. I certainly wouldn’t blame him.

“Look at me, Angel.” He says softly. As much as I don’t want to I know I need to face him. I take a deep breath and turn my head his way.

“Whatever you’re thinking right now, stop it.” He takes a step towards me until his hips are against the bed. Taking my hand in his he brings it to his lips.

“I’m so sorry about Anna. If I hadn’t...” I trail off at the fierce look he gives me.

“I said stop. Don’t even think it.” He rumbles.

“But Jaxon, if it wasn’t for me...” He cuts me off again by placing his finger against my lips.

“Bailey,” he says in his deep voice, eyes locked on mine keeping me captive in their swirl of colors. “Do you honestly think that I or anyone else, blames you for what that sick bastard did? You loved Anna just as much as any of us. I saw you, Angel.” He stops for a minute and takes a deep breath before continuing, voice now hoarse. “I saw how you, even with Steven doing what he was doing to you, tried huddling up to Anna. I saw you trying to give her comfort even though you were going through hell as well. I know you would have done anything to keep her from that. Hell woman, you went there thinking he was going to let her go, putting your own self at risk. That took courage and I love you all the more for it, even though you scared the shit out of me when I went home and you weren’t there.”

I take his hand and lace our fingers together, tears once again forming in my eyes. His words warming my heart and penetrating some of the guilt that I feel. I really did try to bring some comfort to her and I hope I did. I never had any during my childhood and my time with Steven, even though I prayed so hard for it.  I know that my guilt will never go away. I’ll always blame myself, but hopefully, over time it’ll get easier.

That morning when Jaxon and Chris take me back to Jaxon’s place we’re met by his family. As soon as Lilly sees my face and all the damage she immediately takes me into her arms and bursts into tears. We both stand there holding on to each other and cry out our grief.

Pulling away from her I look directly into her watery eyes. “I am so sorry, Lilly.”

She cups my face and wipes away the tears that are still traveling down my face. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for what happened to my baby. No one else does. You didn’t do this, hunny.” I nod my head and squeeze her to me again.

Jaxon’s gram steps up next with her eyes swollen from crying and engulfs me in a tight hug. She murmurs in my ear, “I’m so glad you’re safe. Jaxon told us what you did for Anna. Thank you for giving our girl comfort when she needed it.”

A few minutes later I excuse myself to the bathroom. I close the door behind me and close my eyes. Taking a deep breath and keeping my head down I take a tentative step towards the mirror hanging above the sink. I’m ashamed to admit that I haven’t had the courage to look in the mirror yet. In light of what happened to Anna, my injuries seem so insignificant.

Once I’m in front of the sink I slowly lift my head and suck in a sharp breath. Both of my eyes are swollen with purple and blue bruises surrounding them. My nose is swollen as well and a little off center. There’s a cut across the bridge. I have a bandage above one of my eyes and I know there are three small stitches there. My hand has a thick bandage around it where Steven’s shoe ripped the skin. Underneath my clothes, there are also a few bruises on my back, thighs, hips, and ribs. Overall, my body has sustained worse, but the pain of these injuries are so much more because of the events leading up to them.

I wet a washcloth and tenderly wash my face and brush my teeth. Once I’m done, I gather my courage to walk back out to Jaxon, Chris, and Jaxon’s family. When I open the door, I see Chris sitting on Jaxon’s bed waiting for me.

I walk over to her and sit beside her. She grabs my uninjured hand and places both of ours on her lap.

“How are you doing?” She asks me quietly.

I shrug my shoulders and tell her the truth. “Physically I’ve felt worse, but mentally I can’t help but feel this is my entire fault. I know Jaxon doesn’t blame me, but if I hadn’t come here, Anna would still be alive.”

“That may be true, but do you honestly think that Jaxon would wish you away so Anna would still be here? It’s a shame what happened to her. She sounded like a very special girl, but you have to remember you’re special too. You’re loved just as much as her. Steven was a sick bastard. If it weren’t her, it would have been someone else. Jaxon loves you, don’t let this guilt eat away at you. You’ve been through enough. It’s time for you to be happy.”

She reaches over and pulls me closer to her side by my shoulder. I lay my head there and take in her words. I don’t say anything in return. I know what she says is true, I just need to learn to accept it.

“I really like him.” She says breaking the silence. “He’s the kind of man you should have had all along.”

“I love him, Chris. So much.”

Several minutes pass by before we both quietly get up and make our way to a solemn living room. From where I’m standing I can see Lilly, Tricia, and Gram in the kitchen drinking coffee. Hunter is occupying the kids in the back yard. Mia is sitting in a recliner staring off into space. Jaxon is seated on his couch. When he sees me, he holds out his arm gesturing for me to sit with him. I walk over and plant my butt next to him. He throws his arm over my shoulder, pulling me to his side. I lay there with my head on his chest and watch the kids laughing and playing until my eyes drift close.

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I
t’s been a month since Anna died and the pain of it is still there but not quite as debilitating. Nothing will ever be the same without her, but we’re all learning to cope and move forward. I’ve started counseling to help with my past experiences and surprisingly it’s a relief to talk to someone about it.

I still work at Jaxon’s Pub and through my counseling I’ve learned how to better handle myself. The thought of men flirting me no longer frightens me. Of course, they never get the chance because Jaxon hovers over me and threatens anyone who even thinks about me that way.

Andrew is still his flirty self and is constantly giving Jaxon hell. I love working with him as he always has something to say to make me laugh or smile. Mia has grown quieter and the animosity between her and Mac has grown. They can’t be in the same room together without biting each other’s heads off.

Nick finally started coming around again, but he’s not the same happy-go-lucky Nick he was before. His face carries a constant scowl and he’s easily riled. Every time I see him there’s pain in his eyes and it breaks my heart all over again. I wish there were something I could do, but I know he just needs time.

After I got home from the hospital, Chris stayed until after the funeral. She decided that she really likes it up here in Ohio and wants to move here to be closer to me once she graduates. I’m really looking forward to it. I miss my best friend.