Shared by Her Soldiers (8 page)

“What you’ve gone through? What
you’ve
gone through?” The only sign of any visible emotion was the flicker of anger in his light blue eyes and the clenching in his jaw. “That’s an interesting question. So, tell me, dear, while I was off fighting for my life and being surrounded by men who were there one second and gone the next, what were
you
going through?”

His voice, while not loud any longer, had turned hard but she didn’t heed the warning. “Never mind,” she spat. “Forget it. You wouldn’t understand anyway.”

“You’re right about that. I will never understand wives at home who have everything—you’ll never know what’s it like to see villages overrun by poverty. Here, being poor means getting brand-new shoes off the clearance rack. Those people don’t even have running
water
. And you’re crying over what, exactly? The Internet being down for half an hour?”

Kaitlyn drew back with a gasp. “How
dare
you! You know what, maybe you never should have come home at all!” As soon as the words escaped her lips, she clamped a hand over her mouth.

Sean’s face didn’t register any emotion. In fact, he was stock still, as though she’d frozen him in the moment.

“Baby…” She couldn’t believe it. She hadn’t meant… maybe she’d
thought
… but she certainly hadn’t meant for her most awful, private thoughts to be made known to him. Maybe she’d wanted to hurt him, like she’d been hurt by days upon days without him, but she hadn’t meant to say such an awful thing. “Honey, please.” She took a step toward him and slowly ventured to touch his shoulder.

As soon as she had, it was like he sprang to life. The next thing she knew, he was grabbing her arm and pulling her back to the table. He sat and yanked her over his lap. Before she’d even processed what was happening—and what was going to happen—he was already yanking her pants down and pulling her panties down along with them. The first stinging spank landed before she even felt the kiss of the air, and another followed swiftly behind.

“Sean, please,” she gasped as another hard swat landed on her unprotected behind. When another followed, she began to cry, not entirely sure whether it was due to her smarting cheeks or knowing how badly she’d hurt him. “I didn’t mean…” A barrage of spanks covered the sound of her apology and stung so much that it made her forget what she’d been about to say.

It seemed like it had hardly begun when Sean was helping her up. She was caught off guard—she was sore, but not nearly as much as she normally was by the end of one of his punishments. Then she was standing in front of him, her cheeks streaked with tears, her pants puddled around her ankles, wanting to find the words to make it right, if such words even existed.

But before she even got a chance, he was doing an about-face and leaving her helplessly looking after him. She waited for a moment, foolishly hoping he would come back. When it was clear that he didn’t intend to, she bent down and retrieved her underwear and pants. She’d just pulled them up when she heard the sound of a throat clearing behind her.

She turned to see Jarrod standing behind her, leaning against the doorjamb. “I guess you heard everything?’ she asked without preamble.

“Well, you weren’t exactly whispering.”

“No,” she agreed somberly. “We’re not very good at that.” Kaitlyn looked him square in the eye, waiting to see what he would say. She knew that he’d seen her bare-assed only seconds ago, and there was a time she wouldn’t have been able to meet his gaze, but she had much more to worry about right now than feeling embarrassed. “I just don’t know how to talk to him anymore, Jarrod.”

“It doesn’t sound like he knows any better. But you’ve got to remember, you guys have been in limbo for the last eighteen months. But just because you weren’t together doesn’t mean you stopped growing and changing. You’ve got to get to know each other all over again.”

She heaved a sigh, wishing he wasn’t right and knowing all the while that he was. “Tell me something. Being a single guy, how are you so wise when it comes to stuff like this?”

“I watch a lot of Dr. Phil.”

Kaitlyn let out a titter of laughter before she covered her mouth. She didn’t want Sean to hear her. It didn’t seem fair, for him to hear her laughing after they’d just been screaming at each other.

“Seriously, they did a special on military couples three weeks ago.”

She rolled her eyes, still grinning. “I must have missed it.”

“That’s a shame. Maybe it’s still on my DVR. I could make you a copy.”

“We can only hope. Since we’re being so cordial, how is it that you’re always around when I’m at my worst?”

“I don’t know about that, but as for tonight I was just coming by to check on you.”

“That was thoughtful,” she said, not entirely believing him. He seemed to have a weird ESP when it came to her. As though he knew when she was going to misbehave and act out before she knew it herself.

“You didn’t seem like yourself earlier.”

“You mean at Candice’s? Why’s that, because I was being obedient, for a change?”

“You know that wasn’t what I meant,” he grinned. “So she’s Candice now?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

Jarrod chuckled. The sound of his laughter never failed to make her smile, and now was no exception, despite everything that she’d been through. “It’s pretty evident that you’ve had a lot on your mind lately. And if it wasn’t before… well, I’ve got pretty good ears.” When he winked at her, she responded by rolling her eyes. For once, he didn’t comment.

“What am I going to do, Jarrod? He just doesn’t like me anymore.”

“Now, you know that’s not true. He’s just trying to find his footing.”

“I know,” she groaned. “I keep hearing that, and everyone looks at me like I’m the evil wife who keeps hindering his healing process.”

“Kate…”

“Well, they do. Isn’t that what you think, too?” she challenged.

“Not at all. I think that you two need to sit down and talk all this out.”

“We’ve tried that and you heard how well that went.”

He fell silent and his smile faded. Kaitlyn stared into his somber brown eyes, wondering what he was thinking while knowing that she was too much of a coward to ask.

“Sometimes I think… maybe he wishes he never came home at all.”

“It might have been better, if you’d phrased it like that. Don’t you think?”

Of course she realized that he’d heard her say those awful words to her husband; she’d known it the moment she’d seen him despite the impassive mask he wore, but somehow having him acknowledge it aloud made it that much worse. “You’re right,” she muttered, avoiding his eyes as her cheeks flushed. “Of course you are. I always try to do the right thing, you know. To be a good wife. But…” She took a deep breath as she tried to work through what she’d been feeling ever since Sean had come home. “I always have the best intentions. I think I know what I’ll say, how I’ll handle it if things go wrong, but somehow all that flies out the window once he’s right in front of me.”

Kaitlyn’s heart thudded in her chest at the revelation. She couldn’t believe she’d told him something so private, something that she hadn’t really admitted to herself before. She waited for him to say something, despising the silence. The longer it took for him to reply, the more on edge she began to feel.

“You two are a lot alike,” he said at last.

She began to protest, but he’d held up his hand even as she opened her mouth. He knew her all too well.

“You both have quick tempers and sharp tongues. I bet if you asked him he’d say the same thing—I’m sure he has the best of intentions, but then you say or do something, and they fly out the window. Isn’t that how it goes for you?”

“Something like that,” she admitted begrudgingly.

“You two just need to get better about communicating.”

“You say that like it happens with a snap of the fingers,” Kaitlyn grumbled. She knew he was right, but knowing that didn’t stop her from feeling like it was hopeless.

“I’m not saying it’ll be easy. In fact, I’m betting on the fact that it will be very, very hard, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be worth it. You just have to decide if it’s worth it to
you
.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes again, but turned away from him in time to keep him from seeing. “Did you give Sean this oh-so-helpful advice?”

“Not yet, but I intend to.”

“Hmm,” she offered noncommittally.

“Look, Kate, I’m not here to play bad cop.”

“No, Sean doesn’t need you for that. He pulls that one off all by himself,” she muttered before she could stop herself. She glanced at Jarrod out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn’t tell if he’d heard her or not. If he had, he didn’t acknowledge it.

“If you don’t believe I have your best interests at heart, I’ll leave.” When she didn’t reply, he began to walk toward the back door.

“Jarrod, wait.”

“Yes?”

She let her breath out in a huff. She didn’t know what to say, the only thing she knew was that she didn’t want him to go.

“I care about you, Kate.”

Sure you do
, she thought, but she didn’t dare say it aloud. Besides, she shouldn’t take out her frustration on Jarrod. He meant well. It wasn’t his fault that she was married to the most pigheaded man on the face of the planet. It was actually her fault, but she didn’t want to dwell on blame just now.

“I only want the best for you, and for your marriage. I wouldn’t be here wasting my breath if I didn’t.”

At least he knew he was wasting his breath.

“I know he lost his temper, and I know he hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry for that. But do you honestly think what you said to him was appropriate?”

Kaitlyn pursed her lips, her eyes fixed on the fraying spot on the carpet. It wasn’t like she was surprised—of course he’d take Sean’s side. She’d just been waiting for him to admit it. And he wouldn’t be alone there. She’d committed a great faux pas.
The
faux pas, as far as the Army was concerned. A good wife would never, ever bring up their husband’s transgressions this close to coming off duty, much less suggest that he never should have come back at all. “I’m not proud of it.”

“I wouldn’t think so.” He paused, waiting, she supposed, for her defense, but the truth was, even she knew that she didn’t have a valid one to offer.

“Is that why you stuck around?” she asked, pretending to study her nails.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, did you stay after our little blowup to give me what-for?”

“Kate, sometimes I think you watch too many
I Love Lucy
reruns.”

She met his eyes and gave him a brief smile. “Well, it’s true, isn’t it? You stayed to lecture me, like you always do, and…”

“Spank you?”

Somehow, hearing the words spoken out loud and so casually made her blush. “Well, didn’t you?”

“Do you think I should?”

“God, Jarrod,” she sighed, making her chestnut bangs fly up for a moment. “Why can’t I ever get a straight answer out of you?”

“See, there’s that temper I was talking about a few minutes ago.”

“OK, don’t answer. That’s fine.”

“You still haven’t answered my question, Kaitlyn.”

Ouch. He never called her by her full name. It sure got her attention, and fast.

“Do you think I should spank you?”

Whether it was because of the in-charge tone he was using or remembering what she’d said to Sean she wasn’t sure, but the question made her squirm. “I don’t know.”

“You do,” he answered, calm as usual. He was the voice of her reason, even in spite of her temper flare-ups. It was easy to see why Sean liked him. Hell, everyone liked Jarrod.
She
liked him, even when he was spanking her ass, which was something he might or might not be doing very shortly.

“Sean already spanked me,” she replied, slightly mortified knowing he’d heard every slap. Did he think that it hadn’t been enough?

“Was it enough?”

She winced having her own thoughts voiced aloud by someone else. “I… we normally can talk afterward,” she admitted. “He was too mad this time, I guess.”

“Hmm.”

“What, Jarrod? If you have something to say, just out with it, already.”

“I was thinking he had just cause to be angry.”

Hadn’t they already established that? Did he really have to hear her say it out loud—
again
? “Of course he did.”

“Why didn’t you go after him? Why didn’t you tell him that you didn’t mean it?”

The question sucked all the heat out of the air until goosebumps prickled her skin. She hugged herself, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. She kept her eyes averted, but her cheeks flamed as she felt his gaze on her. Surely, he could see it just looking at her. She swallowed, but the lump in her throat was too big to get past.

“Kaitlyn?”

There it was: he was bringing out the full name again. Did he know yet? Was he beginning to suspect? Or were these the last few seconds where he could claim ignorance? Despite how cool the rest of her skin felt, her cheeks were quickly approaching nuclear heat. She knew that once he realized, once he fully understood the truth, he would look at her differently. With everything else she was going through and the emotions vying for her attention, that thought hurt the most.

“I asked you a question and I expect an answer.”

He was bringing out his ‘general’ voice now. The one that said
you better listen, and listen good
. It never failed to make her quake, and well he knew it.

“I didn’t tell him because… because I wasn’t sure I could make him believe it.”

“Do you wish he had never come home?”

Tears flooded her eyes and she shook her head from side to side. “Of course not, but… but sometimes I think things might have been
easier
if… if…” She couldn’t finish the sentence and instead dissolved into sobs. Through the haze of tears she could make out his shape moving toward her. She braced herself, knowing she’d soon be over his lap, receiving the full fury of his spanking hand on her bare, vulnerable ass. And she couldn’t blame him—she deserved no less. In fact, she deserved much, much worse.