Shameful Celia (The Mail Order Brides of Boot Creek Book 3) (8 page)

N
oah woke
three times during the night, and, near dawn, I slept with him snuggled up against me, his mouth around a nipple. Being exhausted, I could feed him and sleep at the same time, which was a blessing. It wasn’t until I felt the bed shift, that I realized we weren’t alone.

“Nick?”

He moved hair away from my forehead. “I’m sorry I woke you. You’re still sleepy.”

“I am. I didn’t know he’d cry so often.” I lifted my head. “You look tired too. You didn’t need to be on the couch. I could’ve stayed in my room. That must’ve been uncomfortable.”

“It was fine.”

Noah slept soundly, his tiny hand fisted near his mouth. “I need more diapers for him.”

“You need quite a few things for starters, but you mustn’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”

Sitting up, I meant to leave the bed, but being this close to Nicolas had the strangest affect. His bleary eyes remained fixed upon me, and in them I saw all that he had been trying so hard to conceal. He cared for me deeply, his actions speaking far louder than any words. The urge to hug him had my arms snaking around his neck, while I pressed myself to him.

“Thank you.”

I thought he might push me away, but he held me close, his face in my neck. “It’s my duty to take care of those who cannot help themselves.”

That was not why he had invited Noah and I to stay with him, but I would not press him on this issue. “Then you’d have all the vagrants of Boot Creek here.”

He gently pushed me away. “I’ll go see about a bassinette and diapers. I’m sure Mrs. Hershey can help with whatever supplies you need. The church has donations of things we can use.”

“That would be wonderful.”

“I’ll be back shortly. The diapers are more urgent than the other things, so I’ll see what I can do about those.”

“Thank you, Nick.”

“You’re welcome.”

After he left, I busied myself with washing and dressing, while Noah slept. I made coffee and breakfast as well, but by the time Nicolas returned, Noah had begun to fuss. Having to work, he left shortly after, and I sat down to feed the baby. A knock on the door had me on my feet.

“Coming.” Holding the baby to my chest, I pulled open the door, finding Mrs. Hershey.

“Oh, my goodness!” she exclaimed. “I heard all about it from Doctor Baker. How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

Her expression bordered on rapturous. “And you’ve a beautiful son! He’s darling! Congratulations.”

I returned to the couch, holding Noah, as he fed. “I went into labor quite early yesterday, I suppose. By the time dinner came around, I was having the worst of the contractions.”

She sat in the rocking chair, crushing the bustle at the back of her skirt. “I knew Nicolas would help you. Arranging for you to live here was a very wise choice.”

“After Chuck Brittle came to my door last night, Nicolas insisted Noah and I stay with him.”

“Mr. Brittle was here?” An eyebrow lifted.

“Yes, he came quite late. He had expected me for dinner, but I was having a baby. He brought flowers and everything. I think he’s rather handsome, but Nicolas doesn’t like him. He tossed the flowers out the window.”

“I see.” She grinned knowingly.

“Then he made me stay here.”

“Well, the plan is all coming together.”

“And what plan is that?”

“To have him fall madly in love with you.”

“He’s already in love, Doris. He’s fighting it.”

“He won’t be able to for long. You’ve already gotten under his skin. Anyone can see you’re a perfect match. And it’s scandalous you’re staying here. If he cares one bit about your reputation, he’ll offer marriage by the end of the week.”

“I don’t want to rush him. There’s something holding him back. That woman in the drawing. I have yet to learn who she is and what she means to him.”

“Whoever it is, it’s in the past. What he has before him now is his future. He’s an astute man. He’ll come to his senses soon enough.”

“I hope you’re right, but I still know so little about him. I won’t force him in any way.”

“That won’t be necessary. He’s as good as hooked.”

“You make him sound like a fish.” I grinned.

“Yes, I suppose. He’s caught either way.” She glanced at Noah, who had finished eating. “He’s precious. I can’t wait to hold him.”

“I’ve so many things to ask you about. I’ve a few diapers now, but I’ll need more. That way I have two days’ worth, and I can wash every other day. All I’ll be doing for the foreseeable future is laundry.”

“Welcome to motherhood,” she said dryly.

B
y the weeks’ end
, we had settled into a routine, although I hadn’t slept as well as I should, because Noah had a habit of waking several times during the night. My milk had come in, which was startling, as my breasts doubled in size, forcing me to discard the bodices. Mrs. Hershey brought over several calico dresses that were a size too large, and they were the only garments I could wear at the moment.

Noah slept in the morning and then in the afternoon, and I was able to take those moments to wash laundry and prepare supper. While Nicolas was at work, I read books and cuddled Noah, relishing every moment I had with him, thinking that if his father were still alive, he would be proud. I had come to respect Lloyd, but I was not in love with him. I had never yearned to kiss him or touch him. Our intimate moments were perfunctory, as I submitted to him whenever he demanded it. He had provided and taken care of me, giving me this sweet baby, whom I loved more than I ever thought possible.

Nicolas came home late that evening, and I had already put Noah down. I stood in the kitchen, as the door opened. “You’re here finally,” I said.

He left his things on the table, approaching. “Mrs. Stetter’s daughter died. I had to console the family.” Dark smudges lay beneath his eyes.

“You look so tired. I know you’re not sleeping well, Nick. That couch is too small for you, and the cushions are hard.” I touched his face. “Take your bed back.”

“You’re in it.”

“I’ll share it.” Wrapping my arms around his neck, I murmured, “No one has to know.” He sucked in a breath. “It’ll be our secret.”

His arms went around me. “All I could think about was coming home. I’ve seen grief before, but this was terrible. She was their only daughter. They were devastated.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Consoling people is the worst part of my job. I’d rather baptize babies or marry couples. I can’t bear to see people suffer, Celia. It tears at my heart to see a parent mourn their child. It makes me think something like that might happen to me one day. I can’t imagine surviving that pain. Life is a cruel mistress. If you attach yourself too closely to things—to people, they go away.” He stepped out of my embrace. “I think … ”

“What?”

“You and Noah should probably return to your room now. The danger of Mr. Brittle has passed, and you’ll be perfectly safe.”

It felt like a punch to the belly. “You want us to leave?”

“You’re not leaving, Celia. You live down the hall. You may come back whenever you wish to wash your clothes and make food. People are talking about our arrangement, and I don’t want to damage their opinion of you.”

“That is sensible.” Stunned, I could only stare at him, wondering at the change. We had been living in what I thought was perfect harmony, but it had suddenly come to an abrupt end. “I made Shepherd’s Pie. I’ve already eaten, but you’re welcome to the rest. I’ll just go get my things.” I brushed past him, hurrying for the bedroom before I embarrassed myself with tears. When I had packed all of Noah’s belongings, I returned to the parlor, where Nicolas was. “It’ll take two trips. I’ll be right back.”

It felt odd being in the small room that I had called home. With just the bed and a dresser, it seemed so sparse and closed in. I would not be able to make tea whenever I wanted or a cup of hot chocolate in the middle of the night. If I needed to sooth Noah, I would have to go into the hallway to walk back and forth with him over my shoulder.

I sat on the bed, as despair washed over me. “What happened today?” I asked myself. “Why the sudden change? Death is terrible, but everyone has to die at some point. Maybe, he’s just had a bad day, and he’ll feel differently tomorrow. He’s not slept well at all this week on that couch. It’s dreadfully uncomfortable. Maybe he’ll miss us when we’re gone? Or he’ll be glad that we’re no longer in his house. I don’t know.” I held my face in my hands. “I had so hoped he would ask to marry me. I felt certain it would happen. If he’s going to be like this, if he can’t move forward, I’ll have to look elsewhere.” I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. “There are other men in town. None of them hold a candle to Nicolas, but I never should’ve set my sights so high. What were you thinking, Celia? You’re a poor man’s daughter. You belong with someone like Walter Holter or Chuck Brittle. You belong on a farm.”

I had to return to get Noah, who slept in his bassinette. I needed to pack my things. I forced the tears away, knowing they would return later in a deluge of despair, but, for now, I had to look serene and composed. I felt none of those things. It felt like my world had just come apart at the seams. When I returned to Nick’s room, he remained seated at the table, his look bland, but I sensed his despair. He needed time to himself, and it was best that Noah and I go away for the night. Perhaps, what he had seen today had been too much for him. I still knew so little about him, but this was mostly because he refused to reveal anything to me.

“I’ll be out of your hair in just a moment.” I tried so desperately to sound cheerful, the pronunciation of every word sounded a pitch higher. “Almost done.” I left again with the baby, holding the bassinette in my arms, while Noah slept. He would be awake soon enough, demanding a feeding. When I returned, I hurried to toss my things into the traveling bag. “All right. That’s it.” I gazed at Nicolas, who continued to sit mutely. “Thank you for allowing us to stay with you. You’ve been very kind.”

“It’s been my pleasure,” he said dully.

“I’ll see you in the morning then, I suppose.”

“You may come cook whenever you wish.”

“You never should’ve given me your bed. You must be exhausted.”

“It’s no matter.”

“You’re a wonderful man, Nick.”

“I’m the town’s preacher. I’m supposed to be as helpful as possible.”

“And you are. I admire you.”

“Don’t.” He got to his feet, as something akin to anger danced in his eyes. “I’m no God, Celia. I’m just a flawed individual who’s afraid of his own shadow. That’s nothing to admire, I can tell you. You’re more of a man than I’ll ever be. You’ve more courage than I could hope to have. You’re the better person.”

Stunned at these words, I could only stare at him.

“You’re a vibrant, beautiful woman. I feel so much better in your presence, but I can’t offer you anything more at this time. You deserve so much better. Noah deserves better.”

“That’s not true. I disagree, but I shall go. I can see that you’re terribly upset about something. I wish you’d tell me what it is, but you won’t. If you need anything, Nick, I’m down the hall.”

I left then, because the conversation had ended on the worst possible note. He had a bad day, and he wanted to be alone. I had to hope he might seek me out later. But first … I would have a good cry, because tears pricked the back of my eyes, threatening to appear at any moment.

N
oah woke only once
during the night, which was astonishing. I slept soundly, until morning, leaving the room to use the water closet. When I returned, I dressed and readied myself to go over to Nicolas’s apartment to make breakfast. Using the extra key, I let myself in. His bedroom door remained closed, so I set about brewing coffee and cooking, eating by myself when it was all done. When I heard Noah crying down the hall, I got up from the table and left the apartment.

An hour later, a knock sounded on my door. “Just a moment.” Reaching for the knob, I glanced at who had come to visit. “Mrs. Hershey.”

“You’re here now. I tried Pastor Kinsley’s door, but no one answered.”

“Yes, I’m here now.” I sat on the bed with Noah in my arms.

Her look remained hopeful. “I came to see if I needed to arrange more meetings for you with the unmarried men of Boot Creek.”

“I believe you do.”

“Oh, no.” Her smile dropped. “But I thought he would court you. What happened?”

“I don’t know. He’s tired, Doris. He had a terrible day at work. I’ve given him the space he’s asked for.”

“The Stetters lost Rosemary. They’re devastated. It’s all anyone’s talking about at the moment. She became sick suddenly and died. It was shock.”

“I’m sorry for their loss.”

“She was newly engaged, and her fiancé’s having a terrible time of it.”

“I can understand that. I should be mourning Lloyd still instead of trying to find another husband.”

“People are far more practical out here, Celia. Women need protection, especially in places like Boot Creek.”

“I did find Mr. Brittle interesting. I never had supper with him. Perhaps, another meeting can be arranged. I’m afraid to set my heart on someone like Nicolas. He’s above my social standing anyhow. I never truly thought anything would come of that. I had hoped, yes, but I’m a practical girl. I know where my place is.”

“Mr. Brittle’s a viable candidate. He’s rough around the edges, but Mr. Kelly trusts him. I know his wife, Lola, wasn’t all that fond of him at first, but she’s accepted him. He’s run around wild long enough. He needs a strong woman to take him in hand.”

“Well, he’s as good as any, I suppose,” I said dully.

“There’s the spirit.” She reached for the door. “I’ll see what I can do. You can bring the baby to me when you have a date. I can watch him for you.”

“Thank you, Doris. You’ve been very kind. It’s time I focus on getting a husband. I must take it seriously. I had so hoped it would be Nick, but I’ll run out of money soon enough, and I can’t wait for him to make up his mind about offering for me. Time isn’t a luxury I can afford.”

“If that man lets you slip through his fingers, he’s daft! You don’t want to marry someone that stupid.”

I giggled at that. “True.”

“If he sees you with Chuck, he might snap out of it. There’s nothing like watching the woman you love in the arms of someone else. It’s highly motivating.”

I sighed. “If only it were that easy. He’s grappling with something from his past. He’s been hurt before. I think he was in love with some woman, and it went badly. He won’t speak about it.”

“Please, don’t give up on Pastor Kinsley yet. If you need money, I’ll give you money. I would wait as long as I could before I settled for someone else. It’s your future too, and it’s just as important, no matter if you’re rich or poor. I’ve seen plenty of paupers land on their feet in spectacular fashion. Just because you come from little, doesn’t mean you’ll go right back to that. No one says you can’t ask for more out of life, my dear.”

I hadn’t thought of things in that way. “I suppose.”

“Folks come west for a change. They’re tired of being forced to live a certain way. That’s why they fled Ireland during the great famine. That’s why people come from cities. That’s why so many took a chance and left everything behind to settle places such as Denver City and beyond. It’s the desire to do better that’s brought us all here. Even my husband wanted more out of life. He never would’ve been Mayor in Delaware, if we had stayed. We came out to make our fortune, and we’ve been rather successful.”

I smiled, delighted by the things she had said, because they gave me hope. “Thank you, Doris.”

“Don't settle for less. I know you feel quite desperate at the moment, but I’d cry if I saw you unhappy with someone you didn’t love.”

“I’d cry too.”

“Take your time. Please don’t rush this.”

I did not want to live off the charity of others, knowing I would have to find a husband soon. I lied, “Of course, Doris. I’ll do that.” Perhaps, if given the time, I might fall in love with Chuck. He seemed handsome enough and kind enough, bringing me flowers when we had not even met yet. “I’ll think it over carefully.”

She nodded. “Good.”

I
saw very
little of Nicolas over the next few days, as he seemed to leave early for work and return late. I continued to use his cook stove, making meals, which I assumed he ate, but I never was able to converse with him. I would find the pots and dishes clean the next morning, the silverware drying on a dishtowel. By the time Sunday arrived, I hurried to ready Noah and myself for church, anticipating Pastor Kinsley’s sermon. He would not be able to escape me there.

Noah slept in my arms, lying over my shoulder, while I left the room. The smell of cooking filled the hallway, one of the other tenants having made breakfast. I had eaten a biscuit I’d made the day before, not wanting to disturb Nicolas this morning. Mrs. Hershey had invited several ladies to lunch, I being one of them. I could ignore my rumbling belly for a few hours, knowing lunch would be a treat.

I strolled down the boardwalk with Noah, past shops that had drawn their shades, although the saloon remained open, piano music spilling out into the street. I ventured further, passing people who loitered.

“Hello, darlin’!” said a man, who leered.

Ignoring him, I continued, hurrying for the whitewashed church down the end of the lane. There were carriages parked out front and horses tethered to the hitching post. I wasn’t well-acquainted with anyone just yet, other than Mrs. Hershey, but I recognized several women from Bible study. They kindly waved me over, and I was able to have a conversation with them, feeling as if I wasn’t completely alone.

Mr. and Mrs. Hershey had arrived with Doctor Baker and his wife. The people I recognized as the Kelly’s were here too, although I would never dare to speak to them, as they were so far above me socially. Noah continued to sleep peacefully in my arms, and, when it was time to go in, I followed behind the ladies with whom I had been speaking. Dressed in yellow calico, with a serviceable bonnet, I appeared rather plain, but the garments were a vast improvement over what I had worn before.

“Hey there, pretty lady,” said a man behind me.

I turned to find Mr. Brittle. “Hello.”

“Do you mind if I sit with you?” He looked dapper in a tailored sack suit and necktie.

I had chosen a seat close to the pulpit. “That’s fine.” There was a Bible stashed in the pew before me.

“I’ve been away. I would’ve come to see you, but I had some business in Santa Fe.”

“Oh.” The room had filled in, and there wasn’t a pew available, as people stood at the back of the church. “Thank you for the flowers.”

“Ah, that’s nothin’. I picked them in a field before I came over.”

“But it’s the thought that counts. I appreciate the gesture.”

His grin creased the edge of his eyes. “Ladies do seem to like flowers.”

“We do.”

Before I could say another word, Pastor Kinsley appeared, coming to stand before us. The circles beneath his eyes had improved, and he wasn’t as haggard looking. Due to my absence, he seemed to have recovered his health, but that realization sat painfully in my stomach, as if I had eaten the pit from a peach. A part of me had hoped he would look worse, thinking he would feel aggrieved to be without me, but that did not seem to be the case.

He enjoyed eating my meals, as if I were someone he hired to cook, but, otherwise, I was of no use to him. He had been kind to offer us his apartment, even giving up his own bed for a while, but it had only been compassion and duty that had prevailed upon him to behave thusly. I had read far too much into his manner, thinking that perhaps he might feel a measure of affection for me. How could I have been so wrong? Every female instinct I possessed had been certain he loved me. It felt humbling to have been so wrong, my pride haven taken a beating.

“Good morning,” Nicolas said, gazing at his parishioners. “I’m always grateful to see so many of you here.” He smiled kindly, staring down at us, seeing me. The smile faltered for the briefest second, as he stared at Chuck, before he mastered his emotions. “I’d like to begin with a reading from Exodus 20:12.”

Mr. Brittle reached for the Bible. Not having my own, I was forced to share, which I did not mind in the least, as I held Noah and could not hold the book.

“‘Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.’”

I listened, as he spoke about the importance of family. He said it was the foundation from which we grow, and without it we were in danger. The backbone of society would crumble without the support of the institution of marriage. He seemed slightly detached from the topic, his posture stiff, and he stopped to clear his throat often. His attention drifted to me more than once, and I sensed he was displeased that Noah and I sat with Mr. Brittle. After the service had concluded, I got to my feet.

“That’s a good baby,” said Chuck.

“I fed him right before. I’m sure you’ll get an earful soon enough.” He had begun to fuss.

“I’d like to take you to lunch.”

“I can’t. I’m meeting several ladies.”

“Perhaps dinner then.”

“I’d have to find someone to mind Noah.”

He stood in the aisle, as people filed past. “I don’t mind eating with the baby. It don’t bother me in the least.”

“I wouldn’t want to upset fellow diners.”

“What if I got a little something together, and we drove to the Kelly Ranch? There’s some nice views from a bluff overlooking the valley. It’s really pretty at sunset. No one will care if your kid screams bloody murder out there.” He grinned.

Such a thing sounded wildly romantic, and I would be a fool if I refused. “All right.” I spied Nicolas from the corner of my eye talking with Sheriff Ballew.

“I’ll come get you at seven then.”

“What do I bring?”

“Just yourself, honey.”

“Very well.” I followed him out, squinting in the sunlight.

Mrs. Hershey waved to me. “Celia! Come along, my dear.”

I hurried over to her, while Noah began to cry. “I need to feed him.”

“Come sit in my carriage. I’ve drapes on the windows.”

“Oh, thank you.”

I stepped into the conveyance, as the door clicked behind me. Settling on the seat, I unbuttoned my dress. Whenever Noah first suckled, the milk came in a rush, nearly choking him, but today his hunger outmatched the torrent. Then a blissful lethargy settled in, leaving me utterly relaxed. While Noah ate, I could hear talking all around, as people greeted one another.

“What is she doing with that man?” asked a voice I recognized immediately. It was Nicolas.

“With what man, Pastor Kinsley?” He spoke to Doris.

“That Brittle character. I don’t like seeing her with him. I had them right under my nose, and it did not please me one bit.”

The harsh tone in his voice concerned me. I moved the drapes aside an inch to observe him. His expression had hardened, as lines appeared between his eyes.

“Mr. Kinsley,” she said sternly. “I really can’t help you. You’re a grown man, sir, if you don’t mind me pointing out the obvious. If you have feelings for that woman, I suggest you act on them with haste. She’s quite serious about finding a husband. It’s her right to speak to whomever she wishes and sit with whomever she wishes. You’re a neighbor of hers, but you’ve not declared yourself. She’s not betrothed to you. You’re not courting her. No promises have been made, that I’m aware of. She’s perfectly free to see whoever she wishes.”

Removing his hat, he ran fingers through his hair. I knew this to be a sign of frustration. “I would like to, but I can’t offer for her.” He looked miserable, tormented.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m already married.”

My mouth fell open. “What?” I uttered.

“Come again?” Mrs. Hershey blinked rapidly.