Shadows in Me (8 page)

“Just go, Heather is here, I’ll be ok. I’ll speak to you later, just go.”  I could see Brent was struggling with what I had just asked him to do, but he respected me.  He turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him. 

Caitlin

“How dare you storm into my place and attack my friend, who the hell do you think you are?”  Seeing Brent’s face when he had walked out of my apartment, had just sent me over the edge.  All the built up anger from earlier came spilling out. 

“Cole, this is the part where we make our selves scarce. I think Caitlin and Vincent have some issues to sort out.”  Heather took Cole by the hand and started walking towards the door. 

“If you need me girly, phone.  We’ll be waiting downstairs.”  Heather kissed me on the cheek and walked out. 

“What the hell was he doing in your apartment? How long has he been in town?”  Vincent was shaking with anger. 

“I phoned him. He brought me home because my darling fiancé would much rather spend the night with his red headed slut, than be at my big night!!!”  I was screaming at him now. I didn’t give a shit that it was the middle of the night. I was fuming. 

“I asked you how long has he been in town?” 

“Six months!”  I looked him straight in the eyes, daring him to react.   

He took a step closer to me, I stood my ground, I was not backing down.  He was the one in the wrong, not me. There was nothing between Brent and I, just friendship. 

“He’s been here all this time and you never told me?!”  

“Yes! I never told you because I knew how you would react. We are just friends, nothing more, but I knew you would behave like this, so I didn’t tell you.” 

“I can’t believe you lied to me Caitlin, here you’ve been busting my chops about Alexis, when it’s you who has been cheating on me, with him!” 

My world came tumbling down, I could not believe what had just came out of his mouth. 

“Get out, GET OUT!!!!! I never want to see you again.  How could you think that about me? After what you’ve done to me tonight.  The SMS I got from your little bitch told me exactly where you were.” I pushed with all the strength I had left in my body, he staggered back, surprised by my reaction. 

“Fine! It’s over, have a nice life. I’m sick of dealing with your hang-ups anyway.  I’m done.”  He turned and walked out the door, leaving it wide open.

“Well fuck you too!”  I pulled the ring off my finger and flung it at his head.  He turned to look at me, and walked away.  I looked up to see Bree standing in the hall way. 

The tears streamed down my face.  I collapsed on the floor in front of the door.  After a few minutes, I felt someone pick me up and carry me to the couch, I opened my eyes to see Cole.

“Hush now babes, I’m here.  Stop crying and tell me what happened here tonight.”  I lay my head in Heather’s lap, she placed her hand on my head and stroked my hair. 

Cole disappeared. I think he was making coffee. I could hear cups and voices coming from the kitchen. 

“Vincent forgot my big night. He was with her, and she sent me a text.”  My crying had died down a little.

“Alexis, she sent me a text saying my boyfriend was spending the night with her.” 

“He was in a meeting with all of us, it wasn’t just her. And are you sure it was Alexis that sent the text?”

“Who else could it have been?” I could not believe Heather had asked me that. 

“Oh Caitlin, why was Brent here when Vincent arrived?” 

“I needed someone to talk to, I couldn’t get hold of you or Vincent, and Brent was my only other friend. Why didn’t you answer your phone when I called?” 

“When Vincent realised he had missed your big night, he jumped into his car to come see you. I realised you would be pissed, so I got Cole to bring me. I knew I would have to keep the peace between the two of you, but hell, I didn’t expect this.” 

“Well it’s over between us.  He’s done with me.” 

“Oh Caitlin, we can fix this once we’re home and you guys have had some time to calm down.  Things will come right, you guys love each other. True love fixes it all.” Heather continued to stroke my hair, eventually I fell asleep. 

I woke up the next morning in my bed, with Heather next to me.  I carefully climbed out of bed so I didn’t wake her. I made my way to the kitchen and found Cole fast asleep on the couch.  I needed coffee, and loads of it.  My head felt like it wanted to explode. All the crying and shouting from the night before had really done a number on me. 

There was a knock on the front door. I looked at the time on my phone and saw that it was only 7am. Who the hell would’ve been at my door at this time of the morning?  Thank god Cole didn’t wake up from the knock.  I opened the door to find Brent standing in front of me.  I stepped out the door, closing it behind me so that I didn’t wake either of them. 

“What are you doing here so early?” 

“I came to check on you, I saw last night that Vincent left on his own, I was worried about you.”

“I’m fine. Heather and Cole are still here with me, but you would be happy to know that Loverboy and I are no longer together.  He broke up with me.” 

“Because of me?” 

“Yes, sort off, but don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. Heather’s going to drive back with me today.”

“I’m so very sorry Caitlin, I didn’t mean to cause trouble for you.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m the one that should be sorry, look at your face? If I wasn’t so chicken, I would’ve told him in the beginning, and this would never have happened.”  The tears started rolling again. 

Brent stepped forward to put his arms around me. His hug was so much more than just that, I felt his pain, I felt his regret.  But he was my friend, and he shouldn’t have to feel bad about it. 

I placed my head on his chest; I could hear his heart beating at a mile a minute.  “Don’t you dare, this was not your fault. If it wasn’t for you being here for me all the times, he let me down; I don’t know what I would have done.  You are my friend, and I care about you.” 

Brent pushed back my shoulders to look into my eyes. 

“I will always be here for you, you must remember that. If ever you need me, just phone, I’ll come.”

“Thank you that means the world to me, and believe me, I’ll take you up on that.” 

“Ok then, I think I should go before your friends wake up. I don’t want to get into it with Cole too. You take care Princess, and promise me you will keep in touch.”

“I promise.”

Brent kissed me on the head and left. I watched as he walked out of my life.  I wondered how long it would be before I saw him again. 

Heather and Cole were sitting at the kitchen table when I walked in. 

“So ……. What did Brent have to say?” Heather looked up at me over the edge of her cup, but I could see the smile in her eyes.  I knew she still had the hots for Brent. 

“He just came to check on me.  So, what time will we be leaving?”

“As soon as you chicks are ready, so let’s say six hours from now?” 

“Hey watch it buddy, Caitlin and I don’t take that long.”  Heather punched Cole on the shoulder.

It took us two hours to pack the car and get on the road.  We decided that I would drive back with Heather, while Cole drove his car.  This gave us some time to talk.  Heather thought it would be best if she drove, I wasn’t really in the right frame of mind. 

“So, what are we going to do about Vincent, babes?” 

“I don’t know. I am so pissed at him, not pitching up last night was just not on. Am I that easy to forget?”  I leaned my head against the window. 

“It’s not like that Cait, you know that, I was there, he was in a meeting.”

“You’re taking his side?”  Now I was getting pissed off with her.  If I wasn’t cooped up in the car with her I would’ve told her to stuff off. 

“I’m not taking sides.  I’m just stating the truth. I’ve always been like that; don’t start your shit.” 

“Well it doesn’t really matter anymore, even if I was wrong, Vincent told me he’s done with me.”  Saying it out load was like a stab through my heart, it was really over. Maybe I pushed too far, maybe I did over react.  And at the end of the day, I had lied to him. 

I think Heather realised it was not the right time to talk; I dozed off and only woke up when she stopped the car outside my beach house.  I just sat there, staring out the window.  He was there, I could feel him, and this was where it had all begun.  I just couldn’t do it; I couldn’t be there without him.  The flood gates opened again, and the tears streamed down my face.  Heather walked around the car and opened my door for me.  I didn’t even realise that Cole had arrived. 

“Let’s get you inside Cait; Cole will grab your bags.”  Heather took me by the hand and started walking towards the front door. 

I didn’t realise that it had started raining until my foot slipped out from under me on the wet deck. 

“Shit, are you ok?” Heather lifted me from the ground and held me up by my one arm.

I started giggling hysterically, but soon it turned into heart wrenching sobs.    I collapsed in her arms. 

“COLE, help me, she’s …….”

Cole came sprinting up the stairs, almost slipping himself on the wet deck.  He lifted me up and carried me into the house and up to my bedroom.   I curled up into a ball. Heather covered me with a blanket and walked out the door.  A few minutes later I could hear voices outside the door. 

“Is she Ok, I saw her fall on the deck?”  I could hear the worry in Vincent’s voice.   

“No she’s not, this shit between you has broken her.”  Heather was angry. 

“I want to see her!”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea right now, let her sleep.”

“Heather, I need to talk to her, what happened yesterday was bad.  We need to sort it out.”

“Well now you are not going to see her, she didn’t tell you about him because of this, the way you are reacting.  They are just friends Vincent, she hasn’t cheated on you, she should be allowed to have guy friends.”

“Who are you to tell me I can’t talk to her? And I didn’t say she couldn’t have guy friends, it’s just him. I know how he feels about her.”

“Who am I? I’m the one protecting her from you.  And yes, you are right he has feelings for her, and thank god he was there last night when you let her down.  Now get the fuck out of this house before I beat your ass.”

Vincent

Up at 4am, a trip to the market then the shops.  I was engrossing myself in my daily routine just to forget the pain I was feeling in my heart.    It had been a few weeks since Caitlin had got back from San Diego and we still hadn’t spoken to each other.  Heather had made sure I couldn’t get within a hundred feet of her.  Then I found out she had left to spend Christmas with her parents. 

It felt like there was a hole where my heart used to be.   I thought our love was stronger, I thought we trusted each other, but I was wrong.  I knew I had fucked up, there had been so many times during the last six months that I had let her down, always putting my work before her. I was to blame for what had happened, but finding him in her apartment just threw me.  All the fears came rushing back, remembering what he had done for her, killing Hunter to save her life.  I knew he had feelings for her but that day the way he looked at her, I knew I could never trust him around her. 

It was the first Christmas in three years that we had spent apart.  When Henry came to pick her up on Christmas day, the reality of what had happened between us hit me.  The words I had said to her came rushing back, the hurt I had felt, and the hurt I had inflicted on her.

The things we said to each other, there was no taking them back.  I loved her, and there could be no one else but her.  She had been away for so long and I was struggling to find something of her still left in my life.  Her smell was gone, and now she was gone.  If she loved me as much as she said she did, why didn’t she stay to fight for us?  I tried calling, but Henry had politely informed me it would be better if I give her space. 

I needed to pull myself together, I needed to focus on Simplicity and starting the new phase of the business.  I couldn’t afford to fall apart. Heather had said that Caitlin would be back soon, and then I would make sure to win her back, to get her to forgive me for being such and idiot.

“Hey Boss, are you going to sit there the whole day staring out the window?”

I didn’t even realise Alexis had walked into the shop; she was always the first one at work, always ready to do what was needed for the business.  I knew Caitlin couldn’t stand her, I didn’t get it though, she was a good person and there was nothing to worry about. 

“Hey, I didn’t see you come in.” I replied, casually.

“How you doing?”  She asked. “You’ve been a little distracted lately.  When’s your girlfriend getting back?”

“I’m fine. Caitlin’s gone to see her parents, and once she’s back we’ll sort things out. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Oh, I thought she went back to that guy, what’s his name Brent? Heather said you guys had a fight about him.”

“Excuse me?”

“I asked what was happening with Caitlin,” Alexis walked over and sat down, placing her hands over mine.

I pulled my hands back looking at her in shock, it was a little awkward. 

“My personal life has got nothing to do with you.”  I got up and walked out of the shop. 

Could Caitlin have been right in her assumption about Alexis? I had never really paid much attention, but what happened back there wasn’t right.  There was a strange look in her eyes. 

“What are you doing outside? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?” It was Heather.

“Heather!”  I was relieved to see her.  “You’re early this morning.  Have you heard from Caitlin?” 

“Actually I have. She just called, she’s on her way back home.”  I felt a wave of relief wash over me; I would finally get to see my Angel again. 

“Do you think you’re man enough to fix things with her now?” Heather hooked her arm through mine and we started walking along the pier. 

“I’ve tried to talk to her, but between you and Henry, I’ve had no luck.” I replied. 

“Well, tonight’s your chance. I’m trying to convince her to join us at the party tonight. You better be on your best behaviour.” 

“I promise that if you get her there I’ll do the rest.  Thank you Heather.” 

“If you break her heart again, I will personally skin you alive.   She’s been through enough Vincent, you need to fix this.” 

“I know, and I feel like crap about everything, but I will fix it, I need her back.  I love her with my whole heart.”

“I believe you, I can see how much you love each other.  Anyway, let’s get back to work, we’ve got lots to do before tonight.  Would you be so kind as to give me the afternoon off though, I would like to spend some time with my bestie?”

Caitlin

“Heather, I don’t think it is a good idea for me to come tonight.  I don’t want to see Vincent; he made it perfectly clear that he was done with me.”  I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see him.

“Now that’s bullshit and you know it.  He was angry and upset at seeing Brent in your apartment. You guys just need to chat, that’s all, and a night out is just what you need.” 

“I don’t know.” I was still protesting, and I could see she was losing her patience.

“Well, we’ll be at Roxy’s if you decide to join us. If not, stay at home wallowing in self-pity.  I’m going, this is now in your hands.”

“Yeah, whatever.”  Was all I snapped back at her.

She stormed out of my room slamming the door behind her.  She’d been on my case since I got back, to fix things with Vincent, but why should I be the one to do it.  He was the one who had broken up with me.  He was the one who didn’t trust me. 

Fuck it, Heather was right. I needed to show him what he was missing.

My outfit needed to be perfect. I needed to knock him off his feet.  I settled on a black leather pants, a white lace top with a sexy black corset, a black jacket and some killer red heels.  Vincent would never have been able to resist me in that. 

It took me about an hour to get ready and to build up the courage to walk out the front door.  I called a cab to take me to Roxy’s.  What was the point of taking my own car, I was hoping that I would be going home with my man anyway. 

It was the longest fifteen minutes of my life. Doubting myself the whole way. All the Simplicity staff and their partners would be here, that meant Alexis too.  God I hated her. There was just something about her I didn’t trust. 

The bouncer recognised me and let me in as soon as he saw me. Heather and I had gone there often with the guys. 

“Hey pretty lady; I was wondering if I was going to see you tonight.”

“Hey Rex, how you doing?”

“Great, your friends are in the VIP area on the left of the dance floor, you want me to take you through?”

“No thanks, I will find my way.”

I pushed my way through the crowds of people; it seemed as if the whole of Longbeach had decided to come out on the same night.  I felt like vomiting, and my nerves were killing me.   

Oh God no, what the fuck!!!!
I stopped dead in my tracks.

There was a smirk on Alexis’ face as soon as she saw me.  What the fuck, Vincent? It had only been a few weeks.  Alexis had her hands on his ass and her tits pressing into his chest.  I couldn’t see his face; but I could only imagine where his eyes were focused.  Alexis knew exactly what she was doing; the last nail in my coffin was when she reached up and kissed him on the neck. 

I felt like my feet were cast in stone, I couldn’t move.  The image of her lips on him would be burnt into my memory forever. 

It was over. I had lost the man I loved, because of my stupidity he had moved on.  I needed to get out of there.  I turned and made my way back out.  Pushing and moving as fast as my feet could carry me.  I stumbled out of the front door slamming into Rex. 

“Rex, please get me a cab?”  My voice was shaking.

“What’s wrong baby girl?”

“I just need to get out of here.”

Once in the cab the floodgates opened.  I managed to give the cabby the address.  I grabbed my phone out my bag and in between the tears, sent Heather a text. 

Me:  I tried, but he’s moved on. 

I switched my phone off, and leaned my head against the window, preparing for the long drive. 

Stopping outside Dukes, I didn’t know if it was such a good idea any more. But at least I wouldn’t need to explain myself to him.

It was dark and smoky inside the pub.  As was usual on a Saturday night Brent was on stage doing his thing.  There were a lot of people.  I walked to the far end of the bar so that I was out of the way.  I didn’t think Brent would even notice I was there; we hadn’t spoken since I had left.

“Hi Pete, where’s Cassy tonight? You’re not usually here on a Saturday?” 

“My daughter has decided that she needs some time off.” 

“Great.  Can I have a tequila please, and keep them coming.”  Thank goodness she wasn’t there; I didn’t think I would have been able to handle her on top of everything else. 

“I didn’t expect to see you again, Brent said you’d left.” 

“Yup I did, but I’m back now, how long has he been on?”

“Just started, he’s on fire tonight.”

“Don’t tell him I’m here, ok?”

“Sure hun.  You look like shit, do you want to talk about it?”

“No thanks, not much to talk about, I just want to forget it all.”  I lifted the glass to my mouth and tilted my head back, feeling the burn of the alcohol sliding down my throat.   Brent started playing
Brantley Gilbert’s – If you want a Bad Boy.

Perfect, as if I needed that. His voice always did something to me that I’m sure should be considered illegal.  But I just closed my eyes.  I needed to forget, even if it was just for a little while.  

Pete was the perfect barman, he didn’t ask any more questions and kept the drinks coming.  After about the tenth round my head was buzzing. 

I had lost everything.  The man I loved was in the arms of another woman. I wondered if he even thought about me.  If he even missed me.  I pulled out my cell phone and switched it on. There was one text message from an unknown number. 

Now you will know what it feels like lose the man you love.

I needed to get to the bathroom; I was going to throw up.  I managed to get there just in time.  Sitting on the toilet, I pulled my phone out again, and looked at the words on my screen.  This could only be that red headed bitch.  I scrolled through my phone, my finger hovering over the ten missed calls from Vincent.  I sent him a message. 

Me:  Fuck you it’s over

Vincent:  Where are you?

I dropped the phone back into my bag, he could go to hell I was done.  I knew that coming here was a bad idea; I needed to get myself home.  I grabbed my purse and headed back to the bar to settle my tab and leave. 

It had started raining.  It was already one in the morning and there were hardly any taxi cabs in the street. The night could not have gotten any worse. 

“Hey Princess, what you doing here?”

My mistake, it had just gotten a whole lot worse. Why had I gone to Dukes?  Clearly I wasn’t thinking, I had just needed someone to talk to.  But standing there, hearing his voice, I knew it wasn’t a good idea.  Brent was the reason Vincent and I had broken up, and there I was hoping to find comfort in his arms.  I’m so fucked up.  I wished the ground could have just opened up and swallowed me. 

“Um…I came for a drink and some good music, but I think it’s time for me to get home.”

“Oh is that so?  Well I don’t think you’ll be going anywhere on your own tonight.  From what Pete tells me you’ve had far too many drinks, and it’s much too far to travel at this time of night. I think you’ll be coming home with me.  You can decide what you want to do tomorrow.”  He took his jacket off and placed it around my shoulders. 

“I’m not going home with you, you must be crazy.  I’ll be fine, just call me a cab!”

“Nope. You’re coming with me; my place is just upstairs.”

“Brent, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Princess, we’re friends I won’t hurt you, you know that. You obviously came here for a reason thought, even if you don’t want to admit it.  Come home with me, and then in the morning we can talk.  Please?”

He was right, I needed to just sober up and look at the world with new eyes in the morning.

“Ok.”

He didn’t say a word, he just put his arm over my shoulder and pulled my close to him.  It was such a bad idea, but I had made so many wrong choices over the past few weeks that one more wouldn’t have made a difference. 

“We need to get you out of these wet clothes. I’ll grab something for you, you can take a hot shower, and I’ll leave the clothes outside the door.”

I did as I was told.  When I came out of the bathroom Brent was nowhere to be seen. Now what? 

I was exhausted. All the alcohol I had consumed was starting to take its toll.  I sat on the couch waiting for him to come back, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and drifted off to sleep.