Shadow's Dangers (13 page)

That night was horrible. Well, not really...It was both pleasant and unpleasant. I had dreams and because of that, I wasn’t able to sleep decently. Except that it wasn’t my terrible nightmares that had populated my night. No, it was Garreth who had replaced them. And although I only remembered a little, I knew I had dreamed of things that were anything but chaste because at my every awakening during the night, I thought of him. I closed my eyes and cursed myself for acting like that because of a mere representative of the opposite sex that I let stay overnight.
Mere? Really?
No
. And that was exactly the problem. He was too...him! And I was too myself not to react in this way in front of him. So, in fact, it was all his fault. And that of Mother Nature. I was an inexperienced teenage girl. But he was a teenage boy...almost a man and of undeniable advantages and seduction techniques, well established, apparently. The explanation was as primary and basic as that. It was absurd to make silly excuses, but it was better than to believe that I was beginning to feel something for him. I could not afford it. I hardly knew anything about him, and I was torn between the desire to know more about him and avoid him like the plague.

“How did I put myself in such a situation?” I sighed.

I stood up, awkwardly passed my fingers through my hair which because of the rain the day before, was a terrible mess. My only choice was to go take a shower to fix it. A cold shower, preferably, to hunt these aberrant ideas that night had time to set up in my head.

I quickly slipped into the bathroom and took a quick shower. I dressed in dark jeans and a thick sweater and then busied myself with drying my hair. Physically but not mentally ready to deal with Garreth, I resigned myself to go to the living room.

“Garreth?” I called while actively searching for him in every room.

When I finished my search, to no avail, I sat on the couch and turned on the television, experiencing a sharp but poignant sense of disappointment; feeling more than misplaced since I made the resolution not to let myself feel anything for him. But I really couldn’t help myself now. He was not there. There was no denying he knew how to thank a hospitable host. I shook my head, wishing at all costs I could find a way to erase this boy from my mind.

I did everything to forget him and change my mood in the hours that followed. I watched a movie in the living room, enjoying the fact that Hayden called to tell me that school was closed for the day because of the damages caused by the storm. My sister’s call followed and I learned that she wouldn’t return before tonight. The comedy that I saw had at least the merit to keep me from thinking about my impolite guest as long as the movie went on. When it was over, I went to the kitchen to prepare Tongass Forest cookies before starting a new movie. Tess often made them for me when I was a child. These cookies always succeeded in making me smile and I was hoping that today would be no exception. I was about to open the cupboard to get the ingredients when I saw, on the counter next to the sink, a sheet of paper with a few sentences in a handwriting I didn’t recognize. I quickly discovered that it was from Garreth. I had passed the area at least a dozen times before and I hadn’t noticed the paper before now. He apologized, saying he had to leave and thanked me for having hosted him and giving him clothes to change. So, he hadn’t exactly left like a thief in the night.

The irony of the situation hit me hard and I laughed nervously. It was I who had done everything to escape him and now because it was the opposite...even if he had an excuse...I took it badly. It was ludicrous. In the end, it was better for me because the less time I spent with him, the less risk I faced of falling completely under his spell. There was only hope that he continued on that path...

***

The next day, I left the house, once again slamming the front door because of my damn sister. I hated her. Really. She found the remains of the note Garreth left me and, of course, she hadn’t failed to make nasty insinuations that he had left before I woke up because I probably wasn’t very good in bed. I quickly abandoned the idea to bear more when her words became more displaced and hurtful.

Belatedly, I noticed Garreth’s ridiculously beautiful car, engine still running, waiting for me in my driveway. I was sure that Annabelle had to be at the window, watching and that I would hear about it tonight if I climbed aboard. She would call me weak, submissive and God knows what else. Not wanting to deal with him today, I sighed before I moved forward, without glancing to this automobile’s wonder. I passed by, without stopping, as if the Mustang hadn’t been there. I heard the tires making contact with the gravel, a sign that the car was following in my footsteps. I would have given anything at that moment to to avoid a confrontation with him. Because it was obvious it was going to go wrong, as always, and I wasn’t in the mood for that. I just wanted peace. I continued my progress on the road, deserted except for the vehicle and me. The front of the car was at my side in seconds. The driver’s side window opened.
Come what may...
I was resigned to face him.

“Good morning.”

Nothing good about it. I was already irritated by what Annabelle said, but now with him acting as if he hadn’t escaped like a thief yesterday morning, I couldn’t do it. I simply put one foot before the other and stubbornly didn’t look at him.

“You’re mad at me?”

His intonations were amused. I forced myself to stay silent and ignore him. Deciding to ruin my existence, he began to honk, which had the extraordinary ability to quickly raise my level of annoyance. It was amazing how for a moment he could please me more than reason and the next give me the very desire to murder him. In fact, it would be much easier. I lost my temper from the incessant sounds of honking, just two minutes later, and I exclaimed while leaning toward the open window of the driver’s side:

“Are you just that stupid or do you have suicidal tendencies? Because if it is the second option, I’ll willingly devote myself to remedy your problem.”

He turned off the ignition. I knew he had acted childishly for the sole purpose of getting a reaction out of me. He smiled in a way that, for a fraction of a second, made me forget my resolution to flee from him at all costs. I added while regaining my senses:

“Apparently, you’re just stupid. Too bad it’s an incurable disease, it would have avoided a lot of headaches. At least, on my side.”

He did not stop smiling.

“How are you?”

“I was fine. Well, until a moron driving a beautiful car...the only thing beautiful about him by the way...came to ruin my day.”

“Nice one,” he agreed, still smiling.

“You must inspire me.”

He laughed while I watched him, stunned by his strange reactions. One day he was hot, the other, cold. Two days earlier, he had asked me why I tried to push him away at every occasion. Now he guffawed because I was making fun of his intellectual abilities and I pushed him away blatantly. The least we could say was that he was fickle. Just like me. We were a match. I suppressed a grimace at that inane statement. And yet it was really true. But we were like magnets, two poles of the same sign. We could never get closer. There would always be repulsion...

“Now that you’ve evacuated the obviously intense frustration you feel towards me, can you get in the car?” he asked.

To my ear, his question sounded more like an order. An order that I didn’t like one bit.
What was I saying? Ah yes, repulsion...

“I do not intend to get in your car.”

He looked up to heaven.

“I warn you, my patience is limited. And it’s soon coming to an end. So either you climb on board or I go without you. It won’t bother me, one way or the other,” he told me.

I believed him when he said he would willingly abandon me here. I should have taken advantage of his ultimatum and stick to my resolution. However, I ended up in his car, wanting to upset him by forcing him to bear my presence and also because I didn’t wanted to walk to school today. He turned the engine on and we drove towards the high school. A few minutes of silence later, I couldn’t stand it anymore and I threw every question I’d had at him, since his family had left at him.

“So, Mr. Deserter, why did you come to me this morning?”

His sight stayed focused on the road. I knew he didn’t like my attitude towards him. Well, I felt the same way about him.
We’re even, my friend.

“I think I asked you a question,” I said, bothered by his silence.

“I heard.”

Obviously, today was ‘who will annoy the other the most’ day.

“So...?”

“I just wanted to pick you up. You know, it happens to all of us sometimes to have sudden cravings that later turn out to be stupid whims. This is a perfect illustration of that.”

I took the blow without flinching and kept my momentum without letting myself fall apart by the attack.

“It’s amazing,” I told him and he gave me a confused look. “I would have thought given your tendency to disappear, you would leave again without telling anyone to find Leighton and Travis. After all, given the way you flew away yesterday, it seemed like a rather plausible hypothesis.”

I saw his jaw tighten. He didn’t like my comments at all.

“I can understand that there had to be an important reason for you to leave like that, two weeks ago,” I continued. “Maybe a family emergency or whatever. What I don’t understand is the reason for your return without Leighton and Travis. You come back as if nothing happened. You’re not stupid enough to believe that nobody would say anything about it. Because if you believe that, you are wrong. People will ask questions and I just happened to be the first.”

I paused before resuming.

“You know, I really thought Leighton was a friend. Yet overnight, she disappeared and has not even tried to contact Hayden or me. Why? It’s a mystery...”

My voice trembled under the influence of emotion and rancor. I rarely trusted people, but when I did and they betrayed me, the pill was hard to swallow. The pain and disappointment left a bitter taste. Really, I couldn’t understand their actions, let alone digest them.

“You’re hurt,” he noticed in an emotionless voice.

I sniffed disdainfully.

“Oh, you think? Attention, ladies and gentlemen, the return of Dr. Freud.”

“I understand that...” he began, without taking offense at my sarcastic comment.

“You don’t understand anything!” I exploded, interrupting. “I find it hard to attach myself to people, trust them and I thought, meeting your sister, I had found someone I could consider a friend. Someone who seemed to understand me. Even better than Hayden, given the similar hardships regarding family that we shared. And yet, it didn’t prevent her from leaving without a word. So yes, I’m hurt! And it isn’t just the fault of your sister...”

I took a deep breath before letting out a confession that I never would have done if I hadn’t been in such a state.

“You...you were sympathetic, sometimes...even friendly. But then, suddenly you treat me like a pariah and pretend I don’t exist. As if you barely took notice of my presence. And you come back with a smile, expecting me to welcome you with open arms. So, yeah, I’m more than hurt,” I concluded in a voice barely audible.

I noticed a few seconds later, with tears in my eyes that the car had stopped moving forward. We were on the side of the road. I dared a glance in Garreth’s direction. He looked at me, pained. I had unpacked all my feelings and let him know of all my flaws in a few short minutes. And he came to understand that I was upset and hurt by his behavior. What a pathetic picture I had embodied!

“Don’t be mad at Leighton,” he said softly, looking extremely uncomfortable. “She is not responsible. Something serious has happened...and we had to leave on the spot. She wanted to give you the news...but she was too affected by what was happening and after that, she didn’t call because she wasn’t convinced she’d be able to support a new trial. Like the rejection of you and Hayden, for example.”

I shook my head. He wasn’t apologizing for what he did to me and, in addition, he wanted me to believe an explanation that wasn’t one. And now that I thought back to that fateful day, a different hypothesis was gradually forming in my mind. I saw Leighton rush off as we discussed. It wasn’t because of a serious emergency that they were gone. She was gone. It was something else. One thing that had to do with...me. At least it seemed that I was part of the equation.

“That’s not true,” I retorted, “and you and I both know it. I saw Leighton just before her departure. I said something...and she flew off, upset by my confessions. Really upset. I want to know the truth. Now.”

My tone was firm. I was relieved that my voice did not betray the fear I felt because of what he might reveal to me. He turned his head. I had to wait endless seconds before I heard his voice again.

“I’d like to tell you. Trust me, there is nothing in the world I want more than that and I’ve never been more sincere. And I’m not just talking about Leighton’s behavior. There is also...”

He paused, looking annoyed at not being able to explain himself further.

“It’s too complex, Deliah. Too incredible for you to understand what’s going on...this reality. One day, maybe you...”

He stopped. When his green eyes bore into mine, I saw a surprisingly strong desire, while sensing a deep resignation. He wanted to tell me the truth. His eyes seemed to shout at me that it was vital that he tell me this. There was also this fatalistic glow that seemed to say that I probably would never know anything, because my reaction would be too awful. But too awful for him or for me?

I could not help being contemplative. We all had secrets, myself included and I clearly discerned his desire to tell me what I wanted to know. If he remained silent, it was only to save me.

“I believe you,” I whispered, determined not to know what he was hiding.

At least for now. When it would become too difficult, then maybe I would change my judgment. He smiled at me and, before I even saw it coming, his fingers traced the outline of my lips. I was shocked, my eyes boring into his. His face betrayed nothing, but his eyes, they said everything. He went through different emotions. Astonishment, relief, envy...then hesitation. I held my breath. I did not know what was going to happen, but whatever did, I knew that I wasn’t going to stop it. At the last moment, when I thought he was going to kiss me, he withdrew his fingers from my lips with deliberate slowness and stared at me with bright emotion in his eyes that I couldn’t identify.