Shadow of Love (27 page)

‘
And Marlene never doubted her story? Not even for a second?’

‘
No, she was too hurt and too angry to even listen. She kicked him out the same night, throwing his stuff on the street and yelling for him to disappear. I couldn’t understand her reaction then, and I still can’t today. The only explanation I came up with was the trauma of losing two husbands already, all her love going to her only daughter.

‘
I tried to reason with her, James,’ she whispered after a moment of silence, afraid he had already tried her and found her wanting. ‘I went to her and told her all I knew about Sophie’s liaison with this married man and her anger at Steve for forbidding her to see him. I told her she was mad enough to do something stupid, and I Begginsed her to listen. I said I would go to the police myself and tell them about the threats she made if Marlene didn’t do anything.’

‘
But she didn’t believe you either?’

She nodded to his question, goose bumps forming on her skin at the memory of that wretched night. ‘She said that if I did such a thing, she would make sure I would be put into foster care, since she wasn’t really my mother and didn’t need to take care of me if she chose not to. She said she would take the restaurant and the house and send me somewhere far away, where I would have enough time to regret I ever opened my sorry, lying mouth. And stupid as I was, I believed her.’

She was crying openly now, the pain from the past returning as intense as ever. She had failed Steve with her selfishness, and there was no pretty way to put it.

‘
You were young and scared.’ Amazingly it was James who came to her rescue, his hands taking her by the shoulders and turning gently but decisively to him, until they were facing face to face.

‘
Look at me,’ he directed softly, his finger going under her chin and lifting her wet, unhappy face to his gaze. ‘It wasn’t your fault, Emily. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you could have said or done anything to change Marlene’s mind. She was already convinced of his guilt, and nothing in this world would have been able to change it.’

‘
Steve moved out, of course,’ she said in response, grateful for his support. ‘I visited him and Begginsed him to try talking to Marlene. I could tell he was miserable and couldn’t come to terms with what happened. I think it was the fact of being written off so quickly and efficiently that hurt him most. Marlene didn’t know about my visits, of course, and if Sophie suspected anything, she was in full damage control mode and would not rock the boat, either.’

‘
The last time I saw him alive, he was sitting in his chair, bottles of beer around him, plates and pots stacked sky-high in this little sink he had in the kitchen. I did some tidying up and joked I would have to move in permanently to take care of him if he didn’t improve soon. He looked at me with those sad eyes and said something I should have understood but didn’t at the time. “It won’t be necessary, Em,”
he said and smiled, and stupid me, I thought he was planning on reconciliation.’

She looked up to James, finally verbalizing what had bothered her for years.

‘
Don’t you see, James? I failed him completely. I should have understood what he meant. Instead, I went home, all hopeful and happy. The next day, he tried to kill himself.’

She waited for him to say something condemning her, bracing herself for his honest words. He must have seen she was guilty of enough to make him hate her. The idea of telling him what happened, that had seemed so right only moments before, had turned horribly wrong, destroying any hope to make him see her in a better light. What was she thinking, anyway? That he would give her some absolution and tell her she was beating herself up for nothing?

Unable to stand it any more, she slipped out of his embrace and walked away, to the other end of the gazebo. It would hurt less to hear him speak if there was some distance between them.

But he was there in an instant, his hands reaching for her once again, as he bent his head and rested his forehead against hers.

‘
Don’t,’ he whispered, rocking her gently until she calmed down, only a few shaky breaths breaking the silence. ‘You were young, naïve, and caring. God knows, you were in a situation that wasn’t either easy or normal. Steve would’ve never wanted you torture yourself with those memories of what could have been. He loved you and was proud to have you. If anything in his later life was all right, it must have been you.’

And then he kissed her. It wasn’t the passionate kiss of a lover, his lips gentle and persuasive as he coaxed her into responding. Carefully, his mouth traced the silvery tracks her tears left on her cheeks. She held her breath, the sensation of his lips against her skin making her crave more.

But James was in no hurry. He moved to the corner of her trembling mouth, lingering for a second on the curve of her lips. She felt his hands going to the nape of her neck, weaving their way into her long hair. It was a light touch, and she could have stepped back at any time. Only she didn’t want to be anywhere else but in the cradle of his arms, his touch reassuring. The memories of the past that she had so successfully subdued for most of the time had come back, as haunting and painful as ever. She had no strength to fight them alone, she thought tiredly, as she kissed him back, all her desperation and sadness sealed in that kiss.

She needed his warmth and his strength; the solid structure of his bones under her fingertips and the even, steady heartbeat next to hers were enough to disperse some of the overwhelming darkness that threatened to consume her once again. He was alive and strong, every cell of his tall, powerful body humming with life and a promise of conquering whatever difficulties life might put into his way.

She needed some of that strength, she thought, as their kiss deepened, her assertive response finally breaking through his self-control. More urgent now, he pulled her closer. His hands slid down from her hair to come to her waist, bringing her to him with one strong move. She could feel the tremor in his body at their full contact, echoing in her own heated blood.

And then someone laughed nearby, a snippet of conversation carried by the wind disturbingly close. James’s head went up, the moonlight glittering silvery in his eyes as he looked at her.

‘
I’d better take you home now,’ he said simply, before leaning down once again and planting a careful kiss on her cheek. ‘Thank you for telling me about what happened.’ His breath fanned her heated face, making her long to stand on her tiptoes and kiss him again, if only to prolong this perfect moment of unity.

She knew it couldn’t last. Here, they were alone, away from the whole world and the ugliness of what divided them in the first place. There were no rules and no second guesses, just him and her, a man and a woman. The cloak of darkness that sheltered them from prying eyes would disappear as they stepped back into the lights of the restaurant and the car. He would realize that she was nothing more than exactly what he thought her to be when they first met, a weak and pathetic sister of the woman who had killed the man he adored most. And he would hate her again.

She didn’t know how she managed to stop herself from doing it, from trying to make him love her and forget the past. But she did. Instead she smiled lightly, her heart aching as she allowed him to take her hand and find the way back to the real world that was never too far away.

Time for despair would come later. For now she had to play the part that life had dealt her the best she could, and hope to the heavens, she was actress enough to succeed.

‘
So what did James say about our little trip today?’ Layla’s brown eyes watched her carefully as they sat in the back of the sleek silver Mercedes, the chauffeur weaving his way through the mid-day traffic.

‘
I didn’t mention it to him,’ Emily admitted, sick and tired of making up stories if it wasn’t necessary. She had lied enough to last a lifetime, she thought rebelliously, as she watched Layla’s face break into a wide grin.

‘
What’s so funny?’ She asked, sounding a bit more edgy than usual. Maybe because she did feel guilty about conveniently omitting her plans for today as they chatted on the way to the hotel in the morning. They had been alone, so she had plenty of opportunity to mention it to him, but had decided against it. She would be with Layla and her bodyguard, after all. That was enough security, especially since they planned to visit the more posh part of the souks, where crimes and robberies weren’t a problem.

Briefly, Emily regretted the fact they would not get to see the real underbelly of the city, the narrow, tight streets and local markets holding more interest for her than the upscale places Layla was after. She couldn’t say it, of course; the generous offer to show her around was something to be appreciated. Obviously Layla was a good sport, she thought, as she watched James walk off after kissing her briefly in the manager’s office. He had delivered her to the very doorstep and made sure she wasn’t alone, she thought, amused. As British as he was, some parts of him were definitely Egyptian.

He had been around for most of the morning, their breakfast served in yet another opulent room by silent servants who moved with swift efficiency. James’s grandmother was nowhere to be seen, her frosty goodnight upon their return last night leaving little hope for a friendly family meal. So she breathed a sigh of relief to see only James waiting for her at the table, explaining that the rest of the family were still in their rooms. His aunts didn’t get up that early, especially after a long supper that had dragged on to the early hours of the day.

She remembered seeing the family still there when they returned from the hotel the night before, the half-hearted invitation she received to join them nothing more than a polite gesture. She refused, aware of their barely contained relief. James had accompanied her to her room and went back to join them. She had been glad for the opportunity to be alone and gather her thoughts, things were moving too quickly and in a direction that left her wondering if she knew what was she doing.

Layla’s family usually lived in Cairo, but they owned an old colonial villa in the Greek part of town, near the famous Shallalat Gardens. Her properly dressed chauffeur escorted her to the door of the hotel. She and Emily had a great morning, Emily’s relief almost palpable as she discovered what a nice, quick-witted, and overall charming person Layla was. She had to wonder why James didn’t seem more eager to find it out for himself, his definite lack of interest in a relationship with Layla a mystery to her. Logically speaking, he should be overjoyed to have her interested in him.

She knew that James would be busy during lunch hours, apologizing yesterday for having crammed in a few meetings that couldn’t be postponed. He didn’t plan on another trip to Alexandria any time soon, he explained, so he had to make the most of the rather tight schedule his board of directors had prepared.

Emily didn’t mind. She could do with some time alone, away from his magnetic pull and larger-than-life personality. She needed it, if only to be able to put some distance between the real and the imaginary on their trip. It was dangerously easy to forget the true reason for her being here, the boundaries between what was real and what she was dreaming of smudged and overlapping. A few hours alone, or with someone who didn’t make her heart skip a beat every time their eyes met, was exactly what the doctor ordered.

‘
Well, I guess we’re both guilty as charged.’ Layla was laughing now, her dark eyes sparkling in the sun. ‘I didn’t tell him anything, either. I was selfishly worried that he would forbid you to come out of concern.’

‘
Forbid?’ Emily wrinkled her nose and shook her head, her eyes indignant. ‘I don’t respond well to forbidding. But I don’t think he would even attempt it, to be fair.’

‘
You know little about our lives here, don’t you?’ Was there a bit of bitterness in Layla’s voice, as she took her arm and guided her to the beginning of a narrow street that marked the beginning of the souk?

‘
Here we go.’ She was smiling again, the fleeting wistful expression gone as soon as it came. ‘This is the Attarine Souk, my dear. Tourists call it the Antique Bazaar, and the locals gave it a name
Zinkqat as–Sittat
. Very fitting as you will notice, once we get deeper in.’

She laughed at Emily’s blank expression, and explained, ‘I am sorry; I forgot you don’t speak any Arabic. It means “The Women’s Squeeze.” Which is what we will be doing if we want to get to the really good stuff.’

Emily peered cautiously ahead, her eyes widening in delight at the sight of the maze of little streets, too narrow for cars to fit. Furniture, lamps, and dishes were piled along the narrow doorways, the brown of the carved wood blending beautifully with the golden, coppery, and silver pots, lamps, and chests.

‘
Salim will come with us,’ Layla explained, nodding to the chauffeur who joined them after parking the car at the mouth of the street. ‘There are hundreds of little antique shops and boutiques here. Not only that, there are also herbalists, spice sellers, metal workers, and tanners.’ She pulled Emily along, chatting animatedly. ‘Two things to remember, Emily. Stay close to me, and keep to the right of the street.’

Emily must have looked clueless, because Layla explained, patient as if she was talking to a child, ‘There are some crazy people riding mopeds, you know. Not too many around here, but just in case, it’s better to be on the safe side. Plus, if you have the misfortune to stumble upon a thief on his motorbike, he might pull your bag away if he comes from behind. It’s harder to accomplish if you see him approach.’