Shades of Gray (79 page)

 

He was back within a few minutes and joined her on the sofa, reaching for both her and the open can on the low table. He drank it all down before beginning.

“I don’t know how or why I changed like that, Carrie,” he said quietly, burying his face against her neck and breathing in her scent. “It scared the spit out of me—and still does if I’m being truthful.”

“Where did you go?” she asked, taking hold of his free hand and lacing her fingers between his. “There was heat, like when we went to the Margins. I was sure you’d been called back there.”

“No, not there, or then.” He hesitated. “I’m tired, cub. Everything that happened is still fresh for me. I haven’t made sense of it all yet, but I need you tonight. I need to know at the core of my being that we’re alive and together. If I don’t tell you now, you’ll find out anyway when we pair, and I don’t want that.” His hand tightened on hers till he felt his claws extend, then reluctantly he slackened his grasp.

“You really are afraid,” she said quietly. “Just tell me, love. It can’t be any worse than what we’ve already been through.”

“Do you remember when Kate and Taynar were kidnapped by a Valtegan on Keiss? His name was Chokkuh.”

“I remember.”

“He was Head of Security on Keiss.”

“Oh,” she said in a small voice.

“I woke inside his mind, on the night Elise was arrested.”

The silence lengthened. “How did he find out about her?”

“I don’t know, but she was his favorite, and he warned her not to betray him. She did.”

Carrie took a ragged breath and leaned against him. “Tell me it all.”

He did, leaving out only her death. “I couldn’t help her, or you, cub. If I had, our lives and many others would have been changed, the whole future from then on altered forever.”

She was crying now, tears rolling slowly down her cheeks until she wiped her hand across her face. “It happened, Kusac, because it had already happened. We could go mad even thinking about what you could have done differently. You couldn’t change anything. How did she die? No, don’t tell me. I don’t really want to know.”

Turning, she buried her face against his chest, sobbing openly now.

“I have to tell you,” he said, reaching up to stroke her head as he held her close with his other arm. “J’koshuk . . . he was going to . . . mutilate her on Chokkuh’s orders because she wouldn’t talk.”

“Worse than he already had?” she wept.

“Worse. You lost your fingernails when Elise did. I couldn’t risk you suffering more, cub, I couldn’t! The Gods help me, I killed her, Carrie, not J’koshuk or Chokkuh . . . it was me. I had to choose between you and her, and I chose you.” There, he’d told her. Now he wanted for her response.

She stiffened in his arms. “How?” He could barely hear her.

“Gently, I promise. I stopped her heart,” he whispered, holding her closer, afraid she’d push him aside, be done with him for ever. “I’m sorry, Carrie. I had to do it to save you. Both of me felt your suffering, and she asked me to save you. Somehow she sensed me inside that M’zullian.”

A moan of horror escaped her, and then she began sobbing. This time in anger.

“If you hadn’t been there . . . If you hadn’t saved me . . . How could she have been so
stupid
? She never thought twice about risking
my
life, damn her!”

“Not till the end,” he said, beginning to rock her gently as he had Shaidan many times. “I had sensed you earlier, reached out mentally for you. I think that’s how she knew I was there but didn’t realize it until that moment. I was her only hope to escape them and save you.” Relief overwhelmed him as he realized this hadn’t put the wedge he’d feared between them.

“She must have suffered dreadfully,” she wept, “and so must you, trapped in that Valtegan’s mind, watching what they were doing ...” Abruptly she pushed herself away from him and sat up.

“If you were there, then you were always there, we just didn’t know till now.”

“I know. I was sent back by Ghyakulla and L’Shoh.”

When she continued to look at him expectantly, he sighed and reached to pull her close again.

“They want me to be Their Avatar of Justice, decide what we should do about M’zull.”

“I hope you said no,” she said sharply, swiping her forearm across her face again.

“I tried,” he said, nuzzling her neck. “But as Kaid has frequently said, They have a habit of not listening and giving you no other choice.”

“Tell me exactly what happened,” she said, wriggling in his grasp as he began to lick at her neck and nearest ear.

“I’ve a better idea,” he murmured, catching hold of her ear lobe with his teeth. “You can have it all now, directly from my mind.”

“What about Shaidan? He’s part of our Link because of . . .”

“Dealt with for now,” he said. “And he’ll sleep through the night.”

You’re incorrigible!
she sent, putting up only a token protest as his mouth closed on hers.

“Mmm,” he replied.

Kaid and T’Chebbi joined them for breakfast, but it wasn’t until Kusac had taken Shaidan to the nursery to join the other children and returned that he reluctantly brought them up to date on what had happened to him. He did keep one or two details about Elise to himself and Carrie, though.

“Let’s hope you aren’t dragged back in time again,” said Kaid, a growl underscoring his words.

“I don’t think I will be,” he said slowly. “This time was . . . different.”

“How we explain it to Kezule?” asked T’Chebbi.

“More or less as I explained it to you, leaving out the Avatar part.”

“I don’t think you can,” said Kaid, pushing his drinking vessel toward Carrie as she lifted the jug of coffee and offered it around.

“Coffee? That’s not like you.” she said, pouring for him.

“I think I’ll be needing it,” Kaid grunted. “The Primes see Kusac’s shape-changing and disappearance as part of a legend of theirs—one tied, coincidentally, to a savior hero who’ll bring justice to all.”

It was Kusac who growled now, with annoyance. “Seems every world has one.”

“Your return as Valtegan solidified it. They call him Zsadhi. Same as the Palace AI,” said T’Chebbi.

“Like Conner’s ancient Terran Avatar, he was wounded to death, as were you, but will return to them in their hour of need,” added Kaid.

“Coincidence,” muttered Kusac, snagging the last piece of crispy fried meat from the communal plate.

“Does it matter?” asked Carrie, sipping her coffee. “These legends aren’t going to affect our plans, are they?”

“Only in that among the Primes and Ch’almuthians it calls upon ancient memories and loyalties, which is certainly to our advantage,” said Kaid. He smirked at Kusac. “Having our very own God with us would certainly be a rallying point. Just don’t get any delusions about ...”

“Dammit, Kaid, if you don’t know better than that by now . . .” Kusac began angrily

Kaid began laughing, and he rolled his napkin into a ball and threw it at Kusac. “Calm down, Kusac. We know who you are; we know you won’t get carried away by all this nonsense.”

Catching the napkin, Kusac threw it back at him. “It’s not that funny,” he said. “The last thing we need is a bunch of religious maniacs following us around.”

“But them committing acts of civil disobedience in this Zsadhi’s name would certainly help destabilize their society,” said Carrie.

“Excuse me, Captain,” interrupted the gentle tones of the AI “General Kezule asks that you all join him now in the Council chamber.”

“On our way, ZSADHI,” said Kusac, grimacing as he said the name. He found all this talk of avatars and heroes unsettling. “I don’t suppose either of you brought my sword with you?” he asked.

“I did,” said Carrie, getting up from the table. “It’s in its case in my large bag in the closet. I’d forgotten about it till now. Shall I get it for you before we leave?”

“I’ll get it later, thanks,” he said, feeling an inevitability of fate settling around him like a mantle.

“I have things to do,” said T’Chebbi, taking her leave of Kaid before heading off on her own.

 

Only Kezule, M’kou, and Zsurtul were in the chamber.

As he expected, Kezule wanted to know about his miraculous shape-changing ability. Regarding his disappearance, however, he was content to accept that Kusac had been pulled back to an incident in his past on Keiss and hadn’t pressed for more details.

“Can you sustain the Valtegan form for long?” Kezule asked, sitting back at ease in his chair.

“I believe so,” said Kusac. “I was still one when I returned.”

“What about your other abilities—changing the colors of the flowers, for instance. Could you change a person’s color, make a Prime seem a M’zullian?”

“Possibly. I’d have to practice on more plants, then living animals, before I’d be comfortable even thinking about affecting a person.”

“What about gender?” asked M’kou suddenly. “Could you make a female appear male?”

Kusac glanced over at him. “I have no idea. I’d need volunteers at some point, and I’m not at all comfortable at the though of experimenting with lives. If you’re thinking I could mask the Prime females as males, they’d possibly lose their telepathic abilities.”

“Why? Their minds would be the same even if their bodies altered,” argued M’kou.

“I’m not comfortable working on people yet,” he repeated.

“If your experiments with animals were successful, we’ve the condemned traitors we could use,” said Kezule. “This could pave the way for a group of commandos to be left safely on M’zull.”

“They’d be unable to change back on their own,
if
it was possible,” warned Kaid.

“I’d have to be there too,” said Kusac, tapping his claw tips thoughtfully on the table. “This could make a couple of ideas I had possible.”

“Not unless I’m there as well,” said Carrie firmly.

“I don’t think I can do this without your help,” he admitted, reaching for her hand where it lay beside his on the table. He saw the look on Kaid’s face and grinned. “They’re only ideas, Kaid. It would all hinge on being able to change other people.”

“So share the ideas,” growled Kaid.

Kusac shrugged. “Rezac was able to affect matter. I want to see if I can awaken his ability again. His knowledge and experience would be invaluable, and he’s actually worked on people. As for ideas, what do we need to actually achieve to neutralize the M’zullians?”

“We need to do more than destroy their fleets and their military HQs on the surface,” said M’kou. “If that’s all we do, they will rebuild and come after us again. Maybe not for a hundred or more years, but they will come.”

Kusac nodded. “We need to destroy the very way they live. Their lives are dominated by the military. All the males belong to it, even their merchants. The nearest things to civilians are the drones and the females, right, Kezule?”

The General nodded. “Drones will make up a fairly large group. They fill many niches that the Prime females fill here. They run the nurseries, the homes of the upper echelons of the military and the Court, perform menial jobs, and are the only sexual partners available to the ordinary soldier. In short, they are present everywhere, even in the Royal harem.”

“And unlike the females, they have freedom of movement. I assume they have very few rights.”

“If it’s the same as it was in my time, they are property, not citizens,” said Kezule.

“What about their personalities?”

Kezule shrugged. “I never had anything to do with them,” he said. “They were sterile, and most were sexless, though there were those who had basic functionality as males or females. They provided sex partners for the soldiers in my fleet. Having none of the hormones needed to breed, they lacked the aggression of both. The males had none of the organs that enhance our speed and healing. Apart from that, they were unaltered in any other way.”

“A slave population,” said Carrie. “They can’t have much love for the rest of the M’zullians. They could be ripe for rebellion, and they’re present in every location we need to hit—the fleets, the military bases on the planet, and the Palace.”

“They aren’t warriors,” objected Kezule. “Their time is regulated, so their absence would be noticed. Though they may have desires for position and power, they’re like the Primes in their inability to be aggressive.”

“We need a solution that can be implemented quickly, not one that will take months, maybe years to bring to fruition,” said Kusac. “We have very little time before they mount an all-out attack on Ch’almuth and here and then the rest of our worlds. We need to know their weaknesses, Kezule, traits we can exploit to turn them against each other.”

Kezule pushed his chair abruptly back from the table and for a moment stood looking impassively down at them. Turning on his heel, he walked away from them, stopping at the large TAC screens. Hands clasped behind him, he stared at the screen, which currently showed a view of the courtyard outside. His anger was a palpable force in the room.