Shackled Lily (4 page)

3
. Phone priviledges

Present Day…

I was getting irritated with this place. I had been awake for three hours now, had eaten the terrible food they insisted on, walked up and down the hall three times and had even let them monitor me using the restroom. Yet, despite my complying with their every demand, my father still refused to let me call Jake. His way of asserting control over my life, as usual. I pouted and huffed, but to no avail. He insisted that I needed sleep and no emotional stimuli. Whatever.

“So Daddy, you must have a ton of work to do since you’ve been stuck here with me,” I said sweetly, hoping he would miss my ulterior motive. “I would totally understand if you needed to head back to the office. Seriously, the nursing staff has it covered.”

He looked up at me from his laptop and seemed conflicted. My dad’s buttons were so easy to push. Rule number one: always use work to get his attention. Rule number two: talk about subjects he wanted to avoid. Rule number three: make him think it was his idea. I’d have him out of here in no time.

“I was kind of thinking I may call in the chaplain anyway. I’ve been having all these thoughts of Mom and the breakup. I don’t know, it’s just getting to me,” I said in a sad tone.

My dad immediately stiffened and started to rub his neck. “You know, it may not be a bad idea to head out for the night. You probably will sleep better if I’m not around anyway.”

“I think you are absolutely right, Daddy.” I batted my eyes and shot him my sweetest smile, knowing I was putting the last nail in the coffin.

“Ok, I’m going to get going, then. You have the nurses call if you need anything, you hear?” He leaned in and kissed my forehead before rushing out of the room.

I felt relief cascade through my whole body, and I wasn’t the only one. The nurses also seemed visibly happier to have my father gone.

“So can I get a shower and into something besides this gown?” I asked the one named Jackie when she came in to check my vitals.

“Of course, dear. That would probably make you feel a lot better.” She walked to the sitting area and pulled out a bag that I immediately recognized. “I think your dad packed you some stuff you may want in here.”

She left the room, and I threw open my bag, searching all the contents. No way my father packed this bag. The person who did so knew me well. It was most likely my roommate, Avery. All the clothes were folded way too perfectly to have been Jake. I silently thanked her as the bag had all the essentials I could ever want and to my pure joy, I found my phone and charger sitting at the very bottom. Plugging it in, I felt slightly more lighthearted and headed to shower for the first time in days. My mind still couldn’t wrap around the fact that it was the fifth of January. I had lost days of my life, well actually I had almost lost my entire life. It was a thought too heavy to process so I quickly pushed it aside.

My mind then wandered to Grant as I wondered what he thought of my accident. Did he still care? I was once again annoyed that I wanted him to. I had successfully put him out of my mind after seeing him at Thanksgiving. Ben’s party had been a very effective mind eraser in that respect. Now it seemed I couldn’t get the memories of him out of my head. It was all those stupid dreams.

I had to get out of here. I was suffocating in the silence and felt almost panicked at the idea of spending another second alone. I felt the tangles pull as I brushed through my long black hair, leaving droplets of water on my soft flannel pajamas. It felt so good to be clean.

My phone was charged enough to turn it on and soon came an onslaught of messages and voicemails, over a hundred to be exact. I smiled to myself…I wasn’t forgotten. I didn’t bother with any of them. Only one person really mattered in my mind.

His phone barely rang before I heard his panicked voice. “Issy?”

“In the flesh,” I answered playfully. “Or should I say in the voice? I don’t know. Either way, it’s me.”

Jake was laughing, almost hysterically which seemed odd to me. “Issy, you have no idea how much I wanted to hear your voice. Are you ok?”

“If you call being held captive in a stark white hospital room with no friends being ok, then yes, I guess so. When are you going to come break me out of here?”

Jake laughed again, heartier than the first time, and I laughed with him as the feeling of comfort started to flow all through my body.

“I’d be there in a flash, Issy, if your dad hadn’t practically threatened me the last time we spoke. I would have told him exactly where to go except that he reminded me he could pull you from Winsor in a second. I agreed to stay away at that point.”

“That jerk. He knows everyone’s weakness,” I huffed, irritated that Jake wasn’t here with me and it was all my father’s doing.

“Hey Issy?” Jake asked apprehensively.

“Yeah.”

“I’m really sorry. I said horrible things, and I didn’t mean any of them. I couldn’t have made it this far without you. Please don’t ever scare me like that again.”

I heard Jake’s voice quiver and felt the tears come to my eyes. Darn him for almost making me cry. “Jake, not another word. We’re family. That gives us a stupid pass every now and then,” I assured him, trying to pull as much humor to my voice as I could. I found the self-control I was searching for and then continued to bombard him with questions about what had been going on the last few days. He didn’t mention Avery, and I didn’t ask. That was a dysfunctional relationship if there ever was one. Jake broke her heart, then fell in love with her. Only problem was that she was now in love with someone else. Jake wasn’t ready to believe it, but it was crystal clear to me. Parker and Avery were meant to be together. I just wondered how long it would take and how much pain he would have to feel before he accepted it.

I didn’t know what Jake was thinking. Our family was cursed when it came to love. We had made a pact in high school to never fall in love, as we both saw first hand what it did to our mothers. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

We talked a little longer and then got off the phone. I tried to call my mom, but it went straight to voicemail. Odd. I left her a message. I wanted to call Avery, but suddenly felt so exhausted, I had to lay down. Sleep overtook me quickly, and I sunk back into the world I vowed I’d forget.

Two years earlier…

Age: 18

It was finally my senior year
, and I loved every second of it. I had permanently established myself as the queen of the school, an honor bestowed on me almost immediately after Ben and I started dating. My mom had busied herself with caring for my aunt Kathy, so I no longer felt the need to babysit her whenever Anna’s picture would show up in the society page.

Ben and Jake both being at Winsor was the only downfall in the equation, but we saw each other often enough. When Jake wasn’t home, Ben usually was, and I had learned the art of finding a good party anywhere in the city.

It was my weekend at my dad’s again, and while I dreaded two days with my stepmother and her son, it did make it easier when Ben was in town.  He was taking me to dinner and out to a local club that turned a blind eye to minors. I hadn’t seen him in weeks and couldn’t wait until he got here.

I tiptoed into my dad’s liquor cabinet while I waited and found the stash I was looking for. Another positive thing about coming to my dad’s house was that I discovered how numbing alcohol could be. The combination of neglect and easy access made hiding it a piece of cake, leading me to have multiple private drinking parties while trapped in the house. Grant had caught me on numerous occasions, and while he took it out of my hands and sent me to bed, he never told my dad about it.

Grant had changed in the last year or so. He had broken up with his girlfriend and was starting to lose that boyish softness I liked so much. Personally, I thought he looked miserable, so I refrained from torturing him too much. We had learned to exist without interacting, which was a good thing since I still would get butterflies whenever his hand would accidently brush mine. More than once, I had caught him staring at me, looking conflicted as to whether or not to say something. The moment usually ended with one or both of us walking the other way, leaving a silent tension hanging unresolved in the air.

I continued to drink until my teeth felt numb and thoughts of Grant slipped from my mind. By the time Ben showed up, I was well past sober, a fact I was grateful for after only ten minutes with him. College had changed Ben too. While arrogant and stuck up in high school, he was still funny and charming, but now he was just rude to everyone and seemed to only care when he could party next.  Ben had moved from alcohol to weed and then on to some heavier stuff since going to Winsor. I wanted nothing to do with any of it, which annoyed him when he came home.

By midnight he was bored and wanted to leave. I, on the other hand, was having the time of my life dancing with various people in the club. The bartenders had been very kind to me as they went on and on about how beautiful my eyes were. Ben had only danced with me twice and spent most of the night in the corner texting on his phone. I was starting to wonder if I should rethink this dating thing as his stock was seriously starting to plummet.

I reluctantly agreed to leave after he growled at me for the fifth time. The room was starting to spin anyway, so it was probably a good thing. Ben dropped me off in front of my house and peeled out of my driveway with barely a goodbye. My inebriated state was likely the only thing keeping me from driving to his house and busting out one of his headlights.

Good riddance
, I thought, and headed through the house and out to the lake. The sand felt cold on my feet, and I watched as the water stayed eerily still as I approached it. I could hear it beckoning me, calling me to it. It was the Lady of the Lake and her voice was hypnotic as I slowly removed my dress. The icy water burned my feet as I walked forward, but it didn’t deter me. In fact, I relished it, that feeling of numbness that blocked out any and every emotion I didn’t want to feel. By the time I was waist deep, I could no longer feel my legs and slowly let myself sink down until I felt the surface of the water against my neck and then my forehead. I closed my eyes and let the sound of the water rock me to sleep as I sunk lower into the depths.

A minute later I was floating. The water was gone, but the movement continued, comforting me as I tumbled towards sleep.

“What is wrong with you?” a terrified voice asked in the distance. It was honey sweet and electrified every one of my senses. I felt warmth envelope me as his voice continued, “I need you to open your eyes, just for a second so I know you’re still with me, ok?”

I loved his voice, every word like fire to my frozen heart. I opened my eyes as he requested and stared lovingly at his beautiful face. I caressed his cheek, feeling his light stubble that always showed up at the end of the day. It was the first touch we had shared in months, and I knew my fingers would remember the feeling long past that moment. His expression was soft, reminding me of the boy who held me as I cried so many years before. He held me now too, wrapped up in a blanket as the fire cast an orange glow over his tan features.

I snuggled back into him, enjoying every moment of this wonderful dream, and was weightless once again. His arms were so tight and snug against my body that I almost felt disappointed when my mattress gave under my weight, and my soft sheets were pulled over the blanket. I felt his hand on my cheek, his thumb ever so lightly following the contours of my lips. I wanted to open my eyes, but they were too heavy to move, so I lay motionless as his touch left a trail of fire on my skin.

“So beautiful,” he whispered. “Like the forbidden fruit put here just to torture me.”

His heavy sigh echoed in my room before I felt the bed shift and the door close with one simple click.

Present day…

I bolted out of bed, my pajamas soaked and my breathing shallow. Was that a memory or a dream? I remembered Ben and the club, even the lake, but had never remembered anything past that. I pulled myself out of bed and splashed cold water on my heated face. This had to stop! I never dreamed, ever. It was always just dead time when I slept. Of course, it had been years since I was sober this many days in a row, a problem I would need to remedy quickly. This couldn’t go on. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw
him
, and it was killing me.

I looked over to the clock. It was one in the morning, but there was no way I was sleeping. I dialed Jake’s number. Voicemail. My irritation started to boil. My mom hadn’t called me back either. I tried her again, but got the voicemail again. I slammed the END button and pouted. I wanted out of here. Finally, I calmed and called Avery’s phone. She was typically an early to bed type, but was usually pretty good about waking up to talk to me. It rang and rang, and just when I thought it would go to voicemail, I heard Avery’s voice.

“Hi!” she yelled into the phone so loud that I had to pull it away from my ear. “How are you?”

She sounded like a teenager who just got caught making out by her parents. “Wow, Avery, you’re like breathing heavy. What did I interrupt?” I asked playfully.