Sexual Reawakening - 10 Simple Steps (3 page)

What is your reason for having sex or for currently not
having sex?

What do you hope to learn, give, receive, become, or
have through sexual contact?

What do you desire, fantasize and dream about?

How do you feel about having children or becoming a
parent?

Do you want to have children with your current partner
or with someone else?

How is sex better than touching, hugging, giving or
receiving a massage?

Is there any other way for you to achieve the same
sensations, feelings and goals?

How has your reason for wanting sex affected your life
and your sexuality?

Close your eyes and reflect
upon your responses.

How important is sexuality in your life?

Has the importance of sexuality in your life changed?

How?

When?

What caused the change?

How has the importance you have placed on sexuality
affected your life and your sexuality?

Have you ever been celibate?

For how long?

What effect did being celibate  have, if any, upon
your life and your sexuality?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.

Are you currently being sexual with:

A partner?

Your spouse?

Live-in partner?

Casual date, steady partner?

Person other than your live-in partner?

Other?

How does your body feel before, during and after
sexual relations with your current partner?

Are you currently celibate?

For how long?

For what reason?

How often do you stimulate yourself sexually and in
what preferred ways?

Do you reach orgasm easily or with difficulty?

How do you feel before, during and after you stimulate
yourself?

How does your current sexuality compare to each decade
of your previous life?

What has remained the same?

What has changed?

When and how did it change?

When were you most happy, most fulfilled?

When were you least happy, least fulfilled?

What have you done in the past to improve your
condition?

What are you doing now to improve your condition?

How is your current sexuality affecting your life?

Close your eyes and reflect
upon your responses.

Are you satisfied or upset with your sexual functioning
at this point in your life?

Are you currently experiencing any sexual problems?

Desire problems

Arousal problems

Orgasmic problems

Have your problems been recent or lifelong? 

Have these problems happened only in certain
situations or in most circumstances?

Has your sexual functioning changed?  How?  When? 
What caused the change?

How have your sexual dysfunctions, if any, affected
your life and your sexuality?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.

When our bodies do not respond the way we think they
"should," we are receiving a powerful message.  Maybe we have been
trying to force our bodies to do something we don't really want to do.  Our
brain sends the message to our pituitary, the master gland, signaling our
ovaries or testes and other glands to secrete the hormones needed for us to
become aroused.  If our brain fails to send the proper signals, our glands will
not secrete the needed hormones.  We will either not become aroused, lose our
arousal, or be unable to experience the pleasurable release of orgasm.  We
cannot ignore our body's messages and function with precision. We are not mere
physical machines.  We have a mind, emotions; five basic senses, a
neuromuscular system, an autonomic nervous system, organs, tissues and glands
-- and all of them affect each other.

Just as we cannot turn on a car ignition with the wrong
key, insufficient gas or oil, a cracked starter, or worn spark plugs, we cannot
"turn on" our sexual apparatus without the proper human fuel.  That
proper fuel is unique to each one of us and often different for the same person
at different times.  If we don't know what thoughts, feelings, visual images,
words and sounds, physical sensations and moral principles ignite our private
parts, then we may interpret our body's message as a sign that we have a
problem, are not performing well, and are somehow inadequate. Perhaps that
"problem" that won't go away is merely our body's way of saying:
"Pay attention to me."

Close your eyes and imagine your sexual life being
exactly the way you want it to be.

Where are you?

Who is with you?

What are you doing?

How are you feeling?

Close your eyes and reflect
upon your responses.

Many of us assume our friends have the same sexual
desires and preferences that we have.  Many of us believe that we can
generalize and say that "men like...." and "women
want...."  Yet every one of us is a totally unique individual with our own
fingerprint and specific DNA code.  We have our own preferences and style in
everything we do, from the way we eat, dress, work, play and talk to the types
of friends and lovers we choose.  Each of us has our own unique sexual style,
needs, desires, interests and preferences.  Why not allow our unique sexuality
to emerge?

Through our intimate connections with others, we can
resolve long held conflicts about our deepest sexual selves.  Keeping our true
sexual desires hidden from fear of being rejected, embarrassed or abandoned, we
may be hurting ourselves or hurting someone else.

Sharing our sexuality in all its fullness offers our
partners the opportunity to expand their own sexual expression.

What do you believe is your level of sexual desire:

Hyperactive (overactive)?

Hypoactive (underactive)?

Or moderate?

Has your desire level changed?

How?

When?

What caused the change?

How has your sexual desire level affected your life
and your sexuality?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.

How do you become aroused?

What type of stimulation or techniques do you require?

How long does it take?

Has your sexual arousal style changed?

How?

When?

What caused the change?

How has your sexual arousal style affected your life
and your sexuality?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.

How easily do you orgasm and how long does it take?

Do you have difficulty attaining orgasm?

Are you able to control the timing of your orgasm?

Does it take longer than you would like for you to have
an orgasm?

Why?

Does your orgasm happen sooner than you would like?

Why?

Are your orgasms satisfying?

Has your orgasmic style or level of sensation changed?

How?

When?

What caused the change?

How has your orgasmic style affected your life and
your sexuality?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.

How do you feel and behave after you have had an
orgasm?  Are you:

Affectionate?

Cold?

Indifferent?

Bored?

Restless?

Feeling guilty and ashamed?

Do you fall asleep, get out of bed, leave?

How do you feel waking up in the morning next to your
partner?

Has your sexual resolution style changed?

How?

When?

What caused the change?

How has your sexual resolution style affected your
life and your sexuality?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.

What is your preferred source of stimulation:

visual images,

auditory messages,

kinesthetic,

touch sensations?

Do you prefer to be

the recipient,

victim,

aggressor,

perpetrator,

mutual partner?

Which visual images, auditory messages, or kinesthetic
sensations do you prefer:

Live person?

Intimate partner?

Strangers in the street?

Topless bars?

Call girls?

Prostitutes?

Massage parlors?

Videos, movies?

Internet sites?

Chat rooms?

Phone sex?

Magazines?

Photographs?

Self-pleasuring?

Other?

Have your preferred sources of stimulation change?

How?

When?

What caused the change?

How have your visual, auditory and kinesthetic
preferences affected your sexuality and your life?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.

At home?

On a couch?

In a bath or shower?

In another room?

explain,

On a terrace?

Porch or outdoor area?

Hotel or motel room?

Automobile?

Public place with the danger of being caught?

On a beach?

In a hot tub?

Other?

Which of the above sexual locations do you prefer?

Which do you engage in frequently?

Which have you seldom or never experienced?

In which locations have you been forced to have sex
against your will? 

In which locations would you like to have sex?

In which locations are you afraid to have sex?

Have your sexual location preferences changed?

How?

When? 

What caused the change?

How have your sexual location preferences affected
your life and your sexuality?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.

Kissing on the lips?

French or deep tongue kissing?

Sexual intercourse?

Cunnilingus?

Fellatio?

Anal Intercourse?

Analingus?

Fisting?

Sado-masochism?

Bondage?

Toys?

Role play?

Self-pleasuring alone?

Self-pleasuring with a partner present?

Mènage a trois?

Group sex?

Which of the above sexual activities do you prefer?

Which do you engage in frequently?

Which activities have you seldom or never
experienced?

Which activities have you been forced to do against
your will?

Which sexual activities would you like to do?

Which sexual activities are you afraid to do?

Which sexual activities do you find disgusting or
revolting?

Have your sexual activity preferences changed?

How?

When?

What caused the change?

How have your sexual activity preferences affected
your life and your sexuality?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.

Missionary Position?

Man on top?

Woman on top?

Doggie style?

Spoon style?

Woman’s back to man, sideways?

Facing each other?

Other specific positions?

experiment with different positions.

Which of the above sexual positions do you prefer

Which sexual positions do you engage in frequently?

Which sexual positions have you seldom or never
experienced?

Which sexual positions have you been forced to do
against your will?

Which sexual positions would you like to do?

Which sexual positions are you afraid to do?

Have your preferred sexual positions changed?

How?

When?

What caused the change?

How have your preferred sexual positions affected
your life and your sexuality?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.

What is your sexual performance style?

Aggressive?

Passive?

Is your sexual style narrowly focused and repetitive
or multi-faceted and changing?

Is your style quick and fast or long and slow?

Has your sexual performance style changed?

How?

When?

What caused the change?

How has your sexual performance style affected your
sexuality and your life?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.

Do you prefer pleasuring your partner?

Do you prefer being pleasured by your partner?

Do you prefer mutual giving and receiving of pleasure?

Has your sexual pleasuring style changed?

How?

When?

What caused the change?

How has your preferred interaction style affected your
sexuality and your life?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses?

How easily do you communicate your needs to your
partner?

How easily can your partner communicate his or her
needs to you?

Has your sexual communication style changed?

How?

When?

What caused the change?

How has your sexual communication style affected your
sexuality and your life?

Close your eyes and reflect upon your responses.