Sexual Reawakening - 10 Simple Steps
Read Sexual Reawakening - 10 Simple Steps Online
Authors: Dr. Erica Goodstone
10 SIMPLE STEPS
E
rica
G
oodstone,
P
h
.D., L
MHC
EACH OF US has a unique
and individual sexual response pattern
WHEN WE ARE in our
sexual prime hormones are flooding our bodies
OUR BODY is stronger than our willpower
AS WE EXPLORE our sexuality, we have the opportunity for change
YOUR SESUALITY is not separate from your life
SEXUAL REAWAKENING is the process that brings us back to ourselves
Come with me my love
Away to the
countryside
Where we alone may
know
The bliss and joy
And secret passion
Of every man and
woman
That ever loved
before
And those who may not
Yet have tasted
Life's sweet memories
Once known
Fulfills our sacred
soul
With tender dreamy
Thoughtless peace
Tumultuous weary
minds
Unwinding
Silent, quiet, still
Humble servants
Bowing their lowly
heads
Before the almighty,
omnipotent
Power
A single heart
Our heart beating as
one
Awakened, alive and
in love.
Your Unique Sexual Response Pattern
Each of us has a unique and individual sexual response
pattern. This pattern mirrors and reflects the way we are living our lives.
What appears to us to be a sexual problem is really a message from our
subconscious, manifesting in our sexual response or lack of response.
When we are in our sexual prime and hormones are flooding
our bodies, usually our teens to our early twenties, we may be able to easily
override our body's subtle messages and willfully continue to
"perform" sexually as our mind and ego choose. However, as we age
and our hormones are more subdued, we reach a point when we can no longer
forcefully override our bodily responses. Yes, we can take stimulants and
injections to enhance our arousal, but the stimulating effect will eventually fade
if we do not pay attention to the message our body is symbolically giving to
us.
Your Body is Stronger than your
Willpower
Your Sexuality is not Separate from
your Life
Factors that Affected your Sexuality
Your Gender Identity and Gender Roles
Your Age, Physical Appearance, and
Body Image
Where Did You Come from Originally
Your Mother’s Labor and Birthing of
You
Your Earliest Sexual Relationships
Your Adult Sexual Relationships
The Significance of Your Sexual History
Your Sexual Identity and Partner
Preferences
Where Do You Fit on the Kinsey
Heterosexual-Homosexual Continuum?
(
Human
Sexuality in a World of Diversity
, 1995)
Your Sexual Identity and Partner
Preferences
Importance of Sexuality in your Life
Your Sexual Function and Dysfunction
So You Think You Have a Sexual
Problem
Your Preferred Sources of Sexual
Stimulation
Your Preferred Sexual Locations
Your Sexual Activity Preferences
Your Preferred Sexual Positions
Your Sexual Communication Style
What's Blocking You From Creating
Joyful Intimate Sexual Relationships?
How Can You Overcome Your Blocks and
Create Joyful Intimate Sexual Relationships?
Making A Commitment to Your Own
Sexual And Spiritual Reawakening
Your Commitment to Sexual Reawakening
Your Commitment to Spiritual
Reawakening
Sexual and Spiritual Reawakening, At
Last
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Even if we are able to override our unique sexual
response pattern for a while, our body is stronger than our willpower. A
poignant example is the case of a boy who, after a botched circumcision as an
infant which left him with a mutilated penis, was reassigned as a female, given
a female name, surgery and female hormones to encourage feminine development.
However, no matter how he was encouraged to dress and behave like a girl, his
bodily response did not concur. He preferred to urinate standing up facing the
toilet. He hated wearing dresses and walking the way he was taught a girl is supposed
to walk. Teased mercilessly by his classmates in school for being weird and
after spending years on the psychiatrist's couch to accept himself as a girl,
when he was finally told the truth about his genetic maleness he was relieved.
He knew than that he was not weird. He knew that he was in fact, male, with
male traits, male drive, and male desire for females. His body had told him
all his life what nobody else had been willing to say -- that he was a male
being forced to live as a female. The gender reassignment did not work.
Finally, after much reconstruction surgery and two suicide attempts, he emerged
as a male and eventually found a woman to marry. (
Colapinto, 2000)
Although this is an extreme example, many of us have
likewise been attempting to override or suppress our unique sexual response in
favor of some image we are attempting to portray. Attempting to hide our
sensitive and caring nature, we may feign cool aloof standoffishness. Fearing
closeness and intimacy, we may pretend to offer our partners emotional safety
as we become increasingly anxious and uncomfortable. Desiring intimacy with a
lifetime mate, we may pretend to enjoy one-night stands and non-committed
sexual encounters. The list goes on. Our bodies may be quietly and sometimes
not so quietly screaming for our attention.
We can continue the pretense for awhile, until our
bodily responses finally begin to override our willpower and we are faced with
a sexual problem. Without an obvious sexual problem, we might would go on
indefinitely behaving in ways that are dramatically opposed to having what we
want and are ultimately not satisfying to us. Our sexual problem may be the
very catalyst that forces us to stop and examine, not only our sexuality, but
the way we are living our lives and relating to others.
As we explore our sexuality, we have the opportunity
for change and healing in all areas of our lives. We begin to pay attention to
our bodies, what our bodies are telling us to do or stop doing. We listen to our
minds, clarifying what we truly need and want. Feeling our emotions, we
discover what is true for us. Paying attention to our senses, we feel more
connected to the world and all it has to offer in this life.
We discover that our sexuality is not separate from the rest
of our lives and that our sexuality truly expresses who we are. As we begin to
express who we are, life becomes a joyful experience, moment to moment. We
feel love and compassion for ourselves and for everyone and everything around
us. No longer feeling separate and alone, the world becomes a safe and
pleasant place to be. Regardless of our age or physical condition, people are
naturally drawn to our warm smile and pleasing demeanor. Love is all around
us, everywhere we turn. Sexual Reawakening is the process that brings us back
to ourselves, allowing us to open our hearts, give love to and receive love
from our chosen partners.
Sexual And Spiritual Reawakening
The following exercises will assist you to reawaken your
sexuality, no matter where you are in your life at this very moment. If at all
possible, please set aside a block of uninterrupted time before you begin. You
can always do these exercises on different days, but the effect will be most
powerful if you complete the entire process in one session. Have your journal
or some plain white paper and a pen or pencil ready before you begin.
You are about to review your own sexual history. This
exercise may stir up feelings and memories you didn't even know you had. Have
tissues nearby if you begin to cry. Have a pillow nearby to punch if you feel
angry. In your journal or on a sheet of paper, write your answers to the questions.
After completing each section, close your eyes and reflect upon that aspect of
your sexual history.
The first, and probably most significant step along the
path toward sexual reawakening is to examine your current life, the way it is
right now, not the way you wish it was, not the way you hope it will become,
but the way it truly is right now. For some of us this is the most difficult
step. If your style is to make excuses, blame others for your problems or deny
that you have any problems at all, this first step may be hard for you to
comprehend. However, with persistence and the willingness on your part to tell
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth -- at least to yourself
at first -- you may be surprised to discover how quickly your life begins to
change.
Where Are You Right Now?
Current Relationship Status
And Sexual Lifestyle
Close your eyes.
Take a few slow, deep, easy, and quiet breaths.
As you inhale, allow your breath to fill your body
cells and relax your muscles.
As you exhale, allow the tensions of your body and the
concerns of your mind to dissolve.
What is your current living
situation?
Married,
Separated,
Divorced,
Widowed,
Single,
Living with an intimate partner,
Living with your parents or other relatives,
Living in a room in your parent's home with a private
entrance,
Living with a non-intimate roommate,
Living alone?
Are you financially independent?
Sharing expenses,
Relying on someone else's income to support you?
Where do you live?
City,
Suburbs
Country
What are your current home
and work environments like for you?
What is your current
financial situation?
What is your daily activity
and stress level?
What is your typical daily
diet?
How much and what kind of
exercise do you regularly do?
What types of drugs do you
regularly take and how have these affected you?
Prescription or recreational
Vitamins or herbs
Do you have any unhealthy or
compulsive habits
Smoking cigarettes,
Drinking alcohol,
Overeating, dieting,
Overspending, gambling,
Sexual compulsions?
How have the above factors
affected your life and your sexuality?
Have any aspects of your
lifestyle changed?
How?
When?
What caused the change?
How does your current
lifestyle affect your life and your sexuality?
Close your eyes and reflect
upon your responses.
