Sex & Mayhem 04 No Matter What (31 page)

“But we have.”
Ghost leaned in for a kiss, and Luca’s mouth opened up without
hesitation. There were few things sweeter than holding and kissing
him like that. Maybe just knowing that Luca was finally happy and
safe.

“I never
believed our relationship could be real, you know. That it wouldn’t
be only my escape,” whispered Luca, glancing at Ghost in the pale
moonlight.

Even after the
few weeks of bliss, that still stung, and Ghost couldn’t help a
frown.

Luca blinked.
“What?”

“I don’t know.
I got very invested, and was only some mirage, fake person in your
mind.”

Luca pulled him
closer, and his face got completely serious. “That’s not what I
said. I just... never thought this could be anything more than
platonic, virtual. That I’d never get to feel your hands on me,
that you’d eventually get fed up with just chatting and find
yourself a
real
girlfriend, that you’d hate me if you knew
who I really was.” Luca swallowed and glanced at the grime around
their knees. “I mean... pretending I was a girl you could love was
my Prozac. I needed it as much as I needed to breathe.”

Ghost gave Luca
a tight hug, but it was him who needed it more. Despite everything,
turning his life upside down for Luca was worth it. They only broke
the silence embrace when Tooth demanded another photo via text
message. Ghost couldn’t believe the bastard actually took the time
to nag him about it during a party. Some people took their duties
way too seriously.

After Ghost
sent the picture, he and Luca moved on to more pleasant topics,
listing places they’d want to visit together, where they’d like to
live, how they’d decorate their dream home... Making plans like
this felt so natural with Luca, and Ghost was sorry for having to
take his mind off the chat every fifteen minutes only to take a
fucking picture that no one even really needed.

They were in
the middle of discussing the superiority of ionic blasters over any
other kind of weapon in
The Age of Endless
when something
actually happened across the street. A van drove into the yard in
front of the clubhouse, and all the men instantly left their
unfinished beers, rushing over as if it were the president himself
visiting.

Ghost
absent-mindedly watched a man jump out of the driver’s seat and
slam the door behind him. It was only when Luca’s voice suddenly
went silent that he did a double take. It took him two seconds to
realize he knew that unpleasant face, with a large, crooked nose
and dark hair that was slicked back in an old-fashioned way. It was
the man who had handed Luca over to Ghost, along with the money
returned for the missing finger. Antonio. Ghost’s blood froze in
his veins as he stared at the thick-necked bastard, who looked much
less impressive yet somehow even more menacing in a black tracksuit
that stressed his stocky, muscular form.

Luca’s breath
turned into a wheeze next to Ghost, slim fingers squeezing the edge
of the parapet.

“Duck,” Ghost
whispered and backed into a half-lying position, so only the top
part of his head would stick out. He got his cell phone and used
its zoom to get a better look at what was happening. The snake-like
trail of Luca’s hand down his back made him almost drop the cell,
but when the gun slipped out of the holster at Ghost’s side, his
mind started screaming for him to act.

Ghost’s stomach
clenched and all the hairs on his body bristled. “The fuck are you
doing?” he hissed in panic, but Luca didn’t listen. With his eyes
fixated on the scene in front of them, he pulled off the safety,
stiff as an animated corpse. His eyes were so wide Ghost half
expected them to pop.

Ghost held his
breath, and tackled Luca to the ground, too shocked to speak. Did
Luca actually want to kill Antonio? Take the man’s life here and
now? The man deserved it, but not like this. Not from Luca’s hands,
not in some crazed vendetta. Ghost wished Antonio could just cease
to exist, or better yet, that what he had done could be erased, but
that would not happen just because Luca killed him.

Luca gasped,
shuddering under Ghost’s weight. His hand was still firmly clasped
around the gun, the other clawing itself into Ghost’s shoulder.
“No, he’s here,” he uttered through the barrier of clenched
teeth.

Ghost locked
his eyes on Luca’s, trying to reach deeper into his mind. “Luca,
think. You can’t. You can’t just kill people. It’s all behind you
now.”

Luca fidgeted
in his grasp and elbowed Ghost hard enough to make him lose his
breath. “Get off me,” he whispered, trying to wiggle away.

Ghost wouldn’t
have it, and grabbed Luca’s wrist. He had to wrestle the gun out of
Luca’s grip, the metal like a menacing lethal force between them.
As soon as Ghost pulled the weapon out of Luca’s hand, he put the
safety back on and slid it back under his cut. His mind was in a
throbbing frenzy of fear and anger dancing the tango.

“Fuck,” Ghost
hissed in a useless attempt to release some steam, and he got off
Luca. He slid low under the parapet, trying to draw some air into
his lungs.

Luca pulled
himself to his hands and knees and started slowly crawling away,
bit by unsteady bit. He was halfway across the roof when he finally
flopped to his ass, staring ahead.

Ghost crossed
his arms on his chest, still fighting to get his heart rate back to
normal. Anger was steaming out of his ears. Luca wanted to fucking
kill someone, and use Ghost’s gun for it as well? Who the fuck was
that person sitting across from him? Because it wasn’t the gentle,
sweet guy he knew.

He slowly
turned sideways to be able to watch both his crazy boyfriend and
the clubhouse. The Rabid Hogs were rushing about with big, wooden
boxes, while their president spoke to Antonio, who seemed
completely relaxed and amused, without a clue that seconds set him
apart from death. With Luca being as good a shot as he was, Antonio
would be biting the asphalt if Ghost hadn’t reacted quickly enough.
Every pore in Ghost’s body oozed with loathing for the rapist pig.
A volatile, animalistic part of him wanted to cut off the hands
that had laid so much violence on the man he loved, but the logical
part knew it would do no good.

He took a deep
breath, for once thankful for the cold air. Did Frederico do
business with the Rabid Hogs as well? And of course, that was when
his fucking phone started vibrating again. Tooth. Who else?

Ghost looked
over the wall discreetly and snapped a zoomed-in photo of what was
happening. He sent it to Tooth without a comment.
Yes, Tooth.
I’m fucked, and it’s your fault.

The reply was
short. ‘Did you see what he brought in?’

‘No. Something
in wooden crates.’

‘Don’t follow
him and come back when he leaves.’

“Thank fuck for
that,” Ghost whispered to himself, glancing back at Luca to make
sure the guy was still frozen to the rooftop. He was, so Ghost
turned his attention to the other side of the street again. His
hands were freezing without the gloves he’d lent Luca, but he
endured it, trying to think of things that could possibly go right
tonight, and there were none. He was still shocked at the outburst
of violence in someone he thought of as a victim. And Luca was, but
that didn’t mean he could just shoot people. Ghost hadn’t thought
him capable of that.

He watched
Antonio drive away eventually, gagging with powerless fury. Still,
spiraling into a revenge war with a Sicilian mafioso was not a good
idea for anyone. He sat for several more minutes, but when his mind
came up with nothing to comfort Luca, he approached him on all
fours.

“He’s gone, and
we need to be too. Let’s go,” he whispered, looking at the hunched
back.

Luca inhaled a
big gulp of air, still staring the other way. “He’s not gone. He’s
out there.”

“He’s not after
you anymore.” Ghost sat on his heels, feeling useless. He couldn’t
even look into Luca’s eyes, and he was afraid of what he’d see in
them now.

Luca cupped the
back of his head and pulled on the hair there, as if trying to keep
his face down. He didn’t say anything.

“I don’t want
him on your conscience, Luca.” Ghost sighed and pushed his freezing
hands inside his pockets as the wind howled above them.

“You don’t
understand,” whispered Luca, slowly pulling up his knees and
resting his face on them. It was as if his tense body finally
flopped.

“Help me
understand then, because I’m losing you here.” Ghost dared to
stroke Luca’s shin despite anxiety eating him on the inside. They
needed to leave.

Luca lifted his
head, and his shoulders rose when he took a deeper breath, but he
didn’t say anything, as if changing his mind in the last moment.
When he finally spoke, his voice was so tight and raspy he sounded
like a broken flute. “I can never know... what if he tracks me
down? He―” Suddenly, Luca rushed forward, puking on the grime with
a deep shudder going through his body.

Ghost hid his
face in his hands. “He won’t hurt you. I’m here for you.” It
sounded like a weak promise even to him. He couldn’t turn back
time. He couldn’t stop Luca from being violated and hurt. He
shouldn’t have let him go with Frederico.

Luca pulled out
some tissues and cleaned himself without a word. “L-let’s go home?”
he uttered after another few minutes of silence.

Ghost was the
first one to move forward. He didn’t even know how to truly
reconnect with Luca after this. All he could hope for was that Luca
would still be willing to fall asleep in his arms tonight.

Ghost:
I suppose
the death penalty is a bit like those blood feuds, but formalized.
All about revenge.

Zara:
Then
again, it’s hard to say how you would feel about this if someone
hurt someone important to you.

Ghost:
I don’t
think it helps with grief. What does is forgiveness and moving on.
How can you move on if you want someone else to die, regardless of
the reason? Their death wouldn’t reverse what happened, it would
only change you.

Chapter 17

It was
difficult to work on the computer with his hands in a pair of
gloves, but with Grim constantly walking about and staring at
Luca’s fingers―or rather the empty places where fingers used to
be―he was too freaked out to remove them. Ghost knew of the
problem, and so that morning he’d presented Luca with a pair with
the unnecessary bits removed. The stitching was kind of ugly, the
color of thread not matching the glove, but it was a gift straight
from the heart, and Luca valued it so much more than any expensive
item he’d received throughout his time with Frederico. Those gloves
weren’t meant to make Luca easy on the eye. They were there to
provide comfort.

Luca could have
stayed home. He could have locked himself in one of the empty rooms
at the clubhouse, but since the night he’d seen Antonio again,
being alone was something he could hardly stand.

As Frederico’s
right-hand man, Antonio followed his boss wherever he went, and him
being here meant one thing: it was either on Frederico’s orders or
he decided to come over on his time off. Luca knew for a fact that
all dealings between the Villanis and the Coffin Nails were handled
by the New York and New Jersey chapters of the club, so there was
no reason for him to be here other than for Luca. Antonio wanted to
take him away, finally have him now that Frederico was looking for
a new, younger boytoy.

Luca shuddered,
cuddling his back farther into the backrest of the leather sofa in
the club’s private bar. Even in a thick sweater and scarf, he
couldn’t chase away the chill that had chased him since that
horrible night less than a week ago. No matter how he tried to
focus only on his work, the sensation of dark eyes watching him was
so overwhelming that he kept looking around, just in case. It
didn’t help that there was a different pair of eyes on him all the
time. Grim’s.

At least the
guy got the hint and was only giving Luca predatory glances, not
trying to chat him up again. Seeing Ghost’s face with a big, fat
multicolored bruise wasn’t helping Luca’s guilt over the whole
thing. Even though they had slept together and he’d cuddled with
Ghost since the Antonio incident, the level of intimacy between
them had dropped, and the lack of sex was feeding Luca’s
insecurities each day. Did Ghost resent him for trying to kill the
fucking rapist? Was it something else? Some misunderstanding? Luca
couldn’t get to an answer no matter how hard he tried. Ghost would
always slide out of the conversation, say he was tired, change the
topic, or disappear. And Luca himself didn’t feel very sexual
either.

His gaze kept
straying away from the code and settling on Ghost, who was talking
to Tooth and Priest in the office. At least they didn’t seem pissed
off this time. That is, Tooth did, but that seemed to be his
resting face.

“How’s it
going?” Blitz sat down next to Luca. His bald head was especially
shiny today.

Luca’s muscles
turned into wood, but he smiled at the man. Blitz was the chapter’s
road captain, which Luca vaguely understood meant he was in charge
of their routes on outings and the like. Well, at least when he
wasn’t between someone’s legs. Out of all the Nails, he was the
most notorious ladies man.

“I’m fine, just
working on the club website.”

Blitz stared
over Luca’s shoulder, and the scent of worn leather became almost
choking with the closeness. “Yeah, about that. I was thinking we
could have these photos from parties, so we look more friendly. You
know, the PG ones.”

Luca instantly
relaxed. “That’s perfect. We could have a virtual tour of the
public areas, too. We’d just need to hire a professional, but it’s
up to you guys whether you want that.”