Seven Nights with Her Ex (13 page)

She looked out across the plateau at the mountains in the distance, now dark with greying shadow as the sun set. The sky was filled with glorious tones of orange and pink. It all looked so pretty. So wonderful. But how could this sunset be so beautiful? So warm? There were blooming flowers in the distance. The crackle and pop of burning wood and the scent of woodsmoke drifting past them. The last of the day's bird chorus slowly fading to nothing.

Was she also to blame for their relationship failing in the way that it had? And if that was the case, didn't she need to take some of the responsibility for everything that had gone wrong? For the fact that what they'd had in the past had all been
fake
?

She pulled her fleece jacket around her. ‘I loved you. That part was real...'

She looked away, her bottom lip trembling. She feared that maybe he'd never loved her. That their relationship had never been what she'd thought it was. She tried to pull her hands free of his, tried to separate herself from him, acknowledging that she had somehow always imagined things wrongly. That their past relationship had been some sort of dreamworld she'd been living in. Had she been deluding herself that he loved her?

But Gray wouldn't let her get away. He held on tight, pulling her back and making her look him in the eyes.

‘I loved you, too. More than
life
! And I refused to put you through that. I refused to let us go blindly into the future with you thinking that everything was fine when I knew that it wasn't.'

‘Our love was real?' Her bottom lip trembled.

He nodded and pressed his lips to her forehead before looking down at her. ‘It was. I couldn't lie about that.'

‘But—'

‘Beau, look at me.'

She looked up at him with eyes glistening from salty tears, with her heart almost torn in two by the heartbreak of knowing that she'd caused him pain and that she'd kept him
silent
. Unable to tell her what he needed. She so badly wanted to put that right. So she would listen to him now. Hear what he had to say.

‘Yes?'

He stared deeply into her eyes, as if searching for something. ‘We had something special, but it wasn't our time then.'

‘Is it our time now?' she asked, with hope in her heart.

Gray swallowed, cupping her face, his hands so tender, warm and soft, and then he took another step towards her, breathing heavily, lowering his head until their hungry lips met.

She sank into his embrace. Against his hard, solid body. Tasting him, enjoying him, her hands up in his hair, grasping him, pulling him towards her, desperate for his touch. Remembering, recalling
this
—how good it had always felt to be with him. How special.

Their past was forgotten in that instant.

She
needed
Gray. Had missed him so much it was painful. But now he was back in her arms and it felt so good. She didn't want to let him go. She wanted to enjoy the moment, and to hell with the consequences, because right now she needed this.
Him.
It didn't matter what he'd said. All that pain he'd shared. Because
this
—this was what was important. Being with him. Reconnecting.

Her fingers fell to the hemline of his top and she began to lift it, to pull it over his head, so that her hands could feel the touch of his skin, his broad shoulders, his taut chest, that flat stomach she remembered so well. His sleeve caught on his chunky wristwatch and she had to give it a yank, but then it was gone, discarded.

For a moment she just looked at him, taking in the beauty of his body, the solidity of his muscles, his powerful frame, and then she was pulling off her own top, kissing him again as he unclipped her bra in a fervour. She wriggled her arms so it would fall to the forest floor. Gasped as his hands cupped her breasts and brought them to his lips. So in need for the feel of his hot lips against her skin.

The touch of his tongue tantalised her, causing her to gasp and bite her lip. She felt as if she was on fire. Her whole body a burning ember. A delicious liquid heat seared from her centre right through her body, inflaming every nerve ending, every sensation, every caress, stroke or lick, driving her insane with need.

‘I want you, Gray.' She made him look at her as she spoke, wanting him to know in no uncertain terms what she wanted him to do.

He stared back into her heavy eyes and nodded, then took a step away from her.

She almost cried out, fearing that he was going to stop, leave her in her fevered state, that he was going to humiliate her just as she'd laid herself bare.

But no. He was grabbing a groundsheet, a blanket, and then he took her hand and pulled her towards it.

Hungry for him, hungry for more, she moved to him and felt the core of her burning with need as his fingers began to unbutton her trousers. Hurriedly she kicked off her boots, then her trousers were cast aside, and she hopped from one foot to the other as she removed her socks, before throwing herself back into the safety, security and heat of his embrace.

She wasn't cold. It was a perfect summer's evening. The air on her body felt like a lover's caress in itself, and there was something thrilling about that. As Gray lowered her gently onto the blanket, his hand drifted up the length of her thigh and then delicately began to stroke the thin lace of her underwear before reaching down to feel the heat between her legs.

Yes! Touch me there...

She breathed heavily, her eyes open, gazing upwards at the stars, as she felt his fingertips drift lazily over her body, felt his gaze roaming the expanse of her nakedness, his lips tenderly kissing the underside of her breast, then her waist, her belly button.

And then... Then his mouth drifted downwards, towards the lace, towards the place she wanted him the most.

Beau closed her eyes, her hands gripping his hair, and gasped.

* * *

They slept under the same canvas that night. Naked, entwined, they lay together, his body wrapped around hers, until sleep and exhaustion claimed them.

Gray woke first. He was glad. It gave him a chance to put his prosthetic back on. Beau hadn't really seen him without it yet, and after what they'd shared last night, he didn't want to spoil what had happened with the sight of his stump over breakfast.

He'd grown used to it. Accepted it. But still, sometimes when he saw it, he remembered what his leg had looked like before, what it had felt like to be whole, and he hated the reminder.

He could spare Beau that, at least. Hadn't he shown her enough last night? He'd hurt her with his words. With his confession. He knew it deeply. He'd seen it in her eyes. She'd started to question herself. Look back. He'd hated seeing her pain, but maybe now, after last night, they could move forward?

Their relationship had died a death before because he'd never been honest with her about his family. About his fears of what might happen to them if they married. But last night...last night had been
amazing
and he wanted that to continue. For them to be together again. He and Beau were a good match.

His finger gently swept up the length of her bare arm and he smiled as she groaned slightly and shifted in her sleep, pressing her body against him.

The length of her, naked and warm, was nuzzled into him, and he looked down at her face, soft in repose against his shoulder.

Why had he ever listened to that infernal internal voice? To the voice of logic and reason that had kept niggling away at him? Telling him it would all go wrong, that they would end up behaving exactly like his parents' in a toxic marriage.

Thinking of his parents made him remember his father at his stag party, when he'd said, ‘You'll regret it. You mark my words, son, you're about to ruin both your lives...'

He grimaced, refusing to hear those words again. He was not going to let thoughts of his father's bitterness ruin what he had at this moment. This perfect moment—holding the woman he had once loved so much in his arms.

Could we start again with a clean slate?

His heart agonised over the possibility.

But he didn't have long to argue with himself.

Beau blinked open her eyes and smiled as she looked up at him. ‘Morning.'

‘Good morning. Sleep well?'

‘I did. The first time in ages. You?'

He nodded. He
had
slept well. And he was in no doubt that it was down to being with Beau. He didn't want to move. Didn't want this moment to end. Could they possibly lie here for ever?

‘Would you like breakfast?'

She smiled and gave him a brief kiss. ‘Depends what's on the menu.'

He laughed and pulled her onto him, feeling his body spring into life for her once more. ‘I think I could possibly find something a bit more interesting than oatmeal.'

Beau grinned. ‘Really? I—' She stopped, tilting her head at a funny angle. ‘Can you hear that?'

He wasn't sure he wanted to listen to anything. But to humour her he remained silent and tried to listen. He could hear birds singing and... He squinted and sat upright, his hands still holding Beau to him. Was that...
snuffling
?

‘Stay here.'

He slid Beau to one side of him and pulled on his trousers and then, hurriedly, his socks and boots. Quietly he slid the zip down on the tent and looked out. There was nothing he could see in front of the tent. He popped his head back inside.

‘I don't think there's anything there, but just to be on the safe side get dressed and we'll go and take a look.'

The snuffling noise was definitely there, and it sounded as if it was
behind
the tent, where they couldn't see without stepping outside.

Gray didn't think it was a mountain lion, and wolves were dawn and dusk creatures. It was now—he glanced at his wristwatch—nearly eight in the morning. When Beau was dressed and had put her boots on, he took her hand and then slowly stepped out, peering over the top of the tent.

And froze.

Behind him Beau was crouched, unable to see what was happening. ‘What is it?'

‘It's...er...something.'

Beau pushed past the tent flap and came out of the tent to peer past Gray. The second she saw the herd of bison she also froze, feeling her blood run cold.

Mack had warned them. Bison were dangerous. They'd seen that herd last night—they should have
thought
, should have considered that they might still be in the area. But they hadn't. They'd had...
other things
on their minds.

‘Gray, what do we do?' she asked in a whisper.

There was nowhere for them to go. The bison herd filled the whole plateau around them. The only place for them to go was the cliff edge.

Where a river ran far below.

About a forty-foot drop.

Gray turned slowly to look at her. ‘The tent won't protect us, and these animals can be dangerous.'

‘Perhaps they don't even know we're here!'

Gray glanced over and caught the eye of a bull, which peered at them, snorting through its nose. Was he the leader of the pack?

Gray watched in silent dread as the tail of the bison began to rise.

‘It's going to charge!'

‘What?'

‘We need to jump.'

‘Please tell me you're joking.'

‘Nope.'

He grabbed her hand in his and made a quick run to the cliff edge, where they stopped to look over at the drop.

It was dizzyingly high. Precipitous. And he could feel the pull of gravity as he looked over the edge. He was used to heights. To climbing. To the risk of a fall. But Beau wasn't, and he needed her to jump without hesitating.

A quick glance back at the bison told him it was starting to head their way. Without doubt the animal was going to charge them. Protect its herd. There was nowhere else to go.

‘On three...'

‘Gray...' She gripped his arm in fright.

‘One...two...
three
!'

He held her hand tight and took a leap off the edge, feeling her jump with him, hearing her scream filling the air as they fell, with the water rushing up to meet them.

CHAPTER EIGHT

H
ER
SENSES
WENT
into overload. Her scream was whipped away by the passing air as she looked down at the terrifying sight of the water rushing up to meet her.

She was falling fast. The air rushed past her mouth before she had time to inhale, her stomach was rising into her chest cavity, and her limbs were flailing madly, trying to find something—anything—to grab on to in mid-air. But of course there was nothing. It was terrifying.

I'm going to die!

The river that had at one point seemed so far away was getting disturbingly close, and then suddenly,
splash
! Her body hit the water, which smacked her in the face as if she'd just been hit by a heavyweight boxer, making her gasp. Water flooded her mouth, her nostrils, her ears, as she struggled against it. Her body stung from the impact, every nerve ending screaming, but somehow there was an even more important agony she had to contend with—the need for oxygen.

It hurt to look about under the water, and all she could see beside her and below were dark shadows, whereas above her there was light. Sparkling sunlight glittering on a surface that didn't seem that far away. She began to swim, her lungs stretched to breaking point.

And just when she thought she wouldn't make it, just when she thought the surface of the water had just been a mirage, she broke the surface, coughing and spluttering as she gasped for air and tried not to swallow more water.

Inhaling deeply and quickly, wiping her wet hair out of her face, she trod water, turning and twisting, trying to get her bearings.

Where was Gray?

He suddenly popped out of the water next to her, his hair plastered over his forehead, looking for her, and he gave a relieved smile when he saw she was right next to him. ‘You okay?'

‘I'm all right. Are you okay?'

He nodded and looked up. ‘Can you believe that? We did it!'

She blew water from her lips and nodded. Yes, they had done it. And now she was treading water in her clothes and the water was colder than it looked.

She could see a bank further downstream, where they'd be able to crawl out and get on dry land, and she pointed at it. ‘Over there.'

She tried to swim, trying to remember how to coordinate her limbs for the breaststroke. The current wasn't too strong and she made it easily, clambering from the water like a sodden sheep, the weight of her clothes dragging her down, cold and shivering.

Slumping onto the ground, she turned to wait for Gray, who crawled from the water beside her before flopping onto his back and letting out an exhausted breath.

Beau swallowed hard and lay back against the dirt, exhausted. There was probably mud getting in her hair, but she didn't care.

I jumped off a cliff!

‘I can't believe we did that.'

He turned to look at her and grinned. ‘Well, we did. You did great.'

Her gaze drifted to the clifftop, where their camp had been. ‘All our things are still up there.'

Gray nodded and let out another sigh. ‘But the most important thing is down here. With me.'

She met his gaze and smiled, and then she rolled towards him and planted a kiss on his lips. ‘Thank you.'

‘What for?'

‘Saving our lives.'

‘I made you jump off a cliff.'

‘Yes. But as we are
not
currently a bison's breakfast, I'd still call that a save.'

Gray frowned. ‘I don't think bison
eat
people.'

‘Maybe not, but they sure as hell can flatten you if they want, and I don't know about you, but I quite like to have my body in full working order.'

Gray looked away and then sat up, running his hand down his left leg towards his prosthetic.

Oh. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't think.

She bit her lip. ‘Sorry.'

‘It's fine.' Gray got to his feet, testing it out. ‘Still works.'

She stood up beside him, looking around them. The river flowed downstream away from them and on either side were gorse bushes and trees and mountains rising high. ‘Are we lost?'

He looked at her briefly before turning, scanning their surroundings for himself. ‘I don't think so. If I remember correctly, Heart Lake is fed into by this river. If we follow it we should make it back to the ranger station in a few hours.'

She nodded. ‘Okay. Should we try and find water, or do you think we can make it without?'

‘It's getting warm, but we should be fine if we keep a steady pace.'

She bit her lip and he reached out a hand to grab hers.

‘Hey, we'll be fine.'

Beau hoped he was right.

* * *

Gray trudged on, leading the way. Apart from being hungry and thirsty, he wasn't sure what to feel. Last night had been bittersweet. He and Beau had become close again last night! And though he'd loved every second of it, he still wasn't sure they'd resolved anything by this morning. Kissing her, then making love to her, had distracted their thoughts, and though he had wanted to lie in her arms for many more hours, enjoying that blissful moment when it had seemed the rest of the world had stopped turning, he'd been well aware that the issues between them were still there.

Jumping off that cliff with her, her hand in his... He remembered with a cold shudder how it had felt to hit the water, to feel his prosthetic weigh him down. He had struggled to swim, to get to the surface. Beau had let go of him and for a moment—a brief, terrifying moment—he'd thought she'd been swept downstream. Until he'd broken the surface and seen her there next to him. Safe.

But only just. How could he look out for Beau when he could barely survive himself?

If he had a magic lamp and he could make a wish, then he'd wish for a long, happy life with Beau. No doubt about that. But...

What could he offer her now? He'd told her the truth at long last, there was that, so they had honesty now—and, yes, there was still that intense heat between them. But relationships had to be more than just sex. There had to be trust, intimacy, love, compassion. There had to be give and take. Compromise. Teamwork. They had to be a unit. A solid couple. He had to feel as if he could protect her and love her in the way she deserved. In the way she wanted. She
needed
that happy-ever-after, but was he the man who could give it to her?

Did he deserve another chance with her?

They didn't live near each other. They each had a career in different parts of the country. They each worked really long hours. Beau had her family in Oxford—his were in Edinburgh. What did he have to give Beau apart from their painful, disappointing past? And although she'd said his leg didn't bother her, it
did
bother him. He wanted to be perfect for her. Whole. If she took him on, she'd be taking on his leg. The phantom pains he still got...the possibility of getting early osteoarthritis in his good knee because of the amputation. She had to accept that he was disabled—like his father.

Did she deserve that? Want that? There were so many men out there who had all four functioning limbs and hadn't hurt her in the way that he had. Men who hadn't let her down.

He didn't want to burden Beau the way his own mother had been burdened—with a disabled man whom she'd grow to resent.

He knew that she wanted him. He'd seen it in her eyes. In the way she'd listened to him reveal his soul and the way she'd looked as they'd made love. She had feelings for him still—he could see it. And he couldn't deny the way he was feeling about her.

The only problem was he wasn't sure if they should pursue it. Because if they gave things another go and it all went wrong, the heartache of losing her again would be too much.

Not worth going through for anything.

Perhaps walking away would be the kindest thing after all?

* * *

Around them Yellowstone Park was glorious, dressed in its summer colours: bright blue skies, wispy white clouds drifting past, trees adorned with many greens, from the darkest pine to the lightest willow, blue-white columbines attracting butterflies of every shape and size amongst the yellow cinquefoil flowers like buttercups.

They ambled through the landscape together, breathing heavily under the oppressive heat, until around midday, when Beau had to stop and sit down. Collapsing to the floor, she sucked in oxygen, exhausted. She was as thirsty as anything, her mouth dry as dust.

When had she
ever
felt this spent? She'd been on her feet for only a few hours. She'd had much longer shifts in hospital. But at least then she'd had access to drinks. The river trickling alongside them almost seemed to mock her. All that water...

All that campylobacter. All that giardia. Drink that and you certainly will be in hospital. With sickness and diarrhoea.

She swallowed and tried not to think of a nice cold glass of iced water. Instead she decided to focus on something much better. The fact that she and Gray had grown close again. That they'd overcome the barrier of their past. Gray had shared his concerns and fears. They'd made love under a starry sky and she'd slept in his arms and felt happy again for the first time in an age.

After everything, it seemed things were going
right
for her with Gray, and she'd thought she'd never be able to say that.
Ever.
Yet here they were. Together. Supporting each other, protecting each other, looking out for each other. This was what couples did. They worked as a team. They were strong. United.

Her feelings for him were very strong. She still loved him. She knew it in her heart. She'd been struggling against it ever since she'd walked into the ranger station just a few days ago. Her love for him had never gone away and he was the only man who could make her feel this way.

Last night had been a revelation. A new chapter for them both. She'd been grateful for his honesty. For his making clear that which had been blurry. Explaining the pain. Explaining his reasons for walking away.

It had hurt to feel that she'd been to blame for some of it, but truth sometimes did hurt. She'd listened to it, acknowledged it. Accepted it.
Some of it was my fault.
But then they'd slept together and he'd held her in his arms, and she'd felt so good to be there. She just
knew
she could never let that go again.

‘Do you think there's much further to go?'

He ran a hand through his hair. ‘Couple of miles, maybe. Not far.'

‘We might run into the others soon. They might have water! You know...if they didn't have to jump off a cliff.'

He smiled at her. ‘Maybe.'

‘I'm glad I'm here with you, Gray. Doing this. It wouldn't have been the same without you. Us meeting again. Getting close again. Opening up. It's been good for us, don't you think?'

Gray nodded and looked about them. ‘Ready to go again?'

She stood and slipped her hand into his, surprising him. ‘I'm ready.'

He said nothing, just started to walk.

Then, within the hour, they met some familiar faces.