Seth's Broadway Diary, Volume 1: Part 2 (18 page)

Anyhoo, Susan and Heidi got through their scene with plenty of laughs, and normally, at the end of it, Heidi riffs up a storm until Jeff surprises her and she stops suddenly. Well, I saw someone enter in Jeff's clothes and I was sure it was the understudy. But then the lights came up fully and I saw it
was
Jeff! I was so thrilled he was able to walk (and that he was alive) and, apparently, so was Heidi, because right after she was "surprised" by him, she threw her arms around him in joy. I know she was happy, but I
have
seen the show seven times and know that it wasn't the regular blocking. As a concerned theatrical professional, I took the liberty of writing her up to Equity. I'm still awaiting a response.

After the show, Nancy and I saw Jeff, and he said he twisted his ankle super-bad. It was so bizarre to me because, when he came back onstage, he looked totally fine and was able to do all the dancing, but after the show, I saw how swollen his ankle was. He got through the show on pure adrenaline and, as my director, Peter Flynn, calls it, "Dr. Theater." That's why Andréa Burns was able to break her foot onstage yet do all the high kicks at the end of "Be Our Guest" and Kevin Chamberlin was able to do
Suessical
while
passing a kidney stone
! Seriously! Next, I wanna see Heidi from
[title of show]
sing "A Way Back to Then" while giving birth.
Sans
epidural.

I interviewed Bailey Hanks (the current Elle Woods in
Legally Blonde
) and Autumn Hurlbert (her understudy) at my Sirius radio show. I got more details on the horrors of doing a reality show. They literally confiscate your cell phones when you get there so you have no contact with the outside world. And then, after they filmed around six episodes, the girls were allowed one ten-minute phone call. Autumn called her boyfriend, but because he was performing in
South Pacific
at the time, he didn't get the call. Of course, that was great for the TV show because it made Autumn more emotionally fragile. Seriously, they would play into everybody's insecurities, so the girls would have breakdowns like, "The judges today said your dancing wasn't good. We watched the audition and your dancing really isn't good." Then they'd have her talk to the camera, hoping for "Leave Britney Alone" tears.

I asked Autumn about her first big job and it was touring the country in
Little Women
. She told me how much she loved Maureen McGovern, who played Marmee. Every Saturday, no matter what town they were in, Maureen would buy donuts for the whole cast, and every Sunday, she'd bring in a full bagel spread. They all called her "Maureen McGenerous." Generous? Generous is what my hips would be called if
I
was on that tour with Maureen McCarbLoading.

I complimented Bailey on her last note in "So Much Better" and asked her if she was happy that she got applause for it after only holding it for four counts. She said she loved the applause, but a part of her wanted the audience to hear that she actually could hold it to the end of the phrase (29 counts). She's studying with Joan Lader (Betty Buckley
and
Patti LuPone's voice teacher), and Bailey said that Joan taught her it's all about being grounded. Bailey said it's not about her vocal placement as much as it is feeling strongly planted in the ground. Hmm… maybe that's why my oak tree has such a high belt. Horticulture comedy? Anybody? Nobody.

All right, everyone. This week I'm playing the Varla benefit and then heading home to NYC just in time to turn around and do my deconstructing show in Pennsylvania! I'll be at the Fulton Theatre in Lancaster. Will they get my Barbra/Bea Arthur bit in Amish country? Will they like my show and build me a barn? Or will I be a "witness" to a slew of blank faces with beards? I'll find out at the end of this week and update you all on Monday. Peace out!

A Bloody Good Week

August 25, 2008

It's the last week of summer! That's perfect because I'm at my winter weight. I’ve always been ahead of the curve.

I just got back from Massachusetts and then Pennsylvania. The end of my Provincetown foray was great. The only mar was the complete lack of interest in me and my career. I was at the local gym there (Mussel Beach) and I heard them playing Sirius radio. I was so excited! Between my hosting on the Broadway
and
the dance re-mix channel (seriously!), I'm essentially on all day long. I asked the guy behind the desk if it was Sirius playing; he said "yes," and then I dropped the bombshell that would make him
freak out
. I stepped back and told him, "I'm a deejay on Sirius!" My words hung in the air as I detected a slight movement of his head. He was obviously a film actor because the nod of interest he gave me could only be read if the camera was in an
extreme
close-up. I slunk away back to the inner thigh machine. The next day, I was back at Mussel Beach and they were actually playing The Beat, which is the dance re-mix station I deejay every night! I ran up to the new guy behind the desk and asked, breathlessly…

ME: "Do you ever listen to this station at night?"

HIM: "No."

ME: (
awkward pause, then
) Oh… do they ever play it here?

HIM: (
non sequitur
) The gym closes at 9.

ME: (
silence… then
) Oh… because I'm a dee-…
fade out

Finally, I walked into a store selling lobster rolls, and they were blasting Sirius. I decided to try my luck again… and by "try" I mean "push."

ME: Hi! Do you ever listen to the Broadway sta-

HIM: No. 


Silence

The axiom I learned is: Never combine one’s need for attention with a town's utter disregard for feigned interest.

Last week at the
Chatterbox
, I interviewed the Tony-nominated Loretta Ables Sayre. She has that great spirit that people from Hawaii all seem to have. But, turns out, she is originally from California and she didn't move to Hawaii 'til she was ten. If you've seen the show, you know that she has a fantastic voice. Before moving to NYC, she made her living in Hawaii as a "chick singer"… singing big band classics in beautiful resorts. I asked her if she fantasized about having a Broadway career and she said that Broadway seemed completely unattainable. Just distance-wise, it was massive. Even California is far away from Hawaii, so New York seemed impossible. However, while living there, she became friends with a transplanted Broadway actor named Randl Ask. I know Randl because I played piano for his comedy act with Amy Stiller (Jerry and Anne Meara's daughter) way back in the early ‘90s. He then went on to star in
Pageant
as Miss Bible Belt and was
brilliant
. After that, he was Matthew Broderick's understudy in
How To Succeed…
but then left New York for Hawaii.

Anyhoo, while he was visiting New York, he was having lunch with Ted Sperling, the music director for
South Pacific
, who told him that they were having trouble finding a Bloody Mary. Randl suggested that they actually travel to the South Pacific to find a native. Joe Langworth, a casting director from Bernie Telsey's office, was heading for a vacation in Hawaii, and they asked him if he'd use one of his vacation days to hold auditions. He said yes and notices were sent to all the theatres in Hawaii that there would be auditions for Bloody Mary. P.S. There are no professional theatres in Hawaii… they're all community theatres.

At that time, Loretta was doing very well with her band singing and her TV work. Lots of TV shows would film on the island, and she got some great gigs... including
Baywatch
! Plus, she did tons of voiceovers (she was the voice of PBS out there). However, even though she was planning on trying out for Bloody Mary, on the day of the
South Pacific
audition, she decided she wouldn't go. She knew there were some terrific singers who would show up, and she couldn't think why she'd get the job instead of them. Plus, she was nervous because she had no real training and the only big auditions she'd ever seen were on reality shows on TV. Essentially, she was scared of being humiliated. P.S. That's what makes me crazy about
American Idol
and other reality shows: they make it seem like that’s the way auditions are in the real world and they’re
not
. Only on reality shows do the people behind the table try to destroy the performers coming in to audition — well, reality shows
and
my high school theatre department. But that's a story better told in my one-man-show,
Rhapsody In Seth
. (Suffice it to say, I'm still in a rage over getting an F in theatre class…
in theatre class
!)

Back to Bloody Mary. Half an hour before the audition, Loretta told her husband that she wasn't going. Her husband said that whatever bad feeling she'd get about auditioning, it wouldn't be as bad as wondering for the rest of her life what would have happened if she went. She then told him that it wasn't even an option because they sent her a packet of music and scenes to prepare and she didn't work on them. He told her that he'd drive her to the audition so she could learn them on the way. She said that he drove and she belted out the songs in the car/looked at the scenes, but when she got there, she was terrified. She finally calmed herself by telling herself that she could only be who she was. She didn't have a vast amount of acting or vocal training and that was the reality. All she could be was herself. Joe, the casting director, was very nice and had her sing so he could film her for the creative staff to see. Right after she sang "Bali Ha'i," he asked her to do the ending in head voice instead of belting it. She was devastated and thought that she blew it, but he just wanted to show the creative team that she could do it. He explained that it would take several weeks for everyone to see the video, and then she'd hear whether or not she had a callback.
Two days later
, she got a call telling her that they would be flying her to New York for her callback! She had six weeks to prepare before she and her husband flew to JFK. As she was describing how momentous the trip was, she started crying and said, "What are the probabilities of a Filipino girl who grew up in Hawaii flying to New York to be seriously considered for a Broadway musical?"

Her audition was at Lincoln Center and, walking to it, she passed big posters with pictures of Yo Yo Ma and Beverly Sills, and she was so overwhelmed with feelings that people who worked in a place like this would take the time to see her. It didn't matter to her if she got the job, she was just so moved by the fact that they thought she could possibly do it. She was told that she'd have one audition for the creative team and then she would have one more for all the Lincoln Center higher-ups and the representatives from the Rodgers and Hammerstein Organization. She was incredibly nervous/panicking as she sang and read for the director, Bartlett Sher. She said she couldn't breathe and had total dry mouth (see me running into Cheyenne Jackson). Her phrasing was a mess because she couldn't breathe. She was positive that she had blown it with the director. She spent that night sobbing through dinner but finally calmed herself down by doing what she did before the first audition. She told herself that they didn't ask if she had Juilliard acting training and they didn't ask whether she had 20 years of vocal lessons. All she could do was be herself. The next day, she had a work session with the director, where he took her in every direction dramatically and she loved it. He asked her to try the character in many different ways: angry, desperate, vulnerable. She now realizes that he was trying to see how directable she was, but at that point, she just loved it because it was like a master class.

She showed up on Monday for her final audition and sat outside the rehearsal room, terrified, holding a shrunken head (!) that someone made for her before she left. The whole cast of the last play she had done had gathered in her dressing room before she left and gave it kisses, blessed it and sent it love. Right before 4 PM, she began thinking of her father. She told us that he was a field laborer with a sixth grade education. He learned how to write by lining up grains of rice on a plate. His dream was for his children to have a better life but, unfortunately, he never heard her sing professionally. She then prayed to have all of the angels who brought her to this point in her life present with her. Suddenly at 3:55, she felt them all and said it was like the Verizon commercial where someone says, "This is my network," and they're surrounded by like 40 people. She walked in and saw that she had to audition for around 15 people. She performed all of the material and, after she was done, they asked her to wait outside. She came back and the director said, "We talked amongst each other, and we all wanted to be here to tell you this." Then he paused. She hoped he would say that she got the understudy because then it would mean that she would get to perform at Lincoln Center. He then said, "Loretta, you got the part. Will you be our Bloody Mary?" She stood there and waited for him to say understudy. Finally, he said, a little more sassily, "Darling. You got the part! What do you think?" She burst into tears and said what people in Hawaii say when they're happy, "I want to take you all home and cook for you!" He then introduced her to Mary Rodgers (daughter of Richard) and Alice Hammerstein (daughter of Oscar). As she was describing this at the
Chatterbox
, she started crying again and said that those were names she had seen on TV and on records. And to think that people connected to those two musical theatre icons thought she was qualified to perform their work overwhelmed her.