Seth's Broadway Diary, Volume 1: Part 2 (15 page)

Autumn… and Bailey… and
[title of show]
in New York

July 29, 2008

All right, people, updates. Last Monday night, I hosted and played piano for a NYCLU benefit. At rehearsal I chatted with John Gallagher Jr. who, of course, I didn't recognize at first. He looks
nothing
like he did in
Spring Awakening
. I hate the mortification of seeing someone and having no idea who they are, so I told him from now on he has to be recognizable to me, i.e. walk around with an Eraserhead hairstyle and lederhosen and commit suicide. Anthony Rapp also performed and sported a beard rendering him unrecognizable. Stop already! Why can't people retain their signature looks? And why can't Liza ever change hers?

Right after the NYCLU benefit, I rushed to the fabulous apartment of Amanda Brown Lipitz, the executive producer of the
Legally Blonde
reality show. She had tons of people there watching the final episode. I got there late and while I was walking over, I got a text from Bernie Telsey busting me for the way I ran onto the Palace stage. When I got there, I informed him that I already dished myself in that week's video blog. I commented that my run informed the audience of two things: a) I was not popular in high school and b) I need a sports bra.

Bernie was trying to bust me because I spent so many previous vlogs busting him. On one episode he told Autumn that, at her previous audition, she "literally hit it out of the park." "Literally"? They had an audition at Shea Stadium? Then he said he was nervous about whether one of the girls could perform that well "eight days a week." Hmm… I commented that maybe Bernie was confused by the ubiquitous commercial from years ago stating that "Sunday is Funday at Carvel" and informed him that "Funday" isn't an actual day. I'm going to upload all my
Legally Blonde
vlogs to my website so everyone can see my slams, I mean, playful jabs against Bernie et al. P.S. Why do I wonder why I've never been cast by him?

Anyway, it was super fun to watch the finale with a bevy of the Elle contestants: Emma, Lindsey, Autumn, Lauren, Bailey and Celina
.
Yes! Now Tony Award-winner Lena Hall from HEDWIG!

On Wednesday, I hightailed it to the Palace Theatre to see Bailey make her debut. In "Omigod You Guys," all of the Delta Nu sorority sisters start the song. Suddenly, Autumn Hurlbert (who was the runner-up for Elle Woods) appeared, and when she sang her opening solo, she got
crazy
cheers from the audience. I felt so great for her! She's
extremely
talented and Miss Thing can
sing
! When Bailey rose up in the elevator, the place went nuts. I thought I'd be nervous for Bailey, but she was on her gig. As a matter of fact, I had spoken to Jim Sampliner (the music director of the show), and he told me that Bailey had her put-in rehearsal the previous Friday, and they went straight through the show without stopping once! That's amazing for a first-timer on Broadway… who's 20 years old… playing the
lead
! I did start to get nervous as the show progressed because the end of Act One has the song "So Much Better," and the reality show made a big deal about how hard it was to hold the last note (it's a pretty high note, and it's supposed to be held for four counts of eight). It's one thing to have to do something hard in a show, but it's a nightmare when the whole audience knows how hard it is! I always feel bad when an ice skater is doing a triple axel because I know that they know the whole audience is wondering whether they'll make it. It's like asking someone stunning out for a date while 1,000 people watch to see if you get rejected. Anyhoo, as the last note of "So Much Better" approached, I had a mini anxiety attack, but not only did Bailey hold the note the whole time, it actually didn't matter because the audience started cheering so loudly after the first four counts that you could hardly hear her voice anyway. She could have taken it down the octave, and no one would have noticed.

Speaking of noticing, I was spotted by some reality show fans in the audience and I felt like a celeb. Then, when I saw
Damn Yankees
, I went backstage and there were tons of people lined up waiting for the cast. As I passed some of them, I had several requests for autographs. I felt bad that James had to wait, but I assumed he knew I had a duty to my public. After my backstage visit, I geared myself up for my exit. I figured there'd still be people waiting for the cast and probably some of the newcomers would want my autograph… after all, I'd made nine different 5 to 10 minute appearances on
Legally Blonde
:
The Search for Elle Woods
. I opened up the door leading from the backstage area to the street, and as soon as I did, the crowd reaction went wild. Full out Beatles-fan screaming. "I still got it!" I thought to myself. I scanned the crowd to decide which crazed fan I should give my autograph to first, when I noticed them all looking down. That's odd, I thought. My curiosity turned to devastation when I realized that the screams were not due to my dedicated public recognizing me, but instead a direct result of the appearance of a large water bug on the sidewalk. Once it ran down the block, the screaming stopped, and I was met with a sea of blank faces. The only request I got was not for an autograph but rather for an answer to the question, "Is Jane coming out soon?" "Yes," I muttered as I shame-facedly put away my unused Sharpie and ran down the block, with James laughing behind me. I still
don't
got it.

This week my
Chatterbox
was a joy because I interviewed the two brilliant creators of
[title of show]
, Hunter Bell and Jeff Bowen. Way back in the mid-‘90s, Jack Plotnick was starring in
The Boys From Syracuse
at the Alliance Theater down south. Jack suddenly got an offer to do a TV pilot with Janeane Garofalo and Bob Odenkirk right before
The Boys From Syracuse
was about to start previews. He called me and asked me what to do. He knew the show could go on because they could get a replacement for him, but he felt that it was wrong to leave a commitment.
But
he also really wanted to start doing more TV, and he thought Janeane and Bob were great people to work with who could jump-start his career. I didn't know what to tell him, so he finally called Dick Scanlan, whom we both met while working with him Off-Broadway in
Pageant
. I took over being the music director from James Raitt, Dick was hilarious as Miss Great Plains, and Jack was the swing. Most Broadway people know Dick because he wrote the book and lyrics to
Thoroughly Modern Millie
.
And then EVERYDAY RAPTURE and MOTOWN, and heis now working on bringing THE UNSINKABLE MOLLY BROWN back to Broadwa
y
.
Jack presented his moral dilemma to Dick, and Dick presented him with the query, "What would Madonna do?" Seriously. Well, that clinched it for Jack. He quit
The Boys From Syracuse
and hightailed it to LA, and the Alliance had to replace Jack ASAP. There was an understudy for the role in the show, but the powers-that-be thought that one of the non-Equity chorus boys would be great in the role and asked him to learn it in 24 hours. He learned it, nailed it
and
got his Equity card. That chorus boy's name was… Hunter Bell!

Jeff grew up in Florida and in
[title of show]
, the Jeff character talks about being in high school and painting a glow-in-the-dark
Aspects of Love
mural in his bedroom. Jeff confirmed that, indeed, the real-life Jeff did just that. He also 'fessed up that there is a Phantom mask thrown into the mural as well. And the delicious news is that it's still there! He also said that he went to a master class when he was a late teenager. It was taught by Terrence Mann, who had flown down from New York. Jeff got up to sing his song, opened his mouth, and out came all four verses of "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina." With no irony. He can't remember the "critique" he got from Terrence, but I'm assuming it began with "What the-?"

Jeff and Hunter met doing a production of
Good News
. The non-equity chorus was called a week early to learn the dances (Jeff), and then the leads arrived (Hunter). Hunter showed up knowing every line and every song, and Jeff
hated
him. He found out later that Hunter had just played the role, but then it just seemed like annoying over-confidence. Afterwards, they drove home to the cast house in the company van and when Hunter heard Jeff gabbing with some other ensemble member, he haughtily thought, "Hmm… they sound a little negative. I don't need that energy around me."

Around a week later, they were all rehearsing, and Hunter commented on someone in the cast wearing jazz pants ("Where did you get them? How did you get them to flair out at the bottom?"), and that’s all it took for he and Jeff to become best friends. They started writing together and completed a musical version of
9 to 5
! They actually did a full reading of it and got some great people to star. How? They just left the material for them at the stage door with a letter (not unlike the blind phone call made to celebrities in
[title of show]
). However, they never got the rights to the show, and eventually found out there was another version being written. But that's what led to them writing
[title of show]
. P.S. If you don't know what I mean by the blind phone calls to celebs, I'll explain. Throughout the show, Hunter and Jeff are looking to help sell their show by having a big name attached. And throughout it, you hear phone messages from real Broadway people turning them down. They're all hilarious, and I'll tell you two that were in the Off-Broadway version but didn't make it to Broadway. One of the messages was from Amy Spanger saying very sweetly, "Hi, guys. It's Amy Spanger. I got your message, and I am very honored you thought of me for your show but, because of my schedule, I can't do it." Then you hear the sound of the phone starting to be hung up, and Amy's voice continues to someone in the background, "Stephen Oremus is giving out my f***ing number to anybody." Her line reading was amazing. There was another one where Sutton Foster called in all excited. "Hey, Hunter, I heard about your show. Of course, I'll do it! We Fosters need to stick together!" Then you hear someone say something to her and she says, "Huh? Hunter
Bell
? Who the f***is that?" and hangs up. Brava!

All right, everybody, enjoy the last gasps of July, and I'll give you an update next week!

Laura, Peter and Turkey Sheds

August 4, 2008

This was an annoying week for two reasons!

Here goes: James, Juli and I finally found an apartment that had everything we wanted (duplex on the ground floor of a brownstone with a backyard), and it was
cheap
.
And
we found out that there was no one else looking at it. We put in an application… and got ixnayed!!!! The realtor told us that she had no idea why the landlord rejected us. James and I both make enough money
and
have good credit. It's so hilarious because it's an apartment I've seen on Craigslist for
weeks
, and I refused to look at it because the ads seemed desperate. There was a post about it literally every day, and the price kept dropping and dropping. I essentially went to go look at it because I felt bad for it. It was like asking someone out just to make them feel better and then having
them
dump
you
. What chutzpah! I've had it.

Then I joined the throngs of blind consumers and bought an iPhone
.
Holy cow! I can’t believe the hurdles you had to jump through to get that annoying phone
!
If you don't know, you first have to go to the Mac store and get a time to come back to actually buy the iPhone. When you do come back, they have you wait in a beautiful, air-conditioned lounge until your phone is ready. Oh, I'm sorry, they actually make you wait
outside
with no shade in crazy scorching heat for a full half hour! After that, you get the privilege of waiting on another line inside the store.
Then
, when you finally get the phone, you realize that because you're an adult male, your fingers are actually too fat to type on its little tiny screen. It's a
nightmare
! You think you're typing one thing and something crazy comes out on the screen. Right after I got it, I emailed Amanda Lipitz, the producer of the MTV
Legally Blonde
reality show, and told her I was going to have some contestants from the show on my
Chatterbox
and wondered if she wanted to come onstage and chat about the show. I got back an email from her, asking me, "What's omtahe?" That's right, "omtahe" is what came out when I typed "onstage." I've had it! I either get rid of the iPhone or put my fingers on a diet.