Seth's Broadway Diary, Volume 1: Part 1 (7 page)

So many great people performed, including the amazing Lynne Wintersteller. I have always been obsessed with her voice on the
Closer Than Ever
CD ("Life Story" is gorgeous), but until I did a reading with her last year, I never knew that she's also fun-nee. Where is her Broadway starring vehicle? I was saying backstage that there should be more shows for women over 40. Is there only
Mamma Mia!
and
Menopause, The Musical
? Why is that all there is? And why must they only start with the letter M?

I hung out backstage with post-Elphaba Ana Gasteyer. We have had some hilarious times together. Once, for my birthday, I thought it would be nice to have a low-key party and spend the night with my close friends playing my fave game, Celebrity. I wanted around 15 people at my Celebrity party, and I was miffed by Ana acting odd during the phone call when I invited her.

A week later, I called to confirm whether she was coming or not and to tell her the version of Celebrity that I play. There was an awkward pause, then the question, "Celebrity is a game?"

"Yes," I answered, finally realizing the weirdness from the last phone call. She literally thought I was having a birthday party and inviting only my "celebrity" friends! How shallow did she think I was! "Hi, Myron. I have known you since high school and I'd love to invite you to my party, but your lack of famous-ness prevents me. However, I left an open letter on the
Spring Awakening
message board inviting any cast members to come. Mm-hm. No understudies. I'm sure they understand. After all, it's a 'Celebrity' party."

Another time, Ana and I were talking on the phone and she sounded down. I asked what was up, and she told me that her dad had just died. I screamed, "Oh, no! How terrible!" She explained that she was especially upset because her cabaret act was the next day (!) and she was having trouble memorizing her words. Huh? Priorities, anybody? That seemed a little too show-biz obsessed… even for me. I assumed that maybe her dad had been sick for a while, and that's why she was able to move quickly from the death of a parent into the realm of difficulty of memorizing a Juice Newton medley. Finally, after some more strange comments from her and talk about getting a dog, I realized I had heard her totally wrong. She didn't say her dad died. She said her
cat
died! I was mortified. I finally told her what I thought she had said and admitted the silent judgments I was feeling about her as she lamented the difficulty of committing "Almost Over You" to memory. She was so annoyed because she had been silently praising me the whole conversation thinking, "Finally! Out of all my friends, Seth has had the only appropriate reaction to this news." (See: "Oh, no! How terrible!") P.S. She would never do a Juice Newton medley. That was added for comic effect. More P.S., how could
anyone
do a Juice Newton medley? What happens after "Break it to Me Gently"?

Thursday, I interviewed theatre legend Jonathan Tunick. He has orchestrated so many classic Broadway shows my head almost fell off. I asked him to describe what an orchestrator does. I thought he'd say that an orchestrator takes what the composer has written (usually for piano) and divides it up between the instruments of the orchestra. He did say that, but then he said that a good analogy is lighting. "If the music is the set, the orchestration is the lighting. It colors it, it gives it texture, it gives it shading, and it can express the unspoken… the subtext. It can tell you what the character is not saying but rather feeling or… maybe even unaware of." Well said!

He also talked about the sitzprobe, which is the rehearsal where the actors sing with the orchestra for the first time. To go from singing with a rehearsal piano to a full orchestra is one of the most thrilling moments for any company of a musical. I then realized the sitzprobes he's been to. These were the
first times
these songs were heard with an orchestra:
Follies
("Dorothy… there'll be two violins playing as you sing the last line of "Losing My Mind");
Company
("Vocal minority. The brass plays along with you in "Tick Tock" when you go "Dot Dot Dot Dow!");
Promises, Promises
("Burt… what's a Turkey Lurkey? And Donna… doesn't your neck hurt doing that?"); not to mention
A Little Night Music, Merrily We Roll Along
and
A Chorus Line
. There were many orchestrators on
A Chorus Line
because everybody was busy that season, and it was a downtown show that no one thought would ever move uptown! Jonathan said he's not 100% sure, but he thinks he did the Opening, "At The Ballet" and "Nothing."

To have been at those sitzprobes and heard all those classics — I want to have some of his memory cells implanted into my brain as soon as that operation is foolproof.

Saturday, I went back to The York to see the Musicals in Mufti series because they were doing
It's a Bird… It's a Plane… It's Superman
. My old buddy Stuart Ross, who directed and wrote
Forever Plaid
, directed and milked much comedy out of the great cast, led by Cheyenne Jackson. Can I just say, I'm still devastated that Cheyenne wasn't nominated for a Tony Award for
All Shook Up
? He has
such
a fantastic voice and is a great comedian. I thought good-looking people aren't supposed to be funny. What happened to "Because I was so odd looking, I learned to make people laugh in order to get by"? It's not supposed to be, "I'm great looking
and
hilarious… and I have a cool first name."

Saturday night, I went to see one of the most talented people I know, Jeff Roberson as Varla Jean Merman. If you haven't seen Varla, get thee to
YouTube
. My favorite number is the "Schoolhouse Rock" parody ("A Noun's a Person, Place or Thing"). The 3
rd
verse is about a friend of hers who meets a French producer who promises to put her in a film, but she is never heard from again. The chorus goes:

"Oh, any person you can know/
Like a desperate girl, or a seedy Frenchman
/

And anyplace that you can go-/
Like a bar, or the bank of the Seine
/

And anything that you can show-/
Like fake credentials, or a snuff film
/

You know they're nouns…"

Finally, I want to tell you what Rupert Holmes is most proud of. I interviewed him on Sirius, and he said that his biggest fear is forgetting to turn off his cell phone and having it go off during a show. He said he figured out the perfect ring, so he won't be devastated if it happens. I racked my brain trying to think what it was. Applause, I asked? He told me that wouldn’t work. What if it went off during a quiet scene? Then what? He held up his phone and played me the ring that won't get him busted. This is it:
cough cough.
Seriously! He literally recorded a cough! He said that light coughing is the one noise you can expect to hear in any audience, be it comedy, drama, musical, etc. Also, it's his actual cough, so if someone looks over, he can just do it live for theatrical vérité. Isn't that brilliant?

Okay, everyone. Happy post-Father's Day, and go listen to a stunning Tunick orchestration and figure out the characters' subtext. And if someone coughs, answer the phone!

Sittin' Playin' Piano — With Andrea McArdle

June 26, 2007

Andrea McArdle sings "Maybe." David Hyde Pierce muses about
Spamalot
. Alysha Umphress astounds — and not just because of her name.
Anyhoo, the week began with
Annie
rehearsal. Here's the deal. A few years ago, I had Andrea McArdle at the
Chatterbox
. Usually, at the end of the show, I ask my guest to sing something. Well, I've heard Andrea sing "Tomorrow" live before, but I'd never heard her sing "Maybe." Why had I never heard her sing it? Well, when I was growing up, my mother was notorious for getting me tickets for all the shows I wanted to see…
right
after the original cast had left. Why see Andrea McArdle when you can see her replacement? Why see Patti LuPone in
Evita
when you can see the replacement's matinee cover? Didn't my mother understand that I listened to those albums every day of my childhood and I wanted to hear Patti belt the "I'm their Savior!" modulation in "Rainbow High" and Andrea vibrato the last syllable on "together for
ever
" in "I Don't Need Anything But You"? But, alas, it was not to be. The only cool replacements I saw during my childhood Broadway forays were in
Pippin.
Priscilla Lopez as Fastrada and Betty Buckley as Catherine. But unfortunately I was six, so I fell asleep right after "…leave your fields to flower."

Anyway, I asked Andrea to sing "Maybe" at the end of the
Chatterbox
and she said she hadn't sung it since she did her last performance as Annie 25 years before. I looked at her with a "your point being?" expression and started playing the vamp. Of course, she sounded amazing. It made me realize that I wanted, nay,
needed
to hear her sing the whole score. I thought, why not do a special version of the show with her as Annie? I pitched the idea to Gregg Kaminsky from the Rosie Family cruise, and it's actually gonna happen the last night on the boat! I got Harvey Evans to play Daddy Warbucks and Rosie to be Miss Hannigan. Who says you can't go home again? I'll finally heal those wounds from March 1978 and forgive Andrea for leaving the show.

So, this week I started work on
Annie
, and Andrea and I got together to go over keys. It was so thrilling to play the melody of "It's the Hard Knock life for us, it's the hard knock life for us" and hear her sing "'stead of treated!" She's still got it!

Thursday, I had David Hyde Pierce at the
Chatterbox
. He's hilarious. But after every funny comment, total blank face-ness. He's dryer than whatever Texan town Audra and John Cullum live in. He said he grew up obsessed with Monty Python and it was super weird doing the first reading of
Spamalot
because he was doing Eric Idle next to Eric Idle. He knew the show could be a blockbuster, but was nervous about his big number. He thought it would either be hilarious or get the show boycotted by B'nai B'rith. He remembers singing the phrase "you won't succeed on Broadway…" and then nervously singing "…if you don't have any Jews." The line got a big fat laugh, and David knew the show was gonna be a hit.

Friday night, I went to a show called the After Party at The Laurie Beechman Theater. I heard a sasstress I hadn't heard before: Alysha Umphress. I want to give her a shout out, but since I can't pronounce her first
or
last name, I will give her a "write out." She sang "Where Are the Simple Joys of Maidenhood" and worked it! The arrangement was in a jazz style, and she put in
the
coolest riffs. Not the kind of riffs that make you turn off
American Idol
; the kind that, if Julie Andrews had employed them, the show would have run longer than the original 875 performances (thank you
IBDB
).
Alysha came to Broadway in AMERICAN IDIOT and recently played the Bette Midler role in the out-of-town production of BEACHES. Werk
!
I was there to play for Christine Pedi who's doing a new show at The Metropolitan Room. She was trying out her version of "And I Am Telling You" as sung by people like Joan Rivers, Bernadette Peters and Little Edie ("oh no, there's no way I'm living without you, Mother Dear…").

All right, next week I have Tony Award-winner Debra Monk at the
Chatterbox
and I see the all-Asian production of
Falsettoland!

Putting on
The Ritz

July 3, 2007

Okay, I've been holding out on you. I sort of got big news a while ago, but I kept waiting for complete confirmation before writing about it. And by complete confirmation, I mean a signed contract.
Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote about doing a one-day reading of
The Ritz
at Roundabout? Well, a little while after that, Joe Mantello called me and said that the
The Ritz
was going to happen in the fall, and he wanted me to be in it! I’m thrilled because it will be my Broadway debut (above the pit)! In the reading I had such pivotal roles as Patron and Snooty Patron. When Joe called, I had no idea which of the myriad one-line roles I was being offered. Well, I was thrilled when I got my contract and it not only read "as cast" (meaning whatever little roles come up in rehearsal), but it also had me down as Snooty Patron! I was so excited to see the word "snooty" before patron. That's one step above just plain Patron!