September Canvas (22 page)

“That’s not true. I realize how it must look, but please, Deanna. You know me pretty well. This past week, if it meant anything to you, ought to have proven that I’m loyal to you.”

“I don’t think you know the meaning of the word.” Deanna was pale now and she stared at Savannah with nearly black eyes. “I can’t imagine what your agenda is, but if you’ve come to spoil things for me, you’ve succeeded beyond your wildest dreams.”

“It’s not true. Faythe didn’t know my real name. I swear.”

“You’ve sworn before, and look what happened then.” Deanna turned her attention back to Faythe. “I won’t bother you any longer. You’re back on your feet, in more ways than one. I’ll just get my stuff and then I’ll be back in my own cabin.” She whirled around and left the kitchen.

Faythe stared after Deanna’s disappearing back. When she turned to look at her visitors, Pammie looked completely stricken, and Nana had begun to cry.

Deanna found it almost impossible to breathe. She ran back to the room she had been using, grabbed her bag, and began to cram her clothes and art supplies into it. She just wanted to get out of Faythe’s house as quickly as possible. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she sobbed, so angry and hurt she could hardly think.

“Deanna. Please.”

Faythe’s voice from the doorway made her flinch. She wasn’t prepared to have any sort of confrontation with Faythe, not now, perhaps never.

Faythe hesitantly entered the room. “I know how it looks, but I had no idea who Pammie’s friend was. She calls her Nana. I never made the connection.”

“Not now, Faythe,” Deanna said, her voice hurting her throat. She couldn’t stop sobbing and wiped angrily at her cheeks. “Not even you can be that gullible.”

“Don’t. Don’t say stuff like that.” Faythe moved into Deanna’s personal space. “I know this is your MO, cutting people out, running off. If I let you go now, I won’t see you again. I know because you’ve done the same to your mother for almost ten years.”

“I have done…
I
have done?” Deanna said, speaking louder. “Leave my mother, and my entire family, out of this. You did this behind my back, and it has nothing to do with either of them. You sure played the part of the cute girl next door well. I swallowed every single lie you told, hook, line, and sinker.” Deanna knew how sarcastic she sounded, and the stricken look on Faythe’s face confirmed it. “You had me fooled that you were this vulnerable, misunderstood woman, and I think you proved once and for all that you’re as callous as your parents. A chip off the old block, huh?”

“Deanna!” Faythe’s eyes became nearly colorless against her pale face. “I was only trying to help.”

“I’ve had enough of your help, so if you’ll excuse me…” She didn’t want to physically push Faythe out of the way, but the pain of being in such close proximity made her contemplate it.

“No, I won’t excuse you,” Faythe said furiously. “I can understand why you’d jump to conclusions, after what you’ve been through. But I won’t accept that you think I lied to you or would sell you out like that. Not after last Saturday, and certainly not after the last few days.”

“You’re incredible.” Deanna blinked at the storm of emotions on Faythe’s face. “I come home early because I couldn’t stand to be away from you and what do I find? You and Savannah Mueller sitting by the kitchen table having a great time.” Deanna hated the image she’d just described. “I had decided to try to communicate with her, you know. I thought, with you here, to chaperone and to help me stay as impartial as possible, I just might be able to go through with it.”

“And you still can! Nothing’s changed.” Faythe looked like she wanted to shake Deanna. “I promise you I’m telling the truth.” Deanna wanted to believe her. Images of Faythe, naked in her arms just that morning, soft and smiling, flickered before her eyes. She had just begun to believe life had something resembling happiness in store for her. She should’ve known better.
I just can’t win, can I?

“Let go of me,” Deanna said coldly. “You can promise all you want. I don’t believe you.”

Faythe paled further and dropped her hands. Rubbing them on her thighs, she stepped back. “I see.”

“So, if you’ll excuse me?” Deanna hoisted her bag onto her shoulder and pushed past Faythe, her heart hammering painfully in her chest. If she’d stopped to look at Faythe, even for a second, she would’ve caved, she knew it. Instead, she stalked through the living room and by the kitchen, where two figures still huddled together at the kitchen table. Deanna was several paces past the doorway when she heard someone crying. She slowed down then stopped. One of the girls in the kitchen was weeping bitterly, and the other made cooing and comforting sounds. Deanna walked back, stopping just out of sight of them.

“Nana, please, you’ll make yourself sick.” Deanna didn’t recognize the voice and deduced it had to belong to Pammie.

“You saw her. You heard what she said. This was a very bad idea, Pammie.” Savannah started to cry again. “I shouldn’t have come.”

“It was brave of you to try. Faythe might still be able to help you out. She did this as a favor to me, and because she’s a nice person.”

“Now that she knows who I am, she won’t want to help. Don’t you understand? They’re together.
Together.
” Savannah laughed bitterly. “Of all the people you run into, it’s Deanna Moore’s lover.”

“I didn’t know that!”

“Of course not. It just makes sense in a sick kind of way. Like karma, you know.”

“No, I don’t know.” Pammie spoke slowly. “Explain what you mean, please?”

“I’m a bad person. I’ve done bad things. I’m the daughter of a bigot and a bully.”

Deanna wasn’t sure what to do. Part of her wanted to escape to her cabin and go into hiding, but another part wanted to hear what Savannah had to say.

“That doesn’t mean you’re screwed.” Pammie sounded patient, but Deanna could hear the pain behind her words. “Just look at yourself, how you’ve changed.”

“Not enough, obviously. Didn’t you see how she looked at me? Like I was disgusting.” Savannah laughed, a bitter, self-deprecating sound.

“She was shocked to see you. She had no idea you’d be here. If anyone’s at fault, it’s me. I was so busy protecting you, I kept using your nickname. If I’d told Faythe who you were, she’d have arranged this differently.”

Deanna slumped against the wall and let the bag drop to the floor.

Her anger seemed to seep out through her pores; she felt cold, lonely, and remorseful for alienating the only person who believed in her.

Deanna wanted to bang her head to the wall. Instead she turned around and walked into the kitchen. “Savannah.” The two girls snapped their heads to look at her simultaneously.

Savannah stared at her under reddened eyelids. “Ms. Moore,” she said.

“We…I thought you left.”

“I was going to.”

“I see.” Savannah looked at Pammie. “This is Pamela Taylor. Her friends call her Pammie.”

“I remember you, now that I think about it, Pamela, even though you never took any of my classes. After we’ve talked, I should know what I’m supposed to call you,” Deanna said wryly.

“Uh, guess so.” Pammie shifted on the chair, her arm still protectively around Savannah’s shoulder. “Why don’t you sit down? I mean, if you want to discuss things.”

Deanna had to admire the young woman’s courage. She managed to sound polite in spite of the tense situation. “All right. I’ll just get some coffee, if there is any—”

“There’s plenty. I’ll get it, Ms. Moore.” Pammie jumped up and poured a mug for Deanna as she sat down across from Savannah. “Milk, sugar?”

“Black is fine right now. Thank you.”
I can be polite in the weirdest
of circumstances too, apparently.
“Okay, Savannah. Guess the ball’s in your court.”

Savannah drew a deep breath and looked gratefully at Pammie when she sat back down and took her hand. “First of all, Ms. Moore—”

“Deanna. You’re not my student anymore.”

“Deanna.” Savannah looked uncomfortable. “I did something unforgiveable. I was a spoiled brat who wouldn’t take no for an answer and was more concerned about impressing the crowd I was hanging with, than things like honor and truth.” She shook her head slowly. “And I was deceitful too.”

“Go on.” Deanna pushed carefully. “Tell me why you did what you did.”

“I had such a crush on you. It started in junior high. You weren’t anything like the other teachers. You dressed in a cool way, you were younger and so beautiful, and when you needed an assistant, I made sure to volunteer first. My mother was impressed, as always.” Savannah sniffled, pulled a tissue from her jeans pocket, and blew her nose. “Mother loved the fact that I was getting extra credit and showing what the mayor’s daughter was made of. She also approved of me hanging with the crowd I was with. After all, their parents were among the richest people in town.”

“So what did all this have to do with me?”

“I fell in love with you. I couldn’t figure out what was up, and I didn’t have anybody to talk to. You were all I could think of. You seemed to understand me, and you took an interest in things about me that nobody else gave a damn about.”

Deanna had preferred to spend time with the students during recess rather than sip coffee with the three women who’d worked at the school for almost thirty years and later became the ringleaders in the campaign against her. They were obviously Gloria Mueller’s vassals.

“Why did you assume I had feelings for you?” Deanna clung to her coffee mug as her hands began to tremble.

“I don’t know.” Savannah lowered her eyes. “You were kind to me, supportive, and I thought… I was so sure at the time that you felt the same way I did. My ego was huge, and it took a long time for me to realize that most people in my gang were only friends with me because of who my parents were. Even my boyfriend at the time turned out to be sucking up to Mom.”

“Your mother made my life a living hell.” Deanna forced herself to keep the hatred out of her voice.

“Mine too.” Silent tears began to fall down Savannah’s cheeks. “I’m not trying to blame her for the way I acted. I just want you to know that I understand. She can be very hard to deal with.” That was the understatement of the year. It must be horrible to be her daughter. It might explain a lot about Savannah’s behavior.

“Why did you lie about us getting married, and me practically leaving you at the altar?”

Savannah blushed. “One lie ran into another and gave birth to a third lie, you could say.”

“Huh? Run that by me again.” Deanna leaned back in her chair and glimpsed Faythe enter the kitchen. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her face scrubbed clean of makeup. When she looked up and saw Deanna sitting at the kitchen table, she barely flinched.

“Hi,” Deanna said. “I passed the girls and overheard Savannah and Pamela talking.” She hoped Faythe would understand her cryptic statement.

Faythe showed no sign of either understanding or caring about anything Deanna said. Instead she sat down closer to the girls than to her. “So we’re talking.” Faythe’s voice sounded unfamiliar—curt, a little strangled.

“Nana’s trying to explain.” Pammie looked sad. “Not sure we’re getting anywhere, but at least she gets the chance to tell her side and apologize.”

“Good.” Faythe looked encouragingly at Savannah. “Go on, then.”

“All right.” Savannah seemed to feel a little more secure and continued, speaking a little slower. “My so-called friends kept challenging me for proof of my hot affair with the art teacher, with Deanna. In my mind, I hadn’t exactly lied to them, just told them things prematurely. I was certain Deanna was in love with me. I had bought into the myth about myself as homecoming queen, cheerleader, and honor roll student. How could she not love me? What was not to love?” Savannah laughed hollowly. “So when I couldn’t get Deanna to admit to her feelings, I assumed she was being honorable and didn’t want to tarnish the reputation of a student."

“At the same time I was stalling my friends’ questions, I was trying to break up with my boyfriend. He wouldn’t listen, and eventually, out of nowhere, I panicked and told him and two of my friends about Deanna and me getting married in Canada. It was only supposed to be a tiny white lie, to keep him away and my friends off my back.” Savannah sipped the water Pammie had brought her earlier.

“Surely you must’ve realized what a mistake you’d made?” Deanna asked.

“Not really. Since I figured your sense of honor kept you from acting on your feelings, I was giving you a way out.” Savannah blushed. “I know, I know. It sounds deranged. Completely crazy.”

“So, if I sum it up,” Deanna said slowly, not taking her eyes off Savannah, “you have been brought up to expect to become homecoming queen, cheerleader, an honor student, the wife of a rich man, and follow in your mother’s footsteps, always at her beck and call.”

“Pretty much.” Savannah sounded defeated. “I’m so sorry for messing up everything for you. I’m even sorrier that it took me this long to own up to it. I owe it to Pammie. She never gave up on me.”

“How about the friends with you in the supermarket?”

“They don’t know the truth, but they will.” Savannah pressed her lips together. “Lara already suspects something’s off sometimes. They’re going to hate me, but that’s my own fault.”

“While we’re on the subject of fault,” Deanna said, “why aren’t you in college?”

“I didn’t feel like it. I like what I do now at the animal shelter, especially working with the dogs.” Her face lit up and for the first time since Deanna had sat down, she caught a glimpse of the Savannah she’d known two years ago, stunningly beautiful with sparkling eyes and a dynamic personality.

“And you’re punishing yourself, thinking you don’t deserve to go to college or the university because of the trouble you caused. And you’re sticking it to your parents, right, sweetie?” Pammie asked softly.

“I suppose.”

Deanna sighed. “That doesn’t make things right, and it’s a waste of a good mind. Don’t do this to yourself. Get on with your life, and don’t look back.”

“It’s not that easy!” Savannah sat ramrod straight in her chair. “I’ve managed to move out of my parents’ house and get a small apartment. I support myself. I even have money to give to my mother’s charities. I’ve found a way to not despise myself all the time.” Intense and trembling, Savannah was obviously not about to move on.