Separation Anxiety (14 page)

“Hey,” I said softly, not meeting his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, standing from the couch and striding to my side.

I took a deep breath. This was going to be even harder than I thought.

“Is it Richard?” he asked, knowing I’d just come from the house I shared with my husband.

I didn’t respond.

“V, tell me what he said.”

I shook my head, busying myself
with some invisible lint on my pants.

“You know I can help you, right? You know that, don’t you?” His voice was soft and soothing, and it was reminiscent of his side of the conv
ersation with Carly on Sunday afternoon. “But I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

“Let it go, Jesse. It’s
nothing.”

My voice came out harder that I’d meant it to.

I felt him staring at me, but I refused to look away from the spot on my pants.

I heard him sigh. I
headed to my bedroom and sat on the bed, resting my elbows on my knees and leaning forward to rest my face in my hands. I felt the bed dip next to me, and then I felt his arms around me.

“I know this is difficult,” he
murmured, his voice low and raspy. “But you’ve got friends here to help you get through it.”

I couldn’t help the sob that escaped at his warm and caring words.

But the one thing that stuck out most to me was that we were just “friends.”

And as much as I’d convinced myself that we could turn into something more,
especially after that kiss the night before, I knew that with Richard still in the picture, something more was just no longer a possibility.

His arms tightened as I allowed him to comfort me, my head resting against that perfect soft yet firm chest. I breathed him in for what felt like the millionth time in the past few days, addicted to his Christmasy, manly scent, and I knew immediately how much I was going to miss this man and all he had to offer. But I couldn’t intrude on him and his life any longer, not with the threats Richard was making.

“Thank you,” I whispered against him.
“I know I have you, Jesse. But I can’t stay here with you anymore.”

I heard his sharp intake of breath.

“Why not?” he asked.

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t
answer, because I couldn’t lie to him, but I also couldn’t tell him the truth.

“Does this have to do with Richard?” he asked.

“I just can’t intrude on your life anymore. I’m going to stay with Quinn.”

“It’s not an intrusion, V. I like having you here. I’ve already told you that.” His voice was quiet, and some of his usual composure was starting to slip.

“I know. And I like being here. But I just can’t do this.”

I stood up, because having his arms around me while we were having this conversation
was too difficult. My heart was screaming for me to stay, but my head was telling me to go. The rational side of me won. I couldn’t drag him into Richard’s web of shit.

I pulled the
suitcase I’d just unpacked the day before out of the closet and threw some clothes into it.

“
Are you leaving because of the kiss?” he asked, his voice quiet and flat.

I shook my head.

“Is it because of this morning?” he asked.

God, I couldn’t take that he thought it was because of either of those things. As embarrassin
g as it had been to drop my towel in front of Jesse, his reaction had been positive. He liked what he saw, and that made me feel fantastic. Someone as hot as Jesse Drake had eyed my naked body with appreciation, and I couldn’t remember the last time a man had made me feel so attractive.

My eyes met his, and then I looked away. His had that haunted look back in them, and I nearly lost it. I wanted to run into his arms and comfort him.
I wanted to hold him and erase that look. I wanted to tell him why I had to leave, and I wanted to tell him to wait for me.

But I didn’t do any of that. I had to be strong for Jesse’s sake. I wouldn’t let Richard ruin his life, even if it meant that I was allowing
Richard to ruin
my
life.

“
I just can’t stay here,” I said offhandedly, not committing to any one specific event. I grabbed just the essential toiletries that I would need and threw them into my suitcase. I’d find some time to get the rest of my stuff; I just needed to get out of there, away from Jesse’s searching, anxious, haunted eyes.

He could think what he wanted to think,
because suddenly I felt like I would die if I stayed in there one more minute. I couldn’t take being in the same space with Jesse and not wrapping myself around him to comfort him with my love. So I took the coward’s way out. I didn’t look back as I pulled my suitcase behind me.

“Thanks for everything, Jesse. I’ll see you at work, okay?”

He didn’t respond, and I didn’t wait for him to. I grabbed my keys and my purse off the counter and headed out to my car, tears falling harder as I tossed my suitcase in the trunk, climbed into the driver’s seat, started the car, and pulled away from Jesse’s house.

CHAPTER 10

I turned around the corner and then pulled to the side of the road. My tears were coming harder now, faster, and as they streamed down my face, I knew it wasn’t safe for me to drive. I needed a minute to compose myself. I held my hands over my face, sobbing into them, the ugly kind of cry that you only do when you’re alone. I couldn’t take that look I’d seen on Jesse’s face as I turned and walked out of his life. The haunted look was haunting me, and I didn’t know what to do to erase it.
I took off my seatbelt so I could lean forward. I put my arms against the steering wheel and cradled my head in my arms, waiting for the sadness to ease up enough to allow me to pull away.

It wasn’t working. Sobs racked my body and I wasn’t sure what to do to get the ache to stop.

A knock at the window caused me to take in a shuddering breath. I’m sure the neighbors were wondering why a car was parked outside on the street, the motor still running and the driver passed out over the steering wheel.

And then whoever was knocking on my window suddenly opened the door, and I was being pulled out of the car and into the warmest, most comforting arms I could possibly imagine. His lips crashed down over mine, and whatever the hell Richard had said didn’t matter anymore because I was just exactly where I was supposed to be.

Jesse’s mouth opened to mine as one hand gripped the hair at my neck and the other wrapped around my waist, pulling me against his hard body.

The tears magically stopped as lust and desire took over every single thought and feeling in my body. His kiss was the only cure I needed as suddenly everything was set right in my world again.

He pulled away. “Don’t leave me,” he whispered, and as my tear-stained eyes gazed into his, I saw an emptiness that I knew could only be filled with my love. I wanted to give him everything I had. I wanted to be the one to make him happy.

My fingers caressed his
soft, rough, perfect scruff as his eyes burned into mine.

“Come back home, V,” he murmured, and then his lips pressed to mine once again.
“I need you.” He leaned his forehead to mine.

I pulled back this time, and I
gaped at him. I glanced behind us. His truck was behind my car, still running with the driver’s door open.

He’d come after me. He’d chased me down, not knowing how far I had gotten but willing to go as far as he needed just to get to me and
bring me back where I belonged. With him.

“Okay, Jesse,” I whispered, and he ran a hand through his hair.

I got into my car, and he got into his. I pulled a u-turn and he followed, and then we both pulled into his driveway.

I took a deep breath as I exited my car, and he came around to my driver’s side and took my hand in his, pulling me behind him into the house.

He led me to the kitchen table, and we both sat in our usual seats.

“Talk to me,” he said, his voice that deep, low rasp that made me tingle everywhere.

“Richard told me I couldn’t live with you.”

“Fucking dick.”

I nodded.

“Babe, don’t worry about him. He can’t make you move.”

“He said it wouldn’t be a no fault divorce anymore if I stayed with you because I’d be cheating on him.”

Jesse sighed in frustration. “
A, we haven’t done anything that would constitute cheating, although don’t think that the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. And B, Veronica, Arizona is a no fault state. His threat is meaningless.”

What?

“What?” I voiced my thought.

“He can’t hit you with fault because Arizona doesn’
t place blame.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Holy shit. That meant that I could live wherever the hell I w
anted. Richard wouldn’t be able to take everything from me.

Well, maybe. He still had those friends in high places, but suddenly I knew that Jesse would find a way past that. He was smart and sexy and apparently my savior.

“Didn’t you read that paper I printed for you?” he asked, his brow furrowed.

I shook my head. “I filled out the necessary parts and gave it to him.”

“Didn’t anyone ever teach you to read things before you sign them?” he asked with exasperation.

I shrugged. “I had a lot on my mind.
”

“Did you at least read the part about how long this is going to take?”

I glanced down at the floor and pressed my lips together.

“Seriously, V?”

“How long?” I whispered, afraid to know the answer.

“Typically these things take three and a half
to four months.”

“So that puts it sometime in June.”

He nodded.

June. Interesting. Mid-summer break.

Mid-Jesse’s solo summer vacation.

He had said he preferred to travel alone, to decompress after a long school year, but maybe he’d like some company this year.

A thought of Jesse in swim trunks on the beaches of Mexico flashed through my mind.

A thought of Jesse and me
on a tour through California vineyards flashed through my mind.

A thought of Jesse and me in a big bed wearing nothing but sweat flashed through my mind.

“Can we talk more about ‘A’?” I asked, trying to ward off those deliciously wicked thoughts.

He gave me a strange look. “A?”

“Yeah. You said, ‘A, we haven’t done anything that would constitute cheating.’ And then you said, ‘don’t think that the thought hasn’t crossed my mind.’ Expand on that, please.”

A slow grin spread across Jesse’s face
as his eyes lit up. “You want to hear more about that, do you?” he asked.

I nodded, and I couldn’t help the smile playing at the corners of my mouth.

He stood up and he walked to my side of the table. He took my hand in his and pulled me up from the table and into his waiting arms.

“Well,” he said, wrapping one arm around m
y waist while the fingertips on his other hand ran along my cheek. I threw my arms around his neck. “I have a confession.”

“Oh?” I asked.

“I’ve been having some pretty naughty thoughts about my roommate.”

Lady parts tingled
as I stared into those dark eyes.

“What kind of thoughts?” I prompted.

He kissed my forehead, and then the tip of my nose, and then my lips. “V, I have dreamed of seeing you naked for the last five years,” he murmured. “This morning, my dream came true. And you know what?”

“What?” I asked, that damn blush giving me away as I tried
in vain to maintain my calm, cool collectedness.

He lowered his head close to my ear and whispered, his breath tickling my ear and the warmth sending rockets of lust exploding through my veins. “It was even better in real life than in my dreams.”

Holy. Fucking. Hell.

How was I ever possibly going to wait until my divorce was finalized to give myself to this man?

His lips grazed behind my ear, and I shivered in his arms. I felt his grin against the skin of my neck as his lips moved down, and those lips on my body caused every coherent thought to leave. I mumbled something inarticulate – or maybe it was a grunt, I’m not really sure – as he continued his onslaught of seduction.

He pulled back from me and our eyes met, and that emptiness that had appeared in his when he found me and pulled me out of my car was gone. It was replaced with heat and desire, and all that temptation that he had been waving in my face since Friday night suddenly felt like a real possibility. I’d gone back and forth on whether or not things were going to ever happen between us, but after this, after I’d nearly left and he’d come for me and explained to me that I was already free of Richard in ways that I hadn’t even known, I knew for sure that when everything was over with Richard and the dust settled, Jesse would be waiting for me with open arms.

He moved in to press a kiss to my lips as his hands moved achingly slowly up my sides to my ribcage. Everything south of my belly button tightened as his mouth opened to mine, his tongue playing with mine in a slow, seductive tango.

When his fingertips grazed just under my breasts, I pulled back.

“Jesse, I—”

“Shh, baby.” He shook his head and then leaned his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“I don’t want you to stop,” I moaned. “But I can’t—”

“I know.”

My heart swelled with love for his understanding. I didn’t even need to say why, and he knew. He got it. And then his next words set everything inside of me on fire as I knew that waiting until June was literally going to kill me.

“I’ll wait with you, V,” he whispered, pulling me closer as I clutched him to me. “
I’ve waited five years. I’d wait forever.”

I felt tears spring to my eyes, but this time, they were tears of utter joy.
I pressed my lips to his.

He pulled away and leaned in toward my ear
again. “Besides, I don’t fuck married women. I’m not fucking you until I know that you’ll belong only to me.” He gently sucked on my earlobe, and then he said, “And when that day comes, you better be ready for me.”

His words took my breath away while the promise that he was going to be waiting for me on the other side warmed everything inside of me.

He made me dinner while I unpacked my suitcase, the threat of me moving out gone from our minds. But I did have one thing I needed to discuss with him, so over our perfectly grilled turkey burgers, baked potatoes, and beer, I brought it up.

“So, there’s actually something else you should know before you decide for sure to let me stay here,” I said, and then I took a bite of burger.

“V, nothing could change my mind.”

He reached across the table and brushed some stray mustard from my lip with his thumb, and then he brought his thumb to his mouth and sucked the mustard off. It was an intimate gesture that became somehow erotic even though he hadn’
t meant it to, and it was reminiscent of the happy hour where he’d wiped sour cream off of my lip and I’d confessed my separation to Jesse and this whole adventure together had started.

“Um, Richard made some threats. Against you.”

His eyes met mine. “What sort of threats?” he asked with a mirthless laugh. It was clear from his expression that he wasn’t intimidated in the least.

“He mentioned the friends he has in positions that could potentially take our jobs from both of us.”

“Fuck that,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “My performance speaks for itself. So does yours. Neither of us have anything to worry about.”

“His best friend’s dad is William Stacey,” I said, naming our school board president.

I expected some sort of reaction out of him, but, as always, Jesse remained calm. He took a sip of beer. “Do you know anything about William Stacey?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Not really. Why?”

“He may be your almost ex-husband’s best friend’s father, but coincidentally, he hired me.”

My eyebrows shot up in shock. “What?”

“He used to be an assistant principal at Central. He was on the hiring committee when I was hired. Apparently he fought for me to get the position over another person who had more experience. And my first year at Central, he was my mentor.”

My jaw dropped. Honestly, I had known nothing about William Stacey other than the fact that he was our school board president, and that scared the crap out of me. It was probably unfounded, but it seemed like he wielded some sort of invisible power over all of us because of his position.

But he would be in Jesse’s corner, and that was enough to quell the fears that had plagued me since that morning.

We took another walk after dinner, and just like the night before, Jesse seemed to retreat into himself for awhile. His hand clutched mine as we walked, and I didn’t press for conversation. It was comfortably quiet as we were both lost in our own thoughts, me about nearly letting Richard ruin whatever was budding between Jesse and me, and Jesse about whatever preoccupation he agonized over. Part of what I loved most about what was forming between us was the fact that I didn’t feel awkward in the silence. I enjoyed silence with Jesse.

We were
almost at the same place where just the night before he had finally kissed me for the first time when Jesse spoke.

“Do you have plans for spring break?” he asked, breaking the silence.
He led me toward the park.

I shook my head, realizing that our break was only another week and a half away.
“Not this year.”

“
Want to come with me?”

Of course I did
, but I was trying to play it cool. “Where are you going?” I asked, and we took our seats on the swings, facing each other just like the night before.

“My parents’ house.” Something in his voice was nearly desperate, and it broke my heart.

And, by the way, holy shit. He wanted me to meet his parents. “Of course, Jesse. I’d love to join you.”