Separation Anxiety (13 page)

I felt his hand slip into mine, and those damn flutters started up again. He squeezed my hand. “You are a fantastic teacher, too. Your students are lucky to have you.”

I looked over at him
, and there was something insanely romantic about the moment. It was dark out, but it was a clear night, and the moon was full and shining. We stood just beyond the park, surrounded by trees. It was a cool and crisp night, and as I looked at him, he stopped walking and turned toward me. His eyes glinted and his face was shadowed in the moonlight. The shadows gave his face a dangerous and mysterious edge, and combined with that tattoo that I knew was hidden under his shirt, he looked like a sexy enigma standing before me.

“Did you bring your cell phone?” he suddenly asked.

I shook my head. “No. Did you?”

He shook his head slowly, a faint smile forming on those perfect lips.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because there’s no oven timer out here, and I just wanted to make sure that there wouldn’t be any cell phones, either.
Because I’m about to do something I have wanted to do for over five years, V, and I don’t want any interruptions.”

My heart pounded nearly out of my chest as I
registered the meaning behind his words.

He wanted to kiss me.

I wanted him to kiss me.

He wanted to kiss me for the past five years.

Five years?!?!

And right here? Right now? There weren’t going to be any
more interruptions.

First Richard.

Then the oven timer.

Then the cell phone.

But now?

Nothing was going to stop this from happening.

With his hand still connected to mine, he pulled my arm and wrapped it around his waist, lacing his fingers through mine behind his back. His other hand came up under the bottom of my shirt and found my hip, and his fingertips pressed firmly into my skin as my free hand came up to his neck. I could feel his pulse beating strongly beneath my hand around his neck, racing as fast as my own. His eyes gazed into mine for a moment, and everything in the world disappeared except for Jesse and me.

The hand that gripped my hip pulled my body closer to his. We were standing flush against each other, and I could tell that he was as hot for me as I was for him from the rather enormous bulge pressing against my belly.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime of waiting, he lowered his head to mine. I closed my eyes and felt the softest whisper of a kiss as his lips brushed against mine. He pulled back, and my eyes opened slowly to his.

God, he was fucking gorgeous.

He lowered his head again, and this time it wasn’t soft or gentle.

His lips pressed firmly to mine, and I felt his tongue at the seam of my lips. I opened my mouth to his. I hadn’t kissed a man in over a year, but it was like riding a bicycle.

And I would ride Jesse’s bicycle any damn day of the week.

His tongue collided with mine aggressively as I felt his fingers digging into my hip. He let go of the hand he held behind my back and brought that hand to my other hip. My fingers slid under his shirt, and he moaned into my mouth as I
felt the warm, smooth softness of the skin on his back while his tongue did magical things against my own. He sucked on my bottom lip for a moment, and I felt the soft bite of his teeth as I tasted the sweet Jesse flavor that I already knew I’d never get enough of.

I explored his mouth with my own tongue, tasting and teasing and wanting more than
just his mouth on mine.

It was all over too fast as I felt him slow the aggressiveness. He pressed his closed lips against mine once, and then twice, and then he pulled back, still holding me in his arms.
He took a deep, shuddering breath, and then he leaned his forehead against mine. “I can’t get you out of my head, V,” he whispered.

“I don’t want you to,” I whispered back, and
his lips met mine sweetly once more.

He backed away, taking my hand in his, and we walked back to
ward Jesse’s house in comfortable silence.

“I need to make a few calls,” he said as we got closer, and I nodded.

“I should finish up in the bathroom.”

“Oh, good,” he said in feigned relief. “I thought you were going to leave it like that.”

“Yeah. It’s my way of redecorating,” I teased.

“If you want something redecorated, just ask. But I don’t think I can get on board with the floor of lotion you created.”

“Are you a neat freak?” I asked.

“Have you seen my refrigerator?” he countered.

“Touché. I’ve never seen such an organized refrigerator. Impressive, Drake.”

“Thank you,
Freemont,” he grinned.

I liked hearing my maiden name out of his mouth. I liked that he knew I was already detached from Richard even if I was still married to him under the law.
“I was afraid to touch anything in there for fear that I might not face one of the labels out and you’d have a heart attack.”

“I probably would have a heart attack, so thank you for considering my health.”

When we got back home, Jesse headed to his bedroom and shut the door for his phone calls while I headed to the bathroom to organize the chaos. I wondered what he was doing, who he was calling, but I reminded myself that it wasn’t my business. And I certainly didn’t even allow myself to think that he was calling up all his women after that ridiculously hot kiss we just shared. Based on the few days we’d spent together, I was starting to wonder about his reputation as a playboy. If he was truly the ladies’ man that he made himself out to be – or that I had assumed he was – he’d either have tried to sleep with me or he’d have been out with other women. While I still didn’t know what happened on Sunday, I got the feeling from his reaction when he’d arrived home that it wasn’t a sex fest. Something serious happened, but he wasn’t talking. All I could hope for was that he would tell me when he was ready to.

I was completely lost in thought about all things Jesse while I cleaned up the mess I had made in the bathroom. I was
sitting on the floor, lining lotions, body washes, and perfumes evenly under the sink (labels facing outward… someone was clearly having an effect on me) when I heard his voice behind me. “V?” I nearly jumped out of my skin, hitting my head on the countertop as I stood.

I turned around. He looked so serious, and that haunted look was back.

Who the hell kept doing this to him? Was it Carly?

“You scared me,” I said, rubbing my head.

“Sorry.” This was one of those times when he usually laughed it off or teased me, but I didn’t even see a hint of a smile on his face at all. “I need to run out for awhile. I just wanted to let you know.”

“Is everything okay?” I asked, afraid what his answer might be
as I gripped a bottle of perfume in my hand.

He shook his head. “I’m not sure.”

I set the perfume on the counter and walked over to him, pulling him into my arms for just a moment. “Do you need me to do anything?”

He shook his head. “Thanks. I have to go.” He pressed his lips quickly to mine, almost as if to remind me that he was still interested in me, and then he turned and left.

Curiosity gripped me, but there was nothing I could do. I reminded myself once again that he’d talk when he was ready. After the kiss we had shared, I knew that it wasn’t just my imagination. I knew that he cared about me, and I was pretty sure that he wanted me like I wanted him.

I
n a few short months, I’d be free to fully pursue him. I hated denying myself what I really wanted – what I really needed – but I refused to take the risk of karma biting me in the ass by starting a relationship while I was still married to someone else.

I finished up in the bathroom and glanced at the clock. It was already almost 10:00, which was my bedtime, and I wondered where he had gone off to so late. Clearly it was some sort of emergency
gauging from his reaction.

I decided to wait
up on the couch for a bit for him. He might need someone to talk to, or even just someone to give him a hug and be there for him after he went off to deal with God knows what, and I wanted to be that person for him.

And, for the fourth night in a row, I fell asleep on Jesse’s couch. The damn thing was like some sort of magical sleep aid. Screw the Advil PM; all I needed was Jesse’s magical sectional couch.

I felt lips on my forehead again, and this time I knew I wasn’t dreaming. I was in his arms, somewhere between asleep and awake. He was carrying me to my bed, and he threw back the blankets and sheets and helped me snuggle in under the covers. And then I felt his warmth next to me, his chest pressed against my back and his arm around my waist as he fell into bed beside me. I fell back into a deep sleep, and what felt like five minutes later, my cell phone wake-up call rang shrilly at 5:30. Just like the previous morning, I turned over and ran into a hard wall of man, and while most mornings I woke up easily when my alarm went off, something about having Jesse Drake in the bed with me persuaded me to hit the snooze button.

He was still in a deep slumber, and
I threw my arm around his waist and burrowed into his side, realizing that he’d stripped off his shirt but not his jeans. He slept in jeans for two nights in a row. I didn’t know where he went the night before, and frankly, I didn’t care. All I knew was that when he came back home, he carried me to bed and then got in beside me. Clearly I was filling some void for him just as he was for me.

My alarm went off nine minutes later. I wished that it wasn’t February when it was still dark in the mornings, because I would’ve had a perfect, unobstructed view of his tattoo from where I was lying beside him.

I pressed a gentle kiss to the sculpted flesh on his chest, and he groaned quietly in response. I caressed his cheek with my knuckles softly and lovingly, the feel of his stubble under my fingers sending a tingle of lust through me. Somehow it was rough and soft at the same time, and it left me wanting to feel it under my lips.

It left me wanting to feel it between my legs.

I left him to sleep in my bed instead of forcing him to get up and go back to sleep in the other room. I quietly moved around my dark room, grabbing clothes so that I could just get dressed in the bathroom after my shower.

I took my shower and then applied lotion and combed the tangles out of my hair, and as I went to get dressed, I realized I’d forgotten something pretty important: panties.

Shit.

I pulled the towel a little tighter around me, hoping that Jesse was either
still asleep or that he’d gotten up and left my room. I was beyond embarrassed to exit the bathroom in nothing but a towel, but I had to get my panties. I couldn’t go commando to school.

I peeked out the door of the bathroom and saw that the coast was clear. The bed was empty and the room was
lit. Jesse had gotten up and turned on the light, but he had also left the bedroom door wide open.

I snuck out stealthily and found the drawer that I had decided would be my delicates drawer
just the day before. I opened it and bent over it, leafing through to find a pair of white panties that wouldn’t show through my light khaki pants.

“I brought you some orange ju—” Jesse’s voice startled me, causing me, of course, to drop my
fucking towel as I jumped and turned around at his voice.

He stood in the doorway with a glass of orange juice in his hand,
admiration in his eyes, and a wicked smile gracing those perfect lips.

“Well,” he said, his voice low and raspy and
breathtakingly sensual as his eyes moved appreciatively down the full frontal show he was getting. “Good morning to you, too.”

“Shit!” I yelled, diving for my towel as I did my best to cover up all of my bits and pieces.
I wrapped the towel back around me as tightly as I could. My face had to be the color of a lobster. I think the blush was spreading down my neck and into my chest, and if it was, Jesse just had a comprehensive view of it all.

“Don’t cover up for my benefit,” he said. “I think I like you better without the towel.”

“Oh my God,” I said, at once offended and totally turned on by his words. I grabbed the first pair of panties I could find in my drawer and ran back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.

CHAPTER 9

I could not believe Jesse had just seen me naked. And it wasn’t like he just saw an accidental flash of a boob. He saw
everything
. I was as naked as the day is long.

For one brief second, I was thankful I’d kept up with my waxing appointments even though no one had seen me naked since the awful anniversary.
And then I wondered if my line of thinking was really so ridiculous.

Jesse Drake had just seen me completely naked.

And that gleaming look in his eyes as mine met his for the briefest of seconds was most definitely admiring.

I finished getting ready, trying to focus on anything aside from my c
omplete mortification. I thought about what I was teaching that day, and somehow my lesson plan on
Canterbury Tales
seemed a lot less important than the fact that Jesse Drake had just seen me completely naked.

Oh, what Quinn would have to say about that – not to mention the fact that Jesse and I shared one hell of a kiss the night before.

After I finished getting ready, I headed out to
the kitchen, hoping to avoid facing him before I left for work. Even though, I had to admit, I still wanted to
see
him. I just didn’t want to have to
face
him.

I nee
ded about a week to get over the humiliation.

But, as these things always seem to go for me, he was there in the kitchen, sitting at the table completely dressed for work, sipping coffee and reading the newspaper, looking calm, cool, and collected in a shirt and tie. A tie, by the way, that I wanted to rip off of him with my teeth.

“There she is,” he winked, grinning at me as if everything was completely normal. As if we hadn’t shared the hottest kiss ever. As if he hadn’t just seen me naked. “Sadly, now fully clothed.” He mock frowned, and it was just about the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

“Yes. Fully clothed,” I repeated like an idiot.
Coherent thoughts eluded me as I moved around the kitchen, gathering a travel mug to fill with coffee.

“I’m not sorry,” he
said.

“About what?” I asked.

“Seeing you like that.” I could see the heat in his eyes as he gave me this smoldering look, and I turned red all over again as I took a deep breath in through my nose and blew it out through my mouth.

God, what he did to me.

“Everything okay after last night?” I asked, changing the subject as I focused on pouring cream into my mug. I didn’t want to bring up something negative, especially now that he was obviously in a much better frame of mind, but I did want to get the attention off of me.

He was quiet, so I glanced over at him.
His eyes darkened. “It’s alright.”

“Want to talk about it?”

He shrugged. “Maybe later.”

“What time did you get home?”

“A little after two.”

Two? As in just a little over four hours earlier?

How did this man survive on so little sleep?

“Jesse, what’s going on?”
I asked, placing the cream back in the refrigerator and walking to the other side of the counter. I leaned back on it and eyed Jesse. I was still mortified, but concern for him overtook my embarrassment.

He just shook his head and took a sip of his coffee. “Don’t worry about it, V.”

I sighed, resigned to the fact that I couldn’t make him talk. “I need to get going. I’ve got some copies to make this morning.”

“Want to carpool?”

“I’d love to, but I need to stop back at my… um, at my old house after school.”

“Why?” he asked, taking a sip of coffee.

“I need to drop off another copy of the papers.”

“Why?” he repeated, folding the newspaper in front of him.

“Richard shredded the first set.”

“Asshole.”

“You have no idea,” I said, gritting my teeth.

“Can I do anything?”

“You know anybody who can speed this along?”

“Sadly, I don’t. Want me to come with you to the house?”

I shook my head. “I’m just going to drop off the papers and then head out. He won’t be there. The first set I gave him was a copy since I don’t trust him, so I just need to make another copy.”

“Smart woman,” he said, tapping his temple with his finger to indicate that I had thought ahead.

I winked at him. “Damn right,” I said. Then I pointed to my head. “This isn’t just a hat rack, you know.”

He grinned.
“Have an outstanding day, Ms. Freemont.”

“You too, Mr. Drake. Catch ya later.”

“That’s my line,” he grinned, and I headed out the door with a smile.

As I got into the car, my phone buzzed with a text.

Figured. Fucking Richard.

He always managed to find a way to piss me off right when I was riding a Jesse high.

Call me.

I replied right away.
No
.

My phone rang a second later.
“What?” I answered snidely.

“
You’ve got twenty-four hours to move out of that douche bag’s place before ‘no fault’ is out the window.”

“
Fuck you, Richard.”

“
Nice language, wife. If you don’t move out of there, I’ll not only sue you for everything, but I’ll find a way to take everything from him, too.”

“
Don’t you dare drag Jesse into our shit. He’s just being a good friend.”

“
A good friend who wants to fuck what’s mine, sweetheart. I’ve got people in the right places. I’ll figure something out.” Richard ran around with a nasty crowd made up of local lawyers, politicians, and school board members, most of which had slime dripping off of them.

“
I’m not yours anymore.”

“You most certainly are, at least under the eyes of the law. So suck it up, sweets. Get the fuck out of his place or you’ll
both live to regret it. You’ve got twenty-four hours.”

“You’re a real dickhead.”

“Still your dickhead, sweetheart.”

I cut off the call and threw my phone away from me.

Fuck.

The worst part of that call was the way my heart dropped into my stomach as I thought about moving out of Jesse’s. We were good for each other. I knew I was good for him; I physically saw the way that just my presence comforted him through whatever he was dealing with. I couldn’t even imagine leaving him now, not when I knew that he was getting closer to telling me what cause
d that haunted look in his eyes that somehow disappeared after holding me in his arms for the night.

And he was helping me, too. He was building my confidence back up after Richard had stripped me of it through his manipulation. He was helping me feel whole again. He made me feel sexy, and he was helping me through one of the most difficult, life-changing experiences a person can go through by talking me through it,
protecting me, making me laugh, and comforting me.

I had to
shield him from Richard.

It was my only choice, really.

I didn’t want to tell Jesse about Richard’s threat for a number of reasons, most importantly because I wanted to protect him. I had no doubt in my mind that Richard would deliver on his word, and the last thing I wanted was to drag Jesse into this drama, especially after he’d been so nice to me, offering for me to stay at his place with no questions asked, taking me home with him when he sensed that I didn’t want to go to my own home.

Jesse seemed like the kind of amazing man who would fight for a woman, who would stand up for
anybody who needed him. With Richard’s well-placed friends on the school board, either of us standing up to Richard could mean Jesse’s job, my job, or both.

Jesse was an amazing asset to Central. He was the best high school counselor I’d ever met, working hard to ensure that he was doing whatever was best for kids.
His dedication was unparalleled, and I couldn’t even begin to imagine what Richard was capable of doing that would tear Jesse’s reputation to shreds. The thought alone clawed at me.

So I decided not to tell him in order to protect him.
And apparently I had twenty-four hours to figure out my living situation.

Son of a bitch.
For the first time in our five years together, I actually hated him.

I
was having a difficult time with Richard’s words ringing in my ears as Jesse’s gorgeous face flashed through my mind. Richard’s words were only making me angry, and the image of Jesse was only making me sad. The way he looked right after he’d brushed my lips with his and then pulled back, almost as if to ensure that it was okay to really kiss me, replayed over and over in my memory. That image of him was burned into my mind: Full lips, flushed cheeks, lustful eyes, messy hair.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get that image out of my head.

So, eventually, I stopped trying.

I assigned an essay due at the end of the hour to my afternoon classes so I could just sit at my desk and think.

There had to be some solution that I couldn’t see, because at the moment, the only thing I could come up with was that I had to move out of Jesse’s house. I thought once again about telling him what Richard had said, but I couldn’t do that to Jesse. I couldn’t drag him into the mess. I couldn’t allow him to fight Richard.

But I had to come up with some excuse as to why I was suddenly moving out.
I’d have to offer some sort of explanation to him.

At lunch, I asked Quinn if I could stay with her for a few days until I figured out where to go. I didn’t want to drag her into it, either, so I lied.

“Things not working out so well with Darling Drakester?” she asked.

“Things are working out too well with Jesse. And that’s why I have to leave.”

She gave me a concerned look, and I almost fell apart at her apprehension. But, somehow, I held it together. Barely.

“Yeah, Veronica. Of course you can stay with me.”

“Thanks,” I whispered.

The next task was figuring out
how to tell Jesse.

I stopped by the house and dropped off the divorce paperwork again. I left a note for the asshole I had married.

Richard:

I’ll be moving out of Jesse’s tonight and staying with Quinn. Sign these and leave them here. I will be back tomorrow to pick them up and file them.

Veronica

I cried as I drove back to Jesse’s. This time, though, it wasn’t because of the feelings of leaving my husband. This time, it was because I knew I had to leave Jesse.

His truck was in the garage when I pulled into the driveway, and just the sight of that truck still managed to give me the flutters low in my belly. I couldn’t believe I was leaving him and his perfect house. I wanted to live there forever with him, but, sadly, that was just no longer a possibility. All I could hope was that he’d still be available once my break from Richard was finalized.

Maybe this was for the best. I wouldn’t have the constant temptation in front of me if I moved in with Quinn.

But I liked the temptation.

I liked living with Jesse. No; I
loved
living with Jesse. I loved waking up with him next to me. I loved the way his lips found my forehead every night and the way he carried me to bed after I fell asleep on the world’s most comfortable couch. He took care of me with affection, and as I fought fruitlessly against the onslaught of my tears, I realized that the reason I was so torn apart about leaving him was because I was falling for him.

I wanted to take care of him the same way he took care of me. I wanted to be the one he finally opened up to. I wanted to hold him when he was sad and kiss him when he was happy. I wanted to wake up next to him every morning.

And most of all, I wanted to tell him how I finally realized that I’d been falling for him for five years but was blinded by the wrong relationship all that time, and how now that I had the chance to get close to him, I never wanted to be apart from him again.

But all of that was impossible. And it was fucking Richard who once again stripped me of something I really wanted, or, in this case, of the thing I needed most in my life.

It reminded me of that thought I’d had while my mind was elsewhere in the parent meeting for Jacob’s behavior: I was destined to be with one man, and Fate had put Jesse in front of me first. And then I’d been too blinded by Richard to see that Jesse was the one I was meant to be with all along.

A
nd now I’d once again ruined my shot with Jesse.

I
composed myself with a deep breath that only hurt my chest, and then I headed inside. Jesse was sitting on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table and a book in his hands. My heart literally ached when I saw him.

“Hey, V,” he smiled, setting the book down when he
heard me come in.