SEPARATED: CONCLUSION TO UN-RELATED (3 page)

“It’s not that easy. You don’t know how many…”

“And, I don’t want to know. Whatever you did in your past…is just that, the past. You’ve never had it easy, Kellan. You’ve always had to struggle and work for everything. But, I also know that girls…and women have always found you irresistible. I’m one of them. I don’t blame you…or them. But you don’t owe me an apology for anything you did before we were together.”

“It was wrong…I know that. I swear I haven’t touched anyone since the last time I was here.”

“I know, you told me.”

“I need you to believe it.”

“I do believe it.”

He got up and started to pace again. “Do you understand why I can’t sleep with you right now?”

“No, not really. Actually, not at all.”

He was still pacing. “I don’t deserve to be with you.”

“Would you stop saying
that? It’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. I can’t bring myself to touch you…no matter how much I want to. You deserve someone like
Tyler.”

“What makes
Tyler so much better for me, than you?”

“He’s your age, he loves you, and I’m sure he hasn’t slept with half the women in
L.A.”

“Well, actually, he’s almost two years older than me, he does love me, although not as much now, I’m sure. But, I don’t love him, not like that. And, he’s also been with his share of women.”

“How do you know that?”

“He told me.”

“He told you he wasn’t a virgin?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm…”

“Why is that so hard to believe?” I asked.

“I just assumed he would have waited…for you.”

“He didn’t. He told me that he got tired of waiting for me. He was tired of me pining away for you. He grew up too, Kellan.”

“Yeah, I know. I just assumed you hadn’t noticed.”

“I noticed. So did most of the girls at school.”

“Then…why would you wait for me?”

I stood up, walked over to him and put my arms on his shoulders. “Haven’t you figured it out, yet? It’s always been you. I’ve always loved you.
Tyler’s more like a brother to me…more than you’ve ever been. I never accepted you as a brother. At first, I hated you, because you weren’t the brother I was supposed to get. And then, I just hated you because we were so rotten to each other. But that day you called the truce, and I know you only did it for me, something changed. But, I still didn’t think of you as my brother. We were enemies, and then we were friends, and then we were inseparable…until you started dating and broke my heart.”

“I’m sorry. I never knew how you felt. You may have never thought of me as a brother, Abby. But, I grew to love you like a sister. Sometimes I look at you and I still see that terrified girl who was waiting to be sent away.”

“I’m not terrified of that anymore. I don’t even care. The only thing I care about, the only thing I’ve ever cared about…is you.”

“And now? How do you feel now that you know…everything?”

“The same way I felt yesterday, the same way I felt this morning, and last night, last month…last year. The same way I’ll feel forever! I love you.”

He kissed me then and carried me back to bed. I snuggled up to him, laying my head on his chest. He pulled my face up to him and kissed me again. “I’m sorry about the hotel. I thought it would be the right place and time.”

“I know you want it to be perfect for me, but I don’t need an expensive hotel, or flowers, or candles; I only need you.”

“We’re alone now…” he offered, but I knew he wasn’t ready, and he was only doing it for me.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I don’t think now’s the right time. Just hold me tonight, okay?”

He sighed, obviously relieved and pulled me close. “I love you, Abby. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out…and to tell you the truth.”

“I love you, too. Can I ask you something, without you feeling guiltier?”

“I don’t think I can possibly feel any guiltier, so go ahead.”

“When you left Lorena’s house, why did you go to, um, that other lady’s house?”

“I needed to talk to someone. I needed a friend. I swear I didn’t…”

“I know. I believe you. Stop feeling guilty. It was just a question. I’m glad she’s your friend. She sounds wonderful.”

“She is. She’s the most remarkable woman. She spends all her free time working with her charities. She helps everyone she can. She started a girls’ home for pregnant teens. It’s a place they can go to learn about their options and choices. She has an adoption agency…which she doesn’t take a penny from. All fees that are paid by the adopting family go directly to maintaining the girl’s home. The girls are given a place to stay…that’s safe. They’re allowed to make whatever choice they want, and Margot helps them with whatever decision they make. She doesn’t pressure them into giving up their babies, either. It’s not like that. She gets them the tools they need to keep their babies if that’s what they want, or she provides wonderful adoptive families for those girl’s that decide to give up their babies. It’s a wonderful home, but the state didn’t look at it as a charity. That’s why she needed my help. She was getting hit hard by the state for income tax, so I worked up the legal documents declaring that her income was not only tax deductible, but non-profit. I think we’ve pretty much got it worked out now.”

“So, you helped her with that?”

“Yeah. I know a lot of lawyers say they’re going to do a lot of pro-bono work, but once they’re done with school, they forget all about it. But I really liked helping her.”

“I’m sure she appreciated your help.”

“I guess so. I guess it kind of made me feel like I was doing something good, to make up for all the bad.”

“What was so bad? I mean, I don’t really want any details, but what did you do that was so bad?”

“I told you…I slept with women for money.”
             

“Yes, but that was never your intention. I told you, you’re very hard to resist,” I grinned.

“Whether it was my intent or not, I took money…for sex.”

“They kept coming back. It sounds to me like they were very satisfied with your…services.”

He rolled his eyes and said, “They’re all lonely women. All I did was make them feel good for a short time. It’s hardly a long-term fix.”

“Hmm, you’re right, because
I
have you for the long term!” I smiled and kissed him.

“Thank you, Abby.”

“For what?”

“For forgiving me and for not running out the door screaming when you found out.”

“You’re too hard on yourself. I told you, there’s nothing to forgive. You have a clean slate, okay?”

“Sounds good. I swear I won’t screw it up.” He took a deep breath and pulled me close. I could feel his entire body relax and I knew he was exhausted from not only keeping his secret for so long, but for having to explain it all tonight. I wasn’t surprised to look down at him a few minutes later and see that he was sleeping. 

“Good morning,” Kellan said while standing over me with a tray.

I sat up and stretched. “Good morning. How long have you been up?”

“About an hour. I was watching you sleep, and then figured I’d better get up before I made good on my promise.”

“Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?” I smiled up at him.

“I guess I just don’t think either of us are ready…yet.”

I stood up and walked over to him. “I’m not going to pressure you anymore. When it’s the right time, we’ll know. But, for the record, I am ready, but I can wait until you are.”

“Thank you. So, what do you want to do today? We could go shopping and spend a bunch of money…now that you know I have it.”

“I have everything I need. Let’s just stay here. We can watch some movies, order pizza or something. You don’t have to entertain
me; I just want to be with you.”

“What about a change of clothes? I’m not too sure just how much self-control I’ll have with you walking around here all day wearing nothing but my shirt.”

“Well, why don’t you drop me off at home and I’ll pick up some clothes. You can go get a movie or two and then come back and get me.”

“Just where the hell have you been, young lady?” Nancy roared the second I walked in the door.

“Out,” I said and started to head to my room.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me! I’m your…”

“You’re my what? Don’t you dare call yourself my mother. Why do you care where I’ve been? Did my social worker stop by again or didn’t you get your check?” I snapped.

“You have a smart mouth. As long as you live here, you will follow my rules!”

“What rules? You’ve never given me any rules…ever. I’ve always come and gone as I’ve pleased. You have never cared about where I’ve been or what I’ve done. Why now?”

“Because you’ve never been out all night!”

I laughed at her, which only made her angry. “I’ve been out for days at a time,
Nancy. How the hell would you know what I’ve done, you’re never here.”

“So, you think
its okay to just come and go as you please? It’s okay to spend the night with Tyler, and because we’ve given you too much freedom, you can’t act like a slut?”

I turned around and walked away. I wanted to slap her. I was a good girl, and I knew it.”

“Don’t you walk away from me! Explain yourself!”

I turned around and glared at her. “You can think what you want, it doesn’t matter to me. Because I know that I’m good. I haven’t done anything wrong…in fact, I haven’t done ANYTHING!”

“What’s going on?” Joe asked, coming out of the bathroom.

“Abby thinks she can just stay out all night doing God knows what, with her boyfriend, and we’re going to just let her get away with it.”

“I haven’t DONE anything, I told you that. I’m not even with…” I took a deep breath and said, “I’m going to go shower and change.”

I turned around and did just that. I was ready to go in twenty minutes and was standing in the living room waiting for Kellan to come get me.

“You know, it really doesn’t look good for you to be out with your boyfriend all night, Abigail. Someone could get the wrong impression. Maybe Nancy and I have given you too much freedom, but you’ve always been a good girl. I’ve never had reason to doubt you’re a good girl. Do I have reason now?” Joe asked, trying to sound like a concerned parent all of a sudden.

Kellan walked up to the door just then. I opened the door to let Kellan in. “Kellan, I didn’t know you were back in town,” Joe said.

“Yeah, I came to see Abby.”

“Well, maybe
you
can talk some sense into her. She was out all night with her boyfriend. She doesn’t seem to think it’s wrong to spend the night with Tyler. Would you tell her…?”

“She wasn’t out with
Tyler. She was with me.”

“What?” Joe asked, looking angry.

“It was her birthday…yesterday. Or did you forget?” he asked sarcastically.

“You stayed with your brother all night?”
Nancy asked, coming out of the kitchen when she heard Kellan’s voice.

“He’s not…” I sighed, figuring it would just be easier to go with it than to explain my new relationship with Kellan. “Yeah, Kellan took me out to dinner and to a movie for my birthday and I fell asleep on his couch.”

“You’re sure he’s not just protecting Tyler and covering for you both?” Joe asked.

“Why would he do that? Kellan and Tyler aren’t the best of friends.”

“Why is that?” Nancy asked, looking up at Kellan.

“It’s a long story. Let’s go, Abby.”

“Where are you going?” Nancy asked.

“We’re going shopping and maybe to another movie. Why the sudden interest in Abby now, anyway?” he asked, first looking at Nancy and then Joe.

“She is still our responsibility…” Nancy started.             

“Yeah, and you’ve done an incredible job. It’s amazing she’s still that sweet girl…and you two didn’t ruin her! Let’s go, Abby!”

“Kellan! She’s not going anywhere with you!” Joe snapped.

“Yes, she is.”

“Like hell, she is. Abigail, go to your room!”

I was suddenly worried. They hadn’t ordered me to my room since I was a small child. I had to fix this…I had to. I wasn’t going to miss spending the time I had left with Kellan. I started to apologize, but Kellan stepped up and said, “I don’t think you want to mess with me! I’m not that little boy anymore. She’s going with me…and there’s not a damn thing you’re going to do about it…right
Nancy?” he glared at her.

She swallowed hard and said, “Joe, let them go. It’s fine.”

“The hell it is! Abigail go to your room!” he ordered.

“NO! Abby, you can go with Kellan.
Its okay Joe, she’ll be safe with him.”

She looked down at the ground and I was completely lost as Kellan put his arm around my waist and walked me out the front door.

“What the hell, Nancy?” Joe yelled. “You keep her away from Tyler! She
said
she was still a good girl…see to it she stays that way!” Joe shouted after Kellan slammed the door shut.

“What was that all about?” I asked Kellan in the car.

“What?” he said, like nothing happened.

“How did you get Nancy to defy Joe like that?”

“Let’s just say that Nancy and I have an understanding, and leave it at that.”

“You told me no more secrets. Now, what’s going on?” I asked.

“Abby, she abused us…both, for years. She knows I can put her away for stealing our money…gambling it away, child endangerment, neglect, abuse…whatever you want to call it. She knows I’m almost a lawyer now, too. She’s scared. She won’t give you any problems. She hasn’t, has she?” he looked over at me, with a look that said he was certain she hadn’t.

“No, she’s been fine. She leaves me alone,” I said, still confused.

“She’s going to continue to leave you alone, too. I can promise you that.”

“I still don’t understand…”

“I told you, she’s scared. She gambles away all of the money the state gives her for you. She’s afraid of going to jail.”

“What about Joe? He didn’t seem worried.”

“Joe lives in denial. He does what
Nancy tells him to do. Don’t worry, Abby. They won’t do anything to you. I promise.”

I scooted over to him and hugged his arm. “I was afraid they were going to keep us apart.”

“Yeah, right. Something tells me, there’s no way they were going to stop you from being with me. In fact, I’d like to see them try,” he grinned.

“You’re feeling better now, aren’t you?” I asked, noticing his beautiful smile was back.

“Yeah, much.” He put his arm around me and said, “Thanks to you.”

I had my Kellan back and I was thrilled. He was back to himself, and he was happy. I was elated and loved every second with him. He had been right about Nancy. She never said another word to me and whenever Joe mentioned anything about myself, Kellan or Tyler, she shut him up. It was fine with me, because they didn’t question where I was or what I was doing. They still assumed I was with Tyler most of the time, and I just let them think it. Nancy’s threat from a couple years earlier still concerned me at times, but I realized she wasn’t about to risk going to jail by crossing Kellan, and that also meant that she wasn’t going to turn him in for sleeping with me…not that we
were
sleeping together.

It was his last night home. He was leaving the next afternoon to go back to school. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to make him miserable this time. We spent the day together walking along the beach. Later that afternoon, we cleaned up the apartment and got him packed for his flight out the next day. I was surprisingly calm and he didn’t fail to mention it.

“Are you getting tired of me already, Abby?” he asked and leaned down to kiss me.

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. I guess I was just expecting tears today. I’m glad you’re not crying, but I am surprised.”

“I’m trying not to think about it.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can. You know that, right?”

“Yes. I think that’s why it’s easier this time. I know you love me and I know you’ll be back for me.”

“I do…and I will.” I seemed to be handling his imminent departure better than he was this time. He wouldn’t let me go and finally said, “I don’t want to go. I want to stay here…with you.”

“I wish you could. Don’t make me cry…yet, please. I just want another wonderful night together, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” He pulled away and grabbed one of his bags to throw in the car and we walked out the door.

We had dinner out and I spilled spaghetti sauce on my dress, so Kellan drove me home so I could change.

“They’re gone for the weekend. Why don’t you stay here tonight? Please?” I asked, never dreaming he’d agree.

“Okay.”

“We can just watch a movie, I won’t pester…what did you say?”

“I said, okay. I don’t want to leave you anymore than you want me to go.” He walked up and hugged me again. He had made it a point to hug me all day. He was never more than two steps away from me at all times, not that I minded.

We watched a movie and cuddled on the couch. Once the movie was over he stood up and reached for my hand.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“To bed. It’s getting late.”

I followed him and grabbed my flannel pajamas out of my drawer. When I came back to my room, I found Kellan in my bed, and I noticed his clothes were draped over my chair. I didn’t see any underwear on the chair, but I was still cautious as I slowly pulled back the blankets and climbed in next to him, assuming he was still wearing them…
but secretly hoping he wasn’t.
I had all but given up on sleeping with Kellan for the summer, but I knew he’d come around eventually, and I figured I had waited that long, I could wait a little longer.

I scooted up next to him and laid my head on his chest. He pulled me close. I sighed, dreading the day to follow.

“Abby?”

“Yes?” I said, looking up at him.

“I’ve been thinking about transferring to USC or UCLA’s law program. I have really good grades, and I know it wouldn’t be a big deal. I’ll have to go back to Yale to pick up my stuff and do some paper-work…”

I stared up at him, speechless.

“I thought you’d be happy?” he said when he noticed the look on my face.

“You can’t quit Yale! You’re halfway done!”

“You don’t want me to stay?” he asked.

“More than anything! But, you can’t quit school. No! I won’t let you do that. As much as I don’t want you to go, I won’t let you quit school.”

“I’m not quitting, I’m just transferring. I’ll still be a lawyer.”

“But not a graduate of Yale!”

“I don’t care, anymore! I’ve been thinking a lot about this.”

“And just when were you going to tell me?” I asked, sitting up in bed now.

“I was waiting until now. I guess I figured we wouldn’t fight about it as much now that I’m about to leave.”

“And why would we fight about it, Kellan?” I asked.

“Because I knew you wouldn’t want me to quit Yale. But, it’s okay, Abby.”

“NO! Don’t you dare quit Yale because of me! If you love me…”

“I do love you. That’s why I want to stay.”

“If you love me, then you won’t do that to me. Please don’t make me be the reason you’re quitting the only school you’ve ever dreamed of. I can’t take that. As much as I want you to stay, as much as I hate the thought of you getting on that plane tomorrow, I’d hate the thought of you quitting Yale more! Please, don’t do that!”

“I can’t come back until Thanksgiving. I don’t think I can stay away that long.”