Sense of Wonder: A Century of Science Fiction (478 page)

“The cat’s mouth, the dirty mutation. Monsters in us. Cut them out. Ugly little man.” This last, Miles realized, was an aside upon himself. Her attention had hung up on him, hypnotically. “Muties make more muties, they breed faster, overrun…I saw you watching the girls. You want to make mutie babies on clean women, poison us all.…”

Time to steer her back to the main issue. “Were you ever alone with the baby after that?”

“No, Jean she hung around. Jean knows me, she knew what I wanted. None of her damn business. And Harra was always there. Harra must not know. Harra must not…why should she get off so soft? The poison must be in her. Must have come from her Da, I lay only with her Da and they were all wrong but the one.”

Miles blinked. “What were all wrong?” Across the room Miles saw Speaker Karal’s mouth tighten. The headman caught Miles’s glance and stared down at his own feet, absenting himself from the proceedings. Lem, his lips parted in absorption, and the rest of the boys were listening with alarm. Harra hadn’t moved.

“All my babies,” Ma Mattulich said.

Harra looked up sharply at that, her eyes widening.

“Was Harra not your only child?” Miles asked. It was an effort to keep his voice cool, calm; he wanted to shout. He wanted to be gone from here.…

“No, of course not. She was my only clean child, I thought. I thought, but the poison must have been hidden in her. I fell on my knees and thanked God when she was born clean, a clean one at last, after so many, so much pain.… I thought I had finally been punished enough. She was such a pretty baby, I thought it was over at last. But she must have been mutie after all, hidden, tricksy, sly.…”

“How many,” Miles choked, “babies did you have?”

“Four, besides Harra my last.”

“And you killed all four of them?” Speaker Karal, Miles saw, gave a slow nod to his feet.

“No!” said Ma Mattulich. Indignation broke through the fast-penta wooze briefly. “Two were born dead already, the first one, and the twisted-up one. The one with too many fingers and toes, and the one with the bulgy head, those I cut. Cut out. My mother, she watched over me to see I did it right. Harra, I made it soft for Harra. I did it for her.”

“So you have in fact murdered not one infant, but three?” said Miles frozenly. The younger witnesses in the room, Karal’s boys and the Csurik brothers, looked horrified. The older ones, Ma Mattulich’s contemporaries, who must have lived through the events with her, looked mortified, sharing her shame. Yes, they all must have known.

“Murdered?” said Ma Mattulich. “No! I cut them out. I had to. I had to do the right thing.” Her chin lifted proudly, then drooped. “Killed my babies, to please, to please…I don’t know who. And now you call me a murderer? Damn you! What use is your justice to me
now?
I needed it then—where were you then?” Suddenly, shockingly, she burst into tears, which wavered almost instantly into rage. “If mine must die then so must hers! Why should she get off so soft? Spoiled her…I tried my best, I did my best, it’s not fair.…”

The fast-penta was not keeping up with this…no, it was working, Miles decided, but her emotions were too overwhelming. Upping the dose might level her emotional surges, at some risk of respiratory arrest, but it would not elicit any more complete a confession. Miles’s belly was trembling, a reaction he trusted he concealed. It had to be completed now.

“Why did you break Raina’s neck, instead of cutting her throat?”

“Harra, she must not know,” said Ma Mattulich. “Poor baby. It would look like she just died.…”

Miles eyed Lem, Speaker Karal. “It seems a number of others shared your opinion that Harra should not know.”

“I didn’t want it to be from my mouth,” repeated Lem sturdily.

“I wanted to save her double grief, m’lord,” said Karal. “She’d had so much.…”

Miles met Harra’s eyes at that. “I think you all underestimate her. Your excessive tenderness insults both her intelligence and will. She comes from a tough line, that one.”

Harra inhaled, controlling her own trembling. She gave Miles a short nod, as if to say
Thank you, little man.
He returned her a slight inclination of the head,
Yes, I understand.

“I’m not sure yet where justice lies in this case,” said Miles, “but this I swear to you, the days of cooperative concealment are over. No more secret crimes in the night. Daylight’s here. And speaking of crimes in the night”—he turned back to Ma Mattulich—“was it you who tried to cut my horse’s throat last night?”

“I tried,” said Ma Mattulich, calmer now in a wave of fast-penta mellowness, “but it kept rearing up on me.”

“Why my
horse?
” Miles could not keep exasperation from his voice, though a calm, even tone was enjoined upon fast-penta interrogators by the training manual.

“I couldn’t get at you,” said Ma Mattulich simply.

Miles rubbed his forehead. “Retroactive infanticide by proxy?” he muttered.

“You,” said Ma Mattulich, and her loathing came through even the nauseating fast-penta cheer, “
you
are the worst. All I went through, all I did, all the grief, and you come along at the end. A mutie made lord over us all, and all the rules changed, betrayed at the end by an off-worlder woman’s weakness. You make it all for
nothing.
Hate you. Dirty mutie…” Her voice trailed off in a drugged mumble.

Miles took a deep breath, looking around the room. The stillness was profound, and no one dared break it.

“I believe,” he said, “that concludes my investigation into the facts of this case.”

The mystery of Raina’s death was solved.

The problem of justice, unfortunately, remained.

* * * *

M
iles took a walk.

The graveyard, though little more than a crude clearing in the woodland, was a place of peace and beauty in the morning light. The stream burbled endlessly, shifting green shadows and blinding brilliant reflections. The faint breeze that had shredded away the last of the night fog whispered in the trees, and the tiny short-lived creatures that everyone on Barrayar but biologists called bugs sang and twittered in the patches of native scrub.

“Well, Raina,” Miles sighed, “and what do I do now?” Pym lingered by the borders of the clearing, giving Miles room. “It’s all right,” Miles assured the tiny grave. “Pym’s caught me talking to dead people before. He may think I’m crazy, but he’s far too well trained to say so.”

Pym in fact did not look happy, nor altogether well. Miles felt rather guilty for dragging him out; by rights the man should be resting in bed, but Miles had desperately needed this time alone. Pym wasn’t just suffering the residual effect of having been kicked by Ninny. He had been silent ever since Miles had extracted the confession from Ma Mattulich. Miles was unsurprised. Pym had steeled himself to play executioner to their imagined hill bully; the substitution of a mad grandmother as his victim had clearly given him pause. He would obey whatever order Miles gave him, though, Miles had no doubt of that.

Miles considered the peculiarities of Barrayaran law as he wandered about the clearing, watching the stream and the light, turning over an occasional rock with the toe of his boot. The fundamental principle was clear; the spirit was to be preferred over the letter, truth over technicalities. Precedent was held subordinate to the judgment of the man on the spot. Alas, the man on the spot was himself. There was no refuge for him in automated rules, no hiding behind the law says as if the law were some living overlord with a real Voice. The only voice here was his own.

And who would be served by the death of that half-crazed old woman? Harra? The relationship between mother and daughter had been wounded unto death by this, Miles had seen that in their eyes, yet still Harra had no stomach for matricide. Miles rather preferred it that way; having her standing by his ear crying for bloody revenge would have been enormously distracting just now. The obvious justice made a damn poor reward for Harra’s courage in reporting the crime. Raina? Ah. That was more difficult.

“I’d like to lay the old gargoyle right there at your feet, small lady,” Miles muttered to her. “Is it your desire? Does it serve you? What
would
serve you?” Was this the great burning he had promised her?

What judgment would reverberate along the entire Dendarii mountain range? Should he indeed sacrifice these people to some larger political statement, regardless of their wants? Or should he forget all that, make his judgment serve only those directly involved? He scooped up a stone and flung it full force into the stream. It vanished invisibly in the rocky bed.

He turned to find Speaker Karal waiting by the edge of the graveyard. Karal ducked his head in greeting and approached cautiously.

“So, m’lord,” said Karal.

“Just so,” said Miles.

“Have you come to any conclusion?”

“Not really.” Miles gazed around. “Anything less than Ma Mattulich’s death seems…inadequate justice, and yet…I cannot see who her death would serve.”

“Neither could I. That’s why I took the position I did in the first place.”

“No…” said Miles slowly, “no, you were wrong in that. For one thing, it very nearly got Lem Csurik killed. I was getting ready to pursue him with deadly force at one point. It almost destroyed him with Harra. Truth is better. Slightly better. At least it isn’t a fatal error. Surely I can do…something with it.”

“I didn’t know what to expect of you, at first,” admitted Karal.

Miles shook his head. “I meant to make changes. A difference. Now…I don’t know.”

Speaker Karal’s balding forehead wrinkled. “But we are changing.”

“Not enough. Not fast enough.”

“You’re young yet, that’s why you don’t see how much, how fast. Look at the difference between Harra and her mother. God—look at the difference between Ma Mattulich and
her
mother.
There
was a harridan.” Speaker Karal shuddered. “I remember her, all right. And yet, she was not so unusual, in her day. So far from having to make change, I don’t think you could stop it if you tried. The minute we finally get a powersat receptor up here, and get on the comnet, the past will be done and over. As soon as the kids see the future—their future—they’ll be mad after it. They’re already lost to the old ones like Ma Mattulich. The old ones know it, too, don’t believe they don’t know it. Why d’you think we haven’t been able to get at least a small unit up here yet? Not just the cost. The old ones are fighting it. They call it off-planet corruption, but it’s really the future they fear.”

“There’s so much still to be done.”

“Oh, yes. We are a desperate people, no lie. But we have hope. I don’t think you realize how much you’ve done, just by coming up here.”

“I’ve done nothing,” said Miles bitterly. “Sat around, mostly. And now, I swear, I’m going to end up doing more nothing. And then go home. Hell!”

Speaker Karal pursed his lips, looked at his feet, at the high hills. “You are doing something for us every minute. Mutie lord. Do you think you are invisible?”

Miles grinned wolfishly. “Oh, Karal, I’m a one-man band, I am. I’m a parade.”

“As you say, just so. Ordinary people need extraordinary examples. So they can say to themselves, well, if he can do
that,
I can surely do
this.
No excuses.”

“No quarter, yes, I know that game. Been playing it all my life.”

“I think,” said Karal, “Barrayar needs you. To go on being just what you are.”

“Barrayar will eat me, if it can.”