Senile Squad: Adventures of the Old Blues (29 page)

Jake recoiled.

“The time,” she blurted out. “Look at the time.”

“I don’t believe this,” Jake said and blinked at her. “What?”

She grabbed his wrist to make sure she hadn’t misread the watch from upside down. She hadn’t.
The task force meeting. Dad will have my head if I miss it.

“Brittany what the devil’s wrong? I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable; I—”

“It isn’t you,” Brittany said and glanced up. “It’s me—trust me on this.”

A perplexed look came over Jake’s face.

“Look,” she said in an effort to reassure him and yet prevent him from finding out about the plans. “Trust me—the last thing I want to do is rush off, but…I have to go.”

“G-go?” Jake stammered.

Please don’t make this more difficult. “Yes,” she said, “actually you’re so sweet, I could kiss you.”

Jake blinked as though trying to figure out what rabbit hole he’d fallen down. “My feeling exactly. What’s going on?”

She had to get out of there! Brittany’s mind raced. “Uh…it’s my dad…ah…I’ve…got… to…oh…get him his medication by twelve thirty. Oh Jake, I’m so so sorry. It’s been a wonderful evening and I totally enjoy time with you, but I completely lost track of the time… and my father. I have to go.”

She put her palms on either side of her head and said, “I’ve ruined the evening. I’m just so sorry!”

Jake’s shoulder slumped and he let out a long sigh. “You sure it’s not me? This is about your dad? I mean,” he gestured at her hand, the one he’d kissed.

Still standing in front of the couch, she glanced down at her hand, realizing that Jake was referring to the hand he kissed.

She chuckled. “I promise it’s not about you,” she said. She lifted her palms to each side of Jake’s face and pulled him close. Her lips brushed his; he lowered his head to deepen the kiss. Brittany tore herself away from his delicious touch and backed up toward the front door. “I’ve gotta go. I’m—”

“—sorry,” he said. “So I heard.”

Grabbing her keys and her purse, she continued to apologize all the way out.

Jake slumped onto the sofa, a mixture of shock and excitement. The first from her waltzing out the door like Cinderella; the second from her tantalizing kiss. “Wait a minute,” he said. “She left me in her living room.”

His phone rang. “Mitchell,” he answered.

“Jake, tomorrow can we please start where we left off?”

What was it about this extraordinarily frustrating, funny, personable, aggravating woman that kept him coming back? “Sure,” he said. “Whatever you want; whenever you want, but let’s make it earlier in the evening.”

Brittany’s sigh of relief was audible. “Yeah…awesome. Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.”

Jake shook his head and peered around him. A mountain of dishes filled the sink and her countertops. He shook his head and smiled at his predicament. “One cooks,” he said. “The other cleans. Sounds fair to me.”

HANDPICKED BLUES STOOD IN DOORWAYS AND corridors. Ever-present cameras documented the movements of the nursing staff or anyone else who might venture into the wing or walk toward the supply room.

One by one, silently and stealthily, members of the task force made their way toward the appointed area. Each Blue paused every ten to fifteen steps and leaned against the wall as though he was tired and taking a quick break. Once assured the coast was clear, they’d scan up and down the hall and do it all over again. It accomplished slow but steady progress. Along the way, the watchmen Blues providing security would give the movers a thumbs-up as they passed. If they didn’t acknowledge, however, it meant there was someone following or checking out the Ol’ Blue in the hallway.

An immediate alarm—a pretended scream from a nightmare or a sleepwalker acting like he was in a foot pursuit down the hallway—let everyone know when to stop and feign coincidence that several Ol’ Blues were milling around at one o’clock in the morning. Best part of old age was they didn’t have to explain a thing. Just acting confused would do it. Nursing aides would simply escort them back to their beds only to have them try again.

Paps and Jerry ticked off each person as they passed by. “Missing one,” Paps said.

“Yeah,” Jerry agreed with a nod. “Brittany.”

Paps checked his watch. “Almost time,” he said. “Wonder what the holdup is?”

“Dunno,” Jerry said. “Her escort’s waiting in maintenance. Once she arrives and he’ll verify there’s no threats, bring her here.

Brittany pulled in with five minutes to spare, completely disgusted with the way her evening had ended. Instead of being wrapped in Jake’s arms, she’d be wrapped up in an investigation. “Ugh.” Slamming her car door shut, she tried to get a handle on the temper that matched her hair. It wasn’t working. “Never,” she muttered, “have I ever had an evening with a guy like that. First time it happens, the old bladder-bomb throwers decide to have a meeting. Just flipping perfect.”

She stalked up to the maintenance building. Hands on her hips, she gazed around for the promised guide. “Come out, come out wherever you are,” she said to the night air. “Let’s get this super-secret meeting started.”

“Right this way, Miss Brittany.” The voice floated from a dark corner.

She almost laughed. Honestly…could it be any more clandestine? In the middle of Omaha? Recognizing the Blue from her previous sessions, Brittany followed his lead and almost bumped into his back. He’d stopped abruptly and peered around in an overly dramatic gesture. “Seriously?” she whispered.

He glanced at her with a small smile and reached up to grab an old oil can. It didn’t move; it shifted as the Blue pulled it forward. A hoist spit out the same hissing sound as when mechanics lifted her car into the air and she got her tires rotated or oil changed. This time, though, the hoist wasn’t lifting a car. This thing moved up in a similar manner, but here the entire floor under it was taken directly up into the air. Brittany’s arms flew out to sustain her balance.

“Quite the lift,” she said and watched as an elevator rose from the floor. “Wow, now that’s cool.”

“Yes, ma’am.” The doors opened and her attendant held a hand out indicating she should get in. “Ladies first.”

Brittany entered the elevator and it along with the car hoist went down into the floor. The elevator went down about twenty-five feet. The hoist perfectly covered the floor, and it was back to a mechanic shop again.

“Your chariot,” the Blue said.

Brittany chuckled and slid into a waiting golf cart. “What?” she asked. “No seat belt?”

“Nah,” the Blue said. “Not going that far or that fast.”

“I thought most fatal accidents happened within twenty-five miles of home,” she said. “That’s what my dad always preached to me when I was growing up.”

“That’s true,” he said, “but we’re professionals.”

Brittany smiled as they made their way to the conference room. Once inside, she spotted the Sarge who acknowledged her with a one-fingered wave and slight dip of his head. Seated in the front beside him were the Chelini brothers, her father, Tiny, and ten others Blues.

Silence thickened in the room and Brittany followed everyone’s line of sight. One monitor showed the unmistakable shadow of a person walking the halls. The outline was well known to them all.

“Oh-oh,” the Sarge said. “Boss Nurse Betsy’s working the night shift.”

Brittany blew air through her lips. Just great. Their odds of detection just increased ten-fold. One thing she didn’t want was a repeat of red light, green light. No way!

“Who’s running foot pursuit tonight?” the Sarge asked.

“Speedy Benjamin” came the reply from the back of the room.

“Good,” the Sarge said with a smile. “This’ll be fun to watch.”

The entire room shifted attention to the scene unfolding on the monitor. Boss Nurse Betsy had a routine too. On Friday nights, her rounds were perfunctory, getting her back to the nurses’ station quickly. The swish of her polyester-clad legs rubbing together echoed through the hushed hallways. She could hear an occasional yell, or even the sounds of “
bang, bang
watch out he’s got a big gun” from bedrooms as she walked by.

The Ol’ Blues’ code for Nurse Betsy was Big Gun. Once that phrase hit the air, everybody knew who was around. She waddled past several doors and glanced in making sure all was well.

A male voice split the silence sounding like an imitation of a siren. “Stop right there, punk; don’t move! He’s running! He’s running!”

“Here we go,” she said, obviously familiar with the odd behavior. “Sleep runners on four.”

Down the hall and directly opposite of the supply room, Speedy Benjamin bolted away. In his day, he had been a track star and could still run surprisingly fast.

Nurse Betsy spotted him and cursed under her breath. She stopped by an intercom. “Speedy’s on the run again.”

The alarm spread to the entire night staff instantaneously.

The Sarge watched Speedy smile when he heard it. He tore off like a shot…in the opposite direction of the supply room entrance that led to the area where the conference room was located.

Inside, bets were placed and the Blues watched the surveillance screens. “I’ll take five,” one said.

“On who?”

“Benny of course.”

“Nah,” another said. “Betsy’ll get him…eventually.”

The Blues watched as Boss Nurse gained her stride, which took a while because Officer “Speedy” Benjamin scooted down the hallway at an amazing speed. He could out-shuffle anyone at the precinct. That included nurses. He purposely didn’t wear any diapers when he ran. It made the nurses uncomfortable while grabbing him, and it usually got him a few more hallways before they would finally catch him.

“There goes Speedy,” one Blue yelled and laughed.

It took several minutes for Boss Nurse to get to full speed. Great on the straightaway, but she couldn’t corner worth crap.

Speedy Benjamin slowed as he approached a T-intersection. Boss Nurse gained speed, stethoscope dangling back and forth from her pocket, arms pumping beside her wide girth. She got within five yards of her prey; he bolted to the left at the intersection. Boss Nurse flailed her arms as though it could help control the upcoming turn. It didn’t.

Taking the turn, her rather large butt cheek banged against the wall. The overhead emergency exit sign crashed to the ground.

Attendees inside the conference room convulsed with laughter.

“Is this a party?” Brittany asked her companion.

The Blue shook his head. “Just monitoring the security system; keeping the nursing staff away.”

“Are they gambling?” she asked.

“Never bet against Boss Nurse,” the Ol’ Blue said with a smile.

Her gaze flew to the screen that held everyone’s attention including the Sarge’s and her father’s. A cheer went up.

Brittany watched in fascination as an Ol’ Blue did the funniest quick step ever. Hot on his tail galloped the large head nurse. Much like the gingerbread man from the fable, more and more people fell in behind the head nurse. Younger student nurses took up the chase. Nametags fell off; clipboards clattered to the floor. The scenario played out like a real-life Keystone Cop episode. Brittany chuckled and shook her head, then froze.

The runner was completely—and totally—butt naked in the back! Not like any
COPS
episode she’d ever seen!

The race held every Ol’ Blue enraptured. They’d lean to the left each time the speedster turned left almost like they were on a roller coaster. Hands flew in the air. “Whoa,” rippled through the men.

Even Brittany had to laugh when the students easily caught up with Boss Nurse Betsy but couldn’t get around her because the hallway was too narrow and she was too wide. The runner obviously knew he was on camera. His gestures and mugging showed his knowledge of every camera hidden throughout the facility. Every Blue knew where they were; the staff didn’t. Finally, the speedy Blue slowed. He’d taken them all as far away from the meeting as he could.

Glancing directly up at a camera, he gave a wide grin and headed straight for the staff bathroom.

“Oh no,” a Blue yelled out. “He isn’t going to—”

Sure enough, Speedy Benjamin ran right into the bathroom/locker room of the female staffers. Boss Nurse Betsy, only three yards behind, called to the five other nurses over her shoulder. “He’s going for the locker room!”

Benjamin charged through the door. “On the ground, punk, or I’ll split your skull like a melon.”

One lone female student, fresh from the shower and wrapped in a towel, spotted him. “Wait,” she shrieked and tried to maintain her dignity by squeezing the towel that was wrapped around her with her arms to her side bent at the elbows. Her hands tried to stop the human foot pursuit freight train that was about to run her over. The Blues couldn’t see inside the locker room, but they could see that Boss Nurse Betsy had somehow stopped her mammoth frame.

Then Officer Benjamin had come to an abrupt stop inside the door and yelled, “I caught the punk,” then pointed at the student nurse. “Don’t even think about moving or I’ll—”

Five student nurses thumped into the back side of Boss Nurse who had only been able to stop by grabbing onto the large door handle. Then like an accordion the students scrunched into her large derriere, all five student nurses, with dangling stethoscopes, rubber gloves, and whatever else they were carrying when the alarm was sounded, bounced off the boss’s large fanny, and flew back out the door and onto the hallway floor.

Boss Nurse herself had rather miraculously stopped just inches from Speedy. Boss Nurse glared at Speedy Benjamin. “It’s a miracle I didn’t run you over.”

It was a scene that would live forever in the secret recorded video of the Ol’ Blue Unit. The terrified student wrapped in a towel, Boss Nurse gasping for breath with her hands on her hips, and five student nurses tangled on the floor, like a twister game gone very bad.

The Blues doubled over with laughter; several leaned on a friend to remain standing. The howling laughter got to Brittany too. She laughed so hard her eyes watered and her sides ached.

“All right, all right,” the Sarge managed to get out between pangs of amusement. “Now that Speedy has cleared the way for this meeting, let’s get started.”

Every Blue took a chair, the laughter died out, and the Sarge held everyone’s attention. Except one person.

An unmistakably feminine chortle continued without hesitation. The room full of Blues gazed past the Sarge to the source of the merriment. Sarge’s gaze followed. Brittany stood, legs crossed, leaning against the wall. “S-sorry,” she managed to get out. “That was the funniest,” she gasped, “thing I ever saw.”

The Sarge smiled at her. “And now I’d like to start the meeting.”

Brittany stayed in her peculiar stance and waved at the Sarge with her free hand. “I can’t move; I’m gonna pee!”

Her comment brought on another gale of laughter from the Blues. The howls grew louder when she shuffled her feet along the floor and scuttled over to the bathroom across the hall.

“These videos definitely need to be at this year’s Christmas party,” one Blue hollered out.