Sempre (Forever) (38 page)

They helped themselves to food and Carmine watched as Haven got a spoonful of everything, but it wasn’t much at all.

They told stories about past holidays, and Haven listened intently, absorbing every word. Her eyes twinkled, a smile on her lips. It was an odd moment, but as Carmine glanced around the table, for the first time in a long time, he almost felt whole. It just felt right, like they were all supposed to be there. That she belonged there with him, with all of them, and some twist of fate led them there. At that moment, he knew it would all be okay. Someway, somehow, they’d make it out of this.

He didn’t care what she said—happiness was a lot more than good health and a poor memory. Happiness was
this
. It was her, and him, and that moment. Fuck Albert Schweitzer. He could kiss his ass. Happiness was
real
.

After dinner, Haven and Carmine headed upstairs to his room. Much to his surprise, it was her turn to attack him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers lacing through his hair as she pulled him to her, kissing him passionately. He resisted at first, caught off guard, but caved and walked her back to the bed. Pulling off his shirt, he tossed it to the floor before lying down on top of her. She rocked her hips, pressing into him. Carmine hissed as the unexpected friction sent shivers through him.

He wanted her. At that moment, right there in his room, he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything. He wanted to consume her, to taste her flesh as he explored every centimeter of her body. And he wanted to fuck her, but he knew he couldn’t. She wasn’t a girl to be fucked. She was a girl to be made love to, and as much as he wished he could do it, he knew he couldn’t. He didn’t even know how.

A small voice in the back of his mind told him it wasn’t right. He didn’t know where the voice came from, but it wouldn’t go away. It nagged at him, like a bitter old bitch, telling him not to push her that far.

He pulled from her lips, his strong voice contradicting the desperate yearn in his body. “We need to stop.”

“Stop?”

“Yes, stop.” He hesitated—when the hell had he become the voice of abstinence? “Not that I want to stop. We just, you know…”

He didn’t know, but she nodded. “Okay, Romeo.”

“Romeo?”

“Like in the book,
Romeo and Juliet
. They come from different sides but met in the middle. We have the forbidden love part, right?”

“Yeah, but we’re not killing ourselves, Haven, so that’s about as similar as it gets. Besides, Romeo’s an idiot. Pick someone else.”

“How about
Shrek
?”

His brow furrowed. “
Shrek
? Really? He’s an ogre.”

“Shrek and Fiona thought they were different when they weren’t.”

He contemplated that for a moment until he realized he was seriously comparing his life to a cartoon. “Pick another one.”

“
Titanic
? Rose and Jack weren’t supposed to be together.”

“Seriously? He dies. I’m not gonna jinx myself here.”

She was quiet for a moment, running her fingers across his abs and tracing his scar with her fingertips. “How about we just be Haven and Carmine?” she suggested. “We don’t know the ending, but we can always hope for the best.”

“I like that,” he said. “Besides, there’s a reason we don’t know how the story ends.”

“Why?”

“Because it doesn’t.”

Chapter 25

Haven opened the dryer door and started flinging the wet clothes into it, listening as everyone chatted in the foyer. Celia had a flight back to Chicago in a few hours, and Dr. DeMarco was going along with her for a few days. They were saying goodbye, so she’d slipped away and secluded herself in the laundry room, feeling like she was unfairly imposing on their family moment.

There was a light tap from the doorway after a moment, and she turned to see Celia standing there. Haven went stiff when she wrapped her arms around her in a hug. “It’s been a pleasure getting to know you.”

“You too, ma’am.”

“Call me Celia, dear,” she said. “Anyway, I have to go before Vincent starts complaining, but I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to you.”

Haven was speechless, touched she cared so much. “Goodbye, Celia.”

Celia smiled, smoothing Haven’s hair before walking away. Haven turned back to the dryer, and Carmine walked in after they left. “Dia called. She wants to know what time we’re going tonight.”

“Do you think I should go?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t you go with me?”

“Well, all of your friends will be there, so I’ll probably just be a complication.”

Truth was she didn’t want to watch Carmine from afar as girls fawned all over him. He’d said he didn’t even know where the party was being held, and the idea of going to a stranger’s house made her uneasy.

“Don’t ever call yourself a complication,” he said. “And yeah, I want you to come, because it's New Years Eve.”

“Okay,” she said softly.

He ran his hands down his face with frustration. “Okay? We’re back to that again? If you don’t wanna, say so. I’ll stay home too, because I don’t wanna go if you’re not gonna be there. I just thought it would be nice to get out tonight. And honestly, everyone probably knows about us already because of Kayla’s big mouth.”

She looked at him with confusion. “Who’s Kayla?”

“Some
schifosa
who saw us kiss on Halloween.”

“What’s a
schifosa
?”

He tugged at his hair. “An ugly girl.”

“Is she really ugly, or are you just saying that because you’re angry with her?”

“She's alright, I guess.”

“Did you sleep with her?” Haven asked on a hunch.

“Are we fucking playing twenty questions again?”

She smiled, knowing her guess was right. Carmine often acted strangely when girls he’d been intimate with were mentioned. “No, I was just curious. And I'll happily go tonight. I just don’t want to embarrass my boyfriend in front of the
schifosas
he goes to school with.”

He stared at her hard, like he was dissecting her words, and she wondered if she’d said something wrong. “That's the first time you've ever called me that.”

“Called you what?”

“Your boyfriend.”

She hesitated. “Isn't that what you are?”

“Yeah,” he said. “You’ve just never acknowledged it before. I was starting to wonder if you were embarrassed.”

*  *  *  *

Carmine was making a mess again.

Clothes were scattered all around his bedroom, the contents of his dresser drawers thrown on the floor. He stood in the middle of it all, tossing things around and grumbling under his breath.

“Did you lose something?” Haven asked, stepping into the doorway.

His head snapped in her direction, his jaw rigid. “I’m looking for my green and gray shirt with the long sleeves. I wanted to wear it, but it’s gone.”

“It’s in the dryer,” she said, seeing it a few minutes ago in the laundry room. “I washed it this morning.”

He sighed, glancing around the chaotic room. “You could’ve told me that before I made a mess.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, even though he hadn’t thanked her. She headed into her room and showered, drying herself off before pulling on her robe. Her footsteps faltered when she stepped out of the bathroom and saw Dia sitting on her bed.

Dia’s voice was hesitant. “I hope you don’t mind I’m here, but I thought we could hang out before tonight. You know, have girl talk…”

While they’d met a few times, Haven and Dia hadn’t spent much time together. The suggestion surprised Haven, but at the same time it excited her. She’d never had another girl to talk to before. “I don’t mind.”

Dia smiled as she pulled Haven back into the bathroom and grabbed a brush. She started getting the knots from Haven’s hair while she just stood there, stunned. Was that what girls did?

“So, how are you and Carmine doing?”

“Good.”

Dia grabbed the blow dryer and plugged it in, the loud hum as it started making Haven tense. She’d never used it before and had no idea what to expect. The blast of heat felt good against her scalp, and she relaxed as Dia worked on her hair.

“He’s different,” Dia said as soon as she turned off the blow dryer. “I’m not saying he’s some Prince Charming, because he’s not, but he is better now. You didn’t know him before, though, so I don’t know if that even makes sense to you.”

Laughter rang out from the doorway. Haven’s head snapped in that direction to see Tess standing there. “He’s still an asshole.”

Dia rolled her eyes. “He’s not that bad.”

“You’ve always had a ridiculous soft spot for him,” Tess said, strolling toward them. “You never listened to me, even though you’re supposed to since I’m the older sister.”

“Older by ten minutes,” Dia said, shaking her head. “Doesn’t make you right. Carmine’s a good person.”

“Yeah, right. A good person who pulled an angry dragon.”

Dia cringed. “Gross.”

“What was the girl’s name, that brunette chick? I can’t remember,” Tess said. “Not that it matters. She’s just one of many.”

Haven eyed them curiously. “What’s an angry dragon?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Dia said. “He’d never do it now.”

“If the girl wants to know what that boyfriend of hers has done, we should tell her,” Tess said. “You know how a dragon breathes fire? Let’s just say they call it an angry dragon because she looks like a dragon and she’s really angry after you do it to her.”

Haven didn’t quite get it. “Carmine did that to a girl?”

“Carmine’s done a lot of crap,” Tess said, shaking her head. “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

The next few minutes were filled with stories, things Carmine had done and people he’d hurt. Tess spoke casually, as if those incidents were normal, as if those people didn’t matter, but they did. They were just girls like Haven, turning to him for affection, and he humiliated them.

Who
was
he?

“He did a lot of it because Nicholas dared him,” Dia said. “Those two were always daring each other to do stupid stuff and neither would back down.”

“Just like neither will back down now,” Tess said. “And speaking of Nicholas, we can add his sister to the list.”

An awkward silence fell upon the room. “He told me about that one,” Haven said. “I asked him about the fight at the football game.”

Dia sighed. “We still talk to Nicholas when we see him around, but it’s not the same. He feels betrayed.”

Tess laughed dryly. “That’s because we picked Carmine over him. They forced us to choose sides by being immature brats.”

“I know,” Dia said. “I wish they’d work it out.”

Tess nodded, clearing her throat. “Anyway, we went way off course. That’s enough about Nicholas. There’s nothing we can do about him now.”

Tess and Dia left a few minutes later. Haven stood in front of the mirror, nervously smoothing her shirt when the soft voice rang out.

“Knock, Knock.”

Haven turned toward the doorway, her eyes falling on Carmine. Her chest swelled with emotion at the sight of him. His hair was in disarray from not having been cut in weeks, his face marked with his dimpled smile. He had on the green and gray shirt he’d asked about earlier and a pair of faded blue jeans.

She still had the stories floating around in her head, all of those horrible things he’d done to girls in the past. She couldn’t deny it worried her that he was capable of being cruel, but standing there, staring at him, it seemed like it wasn’t relevant. That was the past, and their future was convoluted, but at the present, it seemed all right.

She thought about telling him how handsome he looked, but the words that rolled from her lips instead were the last ones she expected to say. “Did you fold the rest of the clothes when you got your shirt out of the dryer?”

He laughed. “I’m afraid not.”

“I guess they can wait,” she said, turning back to the mirror. It was easy to see it was her, with her flushed cheeks, scattered scars, and the bump on the nose, but she felt different. For once, she didn’t see those flaws first. She knew they were there, as they’d always be, but it wasn’t what stood out. She noticed her cheeks were fuller, her hair was less frizzy, and her eyes didn’t seem as tired as before.

Carmine walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You look amazing
, mia bella ragazza
.”

She smiled, watching their reflection. “So I’m not a
schifosa
?”

He chuckled. “Definitely not. You, my lady, are
bellissima
.”

*  *  *  *

The New Years Eve party was being held in a vacant field on the outskirts of Durante. Once a cotton farm, it had been abandoned by the family that owned it years ago. The barn still stood, empty and collapsing, and the ground was overgrown from lack of use. No one would ever farm on it again, but it was the ideal place for an impromptu gathering.

Haven eyed the place peculiarly as Carmine parked, dozens of cars surrounding them. It was already late, everything shrouded in darkness, but Haven could see a large bonfire in the distance.

“You ready?”

She wasn’t, but she nodded anyway.

Carmine took her hand as they strolled through the field. A few people greeted him, but Carmine seemed distracted as he looked around. He diverted them to the left, taking her to where Dia stood by herself along the side. “I’ll be back, okay? Stay here.”

He looked torn as he let go of her hand before walking away. Haven glanced at Dia once Carmine disappeared. This was the reason she’d considered not coming in the first place. “I’ll be fine on my own. You can go have fun.”

Dia laughed. “Fun? I think not. This is so not my scene. I’d rather hang out with you.”

Her response surprised Haven, but she felt a sense of relief when the words sunk in. Someone would rather spend time with her.

The two of them chatted for a bit, and people walked past as if they weren’t even there. Haven heard familiar laughter eventually and turned around in enough time to see Dominic. He draped his arm over her shoulder. Tess paused in front of her as Dominic thrust a cup at Haven. “Here, got you a drink. Don’t take anything from any of these other fuckers around here.”