Sempre (Forever) (33 page)

“Well, expect it, because you’re getting it.”

“But I can’t get you a present.”

He smiled. “You already gave me my present, Haven.
You
. Best gift ever.”

She sighed as he lay down beside her in the bed. “I still wish I could buy you something.”

“I don’t need anything,” he said, “but there will be plenty more holidays in the future for you to spoil me rotten.”

Hope swelled through her. Christmas’s. Presents. A future. It was all too much to fathom. “Do you guys have a big celebration?”

“We used to when I was young, but now it’s just us. My Aunt Celia always comes for a few days. Other than her and her husband, we don’t have any family. My grandfather's dead, and we don’t see my grandmother.”

“Why don’t you see your grandmother?”

“She’s in a nursing home in Chicago, has dementia or something. I don’t really know. My father still visits her whenever he gets the chance, but he doesn’t want us to see her.”

“What about your mama’s family?”

He was quiet for a moment. She wondered if maybe she’d asked the wrong question, but he finally spoke in a soft voice. “I don’t know of any. She immigrated here.”

“Have you ever thought about finding them?”

“No,” he said. “They never came looking for my mom, never wondered what happened to her, so why should I care about them? Hell, I didn’t even know she was born in Ireland until I saw a stack of government papers in my father’s office a few years ago.”

“Does it make you sad that you don’t have a big family?”

He shrugged. “I don’t really think about it. I figure I have enough.”

She smiled. “I used to dream about having a big family. I told you how I used to talk to the animals, but I had a bunch of pretend friends, too. Mama said I was always having conversations with imaginary people. I even used to talk to an angel.”

“Like with wings and a halo and shit?”

“That kind of angel, yes, but she didn’t have any of that,” she said. “Mama said angels watched over me and someday I’d be one, so I imagined them as people. My angel told me a lot about life. She said I could be free like her when I grew up and have anything I wanted in life. I guess she didn’t want to crush me with the truth.”

Carmine pulled her closer to him, burying his face in her hair. Despite it being early, Haven was exhausted. She was on the brink of falling asleep when she heard Carmine’s voice, so quiet it was almost inaudible. “You can still have a big family,
colibri
. She wasn’t lying to you.”

Chapter 22

Christmas had always been Carmine’s favorite time of the year. He loved everything about the holiday—watching
Rudolph
and
Frosty
and
It’s a Wonderful Life
, singing Christmas carols and playing
Jingle Bells
on the piano. Decorations covered the house, inside and out, and presents would overflow under their tree. ‘Magical’ was the only way Carmine could ever describe it, but even that word didn’t seem to do the experience any justice.

After his mom died, though, it all changed. He lost interest in most things in life then, but especially Christmas. Christmas reminded him of her, and all he felt after she was gone was grief.

That first year, after his mom had been taken from him, his father was nowhere to be found. The family stayed in Chicago long enough for Carmine to recover from his wound, and then Celia packed them up and drove to the house in North Carolina. Recovery, she called it. Time to heal. He guessed that meant they never recovered, since they never went back to Chicago.

They were so young that they didn’t understand it at the time. Celia stayed with them the first year, and Vincent showed up once a month. He’d barely look at Carmine. At the time he thought it was because he blamed him. Hell, he blamed himself. But years later Carmine realized it was because he looked like
her
.

Vincent showed up for good a few days after the first anniversary of her death, but he’d changed. They all had. Carmine wouldn’t talk to anyone, choosing to just sit there and stare into space.

He came around eventually, but like his father, he was never the same. Once Carmine started talking again, he was angering people with his mouth. Once he started doing things again, he was hurting people with his actions. He was intentionally an asshole, and there was nothing anyone could’ve done to change it… or so he’d thought.

Christmas was two days away, and for the past week Carmine had sat back, watching Haven get into the holiday. He hadn’t seen such enthusiasm for Christmas since… well, since his mom.

A part of him still wanted to forget it all, push it aside and go back into his hole, but there was a bigger part of him that couldn’t help but be happy. He’d finally found his light in the darkness, the spark that went out when his mom died reigniting in Haven.

But Carmine feared that light would go out on him someday.

“It’s just a bunny.”

Carmine glanced beside him in just enough time to see Haven flail her arms. He moved away quickly so she wouldn’t punch him in the face, but in his haste, he failed to realize he was on the edge of the bed. His top half went off the side, and he tried to grab the table to catch himself, but he just smacked the alarm clock instead. He cried out as he tumbled out of bed, hitting the floor with a thud. Wincing, he heard the bed squeak quietly above him.

“Carmine?” Haven’s voice was soft as she leaned over the edge of the bed. “Why are you on the floor?”

He contained his laughter at her baffled expression and grabbed her arms. She gripped onto the comforter tightly as he yanked her off the bed. Yelping with surprise, she landed right on top of him. He grunted when her leg slammed into his crotch.

Gasping, she tried to get off of him, but he wrapped his arms around her to stop her from moving. It was only making it worse. “I didn’t think that shit through,” he said through gritted teeth.

“I didn’t mean to hit your… thing.”

“What thing would that be?”

“Your goods.”

He stifled a laugh. “My goods?”

She lifted her head up to look at him, her cheeks flushed. “You know, your, uh… penis.”

“Christ, Haven. Only you could make a word like penis sound hot. And if you must know, I’m on the floor because you knocked me out of the bed.”

Her expression fell. “I did?”

“Yeah, you said something about a bunny and nearly punched me. I fell trying to get away.”

“Oh no, I’m so sorry! I swear I didn’t—”

He covered her mouth before she could say anything more. She mumbled against his palm for a second before quieting. “You were asleep. It’s not your fault. I wanna know what you were dreaming about, though.”

“You were yelling at a bunny because it stole my carrot.”

“I was yelling at a rabbit?”

“You were mad, because you gave me the carrot and didn’t appreciate him taking it.”

He laughed, knowing he probably would’ve yelled at a bunny if it stole something he gave her. “You have strange dreams,
tesoro
.”

“They aren’t usually that weird,” she said, laying her head on his chest as they cuddled on the floor. “My dreams make sense most of the time.”

“Do you dream about me a lot?”

“Of course I do.”

He smiled, kissing the top of her head. They were silent for a bit and his back started hurting from lying on the floor.

“Haven?” She glanced at him. He smiled, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. “You wanna do something today?”

She stared at him, contemplating. “Depends on what it is.”

Her answer made him proud. She’d been so agreeable in the past, saying ‘yes’ because she thought there was no other option. “Well, I’m lazy, which means I still haven’t gotten any Christmas presents, so I need to go do that.”

“You want me to go Christmas shopping?”

“If you want to.”

She nodded excitedly and jumped to her feet. “Let’s go.”

He laughed as he stood up. The sun hadn’t even risen yet. “Get dressed and we’ll head out.”

*  *  *  *

Carmine opened Haven’s bedroom door, seeing her standing there in jeans and a light-weight jacket. “You don’t have anything heavier? I know you come from the desert and all, baby, but it’s cold out there today. I mean, nipples cutting glass cold.”

She shook her head. “I don’t have a big coat.”

He held his pointer finger up, telling her to wait, and went back to his room. Glancing into his closet, he pulled out his black Christian Dior hooded parka before returning to her.

She took it gingerly. “This is nice.”

“It’s just a coat,” he said as she slipped on a pair of plain black Sketchers. “Jen got you Sketchers?”

She glanced down at her feet, squinting to read the tiny word on the side of them. “Is there something wrong with Sketchers?”

He shrugged. “I prefer Nike’s.”

“I prefer not to wear any shoes. They squeeze my feet.”

“That’s because you haven’t tried Nike’s.”

“Well, they didn’t buy me Nike’s.”

“True, but I can.”

She rolled her eyes. “These shoes do what they’re meant to do.”

He didn’t argue, knowing it would get them nowhere. He’d let her feel like it didn’t matter, because that was who she was, and he’d buy her some Nike’s, because that was who he was, and they’d both be happy when she accepted them, because that was just who they were together. It was complicated, yet something about it seemed so simple to Carmine.

He grabbed her hand, and they made it down to the foyer when a cabinet banged in the kitchen. Carmine’s heart pounded hard as he pulled his hand from Haven’s. Vincent stepped into the doorway, his gaze coming to rest on them. Carmine swallowed, trying to push back his panic. His father wasn’t supposed to return until the next evening when Celia arrived.

His eyes were penetrating as he looked between Haven and Carmine. “You kids are up early.”

“And you’re home early,” Carmine said.

Vincent nodded. “I figured I’d get some sleep.”

Carmine stared at his father, unsure of what he should do. Haven cleared her throat after a moment of awkward silence. “Good morning, Dr. DeMarco.”

“Good morning. Are you two going somewhere?”

“Christmas shopping,” Carmine said. “I figured she’d like to go, since she’s never done anything like it before.”

“Oh, well, that’s… nice,” Vincent said, eyeing Carmine intently. “I assume, since you’re up so early, you’re going to the mall?”

Carmine nodded, realizing he should’ve asked if he could take her that far.

Vincent glanced at Haven again and his eyes widened when he noticed the coat. And not just any coat—the most expensive piece of clothing Carmine had ever bought.

“I forgot the child needed a coat,” Vincent said, looking back at Carmine. “Get her one while you two are out, but don’t pay as much for hers as you did for that thing.”

Carmine rolled his eyes. “Whatever, it was worth every penny.”

“Very little is worth that much.”

Vincent started up the stairs. Carmine motioned for Haven to follow him out the front door, but she hesitated. “How much money did you pay for this coat?”

“I don’t recall the exact price, Haven.”

“Okay, well you don’t know why he’s being so generous, do you?”

He shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine, but we should probably leave before he changes his mind.”

Haven started shivering the moment the air hit her. Carmine ushered her into the car and slid into the driver’s seat, blasting the heat.

Her teeth chattered. “Wow, it’s cold.”

“I told you—your nipples could probably cut glass. Pull your shirt up and let me see.” Playfully, he reached toward her chest, and she smacked his arm. He pulled away, laughing. “Christ, you didn’t have to hit me,
tesoro
. I was just checking. You know, research purposes and shit.”

*  *  *  *

Woodlands Center was tucked into the Appalachian Mountains, just outside of the Asheville city limits. Nearly 200 stores made up the massive two-story mall, everything from major retailers to small locally owned shops.

Haven’s body was tense as they stepped through the main entrance of the building, the place already packed with customers despite it being so early. Everyone was picking up things they’d forgotten to buy, but Carmine hadn’t even begun.

He kept a hold of her hand and started jabbering, wanting her to focus her attention on him and not the others. They walked through the crowds for a few minutes to give her time to loosen up, and when her apprehension receded he pulled her into some stores. Haven clung to him the entire time, only letting go long enough so he could pay for Celia’s present.

“Let me know if you see anything I should get,” he said. “In case you haven’t noticed, I suck at this shopping thing.”

She frowned. “I don’t know what anyone likes.”

“My brother’s easy-going. He likes computers and history, especially the Civil War. I don’t even know if you know what that is, but it’s when the—”

He cut off, and Haven smiled sadly. “I know. It was the war over slavery. President Lincoln said it was wrong to ever own a person, so Congress made it illegal.”

He squeezed her hand. “I didn’t know if you knew that shit, but I guess you do. Hell, you know it better than me.”

“I didn’t know it until I saw it on
Jeopardy
the other day,” she said. “One of the questions was about the
Emancipation Proclamation
, so I looked it up in a book in your library. It said all the slaves were freed.”

Sadness wrecked his insides when he saw her eyes glass over. She started to walk again, but he stood still, gripping her hand. He stared at her for a moment, standing in the middle of the mall with people filtering all around them. “I can’t save the world, Haven, but I'll save you… even it’s the last thing I do.”

“You’re already saving me,” she said. “More than you realize.”

“Good,” he said, brushing her tears away, “but I’m gonna be issuing a Haven-inspired Emancipation Proclamation soon.”