Sempre (Forever) (32 page)

She tried to shove the DVD back under his bed, but he grabbed the case and held it up in front of her. “Wanna watch it?”

There was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. She shook her head, and he tossed the DVD into a drawer in his desk. Carmine’s phone rang then. He plopped down on the bed to answer it. “What’s up, Max?”

She tried to block out their conversation, not wanting to eavesdrop. Pulling a packet of pictures out from under the bed, she waved them at Carmine. He pointed toward a drawer before covering the phone with his hand. “You can look at them if you want. I’m pretty sure everyone has clothes on, but no promises.”

He winked playfully as he turned back to his call, and she pulled out the pictures. Truthfully, finding another naked woman wouldn’t faze her anymore.

She flipped through them and smiled at the familiar faces, surprised to see Nicholas in a few of them. They all looked so young and happy, but in most of them there was something off about Carmine. His eyes were dull, the spark she was used to missing.

Haven came to a picture of Carmine alone, a full body shot taken by someone off to the side. He was standing in front of some water in a pair of swimming trunks, a somber expression on his face as the sun reflected off of his skin. It nearly took her breath away, because he was so handsome, but at the same time he was clearly broken. The picture told a story no words could do justice.

She’d been so spellbound by it that she hadn’t realized Carmine finished his phone conversation until he spoke behind her. “I was so pale I blinded people.”

Startled by his proximity, she turned to look at him. “You were stunning, Carmine.”

“I was stunning? Am I not anymore?” He brushed her hair over her shoulder to expose her neck and placed a soft kiss there. It sent a shiver down her spine.

“Of course you still are,” she said, “but this is a beautiful picture.”

He pulled away from her. “You can have it if you want.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I see that asshole every day when I look in the mirror. I don’t need a picture of him.”

“Thank you,” she said enthusiastically.

“You’re welcome,
tesoro
. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some business to handle. Max is stopping by to drop some stuff off for my father. I’ll be right back.”

She set the picture aside to keep and finished flipping through the others before putting them back into their holder. She opened the drawer he’d said they went in and froze. Sitting on top of everything was a tiny doll made out of string, no more than a few inches tall. It had short hair made from yarn, felt clothes glued to the body of what was clearly supposed to be a little boy. She wondered why Carmine would have such a thing and picked up the tiny doll, careful not to harm it.

Her chest ached as she gazed at it, remembering a time long ago when she’d seen one similar. She’d been young, five or six-years-old, as she ran through the yard of the Antonelli ranch. Her bare feet kicked up dust as her laughter rang out, loud and blissful like church bells on a Sunday morning. The tiny doll was clutched tightly in her hand, the long brown yarn flowing in the wind as Haven raced to where her mama worked in the stables.

“Mama!” she yelled. “Look, Mama!”

 Her mama sighed as she turned around, her face soaked with sweat. “What is it, Haven? I’m busy.”

“Look, Mama,” she said again, stopping right outside the stall her mama stood in with the horse. Haven held up the doll, laughing heartedly. She’d never felt so overjoyed in her life. “It’s me, Mama!”

Her mama’s eyes widened with panic at the sight of the toy. “Where did you get that? You have to give it back.”

“No, Mama.”

Her mama stepped out of the stall and tried to take the doll. “Give it to me, Haven. You know better.”

“No.”

“Haven Isadora, give it to me right now!”

She held it behind her back, shaking her head wildly. She wasn’t overjoyed anymore. Now she was heated. She’d never had a toy before, and no one was taking this one from her—not even her mama. “No, it’s mine! Mine! She gave it to me! Not you!”

“Who gave it to you?”

“My angel, Mama. She said it was me. She gave me a present!”

Her angel
. Haven had dreamed of her for years, the beautiful woman in white that glowed under the hot desert sun. She strained to conjure up the image of her again when a throat cleared nearby, ripping Haven from her thoughts. She glanced up, seeing Carmine in the doorway. She couldn’t gauge his mood, but he certainly wasn’t smiling.

She set the doll back down and shut the drawer. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched your stuff.”

He was quiet for a moment longer as her nervousness grew. She started chewing on her bottom lip, afraid of his reaction. His hand shot out toward her abruptly. She flinched, but he merely brushed his fingertips across her mouth, pulling her lip from between her teeth.

“You’re gonna make yourself bleed if you keep that shit up,” he said, his expression softening. “My mom used to make those dolls for the kids that came to the center she worked at. Most of them moved around a lot, so they didn’t have a lot of possessions. She said the dolls were easy to keep up with since they’re so small.”

Easy to hide, too. Haven had kept the doll concealed for years without her master knowing she had it.

“I’m sure she could’ve bought them something, but she always thought simple and personal was best.”

“She's right,” Haven said. “It is.”

He sighed, gazing at the little doll where it lay. “A few months ago, I would’ve disagreed with that.”

“And now?”

He closed the drawer. “Everything’s different now.”

Chapter 21

Haven lay across her bed, clutching a pencil as she sketched on the top paper of a pile in front of her. She paused after a moment and surveyed the gray lines before balling it up and tossing it on the floor. Aggravated, she turned her attention to the blank page now on top.

She’d been at it for hours, the floor littered with balls of white paper. She refused to count them, feeling guilty for wasting so much. Paper was made out of wood, and although there surely weren’t a lack of trees in Durante, she believed they weren’t something that should be taken for granted. Trees lived and breathed, enduring so much and still surviving, growing stronger and bigger no matter the conditions.

Was it silly to think so highly of nature? Probably, but she did.

She sketched another picture, balling it up with distaste. Throwing it hard, it smacked the wall and fell to the floor with a thud.

It had been a few weeks since they cleaned Carmine’s room, and he kept it straightened up for the most part, but he’d occasionally fall back into old habits. She’d let things sit for a day or two before picking them up and putting them where they belonged. He’d grumble something about how it was unnecessary, but he never said anything about the fact that she took it upon herself to do it now.

She glanced back down at the blank paper in front of her, sighing as she tossed the pencil aside. Gathering up the crumpled pieces of paper, she tossed them into the trashcan before heading downstairs.

It was a Friday in the middle of December and happened to be Carmine’s last day of school before winter break. Haven was excited about the idea of him being home every day for a few weeks, but the reason for it left her conflicted. Christmas was fast approaching, and all she could think about was her mama in Blackburn. She remembered the look in her eyes as she’d sit in the stables and gaze at the ranch decorated in colored lights, wishing she was a part of something. For once, her mama didn’t want to be on the outside looking in.

Haven knew the feeling well, and now she was torn between her sadness for not being with her mama and her excitement about finally being a part of it all.

The DeMarco’s didn’t decorate a lot, except for a flimsy fake tree they’d put together out of a box, but Haven helped Carmine string on the lights. A few colored ornaments had been added in the days that followed, and Tess hung mistletoe in the doorway nearby. It wasn’t much, but Haven found herself staring at it every time she stepped into the family room.

Dr. DeMarco’s presence had been scarce the past few weeks. Most nights he didn’t come home until after the sun had risen and then only stuck around long enough to change his clothes. Haven didn’t ask any questions since it wasn't her place, but she found it odd that he left her on her own so much.

Did he finally believe she wouldn’t try to run again?

She still cooked dinner every night, even though Dr. DeMarco usually wasn’t around for it. With him gone, she started eating at the table with Carmine and Dominic every night. They had a way of making her feel as if she actually belonged there. Not to say there weren’t awkward moments, as the nights Dr. DeMarco came home he never acknowledged her at dinner. She’d occasionally catch him giving her looks that made her uncomfortable, like he was preparing for something to happen that never did.

Haven grabbed a soda from the kitchen, taking a sip when she heard a car pull up outside. The familiar Mercedes parked near the porch, and Dr. DeMarco headed straight into the house.

His voice filtered inside as he stepped into the foyer, his phone to his ear. Shrugging off his coat, his eyes fell upon her. His gaze lingered there as he ended the call.

“Can you go up to my office? I’ll be up in a moment.”

He posed it as a question, but Haven knew it wasn’t negotiable. She nervously made her way to his office and sat down in the chair across from his desk.

The room was silent, except for the ticking clock on the wall behind her, and it seemed like forever before she heard footsteps on the stairs. Her heart beat erratically as he neared, and she held her breath instinctively when Dr. DeMarco stepped inside.

He stopped right in front of her, holding a large cotton swab and a plastic container. He opened the swab and discarded the wrapper as he crouched down in front of her. His knees cracked loudly, the harsh sound making her wince.

She watched him warily as he smiled, something off about his expression. There was a hint of worry, maybe even a bit of aggravation, but it was mostly sadness, which surprised her. She stared at him, wondering what made him that way, but she knew she couldn’t ask. It wasn’t her place.

“Open your mouth,” he ordered.

She obliged, and he ran the cotton swab along the inside of her cheek. He stood back up when he was finished, placing the swab into the container. Leaning against his desk, he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You don’t look—” His words were cut off abruptly by his phone ringing. Closing his eyes, Dr. DeMarco shook his head. “You’re excused, child.”

*  *  *  *

Haven went straight for the family room and turned on the television, keeping the volume low so not to aggravate Dr. DeMarco. The boys arrived after a few minutes, their animated voices ringing through the house. Her eyes fell upon Carmine, and he winked as he sat down in a chair across the room. Dominic grinned and plopped down beside her, so close he nearly landed in her lap. He flung his arm over her shoulder, pulling her to him in a headlock. “What’s up, twinkle toes? Did you miss me while I was at school?”

“Uh, yes,” she said. “I guess so.”

Carmine shot him an annoyed look, and Dominic laughed, pretending to whisper to her. “I think my brother’s a wee-bit jealous.”

Haven heard footsteps on the stairs then and went to pull away from Dominic, but he held on to her tighter. Dr. DeMarco headed into the room, his brow furrowing when he looked at her and Dominic. “Don’t let Tess see you. You’ll start a war, and I’d hate to have to step in.”

Dominic laughed. “Whose side would you take?”

Dr. DeMarco paused, contemplating the question. “I didn’t say anything about taking a side. I have a policy of staying neutral.”

“Cop-out,” Dominic said. “Okay, but let’s say you were betting on it. Which one would you put your money on?”

Dr. DeMarco sighed. “Are you asking who I think would win in a fight between the two of them?”

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

Carmine groaned across the room.

“Well, Tess is good at cheap shots, but the child has a knack for survival. She’s not helpless either, as Squint can attest to. Tess is used to having help, while she’s used to trudging through it alone. One-on-one, I have to say she’d take Tess easily.” Haven’s eyes widened, stunned he’d say that. “But don’t tell Tess. She might try to prove me wrong.”

“I wouldn’t tell Tess that if my life depended on it,” Dominic said. “She’d kick my ass to make a point.”

“Yes, she would,” Dr. DeMarco said. “She could probably take you, too. I know the child could.”

Haven felt her cheeks reddening as they all looked at her. “Uh, I don’t know about that, sir.”

“Don’t underestimate yourself. I certainly don’t,” he said. Haven stared at him, unsure of what he meant, but he looked away without elaborating. “I have some stuff to do, so I probably won’t be home until tomorrow. You all have a good night.”

He walked out, an awkward silence lingering in his wake.

“Well, that was fucking weird,” Carmine said, eyeing her for a moment before turning to his brother. “And get your damn arm off of my girlfriend before I break it.”

Dominic leaned in her direction again. “Told you he was jealous.”

“Whatever,” Carmine said. “And what’s wrong with you? Who would win in a fight? What kinda question is that?”

“Eh, it was a good one,” Dominic said. “But why are you mad? I’m the one that should be pissed. He picked your girl, not mine.”

*  *  *  *

They were listening to music later that night when Carmine blurted out something that caught Haven off guard: “What do you want for Christmas?”

She stared at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean as a present,” he said. “What do you want?”

What did she want? She’d never even thought about it. She blinked a few times. “Uh, I don’t expect anything.”