Seized (Hostage Rescue Team Series, #7) (14 page)

She pushed the desolate thought aside, focused on his face, memorizing him in this moment.

His head tipped back, a throaty growl coming from him. “God, Carm,
now
. Faster, baby, make me come. I need to come.”

She lifted her mouth away from him long enough to whisper, “I want to taste you.”

With a strangled sound he shifted one hand to the back of her head and held on like a drowning man, gasping at each pull of her mouth. His hips drove up, his whole body rigid. Suddenly he went still, the hand on the back of her head locking her to him. He moaned and arched, and she tasted the slick pulses of his release filling her mouth.

Even when he sagged back against the bed he didn’t let go of her hair, holding her close as he came down from the high. She released him and crawled back up to straddle his waist, bending to press her lips to his.

The kiss turned slow and languid, a delicious caress of tongues, hands gliding over damp skin. When her breathing and pulse rate normalized she sighed and rested her cheek against the curve of his shoulder.

Sawyer’s heavy arms wrapped around her, cradling her, the thud of his heart soothing beneath her ear. Suddenly, tears burned her eyes. He was everything she’d been waiting for. It was heaven, being here like this with him. So perfect.

Too perfect to last.

And that’s when she fully realized what a colossal mistake this had been. The bittersweet goodbye she’d wanted had been far more powerful and tender than she’d bargained for. He’d let himself be vulnerable with her, had given her far more of himself emotionally in bed than she’d expected for what was technically a one-night stand. Apparently no better at hiding his feelings than she was.

She blinked against the sting of tears, determined to hide her reaction and get a grip on herself. If she got emotional now she risked alienating him forever. They’d both agreed to one night. Even if she knew damn well it had been far more than just physical between them, it didn’t matter.

He didn’t want a relationship and she had to let him go. Had to let this memory of him sustain her going forward and somehow get over him.

But he didn’t seem to want to let her go either.

They stayed twined like that for a long time, even dozed for a little while and when she woke with a start she sat up and checked the clock. Almost three in the morning.

She pushed her hair out of her face, aware of the sticky wetness between them where she still straddled him. “I’d better get going.”

He ran a palm up and down her spine, his touch soothing and arousing at the same time. Her nipples tightened and she ruthlessly stifled the spike of desire. “We’ve got a few more hours left if you want to stay longer,” he coaxed.

No. Too dangerous to her emotional health. She needed time and distance to shore up her defenses again. “I want to be back before my mom wakes up.” She didn’t want to have to explain herself or answer questions she didn’t have the heart to answer.

“You sure?” He was already hardening against her inner thigh.

The invitation was so damn tempting, lying here with him heaven, but she had to get out of this bed and put some distance—not to mention clothing—between them before her resolve crumbled even further. Because she desperately wanted more, to curl up in his arms and stay there forever. “Yes.”

Sawyer was quiet a moment then sat up, helped her off him. She grabbed her clothes from the floor and went to the bathroom, fighting off a wave of self-consciousness when he stared at her naked body and telling herself she was stupid for wishing he’d pushed harder for her to stay.

When she came out a few minutes later after washing up and making herself as presentable as possible he was fully dressed and waiting by the door.

“You sure you don’t wanna stay a while longer?” he asked, his eyes steady on hers.

The temptation to slip back into his arms was so strong she almost gave into the need, saved only by the warning blare of the alarm going off in her head.

You have to leave now, before this gets any harder.

She nodded and walked to the dresser to grab her purse. Kinder to both of them if they made a clean break now. If she stayed any longer it would just make things messier. “I’m sure.”

Was it her imagination, or did she detect disappointment in his gaze? “Okay then.”

Her throat felt tight as she followed him down to the SUV. He drove her to her hotel without speaking, the radio the only relief from the awkward silence. She’d known it would be this way, hadn’t wanted to think about it, and now that cold reality had settled over her she regretted that there had to be a goodbye.

It was still full dark when they arrived and something the news announcer on the radio said caught her attention.

“Authorities are still bracing for what they’re calling an unprecedented terrorist attack on U.S. soil,” the male reported said.

Alarm twisted inside her, as much from the report as she was being on the verge of tears. She was well aware of the possible threat the media had been talking about for the past week, but this sense of impending danger was new and terrible.

Sawyer reached out to change the station but she stopped him with a hand on his forearm and the reporter’s voice filled the interior of the SUV. “...officials have not yet released any other information about the suspected attack or the target, though it is believed the West Coast is most at risk. For now the terror level remains at extreme...”

Fear prickled over her skin and she looked at Sawyer. “Is it really as serious as they make it out to be?” she asked him. “The terror threat level hasn’t been this high in forever.”

He glanced over at her for a second before looking back at the road as he pulled up to the hotel’s front entrance. “It’s real.”

She swallowed, stared at him. “Is this why you guys are in Seattle?” It suddenly made all kinds of sense.

He put the SUV into park. Meeting her gaze, he nodded.

Her stomach balled up. “Well what... Are you...” She stopped herself from saying the rest, because it would make her sound stupid and she already knew the answer anyway.

Of course they were in danger here. Sawyer obviously knew about whatever the threat was, and the HRT would be trying to hunt down whoever was planning the attack before it happened.

Alarm slithered through her. She understood the dangers that came with their job as an HRT member but that didn’t mean she liked it. It scared her to think of anything happening to him and her brother. She’d almost lost Ethan when Marisol had been kidnapped.

“Hey.” He reached a hand out, cupped the back of her neck, his eyes delving into hers. “It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart. Promise.”

Tears formed without her permission. God, they’d be so good together as a couple. Couldn’t he see that? That a relationship with her would be nothing like the one with his ex? It hurt her and made her so damn angry that he refused to give them a chance because of something that happened with someone else, yet he’d been okay with sleeping with her. There was something so damn unfair about that.

She fought back the surge of raw emotion. “I hate knowing that you’ll both be in harm’s way.” She’d be out on a cruise, her and her mother being waited on hand and foot on a luxury liner while he, Ethan and the others were out hunting terrorists and putting their lives in danger. It felt so wrong.

His fingers squeezed her nape gently. “We have to, it’s our job. And we’re prepared for it. It’s why we train the way we do, why we’re always working. And we all look out for each other.”

She nodded, forced a smile she knew didn’t reach her eyes.

Sawyer made a low sound of reassurance and leaned toward her, his other hand coming up so that he had her face cradled between them, and kissed her. His lips were soft and warm, his tongue tender as it twined with hers. Then he eased back, wiped the tears from her lower lashes with the pads of his thumbs, and smiled a little.

“Call or text me whenever you get into port?”

The abrupt change in subject made her blink in surprise. Hesitant, she frowned at him. “I thought you’d want space now.”

He exhaled a hard breath, frowned and shook his head in apparent frustration. “Yeah, I thought I would too, but I don’t.”

That was just his conscience talking because he felt bad, like he owed her something more because of what they’d shared. But soon enough he’d regret it, feel trapped in a relationship he didn’t want and wish he’d never opened his mouth just now.

She deserved better than that. She wouldn’t let him do this, not even if it meant a tiny chance to keep him. And she wasn’t going to freaking beg him to be with her.

Disappointment speared her, so sharp it was all she could do not to wince. She pulled free of his gentle hold, looked away. “Look, you don’t need to do this, okay? We both knew the score going in and I’m not asking for anything else now. There’s nothing for you to feel guilty about. It was a one-time thing, and now we’re both moving on.”

“I don’t feel guilty, dammit. That’s not why I said that.” He took her face in his hands again, forcing her to meet his eyes. She read the confusion there, the determination.

“I care about you. God, I
more
than just care about you, and I don’t know what the hell to do about that. I don’t know if I’m ready to be in another relationship and I don’t know how to handle things with your brother if he ever found out about us. I don’t want to make any promises to you that I can’t keep. All I
do
know is that right now I can’t stand the thought of letting you go.”

Surprise made her heart stutter, and a rapidly inflating bubble of hope pressed against the inside of her ribcage. But he was clearly so conflicted. “So then you want...what?” Because she was totally confused, if elated that there might be a shot for them.

He groaned and kissed her again. “I want you to call me when you have cell service on your trip. Let’s start there,” he murmured against her lips, pausing to nibble at the lower one. “Because dammit, I already miss you and you’re still right here in front of me.”

He didn’t sound too happy about that. A smile curved her mouth anyway, joy and hope twining in her heart. “I miss you already too.”

“God.” He wrapped his arms around her back, drew her to him in a strong hug, his hold possessive. “I must sound like a hypocritical asshole saying all that after what I told you earlier.” His arms tightened more, those delicious muscles contracting around her, making her feel safe and wanted. Needed. “Damn, I’m sorry. I swear I’m not playing with you. I fucking hate not being able to give you a straight answer about what I want, but the truth is I need....”

“Time,” she finished for him. Time to figure out if he could handle facing his fears and risking the same consequences he’d experienced with Trina’s family should something go wrong between them.

She couldn’t see her family ever doing that to him but it didn’t matter what she thought. For him the risks were higher than just potentially breaking up with her someday.

To him, he risked losing his second family as well. And he had to know that was already a risk because of what they’d just done. Even though she had no intention of telling anyone, Ethan and her mom were bound to figure out something had happened between them.

No. He had to make this decision on his own and be comfortable with it, or it wouldn’t be right.

Sawyer exhaled noisily against her neck and nodded, his cheek moving against hers. “Yeah,” he said, sounding relieved that she understood. “I need time. I’m sorry I—”

She cut off his apology with a shake of her head. She could accept that he needed time to process everything, given the one-eighty he seemed to have turned tonight. She felt his confusion, knew he was probably feeling whiplashed.

“Just don’t tell me you’re in unless you mean it.” She couldn’t take him entering into a relationship with her out of guilt, only to break things off later because he’d realized he’d made a mistake. It would gut her.

He pulled back to gaze into her eyes. “I won’t,” he vowed. After a long moment he released her and leaned back against the seat, then glanced up at the hotel, a slight frown creasing his forehead. “Want me to walk you up?”

She snorted softly. “I can handle my mom on my own if she wakes up when I walk in, don’t worry. But I appreciate the offer for backup.” She caught his hand in hers, squeezed tight, still worried about him. “Promise me you’ll be careful out there, okay?”

He smiled and returned the pressure, his grip solid and warm. “You know I will, and you know I’ve got your brother’s back too. Don’t worry. Have a good trip.”

She nodded. “I’ll call you.”

“You’d better.”

Grinning, she slid out of the SUV and headed inside, unwilling to pop the bubble of hope rising inside her. Maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance for her and Sawyer after all.

––––––––

S
awyer rolled his left shoulder to ease the soreness in his healing muscle tissue and followed Blackwell into the meeting room where DeLuca and some other agents were waiting to do a debriefing.

The op they’d executed on another suspected terrorist’s hideout two hours ago had been a bust. They’d received bad intel and arrived several minutes too late to bag him. Somehow he’d slipped out of the apartment he’d been staying in near Tacoma without the surveillance teams noticing. Agents were frantically reviewing CCTV and security camera footage in the area to try and find him, but so far no luck. He had to be getting help from someone skilled in evasion and tradecraft.

Inside the room it was standing room only. The other members of Blue team, including both sniper teams, were already seated before the long rectangular table set at the front when Sawyer walked into the room with Blackwell.

Special Agent Celida Morales, Tuck’s fiancée, stood behind the table with her partner, Agent Travers. They were higher ups in the domestic counterterrorism division, so it made sense that they were in attendance. The back of the room was crowded with agents and officials from various government agencies and local authorities.

Next to Celida at the front of the room stood DeLuca, along with Alex Rycroft, the fiftyish NSA agent who had worked with them on ops before, sharing intel and manpower. Back in December he’d even brought in his own hand-picked private security team to act as protective detail for DeLuca and his now girlfriend, Briar, when they’d run into trouble.