Seinfeld Reference: The Complete Encyclopedia (18 page)

Jerry has numerous cousins: Artie Levine, a medical doctor intern, and Cousin Douglas who spent time in a mental institution--he went berserk when Jerry did not have any soda.  Jerry's second cousin, Monya, emigrated from Poland and married Isaac in 1941.  As a child, she lived in a beautiful home in the country, and owned a pony with a lustrous coat and flowing mane--it was the pride of Krakow.  After Jerry commented that he hates anyone who owned a pony, Monya became enraged and died later that evening (the funeral was at Drexell's Funeral Home on Ocean Parkway).  Meanwhile, Isaac lived in the same West End Avenue apartment since World War II where the rent remained frozen at $300, and when he moved to Phoenix to be with his brother, Jeffrey moved into the abode.  Jerry also has an uncle that is diabetic.

Education

In grade school, Jerry used to put 50 cents in a Lincoln Savings Bank every week.  While attending Edward R. Murrow Junior High School and J.F.K. High School, he earned a few derogatory nicknames, such as Jerry Jerry Dingleberry and Seinsmeld.  He had beautiful penmanship as a youngster and his "v" was a perfect triangle.

Although a small child, Jerry could run fast.  In a ninth grade track competition, Jerry was so excited that he was ten yards ahead of everyone before the gym teacher, Mr. Bevilaqua, said "Go."  No one noticed the head start, and after winning by such an astounding margin, a myth grew about Jerry's speed.  Duncan Meyer came in second and suspected impropriety because he had beaten Jerry three times in junior high.  Jerry insisted he did not hit puberty until ninth grade, which gave him a burst of speed.  Throughout high school everyone wanted Jerry to compete in track but he refused, issuing the same disclaimer, "I choose not to run."  In a rematch twenty years later, Duncan Meyer threatened to terminate Jerry's girlfriend, Lois, if he did not compete in a foot race.  Jerry reluctantly agreed, and Kramer's backfiring automobile provided a much-needed head start for Jerry to prevail again.

Jerry's inquisitive high school mind included regular visits to the New York Public Library.  On one occasion he checked out Henry Miller's books
Tropic of Cancer
and
Tropic of Capricorn
.  Over twenty years later, the library investigator, Joe Bookman, located Jerry to collect an overdue book fine for
Tropic of Cancer
.  Jerry contacted a former classmate, and soon realized that he loaned the book to George, and the gym teacher, Mr. Heyman, pilfered the novel.

Jerry has a burning memory of Sherry Becker wearing an orange dress and chewing Blackjack gum.  He knew her since ninth grade and for two years she secretly developed a body under loose clothing.  Although they spent time together reading
Tropic of Capricorn
, Sherry was actually wearing a purple dress and chewing Dentyne gum.

Jerry pursued a postsecondary education at Queens College.  He was classmates with George, Diane DeConn, Seth, and Moochie.  Jerry enjoyed college, especially skipping political science classes with Seth.  Nearly two decades later Jerry met Diane at an ATM terminal and passed Seth on the street.  Jerry manipulated Diane into calling George, and convinced Seth to skip a company meeting so they could reminisce.  Seth worked as an investment firm executive but was fired for skipping the first meeting with Citibank.  He eventually accepted an assistant manager position at Kenny Rogers Roasters.

Jerry admits that he is not very bright, and all his knowledge of high culture originates from "Bugs Bunny" cartoons.  He never attended the ballet but has observed people on their tiptoes.  In 1992 Jerry attended his first opera
I, Paggliacci
, and felt macho around opera patrons.

Friends

Since childhood, George Costanza has been Jerry's closest friend and confidant.  Knowing George is like going into the jungle--Jerry never knows what he will find next and is real scared.  They were neighbors, only four months apart in age, and classmates at the same junior and senior high schools.  They met in gym class--Jerry was spotting as George climbed the rope but he kept slipping and eventually fell on Jerry's head.  In fourth grade they became friends, shortly after Jerry beat up George.

Jerry held an intervention for Los Angeles comedian Richie Appel to discuss his excessive use of illegal drugs.  Although the intervention failed, Richie was mesmerized by a Pez dispenser that triggered a childhood incident as a passenger in a car--his father was trying to load the Pez, lost control of the car, and crashed into a high school cafeteria.  Pez candy was all over the car, the dispenser was crushed beyond recognition, and Richie cried.  Jerry offered Richie the Pez dispenser and two hours later he entered the Smithers Clinic.  The rehabilitation worked, though Richie became addicted to Pez.

Ramon cleans swimming pools at the Physique Health Club, and was fired for putting too much chlorine in the pool.  Although he is merely an acquaintance, Ramon became a cling-on friend.  Jerry finally ended the relationship by claiming that he only has three friends and that is all he can handle.  After being rehired at Physique, Ramon harassed Jerry at the pool.  When Ramon was knocked unconscious by a Newman cannonball into the water, Jerry refused to offer CPR and his membership was revoked.

Scott Drake, aka "The Drake," was engaged to Allison, and Jerry was in the wedding party.  For the engagement party the gang chipped in for a big screen television.  After an argument, the loving couple canceled the wedding and Allison gave the gifts to charity.  Naturally, the breakup did not last, and the wedding was rescheduled for Super Bowl Sunday 1995.  When Drake attempted to postpone the ceremony, they had another argument, and permanently canceled the wedding.

Jerry visits Fulton in the hospital because he could use a laugh but Jerry's performance actually causes Fulton's health to deteriorate.  Jerry begs for a second chance, and the next performance literally has Fulton dying from laughter.

Kristin organizes a pledge drive for PBS channel 13 (WNET).  She accuses Jerry of having no sentimentality because he tossed her thank you card (Jerry only saves birthday cards from his grandmother, but claims he would save more cards if he had a mantle).  He attempts to make amends by having a New York Yankee baseball player attend the fund-raiser.  Naturally, the kind gesture failed, so Kristin sent another card, but this time with a little bunny that was giving Jerry the finger.

Gary Fogel lies to everyone about having cancer and cons Jerry into purchasing an unlimited gift certificate at The Hair Team For Men.  Jerry was so nice to Gary that he almost made himself sick.  After two months, Gary reveals that he never had cancer.  Ironically, the duplicitous act costs Gary his life.  In 1995, he was adjusting his toupee, lost control of the car, and died in an automobile accident.  Gary's funeral was held at the Riverside Gramercy Chapels.

Alec Berg, a friend of Gary Fogel, has season tickets to the New York Rangers hockey games and offers Jerry tickets to the Rangers/Devils playoff game at Madison Square Garden.  Jerry thanks Alec five times, but decides to take a stand against over-thanking (and did not call him after the game).  As expected, Alec gives the tickets to someone else, but offers seats in the nosebleed section with one catch--Jerry has to paint an "E" on his chest so the men in his section can spell "D-E-V-I-L-S."

Jerry's first known dentist, Roy, wrote a note claiming that a massage was medically necessary.  When a note was also written for George and Elaine, Roy was investigated for insurance fraud and placed on six-month probation.

According to George, New Jersey native Tim Whatley is the dentist to the stars.  He went to dental school with John Voight, the periodontist, and opened a dental practice at Manhattan East Dental Plaza.  His practice catered to an adult-only clientele, complete with
Penthouse
magazines in the waiting area.  Drs. Whatley and Sussman often swapped dental hygienists.  Jerry became concerned that he was being violated while semi-conscious from the nitrous oxide.  He suspected foul play because his shirt may have been untucked, and began rinsing like there was no tomorrow.

On Thanksgiving Day, Whatley had an annual party at his 77th Street apartment, which overlooks an area where the balloons are inflated for the Macy's parade.  Although Jerry did not receive an invitation, he crashed the party searching for a dentist to repair a cracked tooth.  He subsequently made amends by offering Super Bowl tickets to Whatley, who reciprocated with a Label Baby Jr. thank you gift (Whatley re-gifted the label maker that was once a present from Elaine).  When Jerry learned about the re-gifting, he de-gifted the football tickets by asking Whatley to return them.  Jerry attended the 1995 Super Bowl with Newman, and sat on the 40-yard line, row F, seat 4.

The Whatley saga continued when he converted from Catholicism to Judaism, and two days later was telling Jewish jokes.  Jerry was disturbed because Whatley only converted to Judaism for the jokes; he was going for total joke-telling immunity and already had the two biggest religions covered.  If he ever got Polish citizenship there would be no stopping him.  In response, Jerry told dentist jokes, which upset Whatley because Jerry is not a dentist, and labeled Jerry an anti-dentite.

Keith Hernandez always wanted to be a comedian and loves Jerry's routine, especially the bit on Jimmy Olsen.  Keith is one of Jerry's all-time favorite ballplayers.  Jerry gave Keith his telephone number and was distraught when he failed to call for three days.  Keith lived on the east side in a three-story Brownstone house without an elevator.  After finally calling, Keith asked Jerry to help him move furniture--antiques, bed with box-spring attached to the headboard, two dressers, 12-piece sectional couch, 3"-thick marble coffee table from Italy, and convertible sofa.  Jerry thought this was a big step in their fledgling friendship--it was like going all the way--and recanted on his offer to provide assistance.

Babu Bhatt opened a neighborhood restaurant that served Mexican, Italian and Chinese food.  When business was slow, Jerry suggested switching to an all-Pakistani cuisine.  The concept failed and Babu's business permanently closed.  Jerry found Babu a job at Monk's Café and an apartment in his building.  Unfortunately, Jerry unknowingly received Babu's visa renewal application so I.N.S. agents imprisoned and deported Babu to Pakistan.  Babu vowed to save every rupee so he could exact vengeance on Jerry (who was a very, very bad man).  The day of reckoning arrived over five years later when he was asked to testify at Jerry's criminal trial.

Stan and Myra selected Jerry as the godfather to their newborn son, Steven.  Jerry thought the parents were level jumping the friendship because he barely knew them--Jerry and Stan were on the same softball team (Jerry pitched and Stan caught).  As the godfather, Jerry's most important duty was holding the infant during the bris.  The unsteady mohel actually circumcised Jerry's finger.  The bris was ruined, so Jerry was dismissed of his duties and replaced by Kramer.

Likes & Dislikes - Entertainment

Movies.
Jerry prefers action movies (
Firestorm
,
The Omen
Trilogy), and a few notable actors (Jon Voight, Robert Vaughn in the "Man From U.N.C.L.E.," and Anthony Quinn).  Jerry considers
Plan 9 From Outer Space
the worst movie of all time, though
Prognosis Negative
is a close second.  Jerry believes
The Wrath of Khan
is the best
Star Trek
movie, and thought
Zorba the Greek
was an excellent film.  He also rented the video
Havana
, and enjoys theater previews.

Television.
Jerry has several television preferences, such as "Xena, The Warrior Princess," "Entertainment Tonight," "Jeopardy!," and cartoons.  A polygraph test revealed a well-kept secret--he also watches "Melrose Place" (Jerry hates Michael's smugness, and is frustrated with Jane's foolish dating decisions).  Jerry never saw an episode of "I Love Lucy."

Magazines.
Jerry reads
Playboy
,
Car & Driver
, comic books, and "Tank McNamara" comic strip, but never read a Truman Capote book.

Likes & Dislikes - Food & Beverage

According to Jerry, he is not generally fussy about food--he will eat anything, anywhere, whatever is being served.  He even eats rolls off service trays in hotel hallways.  Jerry's typical food order at Monk's Café is a bowl of Cheerios with a modest amount of milk.  Other cereal favorites: Wheaties, Honey Combs, Cornflakes, Grape Nuts, Apple Jacks, Alphabits, Captain Crunch, Rice Krispies, Bran Flakes, Oaties, Triples, Kix, and Double Crunch.  Jerry usually fills his cereal bowl 3/4 full of milk, sometimes all the way to the top, but when he went to jail, they restricted his milk (which was one of the hardest adjustments he ever had to make).

Jerry is a health food fanatic and insists on fresh fruit (only military personnel are forced to consume canned fruit).  He does not return fruit because he realizes that purchasing fruit is a gamble.  Jerry is not much of a meat eater but loves Nathan's hot dogs.  He hates duck because the skin seems sort of human, and dislikes egg yolks (but eats egg salad sandwiches).  He loves crab bisque soup, and gyros from Willet's at the Queensboro Plaza.

Although Jerry does not drink caffeine, he consumes Morning Thunder tea and cappuccino (he does not realize it has caffeine).  Elaine enjoys watching him get all hyper without knowing why--he walks around saying "God, I feel great!"  Although claiming to avoid caffeine, in the pilot episode Jerry consumed regular coffee with milk.

Sports

Jerry partakes in a wide variety of recreational activities, such as bowling, Ping-Pong, Scrabble, backgammon, racquetball, basketball, yo-yos, and scuba diving.  He especially enjoys watching professional baseball and playing softball.