Seeking Nirvana (18 page)

With my newly acquired momentum, I heaved a breath, along with myself, from the floor, using the sturdy door against my back to help aid in my rearing.

“Okay, Kady, pull
yourself together, woman,” I began giving myself a pep talk during which I was strolling through the living room to the kitchen to fix myself another coffee. “You have done nothing wrong. It’s Liam that’s changed. You have nothing to be concerned about.” I poured the onyx liquid into a fresh black cup then set the pot back on its stand. “If Liam hadn’t changed into The Hulk, and remained the same easygoing, fun-loving man I remember, then I wouldn’t be so enticed be the atmosphere which is molded while around Walker.”

God
have mercy, that atmosphere was pungently addictive.

Overwhelmed by a form of dread, m
y stomach space launched when the irritating, shrill noise of the phone ringing echoed through the kitchen and dining area. As a consequence, my moment of serenity was the one to disintegrate this time.

Oh, God, what if that’s Liam?
What if he shouts at me? I can’t be dealing with Hulk mad right now. I don’t want him to shout. I don’t want him to shout. I don’t want him to shout.

Hesitantly placing my coffee on the surface, I took baby steps toward the phone dock which
was suspended on the kitchen wall aside the two-door refrigerator.

Please don’t
shout. Please don’t shout. Please don’t shout.

With each step, my heart stopped. With each step my blood pressure rose. With each step I contemplated just allowing it to go to the machine. With each step I forced my nails to pinch harder and harder at the back of my hand, until I could feel the prominen
t edge of each nail through the thinning of flesh in its grasp.

Shaking and
reluctant, I removed the handset from its stand. Gingerly lifting it to my ear, my eyes were screwing closed in the process.

“Hello?” m
y voice was a small, croaking whisper.

I sagged as the name Katy traveled down the speaker. “What took you so long to answer, darlin’?
You alright?”

I smiled, grateful that he couldn’t see my moment of gladness at hearing his voice journeying down the handset and not a wild, angry Liam. “Yes, Walker, I’m okay.”

“Good. So you got my note? Sorry I had to leave so soon.”

“No, it’s no problem
at all.” I strolled back to the stool which lay obstructing the walkway behind the kitchen island and the back wall countertop. “Thank you for the coffee,” I chuckled over the brim of the mug before taking another sip.

“
’Aye, its fine.”

“I’ve just
come back from next door actually.”

“You went to Mrs. Parker?”

I frowned. “Huh?” Who’s, Mrs. Parker?

“Mrs. Parker…first name Nosey.”

Coffee swam around my mouth, pleading for an escape route as I laughed uncontrollably at Walker’s given name to, Steinbeck. I felt my cheeks burn red as I lowered the cup to the wood, banging my hand on my leg like a demented seal in a desperate plea to draw a close to my throat sealing up, and rid my mouth of the increasingly cooling, bitter liquid.

“Kady?” he sounded amused.

Forcing a swallow I chided him for making me laugh, before setting about on the morning’s topic.

“Damn, you told her good and proper.”

“What can I say?” I shrugged a noncommittal shoulder, my mug suspended in mid-air. “I had a damn gut full of her interference. She’s had it coming.”

“
’Aye, that she did.”

I overhead his name being shouted in the background, amongst what sounded like machinery.

“Listen, I got to get back to work, darlin’. I’ll pick you up later.”

“Okay, I’m going to head out in a bit anyway––”
I wanted something new to wear to McGinty’s that night. Something a little…fresher, than what my wardrobe currently consisted of.

“Okay, stay safe. Bye, Kady.”

“Bye.”

Discarding the handset onto the surface, I tipped back the rest of my drink, and with a bounce in my step, I got myself ready to go shopping.

A hasty double beep of a car horn startled me as I went to drop my house keys into my purse, causing me to miss my target completely, and have them land on the concrete at my feet with a clatter. I bent to retrieve the jumble, cursing under my breath, before finding the cause of the startling sound.

Rearing up, I lifted my head to be met with a
delivery van parked along the sidewalk. A petite woman was frantically waving at me from behind the wheel. Tottering down the front steps, I shook my head with masked amusement at her buoyancy.

“What are you doing here, Laurie? Shouldn’t you be at the shop?” I asked through the opened passenger side window.

“Nope, we close half day on a Thursday.”

“Ah…so your abusing company property,” I couldn’t suppress my grin.

She pointed a finger at me, her adorable little nose wrinkled. “Don’t you start; you’re usually the easygoing one. It’s Liam which usually seeks my head on a pike.”

My brow rose, “You, too, huh?”

Nodding with palpable distaste, she crossed her forearms over the wheel and managed to divert the topic. “I just wanted to pop by to see how the cake came out yesterday?”

I scowled
at the memory of my kitchen disaster. “Cremated,” I muttered apologetically. Her eyes widened incredulously, while I swear mine darkened. “I forgot to keep an eye on the timer. I was a little…distracted.”

“Well,” she
unfolded her arm and slapped her hands back onto the steering wheel with a heavy thud. “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

“’Aye, that it wasn’t,” I grimaced as soon as the words were freed. That simple formation slipping from my mouth had me recognizing exactly how much a certain spirited
Irishman had rubbed off on me.

A shrewd smirk stole its way across Laurie’s features. She nodded he
r head once in a knowing manner and swept her glossy, block-dyed red bangs to the left of her brow, the rest of her thick, practically black mane was pulled back into a ponytail. As her lips twitched, I knew she was subduing a blatant knowledge of something I didn’t particularly want to acknowledge myself.

She asked where I was headed. After informing her of my
desire to go clothes shopping, she insisted that I got in so she could give me a lift. I was more than content with walking, but she looked rather scary under that degree of persistence. In the end, after much debate, I conceded, on the provision that she would at least let me buy her lunch.

Laurie was the kind of woman who was easy to get along with, who could quickly grow on you. I found myself building up a fondness that would usually take
time for me to build with someone new. I took an instant liking to her and her bubbly personality. And as ridiculous as it may sound, I felt as though she was one of the people who was actually on my side. I wish I could explain that better, but the truth is, I don’t even know what I meant by it.

Marcela’s Obsession was a small, quaint boutique on
the main route away from Bricksdale Square. With its royal blue and gold exterior, you couldn’t help but accept its silent invitation. And the inside was just as charming.

Laurie was a funny one. Each
article of clothing we passed was guaranteed to have her hand grazed over the material. She was a very tactile type. That much was obvious.

“Can I help you?” An overly made up young girl, who looked fresh out of high school enquired from behind the glass counter. Jewelry glittered and gleamed from behind the glass display
at her waist.

“We’re just browsing, thank you,” I smiled.

“Okay,” she nodded. “Well if you need any assistance, please feel free to ask,” she politely replied.

I nodded once while mirroring her welcoming smile.

“Oh, my, God, Kady, come and look at this.” Like a lighthouse leading the way through the fog, Laurie’s voice led the way up two steps and to the back of the store. “This would have the world worshipping at your feet.”

I studied the ensemble with a fallen mouth, eyes
bulging out of their sockets. “Laurie, I think that is a little too…” my statement was wavered when she skirted my body, holding the strapless, fitted emerald dress against me from behind.

“Now, you tell me that
isn’t hot!” she shrieked over my shoulder while I gazed in the mirror ahead. She was right. It was hot. But it was also shorter than anything else in my closet. Although I had come out with the determination to seek something a little fresher, a little more ‘confident Kady’, having the satin material held against me, and sitting a few inches above the knee, I suddenly felt a painful knot in my stomach, when a certain persons knowing disapproval loomed in my mind.

“I don’t know, Laurie. I don’t think––”

“Hey,” she pulled the dress away, grasped my shoulders and spun me around at high velocity to face her. I felt pressed by the scrutiny of her glowing hazel eyes and arched brow. “You are your own person. You’re hot, you’re beautiful. You should flaunt it. We all need a little something now and then to lift our spirits. Fuck what Liam thinks.”

My
inaudible question of how she knew I was going to mention him, washed away with the tide of unease and disappointment when I considered whether the length of the ensemble would even cover up the ‘tales of an unremembered story’ between my legs.

Deepening frown lines scoring into my brow, I stood motionless as
I came to realize exactly why my closet was filled with ‘safe’ clothing. If this debate was a ritual that I had to have every time I went clothes shopping, no wonder I stuck with pants or pencil skirts. I was getting a headache just from weighing the pros and cons of this one item.

Her eyes strayed from the jumbled expression on my face,
to lock onto something behind me. “Oh…oh…oh…” she sounded like a child in a toy store.

I watched on
in amusement as she rounded me with a fixated gaze. When she turned back to face me, she was holding a pair of sling-back, strappy emerald heels. “These would totally complete the look. Kady, you must get this.”

“I don’t know, I––”

“What was that?” she asked, lifting the shoe to her ear. Oh for fuck sake, what was she doing now? “You want Kady to take you home…? You think she would look even more beautiful if she was wearing you and the dress…? Oh, yes, shoes, I think that, too.”

I scoured the
boutique just to make sure that the men in white coats weren’t going to barge in with strait jackets, and land us both in the funny farm. The word “Fine” escaped my mouth before I had a chance to halt its progression.

“Yay,” she
sang, jumped up and down like the lunatic I began to see within her, and made her way down the steps to the counter, over exaggerating her words of encouragement with me in tow.

The bell jingled
our farewell as we left Marcela’s, pulling the door firmly shut behind us.

We left the van parked at the sidewalk and
was strolling down the block to get some lunch, when a warm hand was deposited on my shoulder. “You are going to look beautiful, Kady.”

My appreciative reply was weighted by a gnawing query. “Laurie, how did you know I was thinking about Liam’s reaction back in there?”
I gesture my head backward to the store.

A huge breath was sucked into her lungs. I glimpsed to my left and placed the petite woman under an expected scrutiny. Hands clasped together, she allowed them to bounce against
her faded-denim thighs as she walked. It was like she was warring with herself for the answer to a very simple question. Finally, she muttered, “Deep down we all worry about our partner’s approval.” But her answer didn’t sound as resolute as it could have been, and that, in conjunction with other things, had me questioning my life further.

“Shall we get something to eat?” I asked, in
a feeble attempt to stop my brain from turning to mush.

“Sure,” she nodded, stuffing her hands into the front pouch-like pocket of her hot pink hoodie.
“Tiffani’s Diner is just on the corner.”

Laurie spu
n on her heel when I was no longer at her side. I was glued to the spot, she shook her head faintly, her shoulders lifted to her ears in perplexity as I frowned and cocked my head. “Tiffani’s Diner?”

She shea
thed her teeth with her lips. “Mmm…hmm,” she let them roll free. “Why? What’s wrong?”

I wracked my brain so hard that I felt it vibrating against my skull.
Tiffani’s, Tiffani’s Diner, the name spiraled around my head while I, once again, strived to pick a sliver of information, a memory, as to why that name held some form of meaning for me. “Nothing,” I hummed distantly, my eyes tightened. “The name just sounds familiar.”

A
scheming grin tip-toed across her round, pale face, her eyes shone brightly with insightfulness. She licked her lips, outstretched her arm to link with mine, and pulled me forward to resume walking. “I’m sure it does.”