Seeing Your Face Again (22 page)

“Minister Kanagy doesn't know everything!” Verna protested.
“I'm depending on the
gut
sense of the community to see you through this situation.”

“Even if I turn down Paul Wagler…maybe for the final time if it finally soaks in?” Debbie glanced sharply at Verna.

“I suppose that will make it harder,” Verna allowed. “The Wagler family won't take the rejection kindly.”

“Well, now you do see.” Debbie fell silent.

Verna touched her arm. “Perhaps you're considering Paul just a little bit?”

Debbie groaned again. “Not you too, Verna. I came over here for sympathy, not more pressure for something I can't do.”

“Then we will say no more about it.” Verna set her lips firmly.

Debbie wrinkled her brow. “Even your father thinks I should accept Paul's attention. Am I wrong, Verna?”

“You said you didn't want any pressure.” Verna glanced at Debbie. “If I think you're wrong, that's just more pressure.”

“But do you really think I should?” Debbie moaned before the words were even out of her mouth. “I really value what you think. You know me better than anyone else here.”

Verna laughed. “With the type of an attitude you have now,
nee
…you shouldn't. I'd feel sorry for Paul.”

Debbie sat up straight. “Paul! Now I've heard everything. I'm the one who should be felt sorry for.”

Verna's face appeared pensive. “What I really think is that you should visit Alvin in Philadelphia. Speak with him. You may be able to talk some sense into his head.”

Debbie gasped. “That's a sudden change of subject. I don't even know where he stays. And going there by myself…wouldn't that just make it worse? An Amish woman—or would-be Amish woman chasing a man?”

Verna shrugged. “It wouldn't be indecent in your world, and that's where Alvin is right now. And I don't think things could get
much worse for you here. Even if someone from the community found out about it.”

Debbie searched Verna's face. “It'll confirm what they're all thinking.”

“
Ach
…
yah
…it would.” Verna waved her hand about. “But nothing risked, nothing gained. That's what I say.”

“
You
can say that.” Debbie glared at the wall for a moment. “You're safely married and living with the man you love. And you're expecting.” Debbie glanced at Verna's mid-section.

Verna turned bright red. “I know. It's no longer a secret. I'm showing early, it seems.”

“You must be thrilled!” Debbie beamed.

“I am.” Verna laughed. “It's one of the most
wunderbah
things to ever happen to me. It's going to be a boy
boppli
, I'm sure. He'll look just like Joe. Oh, Debbie you must not lose heart! Not that long ago I thought things with Joe were over forever. But
Da Hah
saw us through, and here we are as happy as can be. And I'm to have Joe's
boppli
this fall sometime.” Verna's voice ended with an excited giggle.

“I knew I came over for a reason,” Debbie muttered. “You do lift a person's soul to higher ground.”

“Debbie, it's so
gut
to hear hope in your voice again,” Verna said. “Remember how we schemed at my wedding to get you and Alvin together? Well, why can't we do the same thing again?”

And you can see how that worked out,
Debbie almost said. But she must not cast cold water on Verna's plans. Debbie took a deep breath. “So you think I should visit Alvin? I could go tomorrow. It's Saturday.”

“
Yah,
I do.” Verna was serious now. “It's really your last chance, before…before…”

“Before what?” Debbie looked up sharply.

“Has
Daett
or
Mamm
talked to you about Alvin?” Verna's face was creased with concern.

Debbie clutched the edge of the tablecloth. “I have no idea what you're talking about, Verna.”

“Alvin is to be placed in the
bann
on Sunday.” Verna's voice caught. “I was praying this morning that I could speak with you before then. In fact, I thought of driving over this evening after supper. But now I don't have to.” Verna thrust a piece of paper toward Debbie.

“What's this?” Debbie asked as she took the offered note with care.

“Alvin's address. I asked his mother for it.” Verna had hope written all over her face.

Debbie unfolded the paper and read the writing in a quick glance. “So you've been planning this? That I should go see Alvin for some time?”

Verna looked guilty. “
Nee
, well, last week it came to me. But what we did at my wedding worked, Debbie. Don't tell me it didn't even though events overran our plans. That Paul Wagler! He's the limit is all I can say. He'd intimidate any boy, let alone Alvin.”

“So you think that's why Alvin left…because of Paul?” Debbie studied the paper. Verna hadn't said anything about the possible theft of money. Did Verna not subscribe to that theory or had she even heard it?

Before Debbie could ask, Verna leaped up to attend to the soup pot. She spoke over her shoulder, “I'm afraid it's worse than that, Debbie. Alvin left partly because of the state of his
daett
's farm.”

“And stole his father's money?” Debbie asked, keeping her gaze glued to the floor. She might as well say the words. Verna likely thought them anyway.

Verna wrinkled up her face. “I don't buy that at all. And his
daett
isn't saying that. He claims he's been paying Alvin a fair wage since he turned twenty-one. That's a few years now. And if Alvin didn't waste it—which I don't think he did—there's no reason he wouldn't have the funds for an adventure like he's on.”

Debbie sighed. She hadn't known how much she wanted
someone else to believe in Alvin's innocence. Not that Bishop Beiler willingly accepted the charge against Alvin, but he had at least entertained it.

“So this is an
adventure
of Alvin's?” Debbie kept her voice steady. The thought troubled her. Alvin had caused a lot of grief for an adventure, and it didn't seem like him really.

Verna's look was intense. “Maybe it's a journey of self-discovery—that kind of adventure. I don't know, but I think Alvin was tired of being under his
daett
's thumb.”

Debbie was all ears. “What do you mean?”

“Well, the farm has been going down the tubes, that much is for sure.” Verna had her back turned toward Debbie as she stirred the soup. “Deacon Mast isn't saying much, which he shouldn't, but I have my sources. The Knepp farm has been run into the ground by Alvin's
daett
. It comes down to his refusal to upgrade his farming practices and general stubbornness. Things are so bad now the Knepps will need community and ministry help to plant this spring. Alvin might have wished to skedaddle before that happened.”

“And run away from the problem?” Debbie didn't like the sound of that in the least. Perhaps she was missing something. She waited while Verna framed her response.

“I can see where you might think I'm saying Alvin is a coward, but it's not like that in the community. A son who contradicts his
daett
—that's the worst shame. And Alvin would never do such a thing. In that lies his real courage, Debbie. If he stayed, he may have had to speak badly of his
daett
.”

“So his
daett
is Alvin's problem?” Debbie asked.

Verna winced before she spoke. “Alvin would never admit this, but his
daett
isn't one for taking responsibility. Edwin's been blaming Alvin for running the farm down, but most of us know that's not true. However, with Alvin gone, what can Edwin say when the committee of men Deacon Mast assigns to run the farm tells him what he needs to do? He'll have to face things and change his ways.
There'll be no one around to blame but himself if things don't get done right.”

Debbie took a deep breath. “So it is that bad then?”

Verna shrugged. “I don't know for sure. I'm guessing…”

“And your guesses are often right,” Debbie added.

“You mustn't tell anyone what I told you.” Verna forced a smile. “‘I meant to encourage you, that's all.”

“And send me on a mission?” Debbie held up the address.

“
Yah
that.” Vern admitted. “It may do some
gut
, but you must go tomorrow before the
bann
is in place. If you wait, you'll be violating the
bann
if you visit him. That would really spell the end of your hopes for joining the community.”

Twenty-One

I
n the early morning hours of Saturday, Debbie rose and made her way out to her car in the partial darkness. Neither Emery nor Ida were up yet for chore time, so Debbie had successfully sneaked out of the house without waking anyone. She wasn't trying to hide anything she told herself. If it wasn't for the upcoming
bann,
she wouldn't be in such a hurry to take the risky chance of going to see Alvin in Philadelphia. Besides, Saloma and Ida knew of her plans.

Last night Debbie had told Saloma and Ida her intentions, and they understood—especially when she told them about her conversation with Verna. They had voiced no objections even when Debbie was frank about what her intentions were—that she wanted to speak to Alvin about returning to the community. Any chance at success in that department was apparently worthy of pursuit in their estimation. Ida had even stopped her constant hints that Debbie give a
gut
answer to Paul's next request to drive her home from the hymn singing.

At the first rest stop she came to, Debbie changed into an
Englisha
dress. She dared not put it on at home in case someone from the Beiler family should see her. Now well down the road, she felt
it was the right thing to do. She drove and hummed one of the hymns the young folks sang at the last Sunday-evening hymn singing. She'd learned the tune, which was a faster melody attached to the community's German favorite
O Gott Vater, wir loben dich
. Debbie tried a few lines, and even spoke the German words out loud. She sounded decent, Debbie told herself. At least close enough for an outsider still learning the language. She must take comfort in any progress she made right now. The thought that her venture into the Amish world might not continue was too painful to dwell on for long. If her trip were a success today…but what were the chances of that? The question darkened her brow. She'd already been over that ground a hundred times. She'd lain awake late last night and thought things through again. No other answer had come. There was one thing she knew for sure. Verna had been right with her assessment of Alvin at her wedding. And Verna was probably correct this time.

Alvin must have left the community as much to spare his family from shame, as for his own sake. That and to find his own way for a change. His father sounded like quite a pill. Debbie had come from a home where she didn't fit in, so she could understand what Alvin must have experienced with his father—at least a little. Only Alvin did the opposite from what she'd done. He'd left the community while she'd sought to join it. Yet, in the end, they were versions of the same thing. The thought comforted her.

Perhaps if she shared this with Alvin it would help him understand his own journey and see his way back. Alvin must be made to understand that this was where their journeys parted ways if he didn't return home. Debbie would never go back to her former life—even if the community rejected her. She hoped Alvin would come to the same conclusion—to stay within the community. In fact, Alvin might already be there and she might only have to help nudge him homeward. Perhaps he'd even return with her this afternoon! The thought sent chills up and down Debbie's back. What
an accomplishment that would be! It would silence the wagging tongues in the community. It might even convince Lois to see things in a different light. Alvin would have stories he could tell from his experiences that might speak to Lois better than what Debbie had shared. Yet, who did she think she was? She didn't have that kind of power over Alvin. She ought to be thankful if the man even spoke with her once she arrived unannounced. He might not appreciate her efforts to influence his life.