Seeing Shadows (44 page)

"On. But kind of pushed up."

"And?"

"That's it. I mean, it was getting a little too...heated. So I asked Simon to take it slow."

Sarah flung herself on the bed with a sigh. "Wow, this is a lot to process. You went from swearing Simon was just a friend to making out with him." She propped herself up on her elbows. "Why'd you tell him to stop? Are you really trying to take it slow? Or is it because of your visions?"

I sat down next to Sarah, taking a deep breath. Even though Sarah didn't know everything that I had discovered about my visions, she still knew that they were a hurdle for me. It would be difficult to let anyone in, let alone someone who had been in one of my visions.

"I'm not sure. I'm getting tired of denying that I feel something for Simon. Even though we've only known each other for a short period of time, it's like I'm irresistibly drawn to him. I keep telling myself it's crazy, to feel so deeply about someone I don't know very well. But that's just the thing. I feel like I know Simon better than almost anyone. And I feel like he knows me better than anyone." I grabbed a hold of Sarah's hand, giving it a quick squeeze. "Except for you, of course."

Sarah gave me a sad smile. "Caitlin, I would be ecstatic if you and Simon were together. If you told him everything. You've been so careful all your life to stay on this path you've locked yourself in. And I understand why you've done it. Believe me, if I were you I'd probably be in some corner in a fetal position. But you're strong enough to take a chance. A chance for yourself. And Simon."

Sarah paused, seeming to ponder her next words. "I've mentioned before that Grant's told me that Simon always talks about you. I'm not kidding. That Sunday after Jenny's party, when you pushed him away, Grant said Simon was a mess. I mean, a real mess. Grant told me that Simon had been ranting and raving about making a fool of himself over you. That he was done. But then in the next breath he was pleading with Grant to try and find out from me why you were pushing him away. If there really was a Bob. And if there was, where Bob lived. Apparently, Simon wanted to go to him and tell him to man up and be with you, or he was going to do everything in his power to take you away from him."

I was shocked at Sarah's confession, at the intensity of Simon's feelings. Even though Simon had expressed the depth of his feelings, I had still felt like I was the only crazy one feeling the unbelievably strong connection.

"Simon met up with Claudia to try and figure out your connection to her. He saw your reaction to her Saturday night while he was on stage so he basically asked her to meet him and interrogated her. They went to the Cove and I think the poor girl thought he was asking her out on a date until the entire conversation was about you." So that explained why Samantha had heard they were now an item.

"Do you know if they went back to his place?"

"Grant said something about Claudia showing Simon where some past assignments were online since Claudia is a fine arts and music double major and they share some classes. Grant was actually at Simon's place when Claudia was over." Sarah paused before continuing "I think...I think Simon loves you."

My eyes widened at her words but I didn't speak as Sarah continued. "He pretty much told Grant that he had never felt this way about a girl before, that he was going to do whatever it took for you to trust him. Because he knows you're holding something back from him."

"How can Simon love me when he doesn't really know me? The real me."

"He does know the real you!" Sarah said fiercely. "The real you is everything you've shown him. A funny and sweet girl who's so smart yet doesn't realize her own worth. Just because Simon doesn't know about your visions doesn't mean he doesn't know you. They don't define you, Caitlin." Sarah gentled her next words. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't share that part of you with him. Simon wants to be there for you, Caitlin. Let him. As much I value being your closest friend, you deserve more in your life than just a best friend. Open up to him. I doubt he'll disappoint you."

"But we've only known each other for a few weeks. To feel so strongly...it just doesn't make sense."

Sarah smiled sadly, looking wiser than her years. "Sometimes it doesn't matter how long you've known someone. You just know you're meant to be with them. And Simon knows. He's not afraid to try and grab what he wants. And what he wants is you. Doesn't he deserve a chance?"

I inhaled and exhaled slowly as I absorbed Sarah's words. "I think I'm willing to try," I said slowly. "But I need to think about it. It's not something I can decide overnight." I didn't add that it was something I couldn't decide until Sunday. "But I'm willing to consider it. And that's about all I can do right now."

Sarah nodded, accepting my words. She brightened, giving me a mischievous look. "You guys are doing the lovey-dovey thing real well."

I laughed, but then remembered what had happened at breakfast. And the sadness of Sarah's words about knowing when you were meant to be with someone. "What's going on with you and Grant? You seem like you're distancing yourself from him. I thought you were excited about this trip bringing you two closer together."

Sarah sighed, running her hand through her short hair. "I was, but I'm starting to realize that I'm no longer satisfied being in second place. And a pseudo second place, at that. It's not like anything has really happened between us except one drunken kiss a long time ago." She paused before continuing. "I think what made me realize that I'm not okay with how things are is the way Simon looks at you. Treats you. There's no one else for him. It's like you're the center of his world and he's willing to do anything for you. I realized I want to be with someone who looks at me like that."

Sarah looked glum and my heart broke for her. I gave her a fierce hug. "You do deserve that. You deserve someone who appreciates how amazing you are. And if Grant is too stupid to realize that, I think it's smart to move on." I paused. "Does this mean you don't want me to ask Simon about Cara?"

Sarah shook her head. "Don't bother. I don't think I want to know anymore. It doesn't change anything." She smiled, shaking off her gloom. "I'll just have to start the hunt for a new victim."

"Please," I said laughing. "There are plenty of guys who'll line up to be your victim. You've just never paid them any attention while Grant's been in the picture."

"We'll see," Sarah replied lightly. She stood up from the bed and walked over to her closet. "Now I really did want to change my top. This sweater is so itchy."

By the time Sarah changed and reapplied makeup, it was time to go downstairs. Simon, Grant, Kendra and Mrs. Crewe were already in the foyer, ready to go to lunch. We took two separate cars, Mrs. Crewe and Kendra in one car and the rest of us in Simon's. Simon held my hand during the drive, interlocking his fingers with mine and resting our hands on my lap, driving easily with one hand.

We arrived at a French cafe that was cute and casual although impeccably designed. I had expected a much grander place, considering the Crewe's wealth, and was pleasantly surprised that the place was so informal.

With Kendra in attendance, there were no pauses in the conversation during lunch with her continual questions and stories. I learned that Grant and Simon had almost burned the house down when they were in middle school. They had the bright idea of shooting fireworks from the window in Simon's bedroom since it was too cold to do it outside. Fireworks were a bad idea regardless, but it had been a worse idea to set them off leaning out a window.

A spark had flown back into the room except they hadn't noticed it as they stuck their heads out the window, admiring the fireworks. Harold, who I had learned was a handyman of sorts, fixing things around the house and being a driver when necessary, had heard the fireworks and burst into Simon's bedroom to find the two boys oblivious to the bed comforter on fire. Fortunately, Harold had grabbed a fire extinguisher on his way to Simon's bedroom, seeing the fireworks and being familiar with the antics of Simon and Grant when they were together.

It delighted me to hear these stories about Simon, and he just grinned, seemingly unembarrassed by the tales of his youth. I also learned that his father was working today, which was why I hadn't met him yet, but he would be at Kendra's birthday party. I was a little nervous to meet him, because I knew that he and Simon had a somewhat rocky relationship.

Simon's mother, on the other hand, was easy to like. She was kind and self-deprecating, which reminded me of Simon. Even though the restaurant wasn't fancy, there were still far more pieces of cutlery than I was used to. When she saw me hesitate to pick up one of the many forks to eat my salad, she surreptitiously tapped one of her forks to indicate which one to use and gave me a wink.

She was sitting on the other side of me and said conspiratorially, "You work your way from the outside in. It took me forever to figure out which cutlery was for what. And don't even get me started on the forks and knives they start throwing at you in seafood restaurants."

I smiled at her openness and candor, appreciating her attempts to put me at ease. I didn't have to wonder where Simon got so many of his traits.

When our entrees arrived, Simon automatically asked for ketchup, knowing that I would want to douse my fries that came with my omelet. I was grateful because I didn't think French people ate ketchup with their fries and would have been embarrassed to ask for it in front of Simon's mother, regardless of how easygoing she seemed.

Time passed quickly and soon lunch was over. Grant and Simon were going to go back to the house to shoot some hoops and the rest of us were making our way to the spa.

Simon gave me a quick kiss before leaving and I flushed a little, glancing at Simon's mom. I felt a little weird kissing Simon in front of his mother, but she just smiled indulgently. During lunch, Simon had continued his open affection, alternating between holding my hand on his lap and draping his arm around the back of my chair. His mother had been well aware of the hand holding since she was sitting on the other side of me, but she hadn't commented. Instead, she had looked pleased.

We arrived at the spa and were ushered in by the welcoming staff. Soon, we were relaxing in plush robes and drinking cucumber infused water as we waited for our massages in a lovely lounge. All my earlier hesitation the day before about spending time at the spa with Simon's mother dissipated as she chatted casually about the different services the spa offered.

Our conversation was interrupted when our masseuses arrived and guided us into separate private massage rooms. I surrendered myself to the ministrations of a sturdy European woman with arms like a linebacker. Despite her seeming strength, her fingers were gentle yet firm as she unknotted the tension in my back and arms with her magic hands.

Massages were followed by gentle facial treatments, and we ended with manicures and pedicures. When I was done, I felt like I had been scrubbed clean to a new layer of skin and I admired the glow on my face. Kendra explained that it was never a good idea to get a real facial on the day of a party, because you needed a few days for the redness to disappear. We apparently had just gotten some treatments to soothe any inflammation we may have had. It amazed me that a sixteen-year-old girl knew so much about facials but I guessed that's what happened when you were wealthy and days at the spa were common.

On the drive home, Mrs. Crewe broached the subject of my parents, something that hadn't come up before.

"Are your parents originally from Philadelphia?" she asked, glancing at me in the rearview mirror. I felt Sarah tense beside me. She knew I hated talking about my family.

"My parents both grew up in Maryland. That's where they met. They moved to Philly right before I was born for my father's business."

"What does your father do?"

I was relieved that Simon hadn't seemed to have shared much about my parents. Maybe because he knew that was a sensitive topic for me.

"He's a real estate agent."

"I'm so sorry to hear that your mother passed away. It must have been tough growing up without her."

I saw Kendra elbow her mother from the front seat, obviously embarrassed by her mother's candor. It seemed Kendra did have some boundaries she thought shouldn't be crossed. But I didn't mind Mrs. Crewe's questions. Usually I shut off when people started asking me questions about my mother. It wasn't something I wanted to share with other people. I didn't want their pity or their attempts to comfort me for something that happened long ago. But Simon's mother didn't seem to be pitying me. She asked as if she just wanted to know more about me. Besides Mrs. Crewe being kind, she was Simon's mother. And I was willing to stretch myself for Simon.