Seeing Shadows (19 page)

Comforted by my rationalization, I was able to watch the rest of the show with enjoyment and pride for my friends. They played a mixture of old and new songs and they really did sound amazing. While the group with Abe as the lead singer had been fun to listen to, Simon drew you in almost hypnotically. Combined with Grant's skilled drumming and Marcus' steady but pounding bass playing, I had a feeling that the East End was going to packed whenever they performed.

Sarah, Jenny and I had moved over and snagged seats at the bar by the time the guys were done playing and disappeared behind the stage. It had gotten a little too hot in the crowd, and even though my top was sleeveless, I was feeling the affects of wearing a turtleneck.

"Remind me never to wear a turtleneck to a bar again," I said, pinching the neck of my sweater and stretching it out so that a waft of cool air hit my heated neck. "This is why I wear t-shirts all the time."

Sarah laughed as she glanced at my sweater. "You should've chosen the other shirt I picked out for you." Sarah had tried to convince me to wear a halter top but I had compromised with the sleeveless turtleneck.

"No thanks," I replied drily. "I don't want to wear a man-hunting shirt when the only thing I'm hunting is a good time with my friends."

Jenny nodded towards the stage. "I think Simon would hunt you in a paper bag." I looked over and saw that the guys had emerged from backstage and were surrounded by fans wanting to snatch a precious moment with them. Simon had the most people swarming around him, and I couldn't help but notice the majority of them were girls. He was smiling and engaging in conversations with them and I turned back to Jenny, leaning an arm on the bar.

"I think he's the one being hunted, not me," I said, rolling my eyes, ignoring my displeasure at the scene I had just turned away from.

"Spoken too soon," Sarah said under her breath as I felt a hand snake around my waist and whip me around.

"What did you think, babe?" Simon asked, with a big grin, He was leaning over me, his head close to mine, so that I could hear him over the noisy bar. His hair falling over his forehead was damp with perspiration. The smell of his cologne combined with his warmth was intoxicating. Simon's arm was wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer than I thought was appropriate. But his wide smile and boyish enthusiasm was infectious. Simon asked the question as if he was asking for my approval. The thought that my opinion mattered to him banished the protest that would have normally met his intimate touch.

"You were adequate, I guess," I replied airily, trying to suppress my answering smile. Then I laughed. "Oh, you know you were amazing. You don't need me to stroke your ego."

Simon grinned even wider. "I don't think I have to worry about an inflated ego with you around to always keep it in check." He nodded towards the beer I was still clutching, trapped between our bodies. "You need another one?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm good." He let me go and I couldn't help but feel a little bereft by the loss of contact.

Marcus came up behind Simon. "Grant snagged a table. We can all order from there." He smiled at Jenny, and she hopped off the stool by the bar to follow him. Sarah didn't need much convincing and followed Marcus as he made his way through the crowd. He and Simon were stopped frequently along the way by people complimenting them on their performance. Simon walked behind me, his hand on the small of my back guiding me, and I felt a burning warmth where his hand lay. It made me feel as if he was enveloping me in his personal space, separating us from all the people coming up to him.

Grant was sitting at a table, but he wasn't alone. There were two girls sitting with him, obviously groupies. The table barely fit the six chairs they had dragged around it, and now two of the chairs were occupied by girls fawning over Grant. When they saw us walk over, their eyes lit up as they spotted Simon and Marcus.

"Hi guys," one of the girls said breathily. Her bleached blonde hair fell well below her shoulders and her halter top showed off every asset. It made the halter top that Sarah had tried to convince me to wear earlier look like a nun's habit. I uncharitably thought that it was about time for the blonde to touch up her roots. She patted the chair next to her, her eyes zeroing in on Simon. "Have a seat. I want to hear all about your new songs."

Simon ignored her and arched a brow at Grant. I glanced over at Sarah and saw that she looked a bit pale. Although Grant wasn't a playboy, when he was off-again with Cara he enjoyed the attention of his female fans.

Grant got the message from Simon's look and turned to the girls. "Thanks for the compliments but these seats are reserved." He glanced over at Sarah but she averted her eyes. Grant turned back to the groupies. "Our ladies are here."

The blonde's friend, a similarly scantily clad brunette, looked up at us in contempt but grabbed her friend's hand and stood up, drawing her up with her. The blonde wasn't as easily deterred and stopped in front of Simon, placing her hand on his chest and looking up at him flirtatiously. "You were amazing tonight," she said, biting her lower lip, undoubtedly to bring attention to her mouth. My fist itched to punch that mouth, which surprised me. The surge of jealousy rising in me felt unfamiliar. "I'd love to hear more. Privately."

Simon shifted his hand from the small of my back to around my waist, pulling me close so that my side was plastered against his. "Sorry, I only give private shows to a select few," he said, looking and sounding bored. Then he looked down at me, squeezing me even closer as his face was transformed by a goofy lopsided smile that made my heart skip a beat. "Raven-haired sirens included."

Simon's words made me weak in the knees. I was sure if Simon hadn't been supporting me, I would have melted into a sentimental puddle on the floor. The way he said such heart-wrenching things with ease took my breath away.

The blonde's eyes narrowed as she allowed her friend to pull her away. They stomped off, swallowed by the crowd until they disappeared.

"Well," I said a little breathlessly. "That's one way to get rid of a groupie."

Simon eyes assessed me. "I didn't say anything for her benefit."

I chose not to respond to that comment because my mouth wouldn't formulate a response. Our friends had all sat down at the table, but they were watching us. Obviously, they had seen the whole exchange with the blonde, which meant they were also witness to Simon's comments. Face flaming, I was glad that it was relatively dim in the bar as I took a seat. Simon sat next to me, propping an arm around the back of my chair. As usual.

"How did the first official performance of the reincarnated Henchmen feel?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation onto a safe topic.

"It was fun. The crowd was really receptive. I thought there might be some lingering loyalty to Abe that would get in the way of people giving me a chance, but they seemed pretty accepting." Simon nodded his head for a beer when Janice stopped by to take everyone's order.

"You must have performed a lot to be so comfortable onstage."

Simon shrugged. "I've performed a decent amount with the other bands I've been in. Nothing serious. It just feels natural to me, I guess."

"So is your dream to make it big and get a major recording contract so that you can trash hotel rooms and smash guitars onstage?" I joked.

Simon laughed. "Honestly, I'm not sure. Yeah, it'd be great to get signed but if it doesn't happen, I'll be perfectly content to play small venues. I've even given some thought to opening a guitar school if the stage starts to get old."

I gave Simon a skeptical look. I couldn't imagine his larger than life charm and charisma being boxed into something as square as teaching guitar. "I can't imagine that," I said, smirking. "To deprive the world of Simon Crewe? It's unimaginable."

Simon smiled. "I'm sure the earth will still continue to rotate on its axis even if I'm teaching eight-year-olds the G chord."

It was comforting to know that Simon wasn't addicted to the attention. That he saw a life beyond it. It made him seem human again. In my mind, seeing Simon on stage had opened a yawning chasm between us. But he seemed reachable again. I had to remind myself that I shouldn't be reaching for him.

"Still," I said lightly. "You're so good up there. It would be a shame if you didn't pursue it. Did you write all the new songs you guys played tonight?"

"Some. A few of them were half-finished and the guys helped me out with them this past summer."

I got the feeling that Simon was being generous crediting Grant and Marcus with some of the songwriting, but I didn't comment on it. I wanted to ask him about the raven-haired siren song, but I knew that was dangerous territory. So I kept the conversation about Simon. "You write your own songs, you're an amazing singer and you're a genius on the guitar." I shook my head. "Isn't there anything you can't do?"

"I can't cook," he reminded me. "Remember? That's where you come in."

"We'll see," I replied. "I get the feeling that you're going to become far too busy to learn how to cook. Now that the new Henchmen has been unleashed, I doubt you'll have time to putter around in the kitchen."

Simon's voice dropped but his intensity deepened, suddenly shifting the conversation away from the lighthearted banter. "Remember, I'm not afraid to ask for what I want," he said, his eyes glittering. "And I want you."

I took a sharp intake of breath and looked around the table to see if anyone had overheard him. The others were too busy laughing and joking around to notice us.

"Simon," I started slowly, not wanting to hurt his feelings and trying to hold on to the shred of self-control I had left. "I'm flattered. I really am. But-"

His eyes narrowed. "Why are you fighting this? We're attracted to each other. Isn't that enough? And don't bother trying to tell me you're not. I see the way you look at me."

"I don't look at you in any way!" I said indignantly, ignoring my conscience at the lie. I took a deep breath to calm myself. "Simon, like I said, I'm really flattered. But I don't have room for a relationship in my life right now. I'm happy the way things are. We're friends. Can't we keep it that way?"

Simon's face darkened. Although I had seen the light and fun parts of him, I was beginning to see that he had a darker side as well. I had the fleeting thought that one wouldn't be smart to cross him. "We're not friends, Caitlin. What I feel towards you isn't friendly. It's way beyond that. Don't deny this."

"Simon," I said pleadingly. "Please don't make this awkward. The last thing I want is for things to be weird between us. But I just can't right now."

"Why not?" he bit out impatiently.

Because I'm crazy. Because I'm afraid the visions are back to stay. Because I don't want to see your beautiful face in agony in my dreams. And I'm afraid that if I'm with you, I'll have to witness that again and again.

"Caitlin," Simon said shortly when I didn't answer. "I said why not."

I scrambled for an answer that would placate him. To make him return to that easy camaraderie that I had relished earlier. "I just-I'm not," I stammered, wanting to look away from his piercing gaze but feeling transfixed. "There are things that you don't know about me. I'm messed up."

I was getting dangerously close to the truth and that terrified me more than anything. The compulsion I had to tell Simon things that I had never shared with anyone except Sarah scared me. So I lied, knowing that my next words would ruin any possibility between us. But that's why I chose them. "I'm in love with somebody else."

Simon abruptly straightened and his expression turned glacial, his eyes pinning me to my chair with disbelief. "What the fuck?" His curse jolted me. He had been so playful and gentle before that the vulgarness startled me. "No way. There is no way in hell you're panting after some other guy. Not with the way you look at me."

I swallowed, determined to carry out the lie. "It's true, Simon. I'm sorry. I...I won't deny that there's an attraction between us. But nothing can come of it."

"Who?"

"Huh? Who what?" I asked stupidly.