Seeds of Summer (23 page)

J
ARED STEPPED INTO HIS STUDY LATE THAT NIGHT AFTER RETURNING FROM
his parents' home. His answering machine flickered in the dim light. He pressed the button and listened to Natalie's message, her words hushed and lethargic.

“Sorry I missed you. Just wanted to talk to you about something and hear your voice. Call me.”

Tempted to return her call right then, Jared recalled the talk with his dad about putting some distance between himself and Natalie. Though difficult, he resisted picking up the phone knowing the best things in life were often the hardest to do. Encouraged by this truth, he pulled a Bible from the desk. He leafed through the onionskin pages until he reached Psalms and began reading the words that quieted his mind and made his troubles seem small.

T
HE NEXT DAY, THE SUN SHONE HIGH OVERHEAD AS
N
ATALIE TOOK A
break from her ranch work. Having slept poorly the night before, she completed her chores with sluggish effort, her sister's angry words never far from her mind.

“I'm going over to Willard's for a while,” she called to Dillon when she'd come in from checking cattle.

He hurried to her side. “Can I ride with you? And Jessie too?”

Natalie agreed and opened the tailgate for Jessie to hop into the bed of the truck. Minutes later, she arrived at Willard's and parked in front of his leather shop. Her brother and the dog followed her in through the front door.

Willard stood at his workbench, repairing a pair of leather boots. “What did I do to deserve a visit from you this fine afternoon?” He grinned, and it took Natalie back to her childhood, of days spent watching this man craft treasures out of a piece of cowhide.

She sat on a wooden stool, and Dillon found a spot on the floor where he played with the border collie. “You might not think this is such a pleasant visit when I tell you why I'm here.”

Willard pulled up a chair and joined her, his attention complete. “What seems to be the trouble?”

Her bottom lip trembled despite her resolve to remain calm. “I tried to take over where Dad left off, but I'm afraid I've failed miserably.”

“I'm sure it's not that bad.” His friendly eyes consoled her. “Tell me what's going on that has you so upset.”

Natalie concentrated on the pile of mismatched boots lying on Willard's floor, never able to understand his sense of order. “Chelsey and Libby moved out. They left last night.”

“I see.” Willard mumbled under his breath. “Where did they go?”

“They're staying in town, in an apartment by the river.”

Willard shook his head and went back to his repair work. “Sometimes I think best when my hands are busy,” he said, but Natalie figured it had more to do with needing an outlet for his aggravation. “I warned you it was a bad idea to invite that woman into your home. Libby was nothing but trouble when you were little, and she's not changed, no matter how much we wish it so.”

“Libby isn't the only one to blame. I have to accept my share of
the fault. I should have known better than to allow her so much freedom with the kids—especially Chelsey. I should have kept a closer watch.”

“We can only see what we want to see.” Willard tapped the boot's black heel with a plastic mallet, wedging the sole from the upper leather. “Now that you understand the problem, what are you going to do about it?”

“That's why I'm here.” Natalie drummed her fingers on the counter. “I need some advice. Should I go after Chelsey and insist she come home?”

He ripped the entire sole from the worn boot. “If you do, she'll only run away again.”

Dillon rose from the floor to stand beside Natalie. “Want me to talk to her?”

Natalie opened her arm to him, thankful for her brother's support. “This isn't your fight, Dillon.” Despite all their problems the last few months, the two of them remained as close as any brother or sister—or any mother and son.

“How can we get Chelsey back, then?” The sound of his distress tugged at Natalie's emotions.

“As much as it grieves me to say it, your sister's gonna have to come back on her own.” Willard stepped from behind the counter and motioned for them with his hand. “Come here for a second. I want to show you something.”

He led them to the back of the small room and dug into a cardboard box. Seconds later, he withdrew a rolled piece of paper.

“Sometimes you have to let people figure out things for themselves. I'm thinking Chelsey's a lot like your dad. They're the kind of people who bottle their emotions deep inside. Chelsey's just gotta figure a way to let it out.”

“Is that the poem Dad gave you?” Natalie stared at the scroll tied with a string, their dad's signature mark.

The old man nodded. “I found it the other day when I was starting a new project. Completely forgot I'd put it here.”

He handed it to Natalie, and she untied the string, hesitant to read another of her father's poems. How could she not have known the depth of her dad's emotion? That he found a release for it in the form of poetry.

“Your daddy gave that to me, about the time you won your Miss Rodeo Kansas pageant. Course you know how I'm always shooting off my mouth, quoting one author or another. I guess your daddy somehow got drawn in. What he wrote there is a Japanese form of verse. It has seventeen syllables and three lines.”

“Haiku.” Natalie nodded.

“It's not too bad, though why he wrote about an old pair of boots, I'll never know.”

Natalie pored over the words, then showed the poem to Dillon. “You think Chelsey just needs to write some poetry, huh?”

Willard chuckled at her attempt at humor. “I believe all she needs is a few days to see her mama with her own eyes. If she's not home in a week or two, we'll all go visit her. But I doubt that'll be necessary.”

Natalie leaned against the wall and stared up at the ceiling, wishing she felt comfortable enough to ask for advice regarding her relationship with Jared. Unfortunately, she wasn't brave enough to broach that subject with anyone.

F
OR THE NEXT WEEK
, N
ATALIE TRIED NOT TO THINK ABOUT HER PROBLEMS
with Libby and Chelsey or worry why Jared wasn't returning her calls…but paranoia crept in. Was Jared ignoring her or giving her the brush off? Had he decided he wasn't interested in more than friendship, or was the explanation as simple as a broken answering machine or an ongoing church emergency? A family emergency even?

When she still hadn't heard from him on Friday, she decided it was time to grab the bull by its horns. That afternoon, Natalie drove into Diamond Falls to pick up some horse grain, thinking she'd stop by New Redeemer to visit Jared before she went home. While at the farm store, a red Corvette cruised in front of her. Though she couldn't make out every detail, she saw enough to know that it was Chelsey in the passenger seat nestled so close to the driver that she had to be sitting on the console.

Natalie shoved the fifty-pound feedbag into the bed of the truck, her eyes trained on the hot little sports car. Should she pretend she hadn't seen her sister? Hold her tongue for fear of making things worse? Or act like the guardian she was and go after her?

Unable to ignore her problems, Natalie slid behind the wheel
of her truck and pursued the car. Half a block from the river apartments, she watched as Chelsey and Lucas climbed out, the boy carrying a twelve-pack of beer. To make matters worse, her ex-ranch hand then stepped from the apartment door in jeans and no shirt to take the beer from the boy.

Natalie came to a halt behind the shiny Corvette. “What do you think you're doing, Chelsey?” she called out before her sister disappeared inside. Come here for a second, I want to talk to you.”

Startled, the girl inched to the street curb and stared at Natalie with a sheepish expression. “Why are you in town? Where's Dillon?”

Natalie tried to hold her temper. “He's visiting Willard. I see you've returned to your boyfriend.”
The namesake of Chelsey's fake tattoo.

“His name's Lucas.”

“Well, tell Lucas he's too young to buy beer. And why is Tom here? Is he living with Libby too?”

Chelsey cocked her hip. “It's not what you think. Mom's having a few friends over after the rodeo tonight, and Tom and Lucas are helping.”

A beer party?
Natalie choked back the knowledge and dread that she'd committed a huge mistake by allowing her sister to stay with Libby for even one night, let alone more. She reached out and smoothed a hand along Chelsey's hair. Concern seeped from her fingertips. “Are you okay?”

Her sister swiped Natalie's hand away. “We're fine. Everything's fine.”

“Aren't you ready to come home?” Natalie asked, willing Chelsey to give in and admit her mistake.

“I'm happy here. Mom's helping me with barrel racing, and next summer she's going to take me on the rodeo circuit. As soon as she finds a job, we're going to move into a bigger place. One in the country or on the edge of town. She's going to teach me everything she knows.”

That's exactly what Natalie feared most. She'd begun to wonder if the woman had ever held a stable job, or if she'd merely drifted from one rodeo to the next, latching on to whomever would have her. “Don't kid yourself, Chelsey. Willard was right about Libby. She hasn't changed.”

The girl drilled Natalie with a cold stare. “For your information, Mom's going to hire a lawyer and file for custody—so Dillon and I can live with her, legally.”

Natalie's face pinched. What happened to the sweet little girl she used to read to and make mud pies with? Where had all this spite come from? “Is that what you want? You'd do that to your brother against his will?”

“Dillon loves Mom. Once she gets on her feet, we're going to be a family. Like we should have been from the beginning.”

“What about me?” Natalie clenched the steering wheel until her fingers turned white. “I'm your family too.”

“Look at it this way, Nat—you'll have more freedom to do what you want and won't have us kids to weigh you down. You can go back to college—live out your dreams.” Chelsey stepped from the curb and smiled, offering Natalie a glimpse of the girl she used to know. “I gotta go, but bring Dillon the next time you visit. Just not tonight ‘cause Lucas is taking me to the street dance after the rodeo.”

Natalie watched as her sister pulled a cell phone from her pocket and traipsed back to the apartment complex. Her stomach roiled with nausea, and she wanted to scream at the girl's defiance. Wil-lard's advice to give Chelsey freedom to come to her senses had been a horrible mistake. If anything, the girl had slipped even farther away than before. Not only was she dating Lucas, she now possessed a cell phone. What might happen to the kids if Libby managed to gain custody? How would Natalie survive? Somehow, she had to stop this maddening ride.

Desperate to see Jared, she turned her truck around and headed
for New Redeemer. Once inside the church, she knocked on his office door and it squeaked open. Jared sat hunched over the books on his desk. When he saw her, he straightened and removed his glasses.

“I hope I'm not disturbing you.” She noted the flicker of regret that crossed his face.

“Not at all, I've been meaning to call you.” He jumped up to clear a chair for her, transferring the books and papers to a nearby shelf. “There's something I want to talk to you about.”

Natalie recalled the last time they'd spoken, the words of love he'd offered, his gentle touch, his kiss. Relieved that he hadn't been ignoring her this past week, she sat down, her mood brightening. “I need to talk to you too. But you go first.”

He sat against the edge of his desk, his shoulders tense, obviously stressed about something. “I visited my folks in Concordia last weekend.”

“Is everything all right?”

Jared nodded, appearing even more troubled. “I wanted to talk to you about the other night—about the things I said.”

It was Natalie's turn to be uncomfortable. “Okay…I'm listening.”

“I went home because I needed my dad's advice.” Jared raked his fingers through his dark hair. “I'm afraid I was wrong to be so bold. I should have given it more thought.”

Natalie straightened in her chair, the air snatched from her lungs. “I see,” she managed to say, but she didn't see. Not at all. Jared's admission of love had been so genuine, so sincere. How could he doubt it now? How could he take his words back? She swallowed the lump in her throat as a cold fist closed over her heart. “Is that why you didn't return my calls?”

He cleared his throat, and the sound grated on her nerves. “I think we should give each other some space—some time,” he said. “To see if our feelings are real.”

“Your dad gives good advice. I told you the same thing, remember?” But that had been for her protection—to safeguard her heart
from becoming entangled. Natalie had never doubted Jared's honesty or his love, and for him to do so now caused her heart to shrivel like a dried up piece of fruit no one wanted.

She stood to leave, her eyes welling with tears.

Jared blocked her advance. “Don't go. Not like this. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

Natalie closed her eyes, having forgotten the worries that had brought her here. “It's nothing,” she said, and when her eyes fluttered open she saw a woman standing in the doorway.

The female smiled timidly. “Pastor, are you ready for our lunch date?”

Natalie's gaze shifted to Jared, his cheeks blotched with guilt.

“Sure, come on in, Clarice.” His fingers caught Natalie's arm. “May I call you later, so we can finish this?”

She shook her head and forced a smile, made her eyes shine bright and cheery as she'd learned to do through the years. “Don't worry, I'm fine. You two have a nice lunch.” And with that, she escaped out the door.

Minutes later behind the steering wheel of her truck, Natalie sped down a winding dirt road, trying to process her thoughts. It seemed her life was unraveling at a pace she couldn't control. When she approached Coover's Bridge, Natalie shut off the truck's engine and ventured to the middle of the historic site. She leaned against the chiseled limestone railing and peered at the murky water below. A stick floated out from under the baluster arches and progressed down the river.

“Why, God, why is this happening to me?” Since the night Chelsey left, Natalie and Dillon had been reading the Bible every night and praying together. Though it still felt awkward, somehow in this lonely place, prayer seemed the best form of release. She called to the tops of the green cottonwoods, their thick glossy leaves shimmering in the breeze. “You made me my sister's keeper, but how can I help Chelsey if she refuses my care? Why do you put loved ones
in my life, only to take them from me? You took Mom, then Dad, and now possibly Chelsey and Dillon…
and Jared.
Why?” Tears streamed down her cheeks as her throat swelled with emotion.
Just when I was falling in love with him.

She hurled a rock into the river and watched the rings echo on the surface. Her soul cried out for comfort and understanding, but the one person who might be able to explain things was the man who'd chosen to distance himself from her—a man who'd gone to lunch with another woman. And judging by her meek appearance and dress, the woman appeared far better suited to be a pastor's wife than Natalie. The sun splashed down on her through the leafy branches above, but inside a thundercloud stormed over her heart.

“O Lord, I'm not strong enough to solve these problems on my own, and I'm tired of trying. I'm sorry for turning away from you. Can you ever forgive me? I need you in my life. Please help me.”