Seduction and Snacks (34 page)

I let out a big sigh and turned my attention back to the movie.

"What is this one called again?" I asked.

Gavin was curled up into my side with his feet on Claire’s lap.

"Finding Nemo," Gavin mumbled.

We watched the movie in silence for a few minutes and I felt like a kid again as I enjoyed the happenings on the screen. It had been a long while since I watched a cartoon.

"Holy shit, did they just kill off that fish's wife?" I blurted in shock.

"Yep," Gavin replied. "That big, mean fish ated her."

He said it so calmly - like it was no big deal that a sweet, loving cartoon fish just got murdered. What the fuck was wrong with this movie? This couldn't be appropriate for kids. I didn't think it was appropriate for me.

"Are you sure this is a kid's movie?" I asked Claire.

She laughed and just shook her head at me.

An hour later Gavin was asleep with his head on my lap and Claire was leaning in the opposite direction from me, her elbow on the arm of the couch and her head in her hand.

If I had to listen to Nemo calling for "Daddy" one more time, I was going to blubber like a baby. I snatched up the remote and turned the movie off.

Claire lifted her head off of her hand and gave me a questioning look.

"We need to put another movie in. This is too depressing. They killed off the poor fish's wife in the first five minutes and then we have to spend the rest of the movie watching that same, poor sap search for his son who ran away. What kind of sick fucks made this into a kid's movie?" I whispered angrily, trying not to wake Gavin up.

"Welcome to the Disney/Pixar School of Hard Knocks," she said dryly.

I laughed at her comparison.

"Oh come on. There's no way they're all like this. I do not remember being horrified by a children's movie when I was little."

"That's because you were a child. You didn't understand what was happening at the time, just like Gavin doesn't really understand. I think they make these kids movies more for adults anyway," she explained.

I shook my head in disbelief.

"Sorry, but I remember all of the great Disney classics and there is no way you can find anything nightmare-inducing in any of them."

She raised her eyebrow at me in a challenge.

"Okay fine. Bambi," I said.

She just laughed.

"Oh please! That's the easiest one. Bambi’s dad headed for the hills as soon as the stick turned pink. His mom was a single deer, living in low-rent housing in the crack-whore part of the forest where there are gangs of bunnies. His mom gets killed in a drive-by shooting, leaving Bambi alone and forced to grow up much too soon."

Damn. I forgot about that. It had been a while since I watched Bambi.

"Okay, fine. How about the Little Mermaid? Beautiful sea creature falls in love with the handsome prince."

Shut up. I had little cousins. And Ariel was hot. Men could spend hours looking at a hot mermaid and wonder just how in the hell he could stick it in her.

But seriously, how do mermaids bang?

Claire nodded her head, "Oh yes. Sweet Ariel who has to give up everything, including her identity, for a man. God forbid Prince Eric grows some gills. Nope, Ariel has to give up her friends, her family, her home and her entire life for him. Eric just takes and takes and never gives."

I racked my brain trying to think of another classic kid's movie and continued to contemplate the process of fucking a mermaid. Maybe you could just bend a mermaid over a chair and your dick magically finds the hold in the one-legged fin thing.

"Fine, then how about Beauty and the Beast? The most beautiful girl in all the land falls for the beast's personality instead of his looks. You can't find anything wrong with that. Plus, it teaches a great lesson."

I gave her a smug grin.

Maybe there was a magic button that made a mermaid's legs separate long enough to bang her. Ooooooh, like a magic nipple! Push the nipple and watch her spread.

"Wrong," she replied. "A pretty girl with no money falls for a rich, abusive monster. But she loves him so much that she makes excuses for the abuse. ‘Oh that bruise? I tripped down a flight of stairs.’"

She angled her body to face me.

"I could go on all day with these, believe me," she said. "You also can't forget the awesomeness that is the penis drawn on the original Little Mermaid VHS box cover and the whisper of, "Kids, take off your clothes," in Aladdin."

I looked at her in horror.

And I'm not gonna lie, I glanced down to her boobs and wondered what it would be like if she had a magic nipple. That would be some Nobel Peace Prize shit right there.

"From now on, Gavin only watches wholesome movies like "Anchorman" and "The Seed of Chucky," I told her. “And you're dressing up as Ariel for Halloween this year."

Claire just rolled her eyes at me, reached over to scoop Gavin off of my lap and then disappeared down the hall. A few minutes later, she was back and I watched her walk across the room to me. She straddled my lap and my hands went right to her hips to hold her in place while she slid her hands around my neck and tangled them in my hair.

"He should be out for a little while. Wanna mess around?" she asked with a giggle.

"Can I touch your boobs?" I asked hopefully.

It wasn't like I'd tell her no if she wouldn't let me play with the twins, but it was always good to set the ground rules ahead of time so there weren't any awkward foul plays.

She laughed and kissed the corner of my mouth.

"Yes, there will most definitely be boob touching," she said against my lips. "I'm not wearing a bra."

Easier access to the magic nipple.

"Sweet!" I cheered.

I swallowed her laugh with a kiss, taking my time while I explored every inch of her mouth. I had been in a state of semi-hardness since she walked in the room. Listening to her soft moans while I kissed her was enough to send me right into boner territory. My hands rubbed her ass and pulled her down so she nestled right onto my hard length that strained through my jeans. She slid her hips back and forth over me and I ran my hands up under the back of her shirt so I could feel here bare skin. My finger tips skimmed her spine all the way up and then back down, slowly, until I felt goose bumps break out over her skin.

Our tongues swirled together while I wrapped both of my arms around her body, underneath her shirt, so I could pull her right up against my chest. Her hips continued to move against me, and I felt like a teenager again, dry-humping on my parent's couch in the basement.

Except this time, Abby Miller’s braces wouldn't get stuck in my hair when she tried unsuccessfully to lick my ear lobe. And by lick, I meant drooled a gallon of spit in there until it sounded like I was swimming under water.

I slid my hands around to Claire’s sides and up the front of her body. My palms moved in circles around her breasts, and I felt her nipples harden beneath my hands. She pushed herself down harder on my dick and it made us both let out a gasp. Fuck, I wanted to be inside of her but it wasn't something we could do out here on the couch with a four-year-old down the hall.

Her hands retracted from the hair on the back of my head and she pushed them up under her shirt until they rested on top of my own. She squeezed my hands and helped me put more pressure on the soft flesh that I would give my left nut to put my mouth on right now.

Okay, maybe not my left nut.

Or the right one for that matter.

Shit, forget the nuts. I just really, really wanted to lick her boobs.

The kiss deepened as we worked together, cupping and stroking her breasts. Her thighs squeezed my hips tightly and she whimpered into my mouth as she ground herself harder against me. Making Claire have an orgasm every single day was my new mission in life. The sounds she made and the way she moved against me were heaven, but I needed to touch her. I needed to feel how much she wanted this.

Just as I had that thought, she pushed my hand off of one breast and down the front of her body until both of our hands slid under the waistband of her yoga pants.

"Fuck, you're not wearing any underwear either," I muttered as she pushed my hand through her soft curls and my fingers easily slid through her wetness. She couldn't do much more than moan softly as I coated my fingers with her. Claire’s hand stayed on top of mine and showed me when to increase the pressure or slow down the speed. It was the hottest fucking thing ever to have my fingers sliding through her heat while her small, soft hand guided my way.

With her other arm wrapped tightly around my neck, she flung her head back so her neck was exposed. I easily slid two fingers inside of her and kissed my way down her neck while my thumb moved in quick circles around her most sensitive spot. Her hips bucked against my hand while I started moving my two fingers quickly in and out of her. I held my thumb in place so that the motions of her hips made her slide back and forth over the pad of my thumb and she could set the pace for her release.

I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her down for a searing kiss. As soon as our lips and tongues collided she exploded. Her moans and whimpers were muffled by my mouth which was a pretty good thing. I had a feeling she would be screaming if our mouths weren't fused together.

She rode my fingers while I kept them inside of her tight heat until every last drop of her orgasm surged through her. She pulled away from my mouth and collapsed against my chest with her face nestled in the crook of my neck.

My fingers stayed deep inside her while she caught her breath, and I felt every single pulse of her. Claire lifted her head and spoke with a dreamy look on her face.

"Give me two seconds to recover and I will suck you like..."

"Ga ga ah-ah-ahhhh, rama llama llama, want your bad bromance."

The sound of Gavin singing at the end of the hall froze us in place. He was headed this way and we both turned to stone.

Claire stared at me with wide eyes and I couldn't move my fingers from her vagina.

Why the fuck couldn't I move my fingers from her vagina?!

I wanted them there twenty-four hours a day under normal circumstances, but I started to see the error of my ways. There are some situations that do not condone having your fingers in a vagina. Like when you're getting an oil change, having your teeth cleaned, or when your four-year-old is in the room.

"Whatcha doin'?"

The only saving grace was the fact that the couch faced away from the hallway. Right now all he could see was the back of my head and Claire's mortified face.

"Um, Daddy needed a hug," Claire replied.

"Ooooh I wanna give Daddy a hug!"

"NO!" we both screamed.

Claire looked down at her lap and then back up to my face with a look of panic.

I just shrugged. I refused to move my fingers now. What if Gavin wanted to shake my hand? I know that's not a very four-year-old thing to do but Jesus H. Christ! He would need therapy for years after that.

I tipped my head back as far as it would go, so I could see an upside-down Gavin standing there absently kicking his toe into the carpet.

"Hey, buddy, can you do me a favor? In my room on my dresser is a whole bunch of money. Can you carry it into your room and put it into your new piggy bank?" I suggested.

His eyes got big and he started bouncing on his feet.

"Yes! I LOVE money!"

With that, he turned and ran down the hall. We could hear the jingle of change as he scooped it off my dresser and took it to his room.

We finally relaxed when we realized it would keep him busy long enough for us to get our act together, or at least for me to get my fingers out of Claire’s vagina.

She slid off my lap and collapsed next to me on the couch while we listened to the clunk of coins being dropped into the ceramic pig and another verse of "Bad Bromance".

"I really need to teach him some better music. Like Zeppelin or The Beatles," I said as I shifted the problem in my pants to a more comfortable position.

"Actually, I was thinking about recording our own Kidz Bop album. Except I'd called it Kidz Bop - The Forbidden Songs," she said with a smile.

"That's a stellar idea. That kid has been loafing off of you long enough. It's time he gets a job."

She nodded with a serious face.

"This is true. He's already got "S&M" down pat. Maybe we could throw in a little "Golddigger" from Kanye."

"I think he might sell more if he did some rap," I said. "'Bitches Ain't Shit' or 'Ninety-Nine Problems.' We just need to teach him a little more attitude."

While we laughed, Gavin ran back to the living room.

"You got eleventy-seven nickels, Daddy-O. Go buy me some beef turkey for lunch, dicky."

I guess we could skip the attitude lessons.

***

As the next couple of days went by, all I could do was thank God for Carter. He helped me with everything he could and took Gavin off my hands every single night when he got home from work. Well, almost every night. He took a night off when Liz offered to keep Gavin overnight so we could finally have some alone time without the fear of another dick kick. I swore Liz to secrecy with that story but I'm pretty sure Carter knew the jig was up when she started asking him random questions like "Hey Carter, have you seen that new movie "Donkey Punch" yet?" or "Claire and I were thinking about taking a kick-boxing class, what do you think Carter?"