Seduced in the Dark (46 page)

Rafiq turned his face away. “You don’t know
about the things you’re saying,” he grated.

“Explain it to me, then. You’re about to
die. Unburden your soul,” Caleb said numbly.

Rafiq took a deep breath and released it
slowly. “And my wife and children? What’s to become of them?”

Caleb felt nothing. “Will your sons come
after me?”

“They’re too young for that, Caleb.”

“I was about their age the first time I
killed. Even younger when….” He couldn’t continue.

“They’re not like us. Swear to me you’ll
leave them alone and I’ll tell you what you want to know.” Rafiq
turned his head and looked at Caleb.

He nodded. “I swear it.”

Rafiq also nodded. Tears swam in his eyes.
“Thank you, Caleb.” Rafiq turned his gaze toward the ceiling. “I
know you won’t believe me, but I have always regretted what
happened to you. I was in pain and I…. I tried to make it up to
you.”

Caleb felt a rush of hot tears, but managed
to scoff. “As if anything could make up for what was done to me!
You
know
! You know what they put me through, the pretty
American boy who everyone called Dog.” Caleb picked up the knife
and stabbed it into Rafiq’s thigh and twisted the blade.

“Caleb!” Rafiq shouted. “Please!”

“Yes! Please! That’s how I begged, too. I
said it so much, Narweh used to taunt me with the word.”

“I gave you vengeance!”

“Vengeance will never undo what was done!
Your betrayal is worse than anything Narweh
ever
did. He
never betrayed me. He raped my body, but you…. You, I loved.”

Rafiq was delirious with pain and blood
loss. “
Khoya
,” he croaked, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s too late, Rafiq. Much, much, too
late.”

Rafiq shook his head, “Vladek is a monster.
He ruined my beloved A’noud. He turned her against me. My father
had died and my sister was carrying Vladek’s bastard! I was sick
with grief. We fought and my mother got in the middle. I never
meant to hurt them. They were my life! Vladek took them from
me!”

“You killed them! You are responsible!”
Caleb pulled the knife from Rafiq’s thigh and listened to him weep.
Caleb had never seen Rafiq cry and it did things to him he did not
expect. He wanted to feel nothing but hatred, but he couldn’t.

Caleb had done things too. He had killed and
tortured. He had sold women into the very life he condemned Rafiq
for thrusting him into. Caleb was no better than Rafiq. He deserved
no better. Caleb had told Livvie he was sorry for what he’d done.
He had meant it, but his apology could no more erase his actions,
than Rafiq could erase the past.

If Livvie could show forgiveness, Caleb
could try.

Caleb got up on his knees and put his hands
on Rafiq’s face and turned his head toward him. Rafiq met his gaze
and Caleb saw sorrow and perhaps, remorse. Caleb leaned down and
kissed Rafiq on both cheeks before he looked at him steadily in the
eyes. “I forgive you,” he whispered.

Rafiq smiled weakly and shut his eyes.

Caleb slowly reached back for his gun and
shot Rafiq in the heart.

Afterward, he washed Rafiq’s body. He
removed errant blood and dressed his wounds with strips of cotton
sheets. He wept as he wrapped the body tightly.

With great difficulty, he carried him out
toward one of Felipe’s gardens and buried the only family he had
ever known.

Chapter
Twenty-Four

Day 11: 5am

“
Are you hurt?” Caleb whispers. His blond
brows are creased in concern. I’ve never seen him look like this.
He’s so happy, at ease.

I reach up and caress his beautiful face.
“I’m okay.”

He swipes at my eyes, “Then why are you
crying?”

“
I don’t know,” I say and continue to run
my hand across his face. “I think I’m just happy.”

He smiles, “Strange response to happiness,
but okay.” He leans down and I feel him lick one of my tears.

I squirm, “What are you doing?” I laugh.

“
I was curious,” he whispers very
seriously.

“
About what?”

“
If happy tears taste the same as the sad
ones,” he says.

His words make me cry even harder. I can’t
control them. I’m just so overwhelmed with everything. “And?” I
manage.

“
I think they’re sweeter,” he says and
kisses me, “but it could just be your face.” We dissolve into peals
of laughter.

I hear voices.

I bolt up in bed. For a few seconds I have
no idea where I am. The room is small. There are grates on the
windows. The bed isn’t Caleb’s.

“I can’t come back in three hours. I need to
speak with her now,” a man says. The voice is familiar, but I don’t
know why. I’m having trouble placing it.

It’s Reed. Caleb’s not here, remember?

I feel tears rolling down my cheeks and
clogging my throat. I’m awake now. I remember where I am. I’m in
the hospital. Caleb is gone. I’m alone in the dark again.

Only a few seconds ago, I held Caleb in my
arms. I touched him. I smelled him. I tasted his flesh in my mouth.
And now, he was gone. I’d forgotten.

The pain of remembering knocks the wind out
of me and I take a deep breath. When I exhale, the sound coming out
of me is pure grief. He was just here. He was just in my arms and I
lost him.

“Help me! Please!” I beg. I’m not sure whom
I’m begging. Maybe it’s God. Maybe it’s the devil. I just want the
pain to go away.

The door to my room bursts open.

“Olivia?!?” Reed yells.

I don’t acknowledge him. I’m on my knees
with my head pressed into the bed and I’m sobbing. I shut my eyes
tightly, willing myself to go back to sleep. I want to go back to
my dream, back to Caleb. I can’t fucking breathe! I can’t breathe
without him. I don’t want to.

“What’s wrong?” Reed says urgently, “Are you
hurt? Talk to me!”

Go away, go away, go away.

“This is a hospital, Agent Reed! Please, put
away the gun!” a woman says.

“
I love you, Caleb. I love you! If you
care for me at all…please, don’t do this! Please, don’t leave me. I
don’t know how to live without you. Don’t make me go back to trying
to be someone I don’t know how to be anymore.”

“
Livvie….”

“
No!”

I scream in my sorrow. I can’t help it. I
would if I could. I know they’re watching me. I can feel their hot
stares against my back. They don’t get it. No one does. I’m all
alone and it’s Caleb’s fault.

“Please,” I beg. “Please make it stop.”

“Miss Ruiz?” Reed says cautiously,
“Livvie?”

“Step back, Agent Reed. She’s having some
sort of break right now and she could hurt you if you get too
close. Wait for the orderlies,” says the woman.

“She’s not going to hurt anyone. I’ll take
my chances,” Reed says.

“Sir –”

“She’s a witness in a federal investigation
and I need to talk to her right the fuck now. I don’t want her
doped up. Get out!” Reed yells and his presence is beginning to
penetrate the fog of my grief.

I keep telling myself to breathe. I keep
reminding myself I’ve been here for days. Caleb has been gone for
days. He wasn’t here. I never touched him. I never held him.

“
Live for me, Kitten. Be all those things
you’d never be with me. Go to school. Meet a normal boy and fall in
love. Forget me.”

“I can’t!” I yell into the void.

Breathe!

Breathe!

Breathe.

Breathe.

I hear the door open and shut. I wonder if
I’m alone, but I can’t will myself to look up. A tentative hand
touches my back and I sob.

“Livvie?” says Reed.

“Go away,” I sob.

“I…can’t leave you like this,” he says. He
sounds uncomfortable.

“I’m fine. Please, go.”

“You’re not fine. You’re a wreck,” he says
angrily.

“Why are you here?” I whisper. Talking to
Reed is pulling me further away from my dream, my grief. I’m not
sure I’m ready. I’m too raw and I can’t face him.

“There’s been movement on my case. It’s all
happening fast.”

“What does that mean, Reed?” I say,
exhausted.

He sighs heavily, as if he’s struggling
under a tremendous weight. It makes me curious, despite myself. “I
came…to hear the rest of your story.”

My heart starts to race. Movement on the
case, he’d said. I know Reed is lying, but about what?

Caleb!

I sit up fast, dizzy for a moment and Reed
steadies me. I grab his suit jacket and pull him close. I’m
frantic. Reed’s hands grab my shoulders and he pushes me. Hard. As
I’m falling backward he reaches for my forearm and quickly jerks me
onto the bed. I rail against him, slapping and kicking, but before
I know it, he’s pinned my arms to my chest and sat on my legs.

“Get off me!”

“Calm down!”

I look at Reed for the first time since he’s
come in. He’s panting hard and his dark hair is a disheveled mess
that mirrors the state of his shirt and jacket.

“Did you find his body?” I whisper. I don’t
know what I’ll do if he says yes.

“What? No. No!” Reed says. His expression
has gone from anger to pity.

The news is a relief, but I can’t stop
crying. Reed slowly lets me go and I roll onto my side with my back
to him. Reed rubs my back, but then seems to realize what he is
doing and he walks away. I hear him sit in the chair.

“What’s wrong?” he asks after a few
minutes.

My sobbing has died away and I answer, “Bad
dream. Well, not really. The only bad part was waking up and
realizing….” I couldn’t continue.

Reed is quiet for a while. I’m quiet too.
It’s the middle of the night and his presence is a dark omen.
Something has happened and as much as I want to know – I don’t want
to know.

Finally, Reed clears his throat, “If it be
thus to dream, still let me sleep,” he whispers. I’m not surprised
he knows Shakespeare. Reed is a very smart man.

I smile in spite of the sorrow I feel,
“
Twelfth Night
, Sebastian says those words to Olivia.”

“I know. I attended the eleventh grade,” he
says. His smile is wry.

“Wasn’t that like a million years ago? I’m
surprised you remember it,” I whisper. My face feels crusty with
dried tears and I’m sure my face is a mess, but I’m finally
starting to feel a little better. My thoughts and memories of the
last several days are organizing themselves in my head and clarity
is returning. I’ve heard it said, time heals all wounds, but if a
dream can pull you so deeply into your past you can’t remember the
present, I’m not sure my wounds will ever heal. Caleb lives in my
dreams.

“I remember it just barely, Miss Ruiz,” says
Reed.

I roll onto my back and stare at the
ceiling. My flickering bulb has long been replaced, but I can still
hear the hum and follow along:
on-off-on-off-buzz-on
. “Why
are you here, Reed?” I whisper. I stay focused on the ceiling,
focused on my breathing, and try to prepare for what I’m about to
hear.

“I told you, to hear the rest of your
story,” he says rather seriously.

“It’s not the only reason though, is
it?”

“No. It isn’t.” He clears his throat again,
“Does the name, James Cole, mean anything to you?”

I’m confused. “No. Why?”

“It came up and I needed to know; that’s
all,” Reed says. “Never mind. I guess it’s not important.”

“You wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important,
Reed.” He’s piqued my interest and I struggle into a sitting
position so I can see his face and gage him better. He looks like
he hasn’t slept in days.

Reed leans forward with his arms rested on
his knees. “I came to tell you the charges against you are being
dropped.” He says it in a rush, flat but full of something else.
“Once you’re cleared by your doctor, I’ve been instructed to
debrief you. Sign some paperwork and you should be able to leave
today.”

“What!?!” I exclaim, my mind reeling. The
news is a shock to my system. I’m not ready to go. I’m not ready to
start over. I’m not ready to accept Caleb is gone and I have to
face the world alone.

“We know where the auction is being held and
we know some of the persons attending,” he says. “I wish I could
tell you more, but I’ve been instructed to keep it in house. All I
can say, is that it’s over, Livvie. You’re free. And you’re safe.
You get to have your life back, and so do the other victims.”

My heartbeat feels erratic. I can’t let Reed
leave without knowing everything. I need him to understand. My
information, my testimony, was my only bargaining chip. Without his
need for it, I’m at a loss. “H-how do you know where the auction
is?” I ask frantically.

Reed looks at me, “Why do you say it like
that?” he demanded, eyes narrowing, “What is it you’re not telling
me?”

“Please, Reed. You have to tell me what you
know. I’ve been spilling my guts to you for over a damn week.
Please don’t keep me in the dark. I deserve to know!” I’m begging
him, but I don’t feel ashamed.

“This case is more complicated than anyone
could have expected, Miss Ruiz. It’s out of my hands at this point.
The Federal Investigation Agency in Pakistan has agreed to lead a
joint task force.” Reeds face becomes sour, “Oh, but I’ve been
assured my involvement will be mentioned in the report!” Reed
stands up and starts to pace. His anger and frustration is plain,
but I don’t understand where it’s coming from.

“What does that mean, Reed? What happens
once they arrest everyone?” I want to get off the bed and follow
Reed as he paces the small room, but I know it will only annoy him
and he might not tell me anything.