Seduced (13 page)

“It didn’t feel daring,” she whispered. “It felt…
desperate
.”

Jack’s frown deepened at her words and she broke her gaze from his so as not to see his pity or his judgment.

“What did you find when you followed?” he pressed. “
Did
he have another woman?”

She could hardly breathe now as her mind took her back to that night so long ago. She could still feel the way her heart pounded as her horse weaved behind his. She had been too humiliated to ask for the carriage and had worn a hood to protect her identity. She had been blinking back tears the entire time, her hands shaking, her body coiled with tension as she watched him finally turn away from the road and into a drive.

“He went to the home of his best friend, the solicitor you saw me with a few days ago. Aaron Condit. I was relieved,” she said, her voice shaking no matter what she did to try to stop it. “It was not another woman—there was something else keeping him from me. But then my mind began spinning tales again.”

“Such as?”

“That Noah was using Aaron’s home as a location to meet his mistress. So I…I…”

She couldn’t continue. She covered her mouth to hold back the gasping sob that nearly escaped her lips.

“You crept up to the house,” Jack offered, moving toward her slowly.

Her eyes went wide, she couldn’t help it. “How did you know?”

“You are tenacious, my dear,” he said, making it sound like a compliment rather than a failing. “And it is what I would have done.”

“I did creep to the window that overlooked the street,” she admitted. “I looked inside to see Aaron and Noah entering the room together, talking like I would expect. But as soon as Aaron closed the door behind them…I saw…Noah kissed him.”

“Kissed
him
?” Jack repeated.

She nodded, waiting for her entire body to combust from humiliation. “He and Aaron passionately kissed, staggering toward the window. They barely managed to get the curtains closed—they were already starting to tear at each other’s clothing the way my husband refused to do with me.”

“Your viscount preferred the company of men,” Jack said softly, his face bright with surprise.

She was glad he had said it so she would not have to. It was incredibly painful to admit out loud. “I had never heard of such a thing.”

“No, it is kept quiet,” Jack mused. “And I would assume ladies, especially, never hear a word about it.”

She shook her head. “But innocent as I was, I wasn’t stupid. It was patently obvious by their behavior that they were lovers and had likely been lovers for a long time. I was shocked. I hardly remember the ride back home or what I did as I waited for Noah to come back. I just sat in his chamber, staring at his door.”

“What did you intend to do?” Jack asked.

“Confront him,” she said, shaking her head. “I argued with myself for hours, of course, but ultimately I knew I
had
to confront him.”

“That must have come as a shock to him,” Jack murmured with a faint smile.

“He came into his chamber after two in the morning,” she whispered. “When he saw me waiting for him, I saw the tension come into his face, the upset, the anxiety, the pain. He was suffering as I was suffering and now I knew why, even if I didn’t fully understand it. But I confronted him regardless. I told him what I’d done and seen.”

He drew in a breath. “And you said you weren’t brave? I could count on one hand how many wives would dare do that. Was he angry?”

“No, it wasn’t in his nature to rage at me,” she said. “At first he tried to deny it, explain it away, but soon it became clear that I wouldn’t believe less than the truth. At last, he broke down, wept, and told me I deserved the truth, even if it was too late. He told me that he and Aaron had been in love for a decade. That he had married me because it was expected, required. It broke my heart, of course.”

“Because you loved him,” Jack said softly.

“I did love him, I suppose, or thought I
could
love him,” she said after she pondered his statement a while. “But the more he talked, the more he explained how he had tried to find a way to consummate our marriage and failed, how he felt terrible for deceiving me, that he’d hoped he could change but couldn’t…as he spoke, I realized what I mourned was the future I would now never have.”

“What future was that?”

“A normal marriage,” she said, swallowing back the emotion that mobbed her once more. “Motherhood. That physical connection I didn’t understand…don’t understand still, I suppose, but somehow longed for out of pure instinct.”

“So he told you he would no longer try to consummate?” Jack asked, drawing back.

“No!” she cried. “Not at all. He vowed he would try, and he did. For over a year, we tried everything, but it always failed. He would apologize. Often he would hold me. That was the only intimacy I knew. It was heartbreaking, and eventually we just gave up.” She sighed. “And so you know the truth now.”

“Hardly,” Jack said. “I watched that man, Aaron Condit, your husband’s lover, enter your home, welcomed by you. Leave your home, kiss you on the cheek like intimate friends. How in the world did
that
come to pass?”

“At first I despised Aaron,” she admitted. “He felt the same about me, I’m sure. After all, we both only had a part of Noah and we each blamed the other for what we were missing. But over time, our relationship shifted. Because of Aaron’s duty as Noah’s solicitor, I was forced to spend time with him, get to know him. I grew to understand how desperate their situation was. If they were found out, they would have been ostracized, even killed. After a while, we grew to tolerate each other.”

“What I saw the other day was far more than tolerance.”

She wiped at her tears. “Noah got sick. We both rushed to his side, doing everything we could to save him. And we failed.
Together
, we failed. The moment Noah drew his last breath, Aaron and I held each other, sobbing together for the love we’d lost. It shifted our appreciation of each other, and since then we have turned to each other for support. We are the only two who really grasp the situation, after all.”

“You are more understanding than I would expect,” Jack said with a shake of his dark head. “My God, if you’d wanted to, you could have had the marriage annulled.”

“And destroy them both and myself along with them? I think if Noah could have changed his heart, desired
me
instead of his friend, he would have done so. God knows he
tried
to change. So if this inclination was how he was born, how could I hate him for it? How could I hurt him for it?”

“And that brings you to me,” Jack said. “But you’ve been widowed a while, so why not take a lover before this? Hell, why not take a lover during the years you were married to Seagate? He couldn’t have judged you for it.”

“Knowing Noah, he wouldn’t have.” She tilted her head. “But the moment you entered my body tonight, you knew there was something wrong. And the second you saw that blood—
virgin’s
blood, you called it—you realized exactly what that
something
was. If I had turned to some other man, some man in our circle, or if I pursued a man of title now either to bed or to wed, he would have seen the same thing. Noah’s lack of consummation could have easily become a topic of gossip, scandal. And his secret, and Aaron’s secret along with it, could have been revealed for all to judge and mock and revile.”

He drew back, the color draining from his face. “You needed someone who didn’t matter. A man like me who was a nothing in the eyes of your class. Exact a promise or find someone no one would believe, let him take that virginity and your future changes.”

She nodded slowly. “Yes. Now that the deed is done, I could marry, Jack. I could have a future. You did that by touching me, by claiming me in the way my husband never could. So I thank you.”

Jack stared at Letitia for a long moment, letting her shocking confession burn into his body. Letting her reasons for choosing him tear him from the inside out. Here he thought she had come to him because their attraction was mutual. That she couldn’t resist despite his past.

Instead it was
because
he was a gutter rat that she chose him. She could use him as a tool because he didn’t matter. That truth hurt more than he would ever let her see.

“Well, then you’ve gotten what you want,” Jack said through clenched teeth. “So off you go, my lady.”

Her face twisted in pain. “I—you—you don’t want me anymore?” she whispered. “Because of what I told you?”

“My understanding is that you needed your virginity removed. Have I not provided that service?” he asked, glad he had practiced keeping his emotions in check for so many years. Now he could be cold.

“You have,” she said softly. “And if that is all you are willing to do, then I thank you for it. But the fact is that when you touched me, I felt things I’ve never felt before. Before you entered me and there was…was the pain, I felt pleasure, such pleasure.” She lifted her gaze to him, so clear and sweet. “I want more. I want you, Jack.”

Those four words hit him in the gut like a punch, and he clenched his fists at his sides as he drew in a few cleansing breaths. The idea that she still wanted him left his unsatisfied body aching all over again.

“What do you want, Letitia?” he asked.

She blushed. “Must I say it?”

He nodded. “I’m afraid you must, my dear. I can’t afford misunderstandings.”

“I asked you to be my lover,” she said, shoving her shaking hands behind her back. “I still want that. I want you to teach me pleasure and show me what I missed during the years I was married to Noah.”

She still wanted to use him. He could never forget that.

“You want my help,” he said. “What would I get?”

She jolted at the question and he saw panic cross her face. She hadn’t thought he would ask that. Now he waited to see her answer. She struggled for a moment, then said, “Well, you see, I have been studying this book. A book that talks about how to please a man.”

His eyes went wide. “A book?” he repeated. “What book?”

“It’s called
The Ladies Book of Pleasures
,” she admitted.

Jack took a step back in surprise. He’d heard of that book, though he’d never seen it. A naughty little guide to all things physical pleasure that was the secret vice of many a wicked lady. And innocent Letitia had a copy?

Very interesting.

“You are learning from this book?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s hard to understand the concepts without practicing on a subject. Half the time, I don’t even know what the author is talking about. So if you take me, Jack, I’d like to try to please you. Would that be repayment enough?”

Jack squeezed his eyes shut, his heart throbbing, his cock twitching. “Shit,” he muttered.

He was caught in her web now. Needing her more than he needed air, wanting her more than he wanted food. She was offering herself, and even if he had a thousand reasons to reject her, he wasn’t going to do that.

So he moved on her, catching her arms and claiming her mouth once more.

Letty bit back a gasp of surprise as Jack plundered her mouth once more. Noah’s kisses had always been the same: gentle, chaste, brief. But Jack never kissed the same way twice. Sometimes he teased, sometimes he tormented. Right now he claimed with a hungry quality that made her knees weak.

His strong arms wrapped around her, folding her into heat and dark promises of pleasures to come. She surrendered to it all, opening to him, molding against his body and reveling at the coiled strength of his muscles. He could break her if he wanted to and yet she didn’t fear that. With him she felt…safe.

He withdrew after what seemed like an eternity and stared down at her intently. “You deserve better than what I gave you a short time ago,” he said.

She shivered as she recalled the blossoming pleasure of his touch. “I liked it.”

His eyes lit up and his pupils dilated. “Oh, sweet, you didn’t even get to the best part. But now that I know what a fragile and valuable thing you have given to me, I’m going to make sure you never forget this night. Will you come upstairs with me?”