Secrets of a D-List Supervillain (11 page)

Another salvo was impossible because the two animated constructs began wrestling. I concluded that I was better off trying my luck with the zombie rats in the muck than getting crushed up here.

“Leave now, Stringel, and I won’t kill you! This is between me and Hooch.”

I tried to come up with something witty, but I was having enough problems dodging massive root balls that could cripple me.

Not having enough juice to hit the rock Patrice was hiding behind with a full broadside, I settled for sending a level four pulse her way, which I suspected would get her attention.

Hooch screamed in pain. Whatever she was doing hurt him directly, even in his gaseous state. His tree stumbled and splashed into the bog. I got the feeling things were beginning to shift in her favor.

“Shoot again, Stringel, and I will kill him!” the woman warned.

Swamp Lord had been a decent enough friend, and besides, I needed some time to recharge my blasters.

“That’s better,” she said, emerging from her hiding spot after a few seconds of nonviolence, and grasping the necklace with her hand. “Now drop your gauntlets.”

“Into this muck, not happening,” I replied. “Do you have any idea how much these things cost. Let me walk over to that dry spot, over there, and I’ll do it.”

The remaining zombie critters followed my steps closely.

“I really must thank you, Mr. Stringel. This object is amazing. It’s at least a twelve fold augment. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”

“Except for the fact that it belongs to me,” I said, reaching the small spot of raised land. “I guess that means you have no intention of honoring our deal?”

Her zombies, including the boyfriend, formed a protective wall in front of her. “Well, I suppose I could reanimate you and let your corpse hold it now and then. Would that be acceptable?”

“Well, I’m sorry it has to be this way, then,” I said. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“What?” she demanded.

The drone floating high above shot an arrow-like missile down at her and she dove to the side.

“You missed!” she declared, pointing at the floating weapon.

“I didn’t have to hit and I’m no longer standing in the water,” I said and trigger the heavy electrical charge from the drone.

The feedback blew the drone up and I added several more thousand dollars to this lesson in dealing with the occult. The zombies around her collapsed, save for one, and the giant animated tree joined Hooch’s animated tree beastie. I was just happy I was still around to hear it and get the joke.

Sloshing through the muck, and looking at the floating carcasses surrounding her, I made my way to where a haggard looking Swamp Lord was pulling himself together.

“Is she dead?” he asked.

“I’ll tell you in a minute,” I replied, and kept my blaster trained on the sole remaining zombie. He made no move to attack. Slipping one of the gauntlets into the holster on my hip, I felt for a pulse and found none. I slipped the necklace off her neck. It felt warm, and even my pathetic level of magic reacted to its presence.

“She’s either really good at faking it, or she’s a goner.” Standing up, I step away from her and her reanimated boyfriend. “I guess she’s all yours.”

The zombie moved forward and cradled the deceased voodoo priestess. He lifted her limp form and began a slow march into the depths of the marsh. It was a surreal scene, to say the least.

“I’m beginning to hate magic,” Hooch growled, and joined me.

Regarding the necklace, I saw Rex’s claw suspended inside a crystal, surrounded by crocodile blood, and who knows what else. The necklace was croc skin and decorated with teeth. It had a very savage style to it. “I can’t blame you. Do you think this thing possessed her, or was she power mad to begin with?”

“She was always a little too eager, if you get my meaning,” Hooch said. “Maybe you ought to be careful with that thing?”

“Sadly, I don’t think it will make me powerful enough to ever reach that level.”

• • •

“So, it works that well?” Stacy asks.

“Yeah,” I say. “Instead of levitating a water bottle, I can pick up about fifty pounds and chuck it. I even managed a mage bolt with it... almost fainted afterward.”

“And it didn’t corrupt you?”

“Stacy,” I say, and allow a big yawn to escape. Not that I’m complaining or anything, but I didn’t sleep very much last night. “I’m about as corrupted as I usually am. Besides, I haven’t broken it out in a few weeks. I’m doing a bunch of meditation and exercises to build up the amount of magic I can do on my own.”

“I’m already sufficiently impressed. Do you think you’ll ever need it?”

“You never know. Nobody who knows me would ever expect me to bust out some magic. It might save my hide somewhere down the line.”

When I yawn for a second time, she smiles and asks, “Stamina problems?”

“Not everyone has your Olympic endurance, sweetheart. When Gabosaurus Rex goes down for her next nap, I might join her.”

“In that case, I’m going to get going. I’d better check in and make sure my team knows I’m okay. I’m due for a week off after the members of the team who were hurt in the battle for San Francisco are back on the active roster, but I can definitely slip away this weekend and come back down here for the night. Is that all right with you?”

I feign a lack of interest and say, “So, I’m a booty call, now?”

“Does that bother you, Cal?” she asks, approaching me. We kiss for a few seconds while I compose a suitable answer.

“Not in the least. I’ll be the star sixty-nine to your booty call. What?”

“That line? Seriously?”

“Oh, come on! That was a great line, and it’s funny on multiple levels.”

She doesn’t seem convinced. “Anytime you have to start explaining how a joke is funny, it’s already over. Give it up.”

With no other options, I kiss her before she can come up with more reasons why that perfectly good line didn’t resonate with her.

After a minute or so, things are getting rather heated. Pulling away, I stare into eyes so enticing that they almost have a hypnotic quality. “I thought you were leaving?”

Stacy winks. “You said you would take a nap when your daughter goes down for one. You seem a little more awake now. I’m guessing that’s another thirty minutes to a full hour. The question is what can we do with that time? Got any ideas?”

“Now that you mention it, I do.”

.

I will never say that I spent more time than usual in central command monitoring the movements of a certain Olympian. Bobby, however, has no problem telling me his thoughts on the matter.

“She’s got you good, Strings,” he says.

“Oh, will you please shut up!”

That only manages to generate a round of knee slapping laughter from the big man. “See? That’s what I mean. Normally, I’d expect you to ask if I was jealous in reply, or find some other way to try and use it to get under my skin. Instead, you get all onery and indignant! Like I said, she’s got you good!”

There is nothing that I can really say in response to that. Even giving him the finger is the same kind of inadequate.

“I’m just worried that when she gets back to her friends she’ll realize what a colossal mistake she’s making and then rat us out to Athena and her ilk.”

“Nah,” he says, dismissing my concerns. “I saw the way she smiles around you. When she’s up on the monitor looking pretty and all that, she’ll smile and wave to the crowd. But when she’s down here and hanging around you, well, that smile gets a whole lot bigger. I reckon if there’s one piece of advice a surly bastard like myself can offer you, it’s to not screw that up.”

Bobby Walton, love guru and all-around thug. Also, now show-casing his skills as a spy.

“Thanks, I guess. Just try not to worry about my love life too much, and keep your eyes open. The Apostle is a tricky son of a bitch, and he’s tied to almost everyone who is anyone. Watch your ass, Bobby.”

“I’d look kind of foolish staring at my butt all day. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

I start to say something, but the intruder alarm goes off and I see a hoversled landing.

Bobby draws himself up and takes a long breath. “Well, looks like your lady friend is here. I’ll send her down when she’s done with a real man!”

“Stay classy, Bobby.”

• • •

The Love Goddess enters, wearing jeans and a leather jacket. She has a bag over her shoulder and is carrying her flight helmet in her left hand.
Damn she’s hot!

“Bobby was trying to flirt with me up there... I think. Do you know why he would do that?”

“Because he’s scrotum lint,” I answer, and give her a kiss. “Actually, I think it was his idea of a joke. Part of why no one likes his jokes except for him. How’s the superhero business?”

“It’s a booming industry,” she says, not missing a beat. “Did you see the fight?”

“Only the highlights and the press conference afterward. You know what would have ended the fight sooner?”

“Me wearing my armor? Don’t start. I would have, but I had the upper torso open and was installing the fake power cell with the crystal shard you gave me when the call came in. I didn’t want delay our response, or put it back together too quickly and have something fail on me because I was sloppy.”

Her conservative approach made sense, and unlike me, she has her own powers to fall back on, and a large team. I just wanted to see her in her armor—call me selfish, but she can make a set of armor look sexy. Frankly, I can’t pull that off.

“Well, at least it’s installed now, and your suit can pull power from my grid.”

I also have an alarm on that feed to let me know when the flow starts. I have to keep an eye on my girlfriend, don’t I?

“I’d bring the suit down here, but I don’t think I can get away with it.”

“Well, I can always meet you in the field with Megasuit and slip through the poop chute.”

“The poop chute?”

“It’s the largest crystal shard. I use it to get into the suit when I want to and if I need to do any repairs. Right now, I’m working on a casing to hot swap one of your front arc shield generators.”

With Stacy’s armor, I have to make things cosmetically appear to be normal armor components, hence the fake powercell, as I’d done with the suit destroyed in California. It’s a shit I don’t have to give, with Megasuit.

I follow her into my bedroom where she drops her bag. “Your place looks cleaner.”

“Well, I figured I could make an effort to make my bedroom a place where two people could actually spend time together, and moved most of my clutter downstairs. I’m told it’s the little things.”

“Who told you that?”

“Andy,” I answer. “He’s already working on the relationships between Flora and her husband. He’s going for authenticity. Just yesterday he was grilling me on my problems with my parents.”

She scowls slightly. “Do they know you’re still alive?”

“No,” I say, and let her look at me in disbelief for a few seconds. “I think they took a lot of heat from the book and I couldn’t trust them to keep the secret. More of my unintended consequences, I guess.”

“You should tell them,” she insists.

“Probably, but now isn’t really the time. Before you say anything else; I know they care in their own way, but sometimes there’s too much ill will. Let’s just say that water under the bridge doesn’t really count if the bridge is already burnt. I don’t have the kind of relationship you do with your parents. I wish I did, but I don’t.”

The Olympian crinkles her brow in thought and takes a moment to compose her response. “I’m not going to meddle. Every instinct is telling me to, but I’m going to pass on this one.”

Clearly, we’re a work in progress, but I can see that she’s willing to put in the effort. “I appreciate it, and if anyone can convince me down the road that I should reach out to my folks, it’s you. By the way, how are your folks?”

“Good. Dad’s in Europe lecturing and consulting on a project at the CERN supercollider. Mom is doing her lobbyist thing.”

“I don’t suppose she would take me being alive very well?”

“It’s been over a year now and people still make off color jokes about the ink blot test, so I’m thinking no. Of course when we did gag gifts for the holidays, it didn’t help when my brother gave me a set of ink blot cards.”

“That’s... wow!” It takes quite a bit to shock me, but that’s pretty hardcore.

“Yes, he’s got an unusual sense of humor. You’d probably get along with him. Where’re Larry and Andy?”

“Andy is up topside, surveying the house before it comes down next week, and Larry went to Charlotte to catch a Panthers game. Something wrong?”

She continues to rub the back of her neck with one of her hands, and replies, “Long flight on the hoversled. Mind giving me a backrub? What’s with the shit eating grin?”

“Sorry, I’m just trying to picture how this would sound in an adult magazine—I never thought it could happen to me, but there she was, the Love Goddess herself, sitting on my bed and asking me to rub her back.”

“Well, if you play it right, you might get lucky,” she offers, and discards her jacket. The top follows and I’m already agreeing to whatever she wants, which also includes continuing my story.

Just for the record, I never did think this could happen to me.

• • •

“So, how does this work again?” Bobby asked. “You’re really into this magic shit these days.”

“I’m working both sides of the fence. Believe it or not, the two can actually work together – like so,” I answered. “I run this cable from the powercell bank through the piece of the magic mirror and hook it into my force blasters. The array of 3 C-class power cells would provide more than enough power to run an entire battlesuit. I just need for it to handle the load from my wrist mount and shield vest.”

Manacles 3.0 was suddenly a whole lot more viable with the addition of these bits and pieces of old Rexy’s teleportation mirror.

Demonstrating how it worked for my escaped felon
compadre
, I proceeded to fire several level three pulses in rapid succession at the target. “When I get my hands on some synthmuscle and can build a new suit, I will pound Lazarus Patterson into a pile of goo. This little trick is going to let me build the most powerful set of armor ever imagined.”

“You should just let me steal some for you,” he offered, not quite grasping the situation.

“Believe me, I would,” I said, and connected the shield vest into my new power distribution system. The whole thing fits nicely into the empty chassis of another C-class power cell. Hopefully, no one will notice how much juice I seem to be getting from that lone device. “But you can bet that any theft would be traced back to me by Promethia.”

“What about the black market?”

I threw my hands helplessly in the air, and said, “The two big suppliers were the Overlord and General Devious. The Overlord is presumed dead, his distribution channels are all silent. Even if he is still alive, most of his production capability was wiped out when he lost his last base. The general isn’t offering any for sale, and what little is out there has been marked up over 400 percent. What a bunch of damn criminals!”

Bobby laughed, and asked, “Well, what the hell did you expect?”

Even though he was right, I didn’t want to admit it. If I still had all that synthmuscle that was blown up along with my junkyard base, I’d be using a portion of it to take advantage of the dramatic increase in price myself.

“Now that I’m back on VillainNet, I’ve got a smash and grab lined up at some research facility near Cape Canaveral. Somebody wants to get their hands on NASA tech. If you don’t object, I’m going to take that one.”

The big man sounded a bit antsy, so I tried to lay out the situation for him. “I can’t really object. Just keep your eyes open and keep track of who is doing what and where they are.”

“You ain’t trying to make me into a two-bit turncoat?”

Jesus Bobby! It’s not like we have membership cards and union dues!

“C’mon Bobby,” I said and used my best disgusted face. “Do you think those goody two shoes will be happy with me when I finally whack Patterson? I’m pretty sure I’ll be back on the other side of the fence when that happens, unless I can make it look like an accident. All in all, I’m a pretty lousy hero; just ask anyone! Your cousin has already tried to get me fired at least once that I know of, but WhirlWendy shot that idea down. That could easily change when she gets back next week. The only reason I even went along with this stupid idea can be summed up in one word—Aphrodite. Well, now that’s over and I’ll be honest with you, the grass is only greener on the other side because the heroes use a better quality bullshit to make all their scams look legit! Most of ‘em have fan clubs and foundations they milk for money. Until Wendy took a leave of absence, Sheila was spending most of her time doing appearances and cashing in.”

“You’re talking a good game,” Bobby said, and scratched at his beard. “And I understand what I’m hearing, even if I don’t completely believe it.”

“Oh, for the love of...” I muttered, and went to the table where I’d left my bag. Fishing around inside of it, I retrieved a thumb drive and inserted it into a port on the computer. “Check this out!”

“What is it?” he asked.

“After I got shot, Sheila put me on monitor duty and Patterson dropped by to rub salt in my wounds.”

• • •

In my mind, I still heard She-Dozer saying, “With Andy gone, everyone has to take turns on monitor duty. It’s your turn tonight.”

My old sparring partner, Graham Adzima was speaking. The Dynamic Discus had gone to the East Coast Guardian team to be the deputy team leader under Bolt Action. Obviously that job was better than being top dog at this dung heap.

“East Coast reporting situation normal. Preditaz was finally apprehended downtown six hours ago and is in the secure holding facility under guard and awaiting transport. We had a handful of sightings of CyberThor in the Boston area. Nobody knows what that nut job is planning. Bolt Action and Sea Raider are headed down there tomorrow and will coordinate their actions with Freedom’s Militia.”

More like, tell those idiots what they’re supposed to be doing,
I thought. According to rumors, the Militia was so dysfunctional it made my team look like a well-oiled machine.

Sitting in the big chair, I stared at the screen split four ways. The three other Guardian teams occupied their spots and the last was reserved for the Olympians, who almost always had one of their regular human employees there, and tonight was no exception. Bolt Action still had that Marine mentality and always had one of the East Coast heroes here for the nightly rundown. The folks in Montreal were hit or miss, with tonight being a hit. I recognized the speedster called the Ivory Comet, waiting for his turn.

Naturally, the West Coast team usually followed the Olympians’ lead and had one of their employees handle this and brief them in the morning, but not tonight. A quick check of the attendance database showed that it had been over three years since the last time Lazarus Patterson sat in on one of the sessions; yet, here he was, radiating that condescending smugness that surrounded him like an aura!

Coincidence? I think not.

Graham finished his report by noting that there were no team members on inactive reserve status. The same could not be said for the Gulf Coast Guardians. I typed in a couple of quick notes that summarized the East Coast for the others to read in the morning. It wouldn’t be nearly as detailed as the virtual transcripts Andy was able to provide, but it would do.