Secrets (3 page)

AJ

             
Sharing a room – and a bed – was about to be pure hell thanks to this whole ‘no sex’ bull Sam insisted on.  Five months without it felt more like a year.  I mean, I understood where she was coming from, but…..come on.  I’d reverted back to having dirty dreams about her like a 12 year-old would have.  I had another during the short nap, sending me straight to the bathroom for a cold shower.  Not even
that
helped. 

Somewhere on the bathroom floor, my
phone started to vibrate in my pants pocket.  I already knew who it’d be and decided to ignore the buzzing.  When I stepped out, I grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it loosely around my waist before going to sit beside Sam on the bed.  It was impossible to ignore the thick heap of sexual tension piled on top of us, but I had to try.  Judging by the blank stare on her face as she watched me, I gathered that the same thought ran through her mind that’d been plaguing me since crossing the threshold of the hotel room –
We should’ve both been naked by now
.  She let out a frustrated sigh before retreating to the window, which she perceived to be a safer distance away, I figured.

             
A good five minutes passed before she was able to look in my direction again.  She’d forced her feelings into submission, thinking that would keep me from seeing the truth – the truth being that she was having a hard time with this arrangement too.  I stalked her with my eyes, following every movement as she flipped her hair over her shoulder and paced to the dresser for a fresh change of clothes.  Her skin shimmered as the sunlight touched it, instantly triggering my senses to recall the feel of my hands on her body – each and every inch of it.  Catching me mid-stare, Sam turned and smiled, biting at her full lips nervously as she wondered what I was thinking.  The temperature in the room climbed quickly as she read my thoughts through my expression.  She looked nervous, like she might give in if I just pushed a little, but I wouldn’t…..not even if I was starting to think she wanted me to. 

I continued to watch as she
sighed heavily, deciding that she needed to get even further away.  She disappeared inside the bathroom and closed the door behind her.  I smiled to myself when I heard the lock engage – her attempt to keep me from sneaking in behind her. 

Now was as g
ood a time as any to return the call I’d been dreading, so I grabbed my phone and dialed while Sam wasn’t around to hear the conversation.  Without so much as a greeting, “Why are you in New York?” was the first question that flew angrily from my father’s mouth.  I knew he’d find out eventually; he used the GPS tracking on my phone daily. 

“What do you want?”  I asked, ignoring his question.

“It’s not safe for you there, Anthony.  At least not yet.”  He paused and I already knew what was coming next.  “She’s with you, isn’t she?”  Even when he didn’t refer to Sam by name, I could still hear the hatred in his voice.

“I’m
fine.  Stop worrying.  I’ll call if anything happens.”

“I’m not waiting
until something happens; I’m sending a few people there to keep an eye out until Vick can get to you this evening.”  The anxiety in his tone wasn’t lost on me.

“That’s not
necessary,” was all I was able to say before he hung up in my ear.  I didn’t want or need anyone watching me.  Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything I could do about it now.  When my father made a decision, it was final.  For that reason, I didn’t even bother calling back to protest.  If Sam noticed someone lurking, she’d definitely have questions and I was trying as hard as I could to keep her oblivious to how muddled my life really was.  I’d gone this far without her being involved and I was determined to keep it that way.

It didn’t make sense to me that I had to live my life in fear because of things that
my father had done and decisions that
he’d
made.  I was aware of the small risk in coming here, but I’d be careful. Besides, my father had just as many allies in New York as he did enemies, so I knew who to call or where to go if anything jumped off.  Still, I didn’t want to think like that.  Sam and I were here to have fun and that’s what I intended to do.

Being in this situation made m
e that much angrier that my father actually thought he was better than Sam.  Our entire family was in danger because of him, and yet he still had the nerve to look down on her.  Over the past six months or so, things between he and I started to shift.  Most of my life I’d actually respected him.  Now?  The only thing I felt toward my father was hatred.  If it weren’t for the fact that my entire future was in his hands, I’d sever ties with him completely. So much had come to light that it was hard to even look at him the same anymore.  As far as Sam knew, he was keeping such a close eye on me those last few months of school because he didn’t approve of our relationship.  While it was true that he didn’t want us together, my safety was more his concern at the time than anything else. 

I hated
most that Sam had to go to away to Charleston without me, especially after everything she’d gone through. 
What would she think if she knew that just being around me could be dangerous?  Was I being selfish by having her here?  Would it be better for her if I ended things completely and didn’t involve her in this mess?
My head started to spin as these questions bombarded me.  None of this was fair to her, whether I decided that we should be together or apart. Just then I heard the shower cut off and I quickly got up from the bed and threw the towel to the ground before pulling on my boxers and jeans.  I walked over to the window so that she’d think I’d just been waiting all this time, not that I was actually considering permanently separating myself from her for her own safety. 

I heard Sam
walking up behind me, but I couldn’t turn around to face her – she’d see the uncertainty all over my face if I did.  I’d grown fond of the familiar smell of vanilla that always seemed to accompany her and it reached me long before her skin touched mine.  Her arms enfolded me and the warmth of her cheek caressed my back when she rested against it.  Her heart was beating in perfect synch with mine and I dropped my head as a realization set in - there was no way I could let her go…..for
anything
. I couldn’t live without her.

I’d never felt this way about anyone in my
entire life and I knew I never would again. From the first day that we ran into one another in the hall, I knew I had to have her.  Granted, I felt like an idiot when I almost knocked her down, but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.  Instinctively, Sam squeezed me tighter and I felt guilty for even considering that I could just walk away.  I turned around and held her in my arms, accepting the fact that there wasn’t anything in the world that would keep us apart.

“What
if we didn’t go anywhere at all today?  We could stay here and chill.  New York can wait,” she said, running her hand up my back. 

“Whatever you want,” I replied.  “We’ll order room service and watch movies or something.”

She looked up at me and smiled.  “Good.  I’d rather just have you all to myself.  We can sightsee tomorrow.”

I followed willingly when
Sam took my hand and led me over to the bed.  My eyes shifted down, admiring the view as her hips swayed.  She motioned for me to lie down on my stomach and I complied.  The heat from her thighs warmed my back when she straddled me and started to gently knead her hands into my skin.  I felt calm and aroused all at the same time, keeping the latter of the two feelings to myself.

“I talked to my mom while you wer
e asleep,” she said as her fingers worked their magic. 

“Did s
he cry again?”  I joked. 

“Shut up.  No, I just called her to ma
ke sure they got in safe last night.”  Sam was quiet and I knew she was getting ready to ask me something that I wasn’t ready to answer.  “So, do you think your dad’s gonna find out that we’re here together?”

It would
‘ve been so simple to lie because she was under the impression that I had unlimited freedom, but that wasn’t the truth.  Well, not anymore.  “I actually talked to him while you were in the shower,” was my only response; I didn’t elaborate, but I knew she wasn’t gonna let it go at that.

“Does he know
?”  Her tone was already panicked. 

Knowing that i
t didn’t take much to get her worked up, I chose my words carefully.  “He knows, but there’s nothing he can do.  So, don’t worry.”

“What’
d he say?”  Her voice went up another octave.  She braced her hand against the headboard as I turned over onto my back and met her gaze, still locked between her legs.

“Sam, he’s not
gonna do anything.  Trust me.”  I wanted to avoid having to disclose all the details of the conversation; that would give too much away.  Her expression softened and I was grateful to see that she’d relaxed a little.  Every time a conversation had anything to with my father, she got like this.  It pissed me off that he’d treated her so badly that the mere mention of his name ensued stress.  He didn’t deserve to have that kind of power - over
anyone.

Eventually she let i
t go and I was glad of it.  Her eyes were focused on nothing in particular as she zoned out into her own thoughts. I stared up, waiting for her to come to herself again.  My eyes roamed over her body from where I lay pinned to the bed beneath her.  It’d been a while since we’d been in this position – clothed or otherwise.  Sam shifted a little when she felt nature beginning to take its course and a slow smile spread across my face.  Sitting on top of me probably wasn’t the best thing at the moment if she didn’t have plans to follow through.  She smiled back, rolled her eyes, and climbed off before walking over to the desk to pick up the room service menu. 

“W
hat you wanna eat?”  She asked.

“You,” I replied
honestly with a smile and zero hesitation.  She rolled her eyes playfully again just as my phone vibrated in my pocket, deflating my mood.  I needed to take the call, and I needed to take it in private.  “On second thought……just go ahead and order me whatever you’re having. I’ll go get ice.”  I snatched my shirt over my head and sighed when I stood to my feet.

             
“Ok,” she said softly, her eyes on me as I made my exit.

I
grabbed the bucket, kissed her once, and then left the room quickly with my phone in hand.  Before I reached the end of the hallway I was already checking my call log and my suspicions were confirmed – my father again.  As I waited for him to answer, my head was running over all the possible reasons that he’d be bothering me
this
time.  Did he know something that I didn’t?  Did someone warn him that I’d been spotted already after only being here for less than a day?

*****

Sam

             
Nearly twenty minutes had passed since AJ left.  It doesn’t take
anyone
that long to get ice.  I tried his phone a few times, but he wasn’t answering.  I was just getting ready to go look for him when he walked back through the door, full bucket of ice in hand, expression tense. 

             
“Everything ok?” I asked, watching as he set the bucket down beside the television.  He didn’t respond aloud, just nodded while still deep in thought.  Before I could say anything else, room service knocked at the door.  I answered, got everything set up, and then sat waiting for AJ to join me, but instead he lay back on the bed with his arm across his forehead to block the light from his eyes.

             
“Do you have a headache or something?  I have Aspirin in my purse if you need it,” I offered, still wondering where he’d been all this time.  When he turned to look at me, the stress was more visible on his face than before.

             
“No, I’m good.  Just go ahead and start without me.  I’m not that hungry,” he replied.  I ate in silence, alone, waiting for AJ, but he continued to lie on the bed staring up at the ceiling.  He was so still that when he arose to walk toward the bathroom it startled me a little.

             
I’d cleared my place and sat on the edge of the bed before he returned.  His expression hadn’t changed at all, but he was a little more talkative.  “Sorry I’m a so preoccupied.  I talked to my dad again while I was out of the room and it didn’t go so well.  That’s what took so long.”  He must’ve seen my expression because he quickly amended his statement.  “It didn’t have anything to do with you, just some family stuff.”

             
“If you need to talk you know I’m here to listen,” I said sympathetically.  AJ was still in a somber mood and I didn’t fully understand what his father could’ve said that upset him so much; especially seeing as how it wasn’t anything about our relationship – Mr. Hahn’s usual target for his negativity.

             
“I hate to bring up the past, but do you mind if I ask you something?”  AJ asked sounding mildly distraught.

             
“What’s on your mind?”

             
He exhaled and leaned his head to the side thoughtfully as he spoke. “After what happened with you and your dad last year on your birthday, how did you two recover from that?  I remember you were really angry with him, but now you two seem to be in a good place.  How’d you get to that point?”

             
AJ’s question took me back to a place down memory lane that I hadn’t visited in a long time.  I’d of course not forgotten about my dad hitting me, but it was no longer in the forefront of my mind.  “Well, after he apologized I stepped back and looked at the situation differently.  Although he’s my father, he’s also human.  He makes mistakes just like I do and I can’t hold his faults over his head forever.  I basically made up my mind that I wasn’t gonna let one small mistake put distance between us.”

             
AJ thought for a moment.  “But what if your father had never apologized for hurting you, maybe didn’t even realize that he owed you that?  Would you have been able to forgive him then?”

             
I had to weigh my response very heavily.  “I would’ve forgiven him eventually, but I would’ve also put limitations on the relationship.  Things would be very different than they are now.” 

             
He didn’t respond right away.  The pained look returned and I wanted to comfort him, but didn’t know how to because I still wasn’t sure what the problem was. 

“I just don’
t get him,” AJ said quietly.  He leaned back on the bed in defeat and pulled me onto his chest. 

             
“All I can say is, I know your father loves you and I don’t think he’d intentionally do
anything
to hurt you.  Even when he doesn’t go about something the way you think he should, I believe that he only wants what’s best for you,” I replied. 

AJ
stroked my arm as he lie there thinking.  “How can you say that about him when he’s treated you the way he has?”  There was a hint of hostility in his tone that I was sure was aimed at his father and not me.

             
“It’s like I said about
my
father; they make mistakes because they’re imperfect just like us.  It’s not like the things he says about me are true anyway.  I
wish
that things could be different, but I just have to accept that I may not get my way on this one.” 

AJ
was quiet again and I knew he was hurting more on the inside than he’d ever let on. “There’s so much I wanna tell you,” he exhaled, sounding sad and frustrated all at the same time.  I had no idea what was going on, but whatever the issue, it was definitely taking a toll on him.