Secretly Hers (Sterling Canyon) (21 page)

Then, like a child unable to stop picking at a scab, she asked, “How’s he doing?”

“Not so great, actually. Grey says he’s pretty listless. No glib jokes. Kind of just going through the motions.” Avery sat forward. “I’d never have believed him capable of caring so deeply about anything or anyone.”

“That’s not fair. Look at how loyal he’s been to Grey this past year. There’s a lot more to him than he lets most people see.” Kelsey hugged herself, as if somehow her own arms could take the place of his. “He really did want our baby—once he got over the initial shock.”

“Kels, it seems like you two really care about each other, so why have you cut him out of your life?” Avery tipped her head. “It’s so unlike you. You’re the great romantic. The true believer of ‘love conquers all.’ If your faith is shaken, well, that scares the pants off me!”

“I still think love conquers all, but only when it’s mutual. One person’s love isn’t strong enough to overcome all obstacles. I’m tired of always being the one who cares more, who loves more, who wants more. I know Trip misses me right now. But he doesn’t love me. At least, not enough, anyway. And I’ve finally realized it’s better to be alone than to settle for less than I deserve.”

Avery smiled although her eyes were glassy. “If anyone deserves to be loved, it’s you. I know you’ll finally meet that Prince Charming you’ve been dreaming of your whole life. I’m just sorry both you and Trip have had to suffer all this loss.”

Prince Charming. Kelsey couldn’t help but grin at the memory of Fee’s introduction to Trip in July. “Me too.”

They both sat there absorbed in their own thoughts, but then Avery tapped her hands on the arms of her chair. “So, come on. Join me for dinner. We can go to Mamacitas and have your favorite flan.”

Kelsey cracked a smile. “I never have been able to say no to that flan.”

“I’ll call Emma.”

Chapter Twenty

“Trip, can we talk?” Grey tossed his pack in the corner of the office and grabbed a bottle of water from the small refrigerator. “I’m getting more concerned with each day that goes by. You haven’t been yourself, which is understandable. But more than two weeks later, it feels like you’re getting worse instead of better. You’ve barely taken advantage of all this snow that keeps falling.”

“Sorry. Wasn’t aware my mourning period had an expiration date.” Trip stiffened, considering turning on his heel and walking out the door. He stopped himself because he knew Grey meant well.

“That’s not what I meant.” Grey plopped into his chair. “I wish you’d talk to me, or someone. Better yet, maybe you ought to go talk to Kelsey.”

“Kelsey asked me to give her space, so that’s what I’m doing.” Trip sat across from Grey and folded his arms across his chest. “I’m giving her what she wants.”

“Yeah? Keep telling yourself that, pal.” Grey turned on the computer, pretending to give up on his attempt to get Trip to talk. But Trip knew Grey too well to believe he hadn’t just goaded him in order to pry him open.

“Just because you and Avery found a way to patch things up after your big fallout doesn’t mean everyone else will follow suit.” A streak of resentment burned through Trip, propelling him out of his seat. “If you need proof that I’m getting back to my old self, come out for a drink.”

Grey stuck a lollipop into his mouth and shook his head. “That’s not what I’m suggesting, and I think you know it.”

“Maybe not, but maybe it’s exactly what I need.” Trip defiantly picked up his cowboy hat and nodded at Grey. “See you in the morning.”

Trip strolled through town on his way to Grizzly’s, noticing all the Halloween decorations in the store windows, which looked a little funny surrounded by the mounds of snow on the sidewalks. He’d loved Halloween as a young boy, but after his mom died, things had changed, and the door-to-door event had changed to fancy “neighborhood parties” with parents and kids. One of many changes he’d disliked about life with his dad’s family.

A cold breeze caused Trip to zip up his jacket and tuck his hands in his pockets as he kept walking through town. Kelsey’s office wasn’t along the most direct route to the bar, but he found himself walking down that block anyway—across the street, of course. Six thirty, but her office lights were still on. He smiled, assuming she might be diligently working on the Copeland sale. Perhaps his plan had worked, and he’d given her some small comfort.

When he spied her from a distance through the plate glass, his heart nearly dropped to the sidewalk. Mason was sitting across from Kelsey’s desk. What the hell was his brother doing with her? Had they made plans to go to dinner?

Jealousy singed his lungs, but he backed away and waited for Mason to emerge. When his brother finally crossed the street alone, Trip called out, “Just couldn’t keep away from Kelsey, could you? I can’t believe you’d go after her after what just happened.”

Mason crossed the street. “Gunner, I can assure you, it’s not what you think.”

“And I should believe you because you’ve always been so honest?” Trip tipped his cowboy hat back and cocked his head.

“Actually, I was coming to see you next.” Mason maintained a calm expression. “First, let me say I’m sorry about the baby. Dad mentioned that to me last week, but I figured I’d be the last person you’d want to see so soon afterward.”

Trip shrugged and cleared his throat, waiting to hear what else Mason planned to say.

“Secondly—and what I’m sure you’ll consider to be good news—is that I’m returning to Denver to be near my girls. Dad finally stopped fighting me on it. He’s got a replacement coming next week to take over. I needed to meet with Kelsey tonight about whether the landlord would let me assign my lease over to the new guy.”

Relief coursed through Trip’s body, making him almost lightheaded, but he did his best to hide that fact from Mason. Was it time he stopped suspecting the worst of his brother? They’d certainly both lost a lot this year, and perhaps, on that common ground, they could build a truce.

“Oh. Well, I think that’s a good decision. I’m sure you’ll be a lot happier near your kids than you are all the way out here. I’m glad Dad buckled.”

“I think he finally realized his grand plan for our reconciliation couldn’t be forced,” Mason said. “Although maybe all the events of these past months have made a small difference. Who knows, perhaps someday things between us can be . . . better.”

“Dad would like that.” It was the best Trip could offer, since he’d be lying if he pretended to want more just yet.

Mason looked over his shoulder toward Kelsey’s office and then to Trip. “Lurking around her office isn’t going to solve your problem, you know.”

“I’m not lurking.”

Mason cocked an eyebrow. “For a guy who projects so much confidence, you sure aren’t bold when it counts.”

“You’ve got no idea what you’re talking about. How ’bout you stay out of it so we can keep this little truce going longer than two minutes?” Trip crossed his arms.

Mason raised his hands in surrender. “Fine. Just don’t go crying in your whiskey six months from now, when some other guy claims the future you had in the palm of your hand.”

“I never cry, Mason. You ought to remember that about me from our childhood.” Trip couldn’t stop himself from tossing immature insults in order to deflect the conversation, even though it made him feel like an ass.

“Fine.” Mason shook his head, just like Grey had done earlier. “Guess next time I see you, it’ll be in Denver.” He stuck out his hand. “Take care.”

Trip shook hands, unable to make sense of any of the fucked-up emotions coursing through his body. Mason turned to go. It wasn’t until he’d taken four or five steps away that Trip finally replied, “You too.”

He stood on the sidewalk, watching his brother walk away. Like some bad scene in a movie, he found himself standing alone, mulling over the choice that took him away from the life he’d led just three months ago to the one three weeks ago and finally to the hell he lived in at the moment. Would anything ever feel normal again?

Before he continued toward Grizzly’s, Kelsey came out of her office and locked the door. She hadn’t noticed him, so he stepped into the shadows and hid behind the columns of a storefront portico. His heart galloped inside his chest, thundering with the force of a dozen hooves. He held his breath, afraid she might actually hear his heart beating so loudly.

He watched her drop her keys in her purse and cross the street south of where he stood, apparently walking home—in the dark—again. He shook his head when he noticed her snow boots had ridiculous heels, which he realized she could probably run a marathon in at this point.

Part of him wished he could just approach her for another piggyback ride, like the one he’d offered back in July. But she’d made it clear she wanted time to move on. If he wanted to see her home safely, he’d need to do it from a distance.

Once she got two blocks ahead, he followed behind, careful to keep out of her sight. He hated how careless she was with her safety but, short of stalking her, there wasn’t much he could do about it, either.

He stopped at the end of her block, watching her until she disappeared into her condominium building. Her windows lit up a minute later. Through the honeycomb shades, he saw her shadow moving around.

He took three steps toward her house before stopping himself. Rubbing the center of his chest as if it could erase the deep ache inside, he stood on the sidewalk, staring up at her windows like a fool.

Each breath fogged his vision. His muscles strained toward her building, but his feet refused to budge. His mouth grew dry, making it tough to swallow the lump in his throat.

Disgusted by his behavior, he forced himself to turn away and jog to Grizzly’s, certain that waltzing through that door would be like coming home. Music, the click of cue balls breaking apart, women dressed to impress . . . all the things he’d always enjoyed.

When he yanked the door open, he’d all but convinced himself he’d stayed away too long.

He strode through the partying crowd to the bar. “Red Rocket.”

In less than five minutes, two women approached him. Pretty, friendly, available, willing women. One—Gail—he knew intimately. It had never bothered him to be in a room with one or more women he’d slept with before, but for some reason, seeing Gail made him twitchy.

“Haven’t seen you out and about in months.” Gail raised her glass. “Nice to have you back.”

“Good to be back.” He guzzled his beer to wash down the lie burning a hole in his throat. He wondered if Gail, like Jessie, had made bets on him and Kelsey. Probably other yahoos in the joint right now were collecting money and joking behind his back.

The atmosphere in the bar and her perfume began to cloy, closing in and making his temperature rise.

“The Bomb Holes are playing over at On The Rocks in a bit.” Gail smiled in invitation. “Wanna come?”

He liked Gail. She was friendly, cute, and cut from the same cloth as him in terms of expectations. She’d be the perfect first step toward getting past all this business with Kelsey and the baby. Yet the thought of leaving with her made him sick to his stomach.

The jukebox continued to blare Dierks Bentley’s “Say You Do” as Trip glanced around the crowd. Couples and foursomes split off, flirting with one goal in mind. Half of the younger ones had their cell phones out, probably checking Tinder to see if something better had come up. A few rowdy guys were growing loud back in the corner. And Gail’s laughter scorched his nerves like dry ice.

He couldn’t believe he’d thought coming here would be a good idea. If anything, depression weighed more heavily on him now.

“Trip?” Gail prodded, brushing against his body.

He looked at her and shook his head. “Not tonight, thanks.” His stomach churned with discomfort. “Actually, I just stopped in for a beer. Thought maybe I’d find Jon. But I’ve got stuff to do at home. You ladies have a good night, though.”

“Okay, maybe some other time.” Gail shrugged, not too upset by his rebuff. “Bye!”

Trip finished his beer and slid the empty bottle across the bar.

“Another?” asked the bartender.

“No, thanks.”

Trip spilled onto the street, glancing up and down at the storefronts and people on the sidewalks. He frowned before strolling through town with no particular destination, his head and heart pounding with the certain knowledge of what he wanted. Who he needed.

By the time he finally arrived home, he had formulated a plan to make it happen.

Kelsey zipped up Fee’s costume and handed her the small plastic pumpkin. The child’s long underwear stuck out from beneath the short sleeves, but she still looked adorable. “All set. No doubt you’ll be the most beautiful princess trick-or-treating tonight.”

“Why aren’t you coming with us?” Fee asked, tugging on Kelsey’s pink satin skirt. “You’re all dressed for Halloween.”

“I’m going to hand out candy so your mommy and daddy can take you and Ty around town. But I’ll be here when you get back, so you can show me the best treat you get.”

“Sara’s mommy gives the big giant candy bars.”

Kelsey widened her eyes, pretending to match Fee’s level of enthusiasm. “Oh, my. Maybe you can hit them up twice.”

Fee nodded with a conspiratorial smile just as Maura tromped down the steps holding Ty, who was dressed up like Humpty Dumpty. “Bill’s almost home. Are you sure you don’t mind doing this tonight?”

“Mind? You know I love all the kids in their costumes.” Kelsey smiled.

Maura tipped her head. “You seem . . . better. I’m glad.”

Kelsey nodded, forcing herself to steer clear of any regret or doubt. It didn’t hurt that yesterday she’d deposited a substantial commission check from the quick, clean sale of the Copeland property. Within another ninety days she’d own a small apartment building. Taking control over one part of her life had helped her cope with her sorrow. “One day at a time, sis.”

Maura smiled. “You’re the bravest person I know.”

“Me too.” Fee chimed in and hugged Kelsey’s legs.

Before Kelsey could get choked up, she used a trick she’d learned from Trip and deflected. “Where’s the candy bowl?”

“In the kitchen,” Maura said. “Can you grab it so I can finish getting these two ready?”

“Sure.” Kelsey kissed Fee’s head and then walked back to the kitchen. Bill strolled through the back door just as she found the candy bowl.

“Hey, Kels, thanks for helping out tonight. I’m really looking forward to being able to participate this year.”

“It’s honestly my pleasure. We don’t get kids at the condo. This will be fun.”

“Speaking of fun, congrats on your big sale.” Bill opened a mini bag of Skittles and popped a couple in his mouth. “Saw Nick Copeland today at the body shop. He’s glad they didn’t sell to Wade, especially considering the new owner’s plans for the land.”

“Oh?” Kelsey’s gaze flew to Bill. “The lawyer was all cloak-and-dagger, so I never heard a single word about the mysterious buyer or its plans.”

“Apparently the buyer plans to build a community park with a few athletic fields and a playground, maybe more.”