S.E.C.R.E.T.: An Erotic Novel (29 page)

H
ow I left Will sleeping there I’ll never know. I guess I assumed I’d see him again
a few hours later, after I raced home, fed the cat, showered and put on a nice pair
of jeans and a sexy top to open the restaurant.

Turned out I wasn’t late. I was early, in fact, early enough that I managed to have
the coffee brewed before our first customer walked through the door, stepping over
the
Times-Picayune
instead of doing the polite thing by bringing it in for me. But I wasn’t mad. Nothing
could get me down that day, I decided, not the rain, nor the fact that the girls had
left the room upstairs a bloody mess, one that would likely fall to me to clean. After
all, Will and I had contributed to the mess, hadn’t we? Will and me. Me and Will.
Were we an us? I hoped so.
No. It’s too soon to think that way, Cassie
. There was still the matter of collecting my charm, and telling Matilda I’d made
my decision. I was choosing a relationship with a man I loved over S.E.C.R.E.T. And
I was grateful, so very grateful, that this decision was such an easy one to
make. The sexual emancipation of Cassie Robichaud was complete.

Admittedly, a part of me would miss the excitement. And I loved the feeling of sorority
I got from the women in S.E.C.R.E.T., women like Matilda and Angela and Kit. I could
only imagine what it would be like to help facilitate fantasies for another woman,
to pass the lessons down. But I wanted a life with Will. Something in me knew it would
be fulfilling and loving and fun. He’d already proven to me that sex with him could
be all that I needed, wanted or ever imagined. And I was ready to do that for him
too.

No, nothing could bring me down on that day, until I saw Tracina trudge around the
corner from the condo, waiting for a soda truck to pass before slowly crossing Frenchmen,
her arms tightly wrapped around her. I felt a twinge of guilt despite my certainty
that I’d done nothing wrong. They broke up. We weren’t friends. I owed her nothing.
Still, I fled to the back of the Café and busied myself with sandwich prep. My stomach
dropped when I heard the door chimes announce her arrival. She said hello to a couple
regulars. Why was she here so early? I quickly tossed out a dozen bread slices like
I was dealing cards.

“Hey,” she said, sending me to the ceiling.

“Ah!”

“Whoa, Cassie, relax. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I let out a nervous laugh. “It’s okay. I’m just a little jumpy.”

She asked about the show. She’d heard that I danced after all.

“I made an ass out of myself,” I said, shrugging.

“That’s not what I heard.”

She knew something. I could tell by the tone of her voice. Will and I had left Blue
Nile holding hands.

“I’m just glad it’s over,” I said, slashing mayo across the bread, avoiding her eyes.

“Did Will show up?”

“Ah … I think so, yeah.”

“He didn’t come home last night,” she said, pulling her coat tighter to her. I wanted
to scream,
What do you mean, “home”? You guys broke up. He’s been sleeping upstairs for the past
two weeks! He told me
.

“Did you happen to see him leave last night?”

“I didn’t see him leave. Nope,” I lied.

“Did you go to Maison with the rest of the girls after the show?”

“Nah, I just went right home.”

“I guess that’s why I didn’t see you there.”

My blood chilled. I was being cued that yes, indeed, Tracina knew something. Panic
crept in. Would she tear my eyes out, kick in my teeth? Good God, where was Will?

“Will said you weren’t feeling well yesterday. Are you better now?” I asked.

“I’ve recovered. Mornings are the worst. I mean look at my skin,” she said. Reluctantly,
I scanned her face and had to admit that her skin was a little sallow, her eyes a
little sunken. “But the doctor said the morning sickness will pass soon, when I enter
my second trimester.”

Second trimester? What the
—
?
“Are you …?”

“Pregnant? Yes, Cassie, I am. But I wanted to be sure because I’d been down this road
before and then been disappointed. I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for
certain. And now … I know for certain.”

She placed a hand on her stomach, which, now that I was staring right at it, did seem
to exhibit a bit of a swell.

“Does … Will know?”

Her eyes met mine. “He does now. I called him. About an hour ago. He came rushing
right over.”

It must have been just after I left to go home and change
. “What did he say?”

“He was so happy he was … nearly in tears. Can you believe that?” she said, her own
eyes welling.

I could believe that this news would bring tears to Will’s eyes. I could. In fact,
right then and there, I also choked up.

“It’s all very sudden, I know. But after I told him this morning, he proposed to me.
He’s such a good man, Cassie. And you know how much he loves my brother. And wants
to set a good example for him.”

My mind was spinning.
How can this be happening? I picked him and he picked me
.

I opened my mouth, but all I could manage was “I don’t know what to say.”

She eyed me, her whole body relaxing now that she had this out of her system.

“Just say congratulations, Cassie. Leave it at that.”

“Congratulations,” I said, moving in for an awkward hug.
I couldn’t breathe for a second, so when the doors chimed, I used it as an excuse
and quickly walked out front.

But it wasn’t a customer. It was Will, looking as haunted as I’d ever seen him.

“Cassie!”

“I gotta go,” I said. “Tracina’s in the kitchen.”

“Cassie, wait! I didn’t know! What can I do? What can I say?”

I turned to face him. “Nothing, Will. You’ve made your choice. There’s nothing more
to do.”

Tears spilled down my cheeks. He reached out to wipe them, but I moved his arm away.

“Please don’t go, Cassie,” he whispered, begged.

I plucked my coat off the rack and threw it on, leaving the door open as I walked
out of Café Rose. As I went south on Frenchmen, the cold rain began to subside. My
walk turned to a jog at Decatur as I made my way through the French Quarter, already
waking up to the day’s festivities. At Canal, Mardi Gras madness was gearing up and
I moved through the crowd at a crazed pace. I had to get out of here. At Magazine,
when I bent over, gasping to catch my breath, I realized I was still wearing my waitressing
apron. I didn’t care. Images of my body entwined with Will’s flashed through my mind.
His kisses, his chest flexing beneath me, the way he cradled my head in his hands.
I clutched my side as the sobs wrenched their way to the surface. My Will, my future,
dissolved. Just like that. I let a packed bus pass, then another one. I decided to
walk to
Third Street so I could keep crying, not caring who saw me, the throngs of tourists
fighting for a prime spot on the parade route.

Oh, Will. I loved him, but there was nothing to do. I couldn’t be the woman who took
a father away from his baby. One perfect night, that’s what we had, and now I had
to let it go. I’d learned from the other men how to be with them, then let them go.
Could I do this with Will? I had to try.

Crossing under the Pontchartrain Expressway, I started to feel my body relax as the
tourists thinned out. The dank smell of the French Quarter gave way to the scent of
flowering vines snaking up the houses in the Lower Garden District. The rain had stopped
and the widening sidewalks put my heart at ease.

Turning up Third, I was reminded of my first foray down this lush street and how my
fear had stopped me in my tracks so many times that day. Now, I stood here again,
soaking wet, my heart bruised. I was once so afraid of the world. And even though
I was in pain, the fear was gone, replaced with a true and real sense of myself. I
had my feet on the ground. I was heavy-hearted, but I would survive this and be made
stronger. I knew what I wanted. I knew what I had to do.

Danica buzzed me past the entrance. I made my way slowly across the courtyard, marveling
at how spring came to New Orleans in February. Before I even knocked on the big red
door, Matilda opened it, an expectant smile on her face.

“Cassie. Are you here for your final charm?”

“I am.”

“So you’ve made your decision?”

“I have.”

“Are you saying goodbye to us, or are you choosing S.E.C.R.E.T?”

I stepped over the threshold and handed Danica my wet coat. “I’m choosing S.E.C.R.E.T.”

Matilda clapped her hands, then placed them on my cheeks.

“First let’s dry those tears, Cassie. Then we’ll phone the Committee. Danica, put
some coffee on. It’s going to be a long meeting,” she said, gently shutting the big
red door behind us.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Widowed at a young age after a disastrous marriage, Cassie Robichaud has settled into
a quiet life with narrow boundaries: the restaurant where she works, the “Spinster
Hotel” where she lives, and the sad, constant awareness of how long it has been since
she has been with a man. Cassie moves through her daily routine clad in bleak practicality—hair
in a hasty ponytail, sensible work shoes, stained shirt—escaping only briefly with
a run through her neighborhood, chats with her boss and friend, Will, and a voyeur’s
longing for the romantic happiness that seems to come so easily to her patrons. When
one of them leaves behind a notebook full of salacious sexual details, Cassie gets
her first glimpse into a new world of sexual empowerment.… And her first introduction
to the unusual sorority that will transform her life. Dedicated to passion, pleasure,
and sensual discovery, S.E.C.R.E.T. is all about women living their sexual lives to
the fullest.… And for Cassie, it’s the key to sexual emancipation at last.